question for women married to bi guys

[hotel_guy]

I recently have seen a few threads discussing how some women get turned on by m2m play. After reading (and enjoying) many of those posts, I noticed many of the women were married.

My question is this....how did you find out he was bi? Was it something that come up during some adventurous sex or did he sit you down to have a serious talk?

I'm a bi guy w/ experience and my wife doesn't know it. I would like to tell her somehow, but don't know how to go about it. I have considered telling her about a "fantasy" and then judge her response. We both enjoy anal play with each other and I hope that could open some doors. The kicker is my wife is bi as well, but she's very uncomfortable with it.

Anyhow, I was simply wondering how the ladies found out. Any input is appreciated.

 

[hotel_guy]

anyone??

no one wants to add something to this? darn the luck.

any guys have any insight as to how they told their wives?

 

[going_solo]

believe it or not.....

it was pretty easy for me to tell my wife.

for a long time, my wife has enjoyed playing with my butt. whether it was her licking or using toys/ fingers, she's been comfortable with playing there. she also enjoyed bi guy porn. strangely enough, she never really said anything about her wanting me to do m2m play.

anyhow, the door was wide open for me to introduce her to my "fantasy". i had previous experience, but i didn't tell her about that. i didn't want her to feel as though i was keeping things from her (sort of weird). i just told her i would try it in the right situation....lol.

well, i'm here to say we now have experience our first mmf and we loved it. we have since had a few additional experiences and it's been great.

good luck.

 

[Mari J]

First of all, you say your wife is uncomfortable with her own bisexuality? That's something that needs work right there.

Second, even if you don't tell her about your previous experiences, you should come out to her for your own freedom. You're keeping an important part of you secret from your spouse, and that's almost never good.

Also, if you come out, then the two of you will have bisexuality as a common bond. That will help as she works on her own discomfort.

By the way, even if you come out, and she becomes more comfortable, etc., she still might not be turned on by m2m action, or she might not want to share her husband. But seeing how she feels about that is a later step. You have to come out to her first and help her adjust if necessary. It's the honest thing to do, and you'll feel better for having done it.

 

[Mari J]

Oh, and as for my own husband--my gaydar (or bidar, I guess) went off all over the place when I met him. Don't remember how it came up in conversation the first time, but it was a completely natural fact between us very quickly.

 

[PredatorSmile]

My guy left his "Bisexual Support Group membership Card" out in the open for me to discover. I'm glad he told me. It brought us closer together. I always knew he was different from the others. I just wasn't sure how. I dont mean to sound discriminatory but the most interesting men in the room tend to be gay or bi. I'm not married to this guy....yet. But I wouldn't mind moving in with him. Currently, he sleeps over in my dorm sometimes. He's a college athlete and girls aren't allowed in the men's athletic dorm after 11 PM unless the girl is an R.A. (Resident Assistant).
Our relationship is okay, I guess.

 

[hotel_guy]

thanks

thanks for the insight....i really like the thought of introducing her to my "fantasy". my goal is not necessarily a mmf or any group thing (although it would be GREAT); my hope is just to be more open about what's going on inside my head. i don't want too much like "dr phil", but i would love for her to use this "fantasy" in our play.

 

[maleorfemale]

For a long time I had seen gay and bi porn on the computer and after a while it was brought up in fantasies. We had been married 20 years before it became a reality. It turns me on to watch hubby with another man and I benifit too! I know years ago we could not have handled something like this. Maturity and strength in our relationship is the only thing that alows it to work.

 

[hotel_guy]

maleorfemale.....when it became of a part of your fantasies, did you start that or did he? did you let him know you found the gay and bi porn on the computer?

 

[Baskin Robbins]

Be open, your man may want it ALL! I know I am going to die one day...

I don't want to leave ANYTHING on the table!

 

[PredatorSmile]

HotelGuy, you remind me of my man. Why ? You're not sure whether the woman in your life can accept you. Take a chance. Ask her some questions about bisexual/gay people and see how she reacts. If she has a low opinion of homosexuals, you should run like hell. Why ? Because she's a bigot and bigots are the bane of our kind. However, if you feel that she is open-minded, tell her. If she still doesn't understand, drop her like you would a hot iron because she's NOT worth your time. The one in your life should accept you just the way you are. Otherwise, they're not worth it. Get it ?

 

[hotel_guy]

may be a bit rash and harsh

predatorsmile, i understand what you're saying, but think it's not necessary to take those steps. first, she's not a bigot. second, we've been married nearly 10 yrs and have a child. lastly, i love my wife.

regardless, i didn't really intend for this discussion to go this route. i was simply curious as to how the wives found out or how the husbands told their spouses.

thanks for your insight, but i didn't mean for the topic to take a complex turn.

 

[bibydays]

Am there now

New to this site. My wife knew I was bi in terms of fantasies and even encouraged a one night (out of town) stand a decade ago, and then decided she prefered fantasy to my actually doing it. Recently I started acting on my fantaises and last week told my wife. It has been a very difficult week, we should survive it, but I must admit to not being ready for the response. The big thing is that while she knows a dildo in the right place may excite me, that is very different than knowing that I am with other men and that it was more than once and presumbly ongoing.
Could go deeper if you like, but suffice to say I am glad to be out, but was not ready for the reaction and the fallout.

 

[hotel_guy]

bibydays,

good luck with you two moving forward. you mentioned she knew before you were married. how did she find out? did you just tell her?

 

[sexfan23]

Great idea for a thread, hotel_guy.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Well, all this talk about women in relationships with bisexual men is rather refreshing. It's good that so many of you are out and proud. Good that you consider telling your girl, though she may not always be very understanding. Yeah, not all women can handle it, that's what I keep reminding you. Some will flip out and reach for the gun rack. Others will look at you and say : "Okay, you're bi. So what ? I don't care." I fall in the latter category, though i don't have a ring on my finger......yet.