Question for Submissives

[willfulbrat]

What has prompted you to ask for release from a D/s relationship?

Or what things do you consider grounds for severing your relationship with your Dominant?

 

[James Blandings]

The joy of being a switch, I get to answer both of your questions tonight!
I can give you one example of a time I severed a relationship in which I was submissive.
My Mistress began experimenting with hard drugs, and became addicted to heroin. Despite my attempts to help her, and the efforts of friends, she just got more involved in it. I felt my own well being, as well as hers, was endangered, and so I left the relationship.
A situation like that is pretty obvious, I suppose. I look forward to seeing what other people have to say on the subject.

 

[willfulbrat]

The joy of being a switch, I get to answer both of your questions tonight!
I can give you one example of a time I severed a relationship in which I was submissive.
My Mistress began experimenting with hard drugs, and became addicted to heroin. Despite my attempts to help her, and the efforts of friends, she just got more involved in it. I felt my own well being, as well as hers, was endangered, and so I left the relationship.
A situation like that is pretty obvious, I suppose. I look forward to seeing what other people have to say on the subject.

What a difficult thing to go through! I'm sorry that you went through that. It's nearly impossible to help someone you love when they've chosen to go down that path.

Heroin is an extreme example of an addiction, but there are all kinds of addictions and obsessions that can damage a relationship. That's kind of what i'm up against.

Thank you for replying.

 

[catalina_francisco]

This seems an interesting topic of discussion though for now I am refraining.

Catalina

 

[FungiUg]

This seems an interesting topic of discussion though for now I am refraining.

Catalina

'Fraidy Cat!

Hmmm... like any relationship, there are heaps of reasons why a relationship can end.

1. incompatibility (want different things, interests differ too much, needs/requirements not being met)
2. sexual changes (sub no longer sub, dom/me no longer dom/me, sexual orientation changes)
3. boredom, frustration, lack of attention
4. changes in basis of relationship (like sub being treated as slave, or introducing another person without consultation, or making a submissive submit to other people, or...)
5. jealousy, anger (and similarly infidelity in a non-open relatioship)
...

I could keep going.

What it amounts to is that people can grow apart, communication can break down, trust and respect and be broken...

Relationships are living dynamic things that require constant attention and care. Because the people in the relationship are not stagnant or sitting still. People change, grow, and so on. And a relationship either goes with them, or... doesn't.

 

[ownedsubgal]

though i can't imagine myself ever asking/begging for release, the things that would make me wish to be released would have to deal with a drastic change in my Master's feelings for me (not loving me any longer), or him suffering some sort of mental imbalance where he could no longer make wise or responsible choices (total insanity).

 

[Caitlynne]

What it amounts to is that people can grow apart, communication can break down, trust and respect and be broken...

Relationships are living dynamic things that require constant attention and care. Because the people in the relationship are not stagnant or sitting still. People change, grow, and so on. And a relationship either goes with them, or... doesn't.

Nicely said!

I once asked to be released for some of these reasons. There are levels of awareness in BDSM just as there are in the nilla world. When these levels of awareness are mis-matched, eventualy there is a parting of the ways. It isn't about not loving or caring, it is about traveling 'our' own path.

I stayed longer than I should have, I think hoping that something would change. Eventually I had to concede that we had grown apart. I won't say who did the growing and who remained stagnant, because that isn't important. It is true however, that there can come a time, when you realize that the relationship has gone as far as it can and it is time to let both partners continue on their journey-apart from each other.

~ Cait

 

[le_kinklet]

What has prompted you to ask for release from a D/s relationship?

Or what things do you consider grounds for severing your relationship with your Dominant?

hi Willful,,i have twice been granted realease, On the first occasion it was because my Dommes lived on the other side of the world and the cyber thing just did not do it for me,,and she granted it on the grounds that it was a bit hard since we would never actually meet!!

The second time, it was not necessarily granted to me, i relinquished it and told her so, rude maybe? In my experience in this Lifestyle is that honesty and trust is parramount, with out that to me is just a kinky encouter that has the potential to turn bad, due to lack of communication or experience!
What prompted me to relinquish the last collar was a total lack of the trust and honsety i had placed in my Dommes was abused on more than one occasion, 5 seperate occasions actually, and on each occasion it was the same kind of deciet!!!
Hence it is well and truly over due to a good friend and i will never allow it to happen again,,,
OOps did it again

 

[bunny bondage]

there must be fifty ways...

...to leave your lover

people change, and sometimes, incompatibilities arise. it happens.

 

[Etoile]

I guess I've been lucky that I've never had to - my Daddy and I are happy with each other. Then again, I'm young.

 

[sub princess]

Hmmm... like any relationship, there are heaps of reasons why a relationship can end.

1. incompatibility (want different things, interests differ too much, needs/requirements not being met)
2. sexual changes (sub no longer sub, dom/me no longer dom/me, sexual orientation changes)
3. boredom, frustration, lack of attention
4. changes in basis of relationship (like sub being treated as slave, or introducing another person without consultation, or making a submissive submit to other people, or...)
5. jealousy, anger (and similarly infidelity in a non-open relatioship)
...

I could keep going.

What it amounts to is that people can grow apart, communication can break down, trust and respect and be broken...

Relationships are living dynamic things that require constant attention and care. Because the people in the relationship are not stagnant or sitting still. People change, grow, and so on. And a relationship either goes with them, or... doesn't.

Geez, I didn't even have to think about how to word my response, because Fungi did it for me.

Recently the D/s relationship that I was in in ended. The reson for its ending was simple incompatibility, tempered with a few of the other things that Fungi mentioned.

A D/s relationship, as with any other relationship, is supposed to be mutually satisfying, and it should never stop growing. The relationship will grow and change, just as the people in it will do, and it can be wonderful when that growth bring those involved to a mutually desired place. However sometimes it is that same growth that sends us down two different paths, and creates an incompatibility. It is always sad when this occurs, but I guess it is a risk that we all take when we share ourselves with another.

Thank you

 

[Quixotica]

I made it very clear to my Master from the beginning that if he ever struck me out of anger, then I would be out the door.

Punishments received for mutually agreed upon disciplines are one thing. Whippings done during a scene are another. To be struck out of anger equals abuse in my mind and while I am willing to submit my will to his, I will not place myself in a deliberately dangerous situation.

 

[Quixotica]

I made it very clear to my Master from the beginning that if he ever struck me out of anger, then I would be out the door.

Punishments received for mutually agreed upon disciplines are one thing. Whippings done during a scene are another. To be struck out of anger equals abuse in my mind and while I am willing to submit my will to his, I will not place myself in a deliberately dangerous situation.

 

[catalina_francisco]

'Fraidy Cat!

Nah...you should know me better than that!!!! Shock horror FungiUg.....just was tired and ill, but promise to try and get back to it tonight.

Catalina

 

[MissTaken]

I have requested adn been granted release for inconsistencies. When boundaries or trust that had been in place was marred by the Dominant's actions without respect for those things, I have a difficult time moving forward. I won't say it was quick or easy, but it led to release.

Then, on another occasion, I requested release from my training Dominant as I felt I had gained all I could from him. We remain friends and confidants. As the relationship was intended to be short term, it seemed to have passed naturally into the place it is now.

 

[His Flower]

I think for me it would be Chemistry. I dont' know about others, but for me, Dom/sub or not, for me there has to be some form of chemistry between two people. That yearning to talk to that person 24 hours a day. That giddy girl feeling, and that oh, I'm soo happy and he's the one type of feeling at least most of the time. I think without that chemistry, without the sparks there's just no relationship. But then again, that's just my opinion.

SMILE....for your life has just begun

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

What has prompted you to ask for release from a D/s relationship?

Or what things do you consider grounds for severing your relationship with your Dominant?

Read through the board and stumbled across this particular thread...

I have been in 3 L/T, R/L BDSM relationships...and they all ended for the exact same reasons. As a submissive, I expect (as most others do, i am sure) complete and total honesty. Since most of my L/T relationships were also poly-amorous, one would think this would be an easy thing to grant. So NOT true (at least with my previous experiences). Indulging in unsafe sexual practices with others is a sure way for me to ask for release..(as i have). Instability which i can NOT help my owner with is also another reason...as well as HARD drug usage. Those are the only reasons i have come across..usually in a combination of the three.
Great idea for a topic...i hope by giving this a bump...others will comment.
PET

 

[Justina123]

Quixotica said:

I made it very clear to my Master from the beginning that if he ever struck me out of anger, then I would be out the door.

Or- in my case- Sir told me right from the beginning that if true anger ever entered into our relationship, that would be the end. It never has in the almost 1 year we've been together, neither of us are of that temperament, so it's kind of a non-issue at this point, but it that were to change, I am sure His statement would still hold true.

I think it's a very wise thing- anger and s&m activities can be a dangerous mixture.

However, that said, I was at a weekend play event not too long ago and saw a Dominant do a punishment scene with his submissive where he certainly appeared to be genuinely angry about her disobedience (yelling, dragging her by the hair, intense corporal punishment/whipping). Sir and I had to actually leave the room/dungeon area, the strong angry emotional charge in the room bothered us so much.... but both the Dominant and submissive were okay with it, in fact a few hours later the submissive seemed to even have a little "glow." I have to admit, I still don't understand it.

- justina

 

[James G 5]

Quixotica said:

I was at a weekend play event not too long ago and saw a Dominant do a punishment scene with his submissive where he certainly appeared to be genuinely angry about her disobedience (yelling, dragging her by the hair, intense corporal punishment/whipping). Sir and I had to actually leave the room/dungeon area, the strong angry emotional charge in the room bothered us so much.... but both the Dominant and submissive were okay with it, in fact a few hours later the submissive seemed to even have a little "glow." I have to admit, I still don't understand it.

- justina

Key word is "appeared"
I know a sub who likes to be dragged by her hair, told she is a rotten, evil little bitch, and chained face-first to a rouch concrete wall to be whipped till she bleeds, all the while being told how usless & pathetic she is
I occasionaly play with a male sub who likes me to put him thru severe pain while telling him what a little bitch he is
All part of the game for some people
If the sub was happy after, I'd have to imagine it was their style
BDSM play can be a great transformative act, and if the players in a scene know how to handle it, that angry charge can give a powerful emotional catharsis