Question from a Lurker

[laughingbadger]

Hello! I haven't posted much and am rather caught up in what seems like stupid questions - but I have been watching, and this board seems to be full of people who are quite mature and accepting. My question is: how to make known some of my evolving wants? I have talked to Master "M" about how things that once caused me to turn up my nose were now looking more appealing, but he didn't think it was at ALL appealing. Master's best friend (I get loaned out to him) said it was perfectly normal for wants and needs to change along the way, but he too didn't seem to want to crank things up a notch.

 

[h_i_s]

That is a VERY good question! i'm glad you asked.

i'm sorry to say that i'm not the best candidate for offering an answer. As a pyl, my purpose is geared toward focusing on what my Master desires, rather than what i 'want'. Even though our D/s relationship is one built on trust and communication, i'm just not comfortable with tossing requests His way. This has nothing to do with a lack of anything, or it being a weak relationship that we share as PYL & pyl. More likely it is due to my need to know that i am not stepping out of 'my place' as His submissive/slave (pyl) ... or putting requests forth which may cause me to feel as if i am topping from the bottom.

Your Master's friend is correct in stating that it is normal for wants and needs to change along the way. If i ever begin to feel that the days/months/years are passing by without my experiencing SOME changes (growth in my opinion) within myself along the way, i might have to question whether or not the relationship itself is actually growing along with me. i'd be concerned that if NOT, we both might outgrow the relationship .. or would IT outgrow us??

In voicing our wants as submissives/pyls .. of course we [should] know, there is always the chance of not receiving what it is that we have requested. Many times, the possibilities of rejection in that case is enough to stop us in our tracks, leaving the want as 'unknown' .. aka unvoiced. In never asking though, or making our wants and desires known we choose the 'safer' path, BUT ... unless we make the desire KNOWN to the PYL .. they may never know of it .... and that leads us back to the possibility of not having the wants/desires met ANYWAY. It can become such a viscious and unending cycle if we allow it to i suppose.

i'm thinking that the worse part of it is having been told, "NO. That want/desire is not going to be forfilled in this relationship.". In asking, in making the desire/want known .. we must be prepared to accept that the PYL may not want to 'go there' ... we have to be prepared to accept the rejection involved. That can suck, for lack of a better expression. While as pyls we are generally willing and wanting to serve the pleasures of the PYL, we are all human, with wants and desires as well .. and that need to serve can make it difficult at times to state what our own desires and wants might be.

 

[serijules]

Very normal, very acceptable.

8 years or so when I first started to really actively explore my submissive side and my interest in D/s, I was pretty much just a somewhat bratty bottom who liked to be spanked. End of story.

Now, I'm an owned slave and there really aint a heck of a lot I haven't or won't try. My desires have constantly shifted, grown, changed, evolved...over the years. Sometimes my partners were to credit. Sometimes getting to know different people and being exposed to different ideas. Mostly though, it was just a growth in interest that results in my finding a deeper understanding of myself.

I personally could never be with someone that didn't have an interest in continued growth, both mine and theirs. Not to say the growth has to be on MY terms, certainly not....D constantly exposes me and trains me to new ways of serving. But to be in a relationship that was always stuck in the same old rut would get really old fast for me. Some of my spanking relationships have faded off due to the fact that my partners were too limited in their interests for me to really feel "right" in being with them any longer.

 

[bronntanas]

It sounds like your Master's friend is not wanting to go somewhere with you that your Master isn't. He's right, your bdsm needs do grow and change, but he's respecting your relationship. I actually serve two Mistresses part time. They have very different styles of domination, but similar tastes. When I wanted to try something new that neither of them are into, we had a long intense out of character conversation in a nuetral place. I went into this conversation knowing that I might get denied, and prepared to drop my request if They both said no. They decided that it was a valid and reasonable request, and that if I really wanted to try this, They would help me find the right person (male Dom) to do this with. We've narrowed the field somewhat, but the important thing is; my Mistresses both know exactly what's going to happen, and there is complete transparency about it. We know where this male Dom is going to fit in our relationship, and if it's eventually going to be a long term thing. (Most likely not, but who knows. As long as They know what's up, and I'm always up front with my Ladies, it's okay).

Basically, talk to your Master about ways in which you might be able to work together to do this. It may not work out; if the things you want to try are so totally repugnant to him it may change his perception of you somewhat, but you sound frustrated with the situation as it is right now. You need to figure out if the risks you're taking with this relationship are worth the exploration of your desires.

 

[Xelebes]

Hello! I haven't posted much and am rather caught up in what seems like stupid questions - but I have been watching, and this board seems to be full of people who are quite mature and accepting. My question is: how to make known some of my evolving wants? I have talked to Master "M" about how things that once caused me to turn up my nose were now looking more appealing, but he didn't think it was at ALL appealing. Master's best friend (I get loaned out to him) said it was perfectly normal for wants and needs to change along the way, but he too didn't seem to want to crank things up a notch.

My eyes... they bleed.

 

[laughingbadger]

Sorry about my font making you bleed from the eyes, Xelebes! Just habit, I guess. I will conform to board standards, no problem.

Brontannas, I didn't mean to sound critical of either Master. I just wondered if I should remind them that my tastes are changing just a bit...? Another talk can't hurt anything, as they will know it is a request only.

Serijules, Sinnocent, thanks for your stories and insights. I will accept "Never gonna happen", because I wouldn't want to request anything that they found undo-able, and we have talked about the progression of my desire. Maybe someday, maybe next week, maybe tonight - they have surprised me before.

Thanks again, to all of you!