Question for Female Dommes

[Stilllearning2b]

In this era of superhero movies - what is your origin story?

How did you realize you were sexually dominant? Did it scare you initially? Did a lover/spouse encourage you?

 

[AfterDusk]

In this era of superhero movies - what is your origin story?

How did you realize you were sexually dominant? Did it scare you initially? Did a lover/spouse encourage you?

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away...

Well, actually it isn't really that simple, at least not for me. My 'revelation' is about as convoluted as a Bollywood movie plot and I'm fairly certain that even with the aid of flowcharts, no one but me could follow along.

I wouldn't say it 'scared' me--that wouldn't be a very dominant thing to say, now would it? It was more sort of a "Oh, well that fucking explains a lot" kind of deal.

So far I haven't been fortunate enough to bend a man to my will intentionally, though I will say that somehow it carries across in my affect and mannerisms and has made for a few interesting encounters.

 

[yukonnights]

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away...

Well, actually it isn't really that simple, at least not for me. My 'revelation' is about as convoluted as a Bollywood movie plot and I'm fairly certain that even with the aid of flowcharts, no one but me could follow along.

I wouldn't say it 'scared' me--that wouldn't be a very dominant thing to say, now would it? It was more sort of a "Oh, well that fucking explains a lot" kind of deal.

So far I haven't been fortunate enough to bend a man to my will intentionally, though I will say that somehow it carries across in my affect and mannerisms and has made for a few interesting encounters.

Please, do tell; what bends will your will require of some man?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I'm primarily sub. I like to say that I'm submissive by nature, dominant by nurture. Dominance has been a skill that I've cultivated over time. I'm finally comfortable with who I am as a Domme, and the general consensus seems to be that I'm not a complete disaster at it.

Years ago, a couple of bossy bottoms gave me the opportunity to learn how to stand my ground, stop apologising, stop compromising, and how to ask for what i want. Those men were a pain in the ass, but the lessons i learned were invaluable, and have application far beyond my online boxes.

Now i know the difference between manipulation and submission, i know the joy of being in agreement with a partner and working together toward the same goals, and i know that sometimes, on a full moon, i like to go hunting.

 

[MaybeMae]

have not revealed this about myself before on lit

And I'm sure if you are one of the many men who go back and read all my posts you might call bullshit on this one, but that's fine. Everyone can think what they want.

But I want to tell you about my experiences as a Domme.
I was online dating (OKcupid, and that is where I eventually met my husband), and I am the kind of woman who will message men first (I don't here, but that is literally so busy replying to all the messages I get and telling stories in the forum, when could I message someone?) But so, I have always found that at least with men you have to ask a provocative question and you can weed out by their answers. (a lot of guys actually don't like chunky girls with curly brown hair and big lips, which is contrary to here, thank goodness). The one I was using then was, "What do you think about before you go to sleep?" And this guy, called Michael, was like, I can't tell you that it's too personal to which, when someone says that you know they want you to ask/know because it would be super easy to lie. I am not checking their validity!

but so, eventually, through flirting and needling, I got it out of him that he thought about being dominated by a woman. Strangely enough, that turned me on, even though I had always considered myself submissive. We text for a week, and then we had some pretty fantastic phone sex where I dominated him and thought he loved it, but I guess that it was too much for him and he just disappeared. However, all that had done was whet my appetite, and I needed to see if I enjoyed the Domme thing in real life.

that's how it got started... would you like to hear more?

(now I would say I don't lean too hard in either direction. I like to be used more often than I like to use, but it is fun now and then!)

 

[yukonnights]

And I'm sure if you are one of the many men who go back and read all my posts you might call bullshit on this one, but that's fine. Everyone can think what they want.

But I want to tell you about my experiences as a Domme...

...but so, eventually, through flirting and needling, I got it out of him that he thought about being dominated by a woman. Strangely enough, that turned me on, even though I had always considered myself submissive. We text for a week, and then we had some pretty fantastic phone sex where I dominated him and thought he loved it, but I guess that it was too much for him and he just disappeared. However, all that had done was whet my appetite, and I needed to see if I enjoyed the Domme thing in real life.

that's how it got started... would you like to hear more?

(now I would say I don't lean too hard in either direction. I like to be used more often than I like to use, but it is fun now and then!)

So that sounds like a great example of being a "switch". I can easily relate to what you're saying here. For me, this is a pretty fluid dynamic with rises and falls from dominant desires to submissive ones. For me, I don't think either tendency reaches the same intensity that full time D's or S's experience...but that's just speculation...and everyone is unique anyway.

I'd vote for hearing more if you want to.

 

[AfterDusk]

Please, do tell; what bends will your will require of some man?

Well now, that would depend on the man, wouldn't it? I'm not the type of woman to force someone to do something they don't like; it doesn't bring me any joy to see discomfort in another creature. For me, bending a man to my will would be a more gradual, psychological domination.

The way I see it, jumping in head first could create a hard limit, but easing a man into submission, encouraging his devotion with affection and praise would be a more adequate way to push his boundaries, gain his trust and earn the right to be in control over him.

 

[yukonnights]

Well now, that would depend on the man, wouldn't it? I'm not the type of woman to force someone to do something they don't like; it doesn't bring me any joy to see discomfort in another creature. For me, bending a man to my will would be a more gradual, psychological domination.

The way I see it, jumping in head first could create a hard limit, but easing a man into submission, encouraging his devotion with affection and praise would be a more adequate way to push his boundaries, gain his trust and earn the right to be in control over him.

Hmmm, subtle bending. Yes, a wise choice lest the branch break and all chances be dashed. (approved)

Psychological domination; Such a big responsibility. But it seems clear that you have thought about this and have planned for it. Beyond the few risks, taking it past just a game also takes it into an opportunity for so much more fulfilling discovery for both. (approved - plus citation for above and beyond requirements)

Yep, head first is not the same as with eyes wide open...too many forget this truth.(approved)

The encouragement and praise for the small things will slowly tame him into incrementally trusting you. Another wise observation, and critical for those working with any wild creature. (approved - plus citation for above and beyond requirements)

But, the greatest wisdom of your plan seems to me the inclusion of that last phase; "...earn the right to be in control over him." So many fail to see the power of gentleness and humility, thus ruining their opportunity for the sublime. (approved - plus citation and letter to file)

I have reviewed your plan and fully approve. It is well thought out and I believe destined for success. Permission to launch

Addendum to permission: There are certain details missing in regard to the physical implementation of the plan. However, as these will most likely have to be improvised on-the-fly depending on the "subject quarry", it is recommended that multiple options of specific training devices and techniques be investigated and learned prior to any attempts at the proposed capture and training.

In all seriousness; That sounds lovely...and I hope some lucky man gets to experience it all very soon. ~

 

[AfterDusk]

I have reviewed your plan and fully approve. It is well thought out and I believe destined for success. Permission to launch

Addendum to permission: There are certain details missing in regard to the physical implementation of the plan. However, as these will most likely have to be improvised on-the-fly depending on the "subject quarry", it is recommended that multiple options of specific training devices and techniques be investigated and learned prior to any attempts at the proposed capture and training.

In all seriousness; That sounds lovely...and I hope some lucky man gets to experience it all very soon. ~

Thank you. I think that gentleness is more worthy of submission (IMO) and I also feel the need to truly connect with a man in order get pleasure from an encounter; I imagine that added element would make for a much deeper, more intimate experience.

And yes, as they say, practice makes perfect

 

[MaybeMae]

part 2

So my appetite had been whet, but the sweet young man (I actually think he was 5 years older than me, but I was 22 at the time) I had dominated was gone. I am a very sexual person, and I because of a brain injury shortly after high school I have poor impulse control, so in a lot of ways, this makes a very dangerous and very intense perfect storm. I have never had a bad experience from Craigslist hookups (miss the personals section so much!) and so I posted an ad saying I was looking for men who wanted to be dominated by a woman. I also stated that I would prefer for them to be older than me because I had found the Domm'ing of my peer to be pretty strange. I also liked the thrill I would get from spanking an older white man (cause, you know, feminism).

Does anybody want to guess how many replies I got?

And I'm sure if you are one of the many men who go back and read all my posts you might call bullshit on this one, but that's fine. Everyone can think what they want.

But I want to tell you about my experiences as a Domme.
I was online dating (OKcupid, and that is where I eventually met my husband), and I am the kind of woman who will message men first (I don't here, but that is literally so busy replying to all the messages I get and telling stories in the forum, when could I message someone?) But so, I have always found that at least with men you have to ask a provocative question and you can weed out by their answers. (a lot of guys actually don't like chunky girls with curly brown hair and big lips, which is contrary to here, thank goodness). The one I was using then was, "What do you think about before you go to sleep?" And this guy, called Michael, was like, I can't tell you that it's too personal to which, when someone says that you know they want you to ask/know because it would be super easy to lie. I am not checking their validity!

but so, eventually, through flirting and needling, I got it out of him that he thought about being dominated by a woman. Strangely enough, that turned me on, even though I had always considered myself submissive. We text for a week, and then we had some pretty fantastic phone sex where I dominated him and thought he loved it, but I guess that it was too much for him and he just disappeared. However, all that had done was whet my appetite, and I needed to see if I enjoyed the Domme thing in real life.

that's how it got started... would you like to hear more?

(now I would say I don't lean too hard in either direction. I like to be used more often than I like to use, but it is fun now and then!)

 

[yukonnights]

Thank you. I think that gentleness is more worthy of submission (IMO) and I also feel the need to truly connect with a man in order get pleasure from an encounter; I imagine that added element would make for a much deeper, more intimate experience.

And yes, as they say, practice makes perfect

I share that opinion about gentleness and an actual connection emotionally. In fact, casual/no-strings-attached just doesn't fire my button...feels awkward. The physical aspects of BDSM aren't a strong interest...but D/s dynamics are primarily mental and emotional. Under the protection of sincere intimacy, it's these exposed emotions that hopefully fosters the stripping away/surrender of masks we all wear—a willingness to be seen as we are by that person. To me personally, this can only be done if sincere intimacy has been groomed and established.

 

[AfterDusk]

I share that opinion about gentleness and an actual connection emotionally. In fact, casual/no-strings-attached just doesn't fire my button...feels awkward. The physical aspects of BDSM aren't a strong interest...but D/s dynamics are primarily mental and emotional. Under the protection of sincere intimacy, it's these exposed emotions that hopefully fosters the stripping away/surrender of masks we all wear—a willingness to be seen as we are by that person. To me personally, this can only be done if sincere intimacy has been groomed and established.

Yes, to all of this. I’ve had my fair share of no-strings and fwb but in the end I was left unsatisfied physically as well as emotionally. And just because a person submits sexually and allows whatever BDSM hat to be applied, does not mean that they have completely given up control. It is one thing to have a man tolerate a woman whipping him in hopes of a release, but an entirely other thing for a man to fully trust in a woman and have no fear of pain or punishment or shame of their desires.

I dream of the day I am fortunate enough to encounter such a man who will be willing to give me the chance to appreciate him for who he is, not what he has or how he pretends to be, and I live in longing for the moment that I will be able to see complete and utter adoration and devotion in his eyes once he realizes that I am worthy of his affections and will not abuse the power he’s granted me.

Assuming that such a man exists or that fate will cross our paths.

 

[Kitschshaman]

So my appetite had been whet, but the sweet young man (I actually think he was 5 years older than me, but I was 22 at the time) I had dominated was gone. I am a very sexual person, and I because of a brain injury shortly after high school I have poor impulse control, so in a lot of ways, this makes a very dangerous and very intense perfect storm. I have never had a bad experience from Craigslist hookups (miss the personals section so much!) and so I posted an ad saying I was looking for men who wanted to be dominated by a woman. I also stated that I would prefer for them to be older than me because I had found the Domm'ing of my peer to be pretty strange. I also liked the thrill I would get from spanking an older white man (cause, you know, feminism).

Does anybody want to guess how many replies I got?

I would posit to say, though I be guessing, that your inbox was filled to beyond capacity...