Purely Sinful: Reader Appreciation and Feedback Thread

[Rozalin_0123]

Now that the contest is over, I wanted to make a thread to say thank you to all the readers to took the time to read and vote on my first fictional tale Purely Sinful! I really wasn't expecting this much praise, especially for my first real work. The positive comments I've received is a huge departure from the comments I got when I posted my non-fictional story detailing my lifestyle. It has been a real eye-opener for me and I hope to keep writing in the future

I'd also like this thread to be used for any additional feedback you may have about the story. Did you like it? Hate it? A certain part you loved? Please feel free to express your opinions and explain WHY you feel that way.

Or if you are reading this and have yet to read Purely Sinful, you can find it here:
www.literotica.com/s/purely-sinful

In addition, I would like to respond to a lot of the comments I've already received. I felt it would be better to do it here, rather than clutter up the comments section of the story. Also there are a few comments I'd like to respond to that I received via email and are not viewable in the comments section.

"Despite some naysaying in the Halloween Contest support thread, I just wanted to let you know that I *did* read this all in one go. Took me about 4 hours, but still.
Normally I pass on succubus stories because I just seem to keep finding the cliche and boring ones, but this was great! Very thorough and involved, action keeps moving foreward. I liked that the momentum of the plot didn't stop once he discovered his wife's killer (the expected ending place), but kept right on going, further and further down the rabbit hole. Plus, I'm a sucker for angel/demon/biblical themes, so that didn't hurt, either. If this doesn't win the contest there is no justice in the world. Great work!"

To receive a comment like this from a fellow author who also entered the Halloween Contest is just awesome! He even went on to feature my story on his personal blog. I can't thank you enough for your praise.

There are a LOT of cliché succubus stories on Lit. Most dealing with the same settings (medieval times, fantasy worlds) situations (succubus is made a sex slave, succubus gradually "siphons" the main character) and characters (unsuspecting hero, succubi that are plucked right from Hentai porn). etc. I tried to create a unique mythos without trying to fall into these clichés. Yes there are some fantasy elements, but they are offset by the very real present day reality.

"This is worthy of a movie. Excellent."

"Soon to be a major motion picture! Best story I've read on this site....by far!!!!"

"Very rarely do stories catch my eye like this one. Everything about it was perfect; if Hollywood made an adult-themed major motion picture, this would be one of the first - and best. Another rare thing is that I didn't care for the sex as I did the characters. The ability to create attachment between reader and character is a rare one, and you have done it perfectly. The saddest part is that I'll never experience reading it for the first time again."

Well it was certainly would be a better movie than Twilight at least Though that isn't saying much.

Unfortunately, where the sex is very much part of the story itself, it would never happen in this day and age. Maybe in the 70-80's where tit shots and sex scenes were the norm and sexploitation flicks were popular. Hmm... maybe I could get Kevin Smith to direct it...

"See, I *told* you that you'd knock;em dead!"

Yes you did! I did not believe my story would go this far. I had no confidence in my writing ability because it was all uncharted territory for me. I didn't want to make a good story, I wanted to make a great story. I put a lot of time and effort into writing this (as did this commenter who helped me edit) and didn't want to embarrass myself.

"Much like a high quality beef steak, I took a bite, chewed for a while, cut off another piece, and savored each additional bite. The story held together well, with enough complexity to be continuously interesting without becoming so obscure that I got confused or lost interest. Well done.
On minor points, I wondered if Cole had any family, because only his wife was mentioned. He seemed solid, but without the deep connection to family or others that would allow him to be solid. Obviously the absence of connection made it easier for him to leave everything behind at the end.
I loved the way Cole's mutual love with Zafira was developed. It was gentle, and gradual, and seemed totally natural.
I wondered why Zahira gave Cole more than one drop of Incubus essence if more than one drop was dangerous.
Cole drove his car to Purgatory, and then took a portal home. Then without needing to recover his car, it was available to go to the cemetery.
The short side-story related to Penny was closed, but I felt somewhat dissatisfied with her resolution. It might have been nice had she met someone after her change in everyday dress.
Zahira shows up at Willis Tower in what seems like a wedding gown. If marriage is not possible for a demon or succubus, soul binding seems appropriate, even without officiating clergy. Cole was ready, although it was more immediate elopement than engagement. Obviously such a mixed union would create problems, so one of them needed to change. I wondered whether Zahira would be changed to something other than a demon by Cole's purity. Alternately, Zahira seemed to be grooming Cole to become an Incubus, so I could see things going that direction also.
The final arrival of Asmodeus and Zahira's revelation that she seduced him into coming into her trap caught me totally by surprise. The little girl was a risky, almost over the top fantasy escalation, but I think it worked.
Thank you for writing and sharing this wonderful piece."

I didn't elaborate on Cole's past and family history prior to his marriage because I didn't feel it was necessary. Maybe a mistake on my part, but I wanted to keep the story flowing without adding information that wasn't needed. As the story progressed, and with his deep mourning at the loss of Maria, it could be assumed that he was a loner anyway.

Zafira gave him the whole bottle because, well, she's a demon! At the time, she didn't care about his well being all that much. Besides, what would you carry a single drop in? She couldn't just put a single drop on his skin while in her lair, he would have attracted 100's of females on the way to Penny's apartment.

Penny's resolution was a bit subtle. But as they say, don't put all your eggs in one basket

I never noticed the inconsistency with Cole's car in chapter 7 . Amazing how I read over this story probably a hundred times and never caught that while someone else can read it a single time and catch it. Where were you when I was looking for a "beta-reader"?

"I have little to add to the analysis and comments by soaker. It is a tribute to the writing skill that as the story went on, the sex mattered less and the characters and plot "held me" and kept me reading. In most Literotica entries, the sex is central and the story almost incidental, but in "Purely Sinful" the sex was integral but very much in the service of a larger purpose and vision. A rewarding "read", on par with many of the best things I have found here."

This right here was the main purpose behind my writing. Nothing pisses me off more than erotica where the story takes a back seat and is nothing more than a reason to have sex or the sex is the destination. I wanted the sex in Purely Sinful to be part of the story itself, to have purpose, and always drive the story forward. There is a sex scene in every chapter and each time there is character development, exposition, or something pushing onward.

 

[Rozalin_0123]

"Simply amazing, this was a lot more than a sex story Maybe a Part 2??? PLEASE? Lol"

"This was a wonderfully balanced story. It reminds me heavily of the movies Constantine and Legion. It also reminds me of one of my all time favorite books "On a Pale Horse" by Piers Anthony. If you haven't read that Roz you should. The series Incarnations of immortality is very much like your aspects, and the eternal battle is there. I would say, don't make a sequel because this is delicious as it is."

Obviously there are some polarizing opinions about a sequel, lol. I do have ideas for a follow-up but nothing set in stone at this time. I'm curious what readers would want to see in a follow up. I will say that if I were to write one, it would be focused on new main characters. That's not to say that some familiar faces won't show up though. Any thoughts or suggestions in this regard?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Your use of PECULIAR LOOK jarred me. Peculiar refers to something only its holder posses. For example, my grand daughter is double-jointed and able to make poses almost no one can copy. Or maybe Gene Simmons' tongue. Or Marty Feldmans eyes.

 

[sr71plt]

Don't know where JBJ is picking up on the word "peculiar" in his typical noncritique, but I think I could safely say that all Zombies, as a group, would look peculiar (which is something I think they'd be striving for). And Webster's says "peculiar" can be applied to a group. It's more a perception by the one(s) perceiving than by what is being perceived anyway.

 

[Devilius]

Yo!

I was just passing by and noticed this.

Congratulations for winning the Contest.


19 Lit pages is a wee bit long right now, but I'm kinda bookmarking your story for future read. I'll let you know what I think through a comment on your story.


Cheers!

 

[Rozalin_0123]

Your use of PECULIAR LOOK jarred me. Peculiar refers to something only its holder posses. For example, my grand daughter is double-jointed and able to make poses almost no one can copy. Or maybe Gene Simmons' tongue. Or Marty Feldmans eyes.

Noted. Thank you.

Even the smallest of criticisms will help me improve my writing.

 

[sr71plt]

Even the smallest of criticisms will help me improve my writing.

Only if they actually have foundation. If you accept what any and every stranger of unknown ability says about your writing on an Internet board, your writing isn't going to improve (or even hold its own).

Actually, on this particular work, I'd suggest you get the message that you did really, really well and don't need a committee to water it down for you--and just go and write another one equally good.

 

[TxRad]

Only if they actually have foundation. If you accept what any and every stranger of unknown ability says about your writing on an Internet board, your writing isn't going to improve (or even hold its own).

Actually, on this particular work, I'd suggest you get the message that you did really, really well and don't need a committee to water it down for you--and just go and write another one equally good.

Take this to heart.

Readers screw up more good stories by asking for more and other writers have their style that is not yours.

 

[Rozalin_0123]

Take this to heart.

Readers screw up more good stories by asking for more and other writers have their style that is not yours.

So you're suggesting that I ignore feedback for suggestions on a follow-up, even if readers said, "I'd like to read more about <insert specifics here>"? That seems a bit... misguided.

I understand every author has a style, but sometimes another author's style makes sense in a certain situation. I'm still learning (obviously) but I'm not so naive that I accept everything on the internet at face value. If it makes sense to me, then I'll use it.

 

[lovecraft68]

Readers always want more.

SWB went 50 chapters spanning eighteen months and three years later I get e-mails asking if I'm going to do a sequel.

A writer should end a series where they feel it should end and that's it. If you continue because of "pressure" or a desire to please then you're going to push, it won't flow and it won't live up to the original.

There's a series running in incest now that needs a proverbial bullet in its head, but the author just keeps going because of all the "I hope this goes on forever" comments.

This once promising series has now used the same exact plot device twice in the last five chapters and there are still people saying "yeah more"

Be true to your self and your muse and don't pander to readers desire for more. They'll get over it and you move on to something you would truly want to write.

 

[Rozalin_0123]

Readers always want more.

SWB went 50 chapters spanning eighteen months and three years later I get e-mails asking if I'm going to do a sequel.

A writer should end a series where they feel it should end and that's it. If you continue because of "pressure" or a desire to please then you're going to push, it won't flow and it won't live up to the original.

There's a series running in incest now that needs a proverbial bullet in its head, but the author just keeps going because of all the "I hope this goes on forever" comments.

This once promising series has now used the same exact plot device twice in the last five chapters and there are still people saying "yeah more"

Be true to your self and your muse and don't pander to readers desire for more. They'll get over it and you move on to something you would truly want to write.

I'm not the pandering type, hence why it takes me months to write a story

As things stand, I could write a follow up focusing on different characters and I left myself enough room in the original to tie things in. But they are nothing more than ideas, and if they never evolve beyond that, I'll never write it. If the story never has a follow-up, I'd be okay with that

Btw, I've never understood authors who run things into the ground. If you have nothing new to explore, it's time to move on rather than rehash the same things.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

So you're suggesting that I ignore feedback for suggestions on a follow-up, even if readers said, "I'd like to read more about <insert specifics here>"? That seems a bit... misguided.

I understand every author has a style, but sometimes another author's style makes sense in a certain situation. I'm still learning (obviously) but I'm not so naive that I accept everything on the internet at face value. If it makes sense to me, then I'll use it.

Forty years ago when I was an apprentice I learned from every journeyman I worked with, every man contributed something to my fund of knowledge, but there are always those who ordain themselves the last word on craft mastery and resent what others offer.

I can easily imagine one or two here who'd crown themselves master criminals for all the times they've been convicted and jailed.

 

[lovecraft68]

Forty years ago when I was an apprentice I learned from every journeyman I worked with, every man contributed something to my fund of knowledge, but there are always those who ordain themselves the last word on craft mastery and resent what others offer.

I can easily imagine one or two here who'd crown themselves master criminals for all the times they've been convicted and jailed.

I think if people are willing to learn they will do what you say, kind of pick up bits and pieces of other people's styles and meld them in with their own. But its a fine line with picking something up from someone and outright striving to be them.

The best way I've heard my writing described(other than trash and the ramblings of a diseased mind) is my writing is like a comfortable pair of shoes, I write nice and easy. I won't hit you with purple prose or $10 words I just tell a story like I'm kicking back and having a conversation.

My influence for that?

Talking to myself as a kid because I had no friends.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I think if people are willing to learn they will do what you say, kind of pick up bits and pieces of other people's styles and meld them in with their own. But its a fine line with picking something up from someone and outright striving to be them.

The best way I've heard my writing described(other than trash and the ramblings of a diseased mind) is my writing is like a comfortable pair of shoes, I write nice and easy. I won't hit you with purple prose or $10 words I just tell a story like I'm kicking back and having a conversation.

My influence for that?

Talking to myself as a kid because I had no friends.

PILOTS problem is how he always shouts NO! but never offers alternatives people can try. He reminds me of Sergeant Schultz.

What I notice about your style is how smooth it flows. No navel gazing, no need to keep a dictionary close, no pretzel logic. Its not a trek thru the Grand Canyon on burro.

 

[redzinger]

I think if people are willing to learn they will do what you say, kind of pick up bits and pieces of other people's styles and meld them in with their own. But its a fine line with picking something up from someone and outright striving to be them.

The best way I've heard my writing described(other than trash and the ramblings of a diseased mind) is my writing is like a comfortable pair of shoes, I write nice and easy. I won't hit you with purple prose or $10 words I just tell a story like I'm kicking back and having a conversation.

My influence for that?

Talking to myself as a kid because I had no friends.

I don't know what my excuse is, I've been told my style is 'smooth' and 'easy to read'.

 

[Rozalin_0123]

PILOTS problem is how he always shouts NO! but never offers alternatives people can try. He reminds me of Sergeant Schultz.

I've noticed that about him With your first post I knew what you were talking about, and I agree. I could have made a better choice of words for the situation.

What I notice about your style is how smooth it flows. No navel gazing, no need to keep a dictionary close, no pretzel logic. Its not a trek thru the Grand Canyon on burro.

Not sure if you were talking about my style or LC's.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I've noticed that about him With your first post I knew what you were talking about, and I agree. I could have made a better choice of words for the situation.



Not sure if you were talking about my style or LC's.

Both.

I have a friend who uses the wrong words all the time. So I'm trained like a rat to spot such things. The errors are more interesting than what he says.

 

[lovecraft68]

Both.

I have a friend who uses the wrong words all the time. So I'm trained like a rat to spot such things. The errors are more interesting than what he says.

Like when a co worker said to me the other day. "I can't figure her out, she's a real enema."

I said, "You mean Enigma."

"No, there's no g in enema." was the response.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Like when a co worker said to me the other day. "I can't figure her out, she's a real enema."

I said, "You mean Enigma."

"No, there's no g in enema." was the response.

When did my friend start working with you? The guy talks like Archie Bunker.

 

[lovecraft68]

When did my friend start working with you? The guy talks like Archie Bunker.

This guy...I think he just tries to throw things out there to sound like he has a larger vocabulary than he does.

I think his all time best was. "Hyphenetically speaking"

 

[Rozalin_0123]

Both.

I have a friend who uses the wrong words all the time. So I'm trained like a rat to spot such things. The errors are more interesting than what he says.

Thank you for the compliment, as well as the tip

This guy...I think he just tries to throw things out there to sound like he has a larger vocabulary than he does.

I think his all time best was. "Hyphenetically speaking"

I had an employee who always said "proverbly" instead of probably. This is the same person who has asked me such thought provoking questions like, "What country is Spain in?", "What was Hilter's last name?", and lets not forget, "Where do noodles grow?".

I fear for humanity's future sometimes...

 

[lovecraft68]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIP6EwqMEoE

 

[Rozalin_0123]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIP6EwqMEoE

Exactly

 

[Rozalin_0123]

More responses to comments:

. "some of the tags selected by the author have no direct correlation with the text."

succubus – Well there's definitely one of those
reluctance – Two instances of male reluctance
demons and angels – Yup, definitely a lot of those
mind control – This is throughout the entire story
three-somes – One MFM, one FFM, and one FMF
kinky sex – Strap-ons, prostate play, whippings, use of demon specific anatomy
lesbian – One full lesbian scene and several lesbian acts throughout.
pegging – Definitely one scene of this, two if you count a tail as a peg.
bondage – Yup, two instances of this.
non-human - A succubus, angel, several incubi, and a she-devil/devilkin.

So I'm not sure where you came to that conclusion.

I must say this might actually be the best story I've ever read. Please write more. Also, proof read again as they are still some spelling mistakes and missing spaces before italicized words.

I'm sure there are some things I missed. However, weird things happened to my formatting when I went through the submission process. When I had pasted the document to the submission box, everything was a giant wall of text. I found a work around, and everything looked good and I submitted. The next day I found the story rejected, because several words had been bunched together. There was no rhyme or reason to the joined words, totally at random. After running a spellcheck again, I submitted again and it was approved. I'm assuming the errors in spacing with italicized words had something to do with whatever was causing problems during the submission process.

"More please! I loved this story from start to finish -, wonderful characters, great story line which is so much more than just a sexy jaunt and tobe honest I wasn't totally convinced that it would all end well. Now we need to see the thread that was hidden from Anariel! Lol!"

The thread was revealed in the final chapter, I just didn't "spoon feed" it to the reader. Some things I like to leave for readers to interpret on their own. Read it again, I promise its there

"Best story ever, all I need is some great artist like Manara to illustrate it "

I would LOVE to have this illustrated! If only I could find someone up to the task.

"Just finished reading your stories and wanted to congratulate you. You are a talented writer, with even greater potential. I know whereof I speak because I am a professor teaching Creative Writing, Literature, Poetry, Film, and Communications at various colleges and universities here in the St. Louis area. Whatever happens, KEEP WRITING!! Yours unti the sun goes blind and the stars grow cold (lol)."

Not bad for someone who only graduated high school and never took a specialized writing class, right? I could have had a free ride in college because of my grades as well as passing 12th grade proficiency tests in the 8th grade, but due to my home life, I got my own place immediately after graduation. I wasn't able to be a full time student with a full time job. It's all good though, I have no regrets.

"Ok, purely sinful is very well written but I can't get past page 13 it continually lists a bad gateway.
I'm hooked and don't want to abandon your story.
Corrective action?
"

You were not the only one to contact me about this. Unfortunately, this is something beyond my control. Literotica has been very buggy as of late...


One last thing; If you sent feedback to me via email (that wasn't spam) and I didn't reply to you, I'm sorry I tried to reply to everyone who took the time to send me feedback, but there was a LOT to sort through.

Thank you everyone for reading my story! Hopefully the next thing my screwed up brain comes up with will be equally entertaining

 

[cuckold01]

Succubs

Purely sinful was probably one of the erotic novels i have ever read on the 15 plus years ive been reading stories on this site, its too bad you didnt keep writing stories such as purely sinful again or if youve changed your screen name or started writing different genres, this was undoubtly the best story i have ever seen written on this literotica, much of demonology and succubus are not well known and not really written about like lilith being the first woman before eve and the mother of all demons comes from her very existence but i give this story high praise and hope you are still on this site somewhere would love to read more of your stories