question for submissives: When you Screw up....

[lil_slave_rose]

*sighs* i'm not going to into detail on the thread as to how i screwed up, but let's just say, i disobeyed an order. honestly i didn't mean to, He put me on the spot on something that He knows i fear, and i clammed up, i couldn't follow the order and the other person involved has now just disappeared after apologizing like she had done something wrong and i am left feeling like a fool and a terrible submissive. *cries* my question is:

when your limits are being pushed, and you just can't step over whatever it is that is a barrier in the way of 'obeying' a command, do you feel you need punished for disobeying said order?? or is it just 'shit happens' and you move on? i'm asking because i feel like i have let Him down, and He is just 'shit happens' about it, and i feel guilty, knowing i should have obeyed, He says He shouldn't have pushed so hard, i feel it's His place to push, and my place to overcome

*sighs* maybe i shouldn't be airing this out here, but i just wanted others feelings and thoughts. i know i've not given much in the way of an explanation of what exactly it is, but i'm hoping i've given enough to answer and give me some different takes on it....

 

[Bandit58]

We submissives are great at punishing ourselves much more harshly than our Doms could

I remember we were at a play party, and He wanted me to ask this Domme, who I had only just met that night, if she would like to spank me. I am terribly shy in social situations, I only knew a couple of people there and I just could not do it. I had a knot in my stomach, my mouth was very dry, and I just felt so nervous I could not speak and I wanted to just run away and hide

I could tell He was disappointed in me but He didn't punish me physically at all......over the next couple of days I was very quiet and felt very sad that I couldn't do as He had asked me.....I felt bad and like a terrible submissive and even started wondering if this was the lifestyle for me after all.

We did work around my feelings.....I have been reassured that He still loves me despite what happened, and He is very happy with me as His submissive I just have to work on getting over my shyness, sometimes it can be crippling in getting to know people

 

[lil_slave_rose]

We submissives are great at punishing ourselves much more harshly than our Doms could

I remember we were at a play party, and He wanted me to ask this Domme, who I had only just met that night, if she would like to spank me. I am terribly shy in social situations, I only knew a couple of people there and I just could not do it. I had a knot in my stomach, my mouth was very dry, and I just felt so nervous I could not speak and I wanted to just run away and hide

I could tell He was disappointed in me but He didn't punish me physically at all......over the next couple of days I was very quiet and felt very sad that I couldn't do as He had asked me.....I felt bad and like a terrible submissive and even started wondering if this was the lifestyle for me after all.

We did work around my feelings.....I have been reassured that He still loves me despite what happened, and He is very happy with me as His submissive I just have to work on getting over my shyness, sometimes it can be crippling in getting to know people

this is pretty much the same situation though it wasn't a Domme and it wasn't at a play party. and you're right we do punish ourselves more than they do, and He has reassured me that everything is alright, He's not mad at me, but grr these feelings inside suck! thank you for sharing

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I was pushing, and the situation spiralled in a way I was not expecting...

*Shrugz*

Sometimes, even us Doms cannot control all the factors, and that is what happened.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I was pushing, and the situation spiralled in a way I was not expecting...

*Shrugz*

Sometimes, even us Doms cannot control all the factors, and that is what happened.

*nods*

 

[BiBunny]

Disclaimer: This answer is probably not going to make me very popular with the "subbier-than-thou" crowd, but...whatever. Please keep in mind, rose, that I'm not commenting on your relationship with your Master, just on my relationship with mine. I'm also just addressing the idea of pushing limits. A normal "infraction," so to speak, is subject to punishment at his will, and he won't hear a word from me about it. The pushing of the limits, however, makes it a special case in my mind.

A limit is a limit for a reason. We don't go around assigning ourselves random limits just because we can. This applies to doms and subs alike. Now, that's not to say that some limits can't be/shouldn't be pushed. I, personally, want Master to push my limits, but it's not something that either of us take lightly. He's already done it with a couple of them, and I'm finding that those things weren't nearly as bad as I was expecting them to be.

Anyway, that being said, I would be highly irritated and quite possibly angry if I were punished for being hesitant about a limit. Like I said, it's there for a reason. I only have one remaining limit, (other than the "usual" ones that most people have for safety and legal reasons) and that's fireplay. I was very, very traumatized by fire when I was young, and being near anything more than a candle is highly unsettling to me. Master understands this as I've explained it quite well to him. He's also witnessed a couple of occasions in which I was *highly* freaked out by fire, and he's had to comfort me. For example, the night that my apartment complex caught fire, I called him at 2:00 am, utterly hysterical. (The fire didn't even touch my apartment, btw.)

But I digress. I just wanted to demonstrate that he knows perfectly well how much I'm afraid of fire, and he knows it's not some silly, arbitrary limit for me. He also has said that one day he'll do fireplay with me. Thinking about it in the abstract, it's quite scary, but I tell myself that I'll do what he wants because I know that he'll approach it with compassion and understanding, and I want to please him. However, what I'll do when I'm actually faced with the situation is something else entirely. I don't know how I'll react, not really. There is a good possibility that I'll go into hysterics, have a panic attack, faint, or try to attack him to get away (God, I hope I don't do that!). I doubt he'd ever let it escalate to that point, but the fear reaction is the unknown factor in that situation.

That, I think, is a good illustration of the old cliche "The spirit's willing, but the flesh is weak." I'd do my best to please him, but, in the end, if I were unable to do it, I'd expect him to be understanding about it and not punish me. I'm sure I'd beat myself up over it enough, anyway.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Disclaimer: This answer is probably not going to make me very popular with the "subbier-than-thou" crowd, but...whatever. Please keep in mind, rose, that I'm not commenting on your relationship with your Master, just on my relationship with mine. I'm also just addressing the idea of pushing limits. A normal "infraction," so to speak, is subject to punishment at his will, and he won't hear a word from me about it. The pushing of the limits, however, makes it a special case in my mind.

A limit is a limit for a reason. We don't go around assigning ourselves random limits just because we can. This applies to doms and subs alike. Now, that's not to say that some limits can't be/shouldn't be pushed. I, personally, want Master to push my limits, but it's not something that either of us take lightly. He's already done it with a couple of them, and I'm finding that those things weren't nearly as bad as I was expecting them to be.

Anyway, that being said, I would be highly irritated and quite possibly angry if I were punished for being hesitant about a limit. Like I said, it's there for a reason. I only have one remaining limit, (other than the "usual" ones that most people have for safety and legal reasons) and that's fireplay. I was very, very traumatized by fire when I was young, and being near anything more than a candle is highly unsettling to me. Master understands this as I've explained it quite well to him. He's also witnessed a couple of occasions in which I was *highly* freaked out by fire, and he's had to comfort me. For example, the night that my apartment complex caught fire, I called him at 2:00 am, utterly hysterical. (The fire didn't even touch my apartment, btw.)

But I digress. I just wanted to demonstrate that he knows perfectly well how much I'm afraid of fire, and he knows it's not some silly, arbitrary limit for me. He also has said that one day he'll do fireplay with me. Thinking about it in the abstract, it's quite scary, but I tell myself that I'll do what he wants because I know that he'll approach it with compassion and understanding, and I want to please him. However, what I'll do when I'm actually faced with the situation is something else entirely. I don't know how I'll react, not really. There is a good possibility that I'll go into hysterics, have a panic attack, faint, or try to attack him to get away (God, I hope I don't do that!). I doubt he'd ever let it escalate to that point, but the fear reaction is the unknown factor in that situation.

That, I think, is a good illustration of the old cliche "The spirit's willing, but the flesh is weak." I'd do my best to please him, but, in the end, if I were unable to do it, I'd expect him to be understanding about it and not punish me. I'm sure I'd beat myself up over it enough, anyway.

thank you bibunny, and i understand what you are saying, and i didn't get punished for it at all, as a matter of fact He keeps reassuring me all is well, as you can see in his post above. it's me who's beating myself up over it and i just wanted some other views and advice, thank your for you contribution, and i know that as long as i try to push past the limit He is pushing, He's happy, but that's the point, i didn't even try, i just clammed up. *shrugs* i guess we keep learning as we go along and i've defiantly learned from this, as i'm sure He has too. thanks again for your input

 

[the captians wench]

I think it's easier with us, because when he's thinking about pushing me, we talk about it way before hand, and it's always in a joking mannor. Most of the time I'm okay with it, but because of the way we talk about it, I can joke my way out of something.

There are just some things that I need him here with me afterwords to be able to face. Some things I need that comforting shoulder to cry on, or snuggle with or what ever. I need to know that what he did he did for his enjoyment, not my detriment, and that he loves me, and I've made him proud for doing this for him.

Not everything needs that kind of hands on after care, but when I'm coming to facing a hard limit, it's what I need. Or at the very least be ready incase I need it.

So there are some things we've agreed we won't try or even talk about until I'm with him. Then there's one thing I said "oh fuck no" to. He laughed and we compromised. That's one thing I really love about him, if we're talking about things he'd like to do to me, I can tease and joke but my point comes across. He never makes me feel bad about it. Tho I may get tacked eventually for being cheeky, but it's all in good fun and light spirit.

I did feel bad about the one thing tho, the one that I told him I just needed a physical body with me to be able to do it. But it was to protect us both. If I had a bad reaction (emotional reaction), and no one was here to calm me down, to hold me, I'd end up feeling lost and alone, and that would seperate us even more. We went thru a period where I felt alone, and it almost tore us apart. So if i can avoid that feeling, I do. But that didn't stop be from feeling like I disapointed him. Then he tells me "quit your sulking " and "you can never disapoint me baby", and I really don't think about it again.

I don't think I'm helping tho

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I think it's easier with us, because when he's thinking about pushing me, we talk about it way before hand, and it's always in a joking mannor. Most of the time I'm okay with it, but because of the way we talk about it, I can joke my way out of something.

There are just some things that I need him here with me afterwords to be able to face. Some things I need that comforting shoulder to cry on, or snuggle with or what ever. I need to know that what he did he did for his enjoyment, not my detriment, and that he loves me, and I've made him proud for doing this for him.

Not everything needs that kind of hands on after care, but when I'm coming to facing a hard limit, it's what I need. Or at the very least be ready incase I need it.

So there are some things we've agreed we won't try or even talk about until I'm with him. Then there's one thing I said "oh fuck no" to. He laughed and we compromised. That's one thing I really love about him, if we're talking about things he'd like to do to me, I can tease and joke but my point comes across. He never makes me feel bad about it. Tho I may get tacked eventually for being cheeky, but it's all in good fun and light spirit.

I did feel bad about the one thing tho, the one that I told him I just needed a physical body with me to be able to do it. But it was to protect us both. If I had a bad reaction (emotional reaction), and no one was here to calm me down, to hold me, I'd end up feeling lost and alone, and that would seperate us even more. We went thru a period where I felt alone, and it almost tore us apart. So if i can avoid that feeling, I do. But that didn't stop be from feeling like I disapointed him. Then he tells me "quit your sulking " and "you can never disapoint me baby", and I really don't think about it again.

I don't think I'm helping tho

*smiles* i always find your posts to be of help, this is exactly what i was looking for, just different takes, ideas and experiences, so thank you for your input wenchie i should stress here that the 'limit' being pushed was not a negotiated limit and it was by no means a 'hard limit' it was just something i wasn't comfortable with and felt He should know that i was uncomfortable with, and as He can't read my mind, He didn't know. lol i'm talking in circles but i hope i'm making some sense

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Thank you to all the subbies who offered their help to My rose on this thread... for you all.

 

[the captians wench]

*smiles* i always find your posts to be of help, this is exactly what i was looking for, just different takes, ideas and experiences, so thank you for your input wenchie i should stress here that the 'limit' being pushed was not a negotiated limit and it was by no means a 'hard limit' it was just something i wasn't comfortable with and felt He should know that i was uncomfortable with, and as He can't read my mind, He didn't know. lol i'm talking in circles but i hope i'm making some sense

No I get it.

And actually J and I have broken the "rules" a bit in that we never talked about what my limits were in the begining, just when they come up. I just felt comfortable with him from the start. We'd talk about things that we like or don't like, but not actual limits.

The one I was refuring to that I felt bad about, has always been a hard limit for me, but it's one that's been softening a bit. But like I said, we've never talked about my limits so he didn't know until we started joking about the act. It's something he's always had an "ewwe" feeling towards too, so that's why I didn't think it nessisary to etch it down, and why his sudden intrest in it shocked me so.

The "oh fuck no" thing isn't a limit at all. Just like you said something he mentioned that I am uncomfortable with...very uncomfortable with.


Okay I'm going to give the example....

He was talking about new toys he wants me to buy. And in there he mentioned mouse traps. Now I've seen a pic or two of mouse traps hanging from a girls tits, so I was okay no biggie. It's not like they'd be set or anything. Then he comes up with, oh yes they will be set too. That's when the "oh fuck no" came in along with " you snap one of those things off with your cock first and then we'll talk about it!"

He laughed at me and then I went into why I felt so strongly. Besides the fact I've seen these things snap the neck of a mouse, when I was younger (like around 4 or 5) I was playing with one and nearly snapped my thumb off. I still have the scar from where they sewed it back together (no nerve damage thankfully). Because of that I haven't touched a mouse trap since then, let alone set one, nor set one off on me again.

We joked about it a bit more, but I stick by my two original comments. And if I am ever injured by one of his quarky ideas, he knows he's getting the med bill.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

No I get it.

And actually J and I have broken the "rules" a bit in that we never talked about what my limits were in the begining, just when they come up. I just felt comfortable with him from the start. We'd talk about things that we like or don't like, but not actual limits.

The one I was refuring to that I felt bad about, has always been a hard limit for me, but it's one that's been softening a bit. But like I said, we've never talked about my limits so he didn't know until we started joking about the act. It's something he's always had an "ewwe" feeling towards too, so that's why I didn't think it nessisary to etch it down, and why his sudden intrest in it shocked me so.

The "oh fuck no" thing isn't a limit at all. Just like you said something he mentioned that I am uncomfortable with...very uncomfortable with.


Okay I'm going to give the example....

He was talking about new toys he wants me to buy. And in there he mentioned mouse traps. Now I've seen a pic or two of mouse traps hanging from a girls tits, so I was okay no biggie. It's not like they'd be set or anything. Then he comes up with, oh yes they will be set too. That's when the "oh fuck no" came in along with " you snap one of those things off with your cock first and then we'll talk about it!"

He laughed at me and then I went into why I felt so strongly. Besides the fact I've seen these things snap the neck of a mouse, when I was younger (like around 4 or 5) I was playing with one and nearly snapped my thumb off. I still have the scar from where they sewed it back together (no nerve damage thankfully). Because of that I haven't touched a mouse trap since then, let alone set one, nor set one off on me again.

We joked about it a bit more, but I stick by my two original comments. And if I am ever injured by one of his quarky ideas, he knows he's getting the med bill.

eeek..mouse traps are hell no for me as well....i do not want them on me, they do not like look like fun to me, clothespins work well for me and He likes them just fine too, so i'm good there. the whole being set yea, i understand why you would be 'hell no' to that. that's just not cool..LOL....Master and i jok around like you two also and i think He learns alot from me by that...but i also for the most part know how far i can push the 'joking' thing before i get into trouble too....

 

[subtleone]

I've been through similar situations Rose. I think what it comes down to in the end is that the thing we prize more highly than anything else is our Masters pleasure. He has asked us to do something which will bring him pleasure and we have been unable to fulfill this request. We obviously feel disappointed in ourselves and doubt our ability as the perfect sub we want to be.
What we tend to forget is that our Masters know us very well and sometimes ask us to do things that they suspect we will not be able to do, they ask because they want to push our limits and they know we want them to. They don't want us to fail but they have half an idea that we may; so if we do they just think 'shit happens'. Our problem is we are perfectionists; it's a subbie trait

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I've been through similar situations Rose. I think what it comes down to in the end is that the thing we prize more highly than anything else is our Masters pleasure. He has asked us to do something which will bring him pleasure and we have been unable to fulfill this request. We obviously feel disappointed in ourselves and doubt our ability as the perfect sub we want to be.
What we tend to forget is that our Masters know us very well and sometimes ask us to do things that they suspect we will not be able to do, they ask because they want to push our limits and they know we want them to. They don't want us to fail but they have half an idea that we may; so if we do they just think 'shit happens'. Our problem is we are perfectionists; it's a subbie trait

this makes perfect sense to me and the whole situation...thank you!

 

[the captians wench]

eeek..mouse traps are hell no for me as well....i do not want them on me, they do not like look like fun to me, clothespins work well for me and He likes them just fine too, so i'm good there. the whole being set yea, i understand why you would be 'hell no' to that. that's just not cool..LOL....Master and i jok around like you two also and i think He learns alot from me by that...but i also for the most part know how far i can push the 'joking' thing before i get into trouble too....

You're beinging to see why I spend a lot of time on the tack board, no? *giggles*

 

[RJMasters]

You know there is often this mental image of the perfect vanilla dream, it consists of the nice house with the white picket fence, 2 kids and a dogs playing in the yard....etc...

I have noticed that often there is a simillar counter-part conjured up in the D/s BDSM world. In this image all Doms are perfect and never make mistakes and submissives never fail their Doms.

...The capital "S" on your chest rose stands for submissive not superman.

My advice is to lighten up a bit here and take a bigger view in order to find perspective. Granted you have real feelings about failing and such, but I bet you 10 dollars that MP knew you weren't perfect before any of this happened.

Its obvious that what happened here woldn't be considered under the umbrella of "the norm" between you two. Sounds like some unique things came up.

Haaving a realtionship is not about always being 100% perfect, its about holding things together through both the good times and the bad. I have often found that it is the hard times when shared by two that form the strongest bonds. When things go off the tracks, that is when a Dom needs to be the Dom most of all.

Its easy to give your successes to your Dom, what's hard is to learn how to give him your failures too when they happen.

Wishing you both well.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think this is one of those situations which not only highlight that subs and Doms alike are only human and open to all the emotions and inperfections that come with that, but also that those postings we see from sub/slaves who claim to always obey without hesitation or difficulty are largely based on a relationship where orders are made to cater to their capabilities with ease (no pushing or growth required), or don't give an accurate picture of what really happens. Most of us have been through moments when we have failed in our own eyes, but still are not willing to be in a place where our limits/abilities are never pushed or stretched a little. Sometimes the image in the mind of the Dom/me causes them to push a little harder and quicker than is wise, sometimes our own fears don't allow us to obey...it is a fact of life we have to learn to balance and live with.

I can honestly say, no matter how hard he punishes me, I usually punish myself 10 times worse. I know it is not my right to do that, and it often angers him, often frustrates us both, but I'm working on getting past it to the point I can say once it is done it is over and move on. Thankfully I am getting better and there have been a couple of times recently when I have been able to do it, but once again it isn't easy and when I am particularly down thoughts creep in which are far from productive of growth encouraging.

I prefer to be punished, even in situations where it is a matter of him pushing at the wrong moment or too hard simply because it helps me feel I have paid in part for disappointing him, but once again I feel bad about that because I know he does not like punishjing and it is more about my needs than his, so wrong for me to do....but I still do it. It does get better, and time does move on, but it is far from an easy path to follow, but we all knew that and don't want it any other way. A perfect Master? Ugh, how boring would that be?!! A perfect slave? Damn, I doubt that will ever be!!

Catalina

 

[Toa_lin]

You know there is often this mental image of the perfect vanilla dream, it consists of the nice house with the white picket fence, 2 kids and a dogs playing in the yard....etc...

I have noticed that often there is a simillar counter-part conjured up in the D/s BDSM world. In this image all Doms are perfect and never make mistakes and submissives never fail their Doms.

..........................................

Haaving a realtionship is not about always being 100% perfect, its about holding things together through both the good times and the bad. I have often found that it is the hard times when shared by two that form the strongest bonds. When things go off the tracks, that is when a Dom needs to be the Dom most of all.

Its easy to give your successes to your Dom, what's hard is to learn how to give him your failures too when they happen.

Wishing you both well.

Hehehehe, I'm in total agreement, show me a "perfect couple" vanilla or otherwise, and I'll give you the meaning of life

 

[callinectes]

I used to get all bent when I thought I screwed up. Daddy doesn't. In a particular instance in which I was moping about after what I percieved as a failure, he basically told me to get the hell over myself..it was over, done, he wasn't upset and he wasn't going to put up with me being so dramatic about it. That was a huge turning point for us. Now, if I do my best to do something he asks but don't quite get it done, whatever "it" is, we shrug and move on. The fact that I honestly tried is far more important to him than the actual carrying out of "it".

 

[the_pet]

*sighs* i'm not going to into detail on the thread as to how i screwed up, but let's just say, i disobeyed an order. honestly i didn't mean to, He put me on the spot on something that He knows i fear, and i clammed up, i couldn't follow the order and the other person involved has now just disappeared after apologizing like she had done something wrong and i am left feeling like a fool and a terrible submissive. *cries* my question is:

when your limits are being pushed, and you just can't step over whatever it is that is a barrier in the way of 'obeying' a command, do you feel you need punished for disobeying said order?? or is it just 'shit happens' and you move on? i'm asking because i feel like i have let Him down, and He is just 'shit happens' about it, and i feel guilty, knowing i should have obeyed, He says He shouldn't have pushed so hard, i feel it's His place to push, and my place to overcome

*sighs* maybe i shouldn't be airing this out here, but i just wanted others feelings and thoughts. i know i've not given much in the way of an explanation of what exactly it is, but i'm hoping i've given enough to answer and give me some different takes on it....

Try not to beat yourself up. Everybody else pretty much has explained that shit happens sometimes. I would hope too that your Master can tell the difference between "i don't want to" or "i don't feel like it" and "i CANT do that". Communication is the answer here. Talk about how you feel, talk about why you couldn't do it, talk about why he wanted you to, talk about how you could get past this. I bet you'll arrive at a place that you'll feel good this event happened.


pet

 

[lil_slave_rose]

You know there is often this mental image of the perfect vanilla dream, it consists of the nice house with the white picket fence, 2 kids and a dogs playing in the yard....etc...

I have noticed that often there is a simillar counter-part conjured up in the D/s BDSM world. In this image all Doms are perfect and never make mistakes and submissives never fail their Doms.

...The capital "S" on your chest rose stands for submissive not superman.

My advice is to lighten up a bit here and take a bigger view in order to find perspective. Granted you have real feelings about failing and such, but I bet you 10 dollars that MP knew you weren't perfect before any of this happened.

Its obvious that what happened here woldn't be considered under the umbrella of "the norm" between you two. Sounds like some unique things came up.

Haaving a realtionship is not about always being 100% perfect, its about holding things together through both the good times and the bad. I have often found that it is the hard times when shared by two that form the strongest bonds. When things go off the tracks, that is when a Dom needs to be the Dom most of all.

Its easy to give your successes to your Dom, what's hard is to learn how to give him your failures too when they happen.

Wishing you both well.

thank You RJ, Sir. i know that i'm far from perfect and You're right, Master knows it as well, but i can't help feeling like i've disappointed Him even though He assures me it was Him who made the mistake by pushing me when He should have known it was something i was not comfortable with. the part that really bothers me isn't that i couldn't do it, it's that when questioned about why i was not obeying, i snapped at Him out of my own frustration at not being able to obey, i don't think i put that in my first post, but that's what most of my feelings over this stemmed from.we have since talked more about it all and He basically told me it's over, He's not upset, and we move on from here, it was a minor thing compared to everything else we've been through in the last 3 years

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I think this is one of those situations which not only highlight that subs and Doms alike are only human and open to all the emotions and inperfections that come with that, but also that those postings we see from sub/slaves who claim to always obey without hesitation or difficulty are largely based on a relationship where orders are made to cater to their capabilities with ease (no pushing or growth required), or don't give an accurate picture of what really happens. Most of us have been through moments when we have failed in our own eyes, but still are not willing to be in a place where our limits/abilities are never pushed or stretched a little. Sometimes the image in the mind of the Dom/me causes them to push a little harder and quicker than is wise, sometimes our own fears don't allow us to obey...it is a fact of life we have to learn to balance and live with.

I can honestly say, no matter how hard he punishes me, I usually punish myself 10 times worse. I know it is not my right to do that, and it often angers him, often frustrates us both, but I'm working on getting past it to the point I can say once it is done it is over and move on. Thankfully I am getting better and there have been a couple of times recently when I have been able to do it, but once again it isn't easy and when I am particularly down thoughts creep in which are far from productive of growth encouraging.

I prefer to be punished, even in situations where it is a matter of him pushing at the wrong moment or too hard simply because it helps me feel I have paid in part for disappointing him, but once again I feel bad about that because I know he does not like punishjing and it is more about my needs than his, so wrong for me to do....but I still do it. It does get better, and time does move on, but it is far from an easy path to follow, but we all knew that and don't want it any other way. A perfect Master? Ugh, how boring would that be?!! A perfect slave? Damn, I doubt that will ever be!!

Catalina

*smiles* i was waiting on your reply you're right i don't want it any other way, and it defiantly is a hard road to travel sometimes, like i said in my previous post to RJ it was much more my 'snapping' at Him when He questioned me, than the fact that i couldn't obey His order. but i'm going to move on from this and be happy because He'll be here the day after tomorrow!!! that's a much better thought then all of this negative and i'll make it all up to Him then *grins* i know that i am far from the perfect submissive and you're right, life would be boring if He were perfect also so i guess it comes down to we are who we are. it's funny we were just talking about this subject on another thread the whole obeying without hesitation, i guess this proved a point huh? lol..anyway, thank you for your input cat

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I used to get all bent when I thought I screwed up. Daddy doesn't. In a particular instance in which I was moping about after what I percieved as a failure, he basically told me to get the hell over myself..it was over, done, he wasn't upset and he wasn't going to put up with me being so dramatic about it. That was a huge turning point for us. Now, if I do my best to do something he asks but don't quite get it done, whatever "it" is, we shrug and move on. The fact that I honestly tried is far more important to him than the actual carrying out of "it".

well alot of it also stemmed from the fact that i didn't even try. i just clammed up, didn't say a word and made the other person involved feel like a fool also and like i said she eventually just disappeared from the situation without a word. oh well, life goes on and He's not worried about it, so i guess i shouldn't be either ...ha..much easier said than done however. thank you for your input, this board rocks!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Try not to beat yourself up. Everybody else pretty much has explained that shit happens sometimes. I would hope too that your Master can tell the difference between "i don't want to" or "i don't feel like it" and "i CANT do that". Communication is the answer here. Talk about how you feel, talk about why you couldn't do it, talk about why he wanted you to, talk about how you could get past this. I bet you'll arrive at a place that you'll feel good this event happened.


pet

i think i punish myself for these things far more than Master ever could. and Master does understand the difference between 'i don't feel like it' and 'i CAN'T do that'. luckily communication is one of the biggest things Master and i have, if we didn't, we wouldn't have made it LD for 3 years. there was a time our communication was shut off (because of me and my depression) and i almost lost Him because of it, i learned a valuable lesson back then and that is to ALWAYS come to Him with my thoughts and feelings and to not shut Him out when i'm feeling 'down' so communication is not a problem, the reason i posted the thread was for some conversation and different views on the situation, so thank you for your input

 

[myinnerslut]

everyone already said what i wanted to, so ill settle for saying, i always beat myself up more then he does if i think ive dissapointed him, i think its somewhat of a "normal" (whatever that is) response.

oh yeah, and {HUG}