PYL knows best?

[eastern sun]

Hey, ES, I have a question...

*And I have to say that I'm more than a bit gun-shy about asking questions of individuals in M/s relationships anymore since more than once my questions have been considered offensive or 'attacking'. So if you find that is the case, you have my apologies in advance*

Anyway, you agreed with OSG's statement earlier but you directed your husband in a play. And even if that was at his behest, you were still guiding (directing him) in that capacity. If memory serves, you talked about how you tried one style of directing that caused him to basically shut down/rebel, so you tried another style and that brought out a good performance.

So, didn't you guide him, in that instance, in order to help him achieve his goal? To help him be his best?

Again if this question is way out of line, ignore it. I'm about at my limit for being the bad guy these days.

Originally Posted by ownedsubgal -

"an effective Boss doesn't need to have the practical knowledge of every minute facet of his business in order to be successful, rather he needs to know how to make the best use of the skills and knowledge of those under him, and how to keep the whole shebang afloat and moving forward."

This is the statement that I agreed with. I have a tremendous amount of responsibility and make many day-to-day decisions in our family and relationship. My husband expects me to take care of most domestic matters, from home maintenance, including major renovations, to cooking, cleaning and childcare. He also uses me to execute his business plans. I am responsible for managing our finances, both personal and business, as well as the timetable and execution of the business plan.

He provides the overall structure in which my action takes place. He has grown to depend and rely on my actions, which serve his interests and pleasures. My intelligence, knowledge and energy are incredibly valuable assets in his life.

I have my own interests, independent of his structure. But those interests are pursued "on my own time." And are frequently interrupted by other obligations. Though my husband has always respected my professional deadlines, when they occur, because he has already encouraged me to pursue whatever work I'm engaged in and values my contributions both to the family and to the community.

We went through a short period of micro-management, and he hated it. He had no interest whatsoever in keeping track of my many responsibilities, except on the macro-level - "What's going on with . . ." or "You need to do this."

I am not a "slave" who is nothing without the direction of her guy. I am a "slave" who is totally devoted to serving my guy's interests.

 

[Recidiva]

Originally Posted by ownedsubgal -

"an effective Boss doesn't need to have the practical knowledge of every minute facet of his business in order to be successful, rather he needs to know how to make the best use of the skills and knowledge of those under him, and how to keep the whole shebang afloat and moving forward."

This is the statement that I agreed with. I have a tremendous amount of responsibility and make many day-to-day decisions in our family and relationship. My husband expects me to take care of most domestic matters, from home maintenance, including major renovations, to cooking, cleaning and childcare. He also uses me to execute his business plans. I am responsible for managing our finances, both personal and business, as well as the timetable and execution of the business plan.

He provides the overall structure in which my action takes place. He has grown to depend and rely on my actions, which serve his interests and pleasures. My intelligence, knowledge and energy are incredibly valuable assets in his life.

I have my own interests, independent of his structure. But those interests are pursued "on my own time." And are frequently interrupted by other obligations. Though my husband has always respected my professional deadlines, when they occur, because he has already encouraged me to pursue whatever work I'm engaged in and values my contributions both to the family and to the community.

We went through a short period of micro-management, and he hated it. He had no interest whatsoever in keeping track of my many responsibilities, except on the macro-level - "What's going on with . . ." or "You need to do this."

I am not a "slave" who is nothing without the direction of her guy. I am a "slave" who is totally devoted to serving my guy's interests.

This is a helpful description and it works. I'm so happy for people that find their way.

The lady that previously posted that she spoke better Spanish and served the relationship by translating. In my mind, that puts her in control in that moment. She could say whatever the hell she wanted.

But carrying that forward, she won't. That's a violation of not only the word of the agreement but the spirit of the agreement. Same as people in any relationship are free to stray off and do their own destructive thing, a relationship works as well as the people involved value the spirit of the agreement together and are able to serve both their own personal interests and the interests of the mate and the interests of the group. Having both individuals gain their personal interest points by serving the group interest is a bonus.

Oooh, I worked it out myself with lots of hints. Someone give me a cookie. Where's graceanne?

 

[eastern sun]

I thought the "obsess/meh" dynamic was in relation to what the dominant person wanted, in which case, it seems to me to still hold true?

Yes, you may be right, but it doesn't feel as clean as that in practice.

I read your statement to mean that the sub feels "meh" in all circumstances, naturally deferring to the dominant's obsessions. And that doesn't hold true in my experience.

My own obsessions are real energy binders - meaning they take up a lot of my energy and direct it in a particular way. And I can actually feel pretty "meh" about his obsessions though I'm required to act on them.

I have this studio that is totally my own space. A tremendous and generous gift from him. It allows me to follow my own impulses and creativity. But the expectation that I will jump when called to jump always takes precedence over my creative obsessions. Not everyone would agree to that condition.

On the other hand, my sexual obsessions (which don't necessarily include him) are woven into his sexual obsessions. Again, he gives me tremendous freedom to pursue my sexual obsessions as long as I am acting within his parameters.

In my opinion, submissives who genuinely feel they have no direction except that offered by their dominant are seeking a way to avoid responsibility for themselves and the state of their lives. And just to clarify my opinion further, though I have seen that attitude espoused in this forum and others, I have never read that in osg's posts. I believe that she (and I and others) have chosen "slavery" in order to be more fully ourselves, to live more deeply this state of mind and body, in a form that makes sense and offers a kind of harmonious order to what can otherwise be a very self-destructive force.

 

[Recidiva]

Yes, you may be right, but it doesn't feel as clean as that in practice.

I read your statement to mean that the sub feels "meh" in all circumstances, naturally deferring to the dominant's obsessions. And that doesn't hold true in my experience.

My own obsessions are real energy binders - meaning they take up a lot of my energy and direct it in a particular way. And I can actually feel pretty "meh" about his obsessions though I'm required to act on them.

I have this studio that is totally my own space. A tremendous and generous gift from him. It allows me to follow my own impulses and creativity. But the expectation that I will jump when called to jump always takes precedence over my creative obsessions. Not everyone would agree to that condition.

On the other hand, my sexual obsessions (which don't necessarily include him) are woven into his sexual obsessions. Again, he gives me tremendous freedom to pursue my sexual obsessions as long as I am acting within his parameters.

In my opinion, submissives who genuinely feel they have no direction except that offered by their dominant are seeking a way to avoid responsibility for themselves and the state of their lives. And just to clarify my opinion further, though I have seen that attitude espoused in this forum and others, I have never read that in osg's posts. I believe that she (and I and others) have chosen "slavery" in order to be more fully ourselves, to live more deeply this state of mind and body, in a form that makes sense and offers a kind of harmonious order to what can otherwise be a very self-destructive force.

You are pure insight awesomeness. You make for happy brain. Thank you.

 

[Stella_Omega]

In osg's case, I am sure she would have accomplished suicide by now if she had not found a reliable and concerned master. She could have ended up in the hands of someone far less caring or capable. I have, still and yet, no clue as to how much personal preference she actually harbors, let alone how much agency she actually displays, because it's difficult for me to believe that this is a real living human being and not a character in one of my amateur writing friends' BDSM romances!

But osg is a special case.