Queers in interracial relationships

[Luna_Wolf72]

I have lived most of my life involved with men of opposite races but until recently have never found any woman who wasn't black, attractive in a sexual way. That changed not long ago when I became involved with my pet (well ex pet now but we still share a house soo).

I guess what I am asking is how many people involved in this particular way of life have racial preferences for thier lovers? Does race play a part in any way when you are choosing a person to spend time with? Do you even notice? If you prefer to date outside of your own race, have you ever noticed particular issues that never come up if you are dating someone from your own ethnic background?

Please, let's conversate...

Luna

 

[Betticus]

I have lived most of my life involved with men of opposite races but until recently have never found any woman who wasn't black, attractive in a sexual way. That changed not long ago when I became involved with my pet (well ex pet now but we still share a house soo).

I guess what I am asking is how many people involved in this particular way of life have racial preferences for thier lovers? Does race play a part in any way when you are choosing a person to spend time with? Do you even notice? If you prefer to date outside of your own race, have you ever noticed particular issues that never come up if you are dating someone from your own ethnic background?

Please, let's conversate...

Luna

Don't make me come over there and have you spank me damnit. You wouldn't want that!

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Don't make me come over there and have you spank me damnit. You wouldn't want that!

shit...yes I would!!! C'mere and let me spank your cute lil bum...

 

[Ricwilly]

I don't think I have any racial preference.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I don't think I have any racial preference.

I know that i do (as a rule) I gues I just wanted to know if anyone else has had any problems dealing with lovers from outside thier ethnic backgrounds...cuz that was always my issue with white or hispanic women..that our backgrounds would be far too different...

 

[kbate]

I would love to say that I am completely without racial preferences but I have never had a relationship with a black woman. I don't find the idea of being in an interracial couple unappealing but it has just never happened; I do not know why.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I would love to say that I am completely without racial preferences but I have never had a relationship with a black woman. I don't find the idea of being in an interracial couple unappealing but it has just never happened; I do not know why.

Until Trinique I had never been involved with a white woman. For the longest I was convinced it was because I did not find them attractive..it was just recently that I was proven wrong. Yet, the background differences are sometimes so hard to overcome.

When one all ready lives a life not considered *normal* by the majority...I think it takes something extra to add in racial differences, even in today's permissive society...

 

[Etoile]

I definitely think interracial relationships are still surprising. Yesterday one of my deaf clients brought his sons to work (it was a family day) and introduced me to them. Then he said "you know their mom, right?" I said no...should I know her? He said yes, she is so-and-so...and it was another deaf client in the next building over! Even though they have the same last name (and it is not a common one) I never realized that they might be married, and I think it is because he is black and she is white. Even though interracial relationships are permitted today more so than they were in the past, they still don't happen very often. I think it is that different races usually come from different backgrounds...a common experience makes it much easier for two people to become close.

 

[april-wine]

I can't say that I've been in an interacial relationship....But I am ALWAYS willing to give anything a shot....

 

[CharleyH]

I have lived most of my life involved with men of opposite races but until recently have never found any woman who wasn't black, attractive in a sexual way. That changed not long ago when I became involved with my pet (well ex pet now but we still share a house soo).

I guess what I am asking is how many people involved in this particular way of life have racial preferences for thier lovers? Does race play a part in any way when you are choosing a person to spend time with? Do you even notice? If you prefer to date outside of your own race, have you ever noticed particular issues that never come up if you are dating someone from your own ethnic background?

Please, let's conversate...

Luna

I try not to think of race, I think of people. I never thought of it, Have sex - thats it.

It was brought to my atemtion by a sub who straightforwardly, and excuse me, likes to be called a nigger when in sex. It is hard for me, and it has trickled into treating other black lovers that way with a major guilt complex by me. I can call a guy a fag. I can call a girl a slut or whore, but when I say nigger, no matter what is wanted to get off, it hurts me ... I dont know if that is understood or adds to the convo.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I try not to think of race, I think of people. I never thought of it, Have sex - thats it.

It was brought to my atemtion by a sub who straightforwardly, and excuse me, likes to be called a nigger when in sex. It is hard for me, and it has trickled into treating other black lovers that way with a major guilt complex by me. I can call a guy a fag. I can call a girl a slut or whore, but when I say nigger, no matter what is wanted to get off, it hurts me ... I dont know if that is understood or adds to the convo.

Thank you for this. I understad completely. Personally I can not play that way...even though I am bi-racial calling a white person a *cracker* or a hispanic person *spic* or a black..*nigger* they are so hard for me...Even in Top space, even in Sadist mode (and yes I have those) I just can not do it.

My problem is that I try to see people as people but my lovers have to come from the same background as me (lower middle class) otherwise I feel as if I am in some kind of competition. I can not adequately get ito the space I need to be in to provide what THEY need.

Strange yes? True nonetheless, though. I think that's my problem with interracial dating...not really the race..more the background...it just seems so hard sometimes...

 

[CharleyH]

Thank you for this. I understad completely. Personally I can not play that way...even though I am bi-racial calling a white person a *cracker* or a hispanic person *spic* or a black..*nigger* they are so hard for me...Even in Top space, even in Sadist mode (and yes I have those) I just can not do it.

My problem is that I try to see people as people but my lovers have to come from the same background as me (lower middle class) otherwise I feel as if I am in some kind of competition. I can not adequately get ito the space I need to be in to provide what THEY need.

Strange yes? True nonetheless, though. I think that's my problem with interracial dating...not really the race..more the background...it just seems so hard sometimes...

what do you need? Not odd. ASK WHAT you really want.

 

[Betticus]

shit...yes I would!!! C'mere and let me spank your cute lil bum...

Can I wiggle it too.

 

[capricious_chic]

In the ever evolving PC world that is being foisted upon us the Cinderella story is that people are people - regardless of ethnicity, religious beliefs and social/economic backgrounds. The reality is far different though.

I do have racial preferences. While I have dated those of all colors and creeds - I do have preferences. I don't exclude people because of my preference, I simply acknowledge that I find white men and black women most attractive. So when I go off to fantasy realm and have in my mind the perfect lover - those are the images I have in my head. Again, many times the reality is far different from fantasy. Not less, simply different.

I do think that there are racial divides. There are experiences that we simply don't even know exist and it is that ignorance that can widen the divide. I do think it is more comfortable being in a relationship where past experiences are similar but I also think it can limit individual growth.

There is nothing wrong with going with what is comfortable and if your world is confined to the space you are in and you have no plans of going elsewhere - it is probably the easiest life to live.

Relationships are rarely simple. Throw in different cultures and it can become much more difficult. Again, many times it is a simple matter of ignorance. I think that when one decides to commit to a person of a different culture it isn't a simple matter of committing to that individual - but to them as a whole. Realizing that there will be differences and taking the time to try and understand the differences. Going into the relationship without the naive belief that people are just people but w/eyes wide open realizing that people are also defined by past experiences and cultural influence. Love isn't always enough.

 

[Angel]

90% of my relationships have been interracial.

I don't have a racial preference, however I DO have physical feature preferences such as dark hair and eyes and darker skin tones which just happen to also fall into the non-white category quite nicely. Of course they also fall into the white category too.


I've never had culture issues in any of my relationships, but I think that's more because I didn't have any hangups.

 

[CharleyH]

Thank you for this. I understad completely. Personally I can not play that way...even though I am bi-racial calling a white person a *cracker* or a hispanic person *spic* or a black..*nigger* they are so hard for me...Even in Top space, even in Sadist mode (and yes I have those) I just can not do it.

My problem is that I try to see people as people but my lovers have to come from the same background as me (lower middle class) otherwise I feel as if I am in some kind of competition. I can not adequately get ito the space I need to be in to provide what THEY need.

Strange yes? True nonetheless, though. I think that's my problem with interracial dating...not really the race..more the background...it just seems so hard sometimes...

Now that I think more about this topic... I have been in many interracial relationships. My dominanat relationships have been with latin, and native women. Background has not come up in my current relationship, but in thinking on it, it did come up in the past.

I cannot, in all honesty, say that I have a prference in lovers, except I like dark hair - lol - Maybe it was the way in which I grew up, but it has never 'occurred' to me that anyone living in the same country, despite their ethinic or religious background, was significantly 'different' so to speak.

However, both my Metis gf, who I was with for five years, and Spanish gf of two years used to bring up the issue all the time, particularly in fights. "Well, you aren't Native/Spanish so you can't understand ... You're white, so you can't dance as well as I can," or whatever else.

It strikes me that I never once recall saying to them, "Well, you aren't ..." (I always go for the more positive, "Well you're just a bitch" - lol - joking - sort of but you know what I mean. )

I don't recall ever saying what they were not, or using ethnicity in a way to constantly set myself apart from them. In retrospect, I do to some extent feel that they were attempting to set me/ them apart. And eventually it worked. Perhaps this is what it is - the need to be different and make others constantly aware of it? Insecurity? I am not sure, it's merely a thought, and I cannot say I understand the psychology, and for all I know, it is a completely individual need than one based on background.

Having been in a relationship for about a year and a half now, and with another latin woman who is secure and confidant ... this has never once been an issue, per say. We simply don't think about it, or maybe we are just so involved with enjoying each other's differences that the gap (so to speak) becomes a shared space of enjoyment, appreciation, pleasure, respect and adventure in learning new aspects of each other.

 

[Netzach]

My patterns of attraction don't really follow any guidelines as to race, I've been attracted to all flavors of humons for various reasons. As for having things in common, it's more likely that I'll have things in common with people whose race and ethnicity overlap mine, just as I will with people whose sexualities overlap mine.

My most serious f/f relationship was with a biracial woman. She lived with her mom at the time, and was raised by her mom, who is white and Jewish. So we had a lot of common points of reference to balance out our differences well.

 

[Xectxny19X]

I seem to date a lot of bi- or multi-racial girls...maybe b/c I am bi-racial myself and I feel they can relate w/ me more on certain issues. *curious look* Overall, I don't think I have a preference though. I'd date any girl w/ a cute personality. hmmm...LoL, I kind of sound easy. Don't comment on this.

 

[RavenousRae]

I've actually only been in an interracial relationship with a man, when I was dating a black guy in college. However, I am definitely more attracted to Asian women - why, I don't know that I can truely define but I find them very appealing. Race is certainly not a prerequisite for who I date though. When I was in an interracial relationship, I don't remember having any conflicts or issues with our racial status. I remember meeting his brother and being around their friends when I went to visit his family and feeling my first sensation of "I'm the minority" but I was never made to feel anything less than welcome, and he felt the same among my family and friends, so I guess we had a good arrangement. I could imagine having the added stigma of being in a same sex relationship and interracial that it could be difficult, especially for someone new to either.

 

[SophiaY]

I was in a relationship with a Caribbean woman from Guadalupe.
Color wasn’t the reason I fell in lust with her, nor was it the reason why she was attracted to me.
Our biggest problem had to do with differences in culture – she was way too French in her attitudes, or so I thought (sighing at the silliness of being young).

 

[DarkAurora]

Everytime I think I have some sort of preference, I always see a hot guy who comes along and breaks that preference. My preference basically is pretty boys.

 

[Hooper_X]

I have lived most of my life involved with men of opposite races but until recently have never found any woman who wasn't black, attractive in a sexual way.

I used to be your mirror opposite. When I was a kid/young adult, I went out exclusively with white girls. As an adult my tastes have gradually shifted (due to increased exposer to black women) to the point that I am primarily attracted to black women. I am still physically attracted to many white women though. I've had several homosexual encounters and I'll probably have a few more before all is said and done. However, I've never done anything like that with anyone but another black male, this despite having gone to predominantly white schools from elementary school through college and living in a predominantly white neighbourhood. To be frank, I can't even visualize having interracial guy-on-guy sex (translation: I've never jacked off thinking about a white dude).

So, where heterosexual sex and romance are concerned, my preference leans toward black, biracial or dark latina women. I still occasionally date outside of my ethnic group, but I have to sense some incredible connection in order to make the effort. As far as fooling around with guys is concerned, my preference for black men (men is really misleading here. I meant dick) is absolute.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'm white, and I've had relationships with black, hispanic, oriental, and NA people... But the biggest cultural differences I can remember were with an Italian guy!
Part of it might be that I'm an artist, and most of my relationships are with right-brainers too. That usually adds a feeling of dislocation to a personality as someone grows up, you know?
Also, I am not a blond white person, I have brown hair and eyes and very dark olive skin.

As an aside, I hung out with the hip-hop crowd during the mid-eighties, and watched a lot of interracial romances blossom. Especially the really darkskinned Black guys- too dark to be acceptable by the black women- nappy hair, etc- were meeting white girls who thought they were the hottest men! There were four or five weddings I went to. A couple of them are still going strong, too. I am godmother to one boy from one of those marriages, my darling "Q" who is one of my son's closest friends.

 

[Hooper_X]

Especially the really darkskinned Black guys- too dark to be acceptable by the black women- nappy hair

I've never heard of such a thing before. It may well be regional. I have heard black women express this sentiment however.

 

[MintSoda]

I wouldn't call it so much a racial preference for me as my "type" which is women with dark hair, tan skin, and brown eyes. Obviously I can get that from latinas, italians, greeks, middle eastern, native americans, african americans and any combination of those with anything else.

I guess I just don't really buy into the race thing; people are people.