Punishment

[Shaq]

Any other doms out there punish there subs?

Do you all have "rules" or a methodology to your punishment?

I'm at a very interesting stage in my life right now. I'm starting to detect a pattern and methdology to my sexual style, domination style, and approach (flirting, courting, dating, etc)

Does anyone else monitor themselves like this? Especially with regard to punishments. What are your "rules"? What do you punish for? What do you overlook?

 

[myinnerslut]

im not a dom, but im gonna take a crack at this and say: its different for each couple, you can't take what works for dom/sub A and make it work for dom/sub B

 

[FurryFury]

I'm not into the whole concept of punishment.

Fury

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Anything maladaptive must be corrected.

I prefer correction or enlightenment if you will to punishment which by the way rarely works. Reason being punishment must contain two elements to work which are usually not present. It must follow the behavior immediately and it must be consistent. So there is no hope of correcting an errant subbie by waiting until you get home from work and beating the hell out of her or him for some conceived infraction of the "rules."

Correction on the other hand can be manipulated to fit the need and schedule y using one's imagination and doesn't have to be a beating at all.

d

 

[Shaq]

im not a dom, but im gonna take a crack at this and say: its different for each couple, you can't take what works for dom/sub A and make it work for dom/sub B

Oh, I wasn't soliciting advice on how to punish.

I just wanted to know others styles.

Like what does work for Dom/sub A and why?


Why does the dom choose that instead of some other means?

 

[Shaq]

I'm not into the whole concept of punishment.

Fury

Why not?


My own perspective, it is a deterrent to future behavior and it causes me to feel better about whatever injustice was done.

My punishments are also unique in that they are instructional. I was so proud of a punishment I came up with recently. My precious insinuated that she did not want me to accompany her on an expedition because I expressed boredom at the idea.

"If you're not going to be interested then you shouldn't come at all."

I agreed and she saw the error of her ways when she realized that I was merely expressing an honest opinion and she really would not have preferred my absence.

I explained that by saying things like that, she tells me that she does not want me there and I do not go where I am not valued. She pleaded for forgiveness, and though I am clement, she had to be taught.

So I told her that her comment made me feel unwanted so she would have to prove she wanted me. She had to go to the destination alone, and if upon arriving there she decided that she preferred me there she would come back, beg me to go with her and then we would go together.

She complained that it would mean a waste of time and gas and I explained no, it would show how much she wanted it.

By doing this she would miss a good portion of the show but she had a choice to make. Accept this punishment, or see the show alone and with my displeasure.



I thought the punishment was fitting.

 

[Shaq]

Anything maladaptive must be corrected.

I prefer correction or enlightenment if you will to punishment which by the way rarely works. Reason being punishment must contain two elements to work which are usually not present. It must follow the behavior immediately and it must be consistent. So there is no hope of correcting an errant subbie by waiting until you get home from work and beating the hell out of her or him for some conceived infraction of the "rules."

Correction on the other hand can be manipulated to fit the need and schedule y using one's imagination and doesn't have to be a beating at all.

d

Do you know what my problem with beating is?

Subs LIKE it to much. It has to much pleasure. Beating I prefer for minor infractions because they show my affection and displeasure. But for my strongest displeasure, something like a beating isn't sufficient.

It doesn't teach, fix, or sting.

To say that punishment doesn't work, in my own opinion is not entirely accurate. I think of punishment as negative stimulus.

In the same way that if a rat gets shocked repeatedly it will cease the behavior that gets it shocked, my punishments are intended to shock and sting.

To me, my punishments work because they accomplish what is intended.

 

[liberatedslave]

My Sir often uses tickling as punishment rather than spanking, which i usually enjoy. I'm ridiculously ticklish and he's mean enough to ensure that it's a punishment in the true sense of the word. More often than not all it takes with me is a stern look and a verbal reminder of Sir's authority. I avoid being sammy as it's unproductive and damages our dynamic. In return, Sir will only dish out a deeply unpleasant punishment for a genuinely serious transgression.

 

[Netzach]

Not my thing, really.

I don't have time to modify mindset heavily and behavior heavily. It's there or it's not. If it's not I move on or decide other interesting things outweigh the fact that this person is not suited to being considered my property and we can get it on in a slightly more egalitarian mindset.

The only time I can recall my displeasure with H, my slave, was something he said that brought out the one-upsmanship in me. I let him play with another Domme. He got high and stupid and instead of thanking me he said "wow she hits harder than you do."

I bitchslapped him in public right there. It's the only time I've done that without a smile on my face with him.

I don't punish my husband, who generally defers to what I like because that's his temprement, and enjoys a beating because that's his wiring. He's not property in the sense that H is, and therefore conflict is dealt with mainly via compromise and discussion as rational adults. With H, I express a wish, it happens, I don't manage the details much. Ostensibly he's there because he wants to do what I say.

Your handling of your example is pretty elegant, though, as examples of punishment go. Usually in situations like that I handle it with a statement like "do you really mean to tell me that in the manner you just did?" It seems to keep things on track.

Why don't I do punishment or time out or related things? Simple. It's infantilizing. If I wanted babies I'd have had them by now.

 

[Kailey_86]

i have been punished with spankings but what Shaq said is true, i like it too much. For a while i found myself TRYING to get punished by being a smartass. This wasn't sitting well with me in the end because i didn't like the emotional pain of having disappointed him. i talked to him about this so now we are doing something different. i will ask for a spanking if i want one. Punishments are no longer so physical. i haven't been punished since this talk so i don't know what sort of punishments he has in mind but they don't sound pleasant.

i am often his puppy and i am having trouble barking for him. He said he will punish me if i don't bark this weekend. He asked me what i would suggest as a punishment. i said that he could gag me or forbid me to speak for an extended amount of time or until i bark. The lesson: if i can't speak like a dog, i can't speak at all. i like to talk so this punishment wouldn't be fun.

Punishments that teach a lesson are definately the best kind of punishment. i don't think that punishment is always necessary though. Just the threat of punishment is sometimes enough to get me back on track.

 

[ownedsubgal]

my Master is a firm believer in punishment. i am punished probably more than the average slave, not because i am so "bad", but because he doesn't believe in letting ANYthing slide. which i appreciate, because it shows how much he cares. i am not disobedient, tho i can imagine if i were the punishment would be severe and longlasting, probably extreme isolation of some sort.

most of my punishments have been for mistakes and mis-managements, like accidentally burning dinner or being late when we were preparing to go out. and tho it's thankfully very rare, i've also been punished for improper behavior, like the time we were engaged in a casual conversation and i got a little TOO casual and responded to something he said with "duhh." yeah, that was pretty stupid.

punishments in this house are usually physical, although other things may or may not be included. the idea that subs like a beating too much? guess no one gave me that memo, because i'm absolutely terrified of beatings and only welcome them as closure to a punishment. the last time i was late getting ready, he comes in the house straight from work, walks in the bathroom, throws back the shower curtain. until that second i had had no idea he was home, that's how quiet he was. He didn't say a word, just started raining blows on my arms, thighs, stomach, chest. got his suit half soaked in the process, but i don't think he even noticed. after a few minutes he stopped, told me to get myself together (which basically means buck up, dry the tears, let's move on), get dressed then come to him. i was crumpled up in a ball in the corner of the shower, trying not to vomit and trying to stop crying. but i got myself together. got dressed. went to him. apologized. and he asked me, as he asks after every beating, "do you still love your Daddy?" and as proof that i do, i have to hug him close, all tight and snuggly. that's when the slate is wiped clean. haven't been late since.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I bitchslapped him in public right there.

Careful, the pc police will take you to court for abuse.

Why don't I do punishment or time out or related things? Simple. It's infantilizing. If I wanted babies I'd have had them by now.

You're straying into pc territory again darlin'. i'll buy time out for the price of a vowel on this wheel of fortune.

 

[myinnerslut]

Sir's favorite way to punish me is just not to allow me to cum. I am only allowed to 7 times a week max (this is a new development) and he will either decrease that number based on the infraction, or forbid me from cumming for a ertain number of days, sometimes weeks.

 

[JupitersGirl]

Sir's favorite way to punish me is just not to allow me to cum. I am only allowed to 7 times a week max (this is a new development) and he will either decrease that number based on the infraction, or forbid me from cumming for a ertain number of days, sometimes weeks.

omg, i'd die.

 

[myinnerslut]

omg, i'd die.

i know, i feel that way too

right now im still struggling with tthe concept that the seven/week doesnt change if we are apart, on the phone together, on camera, or in person

 

[ownedsubgal]

Sir's favorite way to punish me is just not to allow me to cum. I am only allowed to 7 times a week max (this is a new development) and he will either decrease that number based on the infraction, or forbid me from cumming for a ertain number of days, sometimes weeks.

7 times a week?!!?!? i haven't even had 7 orgasms in the last 7 years...*shrug*. interesting tho how our individual buttons vary.

 

[myinnerslut]

7 times a week?!!?!? i haven't even had 7 orgasms in the last 7 years...*shrug*. interesting tho how our individual buttons vary.

definitly.. for me, seven a week is a big restriction as i am very responsive, multi-orgasmic, and hypersexual (bipolar disorder is the leading cause of hypersexuality in women ages 18-30)

 

[Cheshire D]

I think The Look (you know, that one) is enough, because usually I know exactly what it is that I've done wrong...usually it involves me taking my teasing or brattiness too far. Sometimes I'll get the "I'm disappointed" sort of phrase, and I just about want to die by that point. He'll threaten me with "beatings I won't like" but he's never followed through. I'm a painslut, but I don't think I'd like pain with the intent to punish behind it.

Whatever the punishment, I'll apologize, forgiveness is given and the incident forgotten. (Okay, by him. I sort of beat myself up for a while most of the time.) It's odd, I get very physically needy, like I need to be touched. I'm sure it drives him nuts, but I can't seem to help myself. Anyone else like this?

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[catalina_francisco]

i have been punished with spankings but what Shaq said is true, i like it too much. For a while i found myself TRYING to get punished by being a smartass.

Actually I don't agree with either of you. For one thing, if you act as a smartass to get punished, and then at some point begin to get the emotional disappointment at having done something wrong, it is more a problem of not really getting what it is all about or really caring about the feelings of your PYL...and I suspect the disappointment only came once things weren't working your way any longer, not because the light got switched on sudddenly. As to it not hurting because you like pain, I know it gets bantered around a lot that this is the case, but take it from one who tends to get made to bleed most times we have even light painplay (I'm sitting on healing scabs at this moment from a fun and light session for us), there are levels pain can be taken to where it is no longer pleasureable in any way and the message definately hits home fast. With or without the added mental attitude, the right Dominant can easily take their masochistic sub beyond pleasure in the interests of punishment if they know how and what they are doing.

Catalina

 

[Byakuya]

all couples punish each other to some extent, although they might not realize it.. for example, many people in relationships withhold love from their partner after a fight.. this is a form of punishment even though it's not spelled out as such.. these kinds of punishments are never fun..

however, a playful punishment sounds like it could be a lot of fun! I've toyed with the idea of going out on a date with my wife and giving her the power to punish me at will.. for example, attach one of those remote control shock collars to my balls and my wife would have the remote.. any time I neglected to treat her like a princess (neglecting to open the door for her, failing to keep her entertained with interesting conversation, etc) she could punish me by administering electric shocks.. I'd consider trying this sometime, although I don't know for certain how badly it would actually hurt..

 

[BiBunny]

B. prefers correction to "punishment" with me. I am the same way when I play with subs. I guess we're both sort of like Netz in that respect. If you try to do something I ask, and you screw up, the most I'm going to do is make you fix it. If you don't want to fix it (or you don't even try in the first place), go find someone who has time to play games. 'Cause I don't. He is the same way. I think the most "punishment" I've ever gotten from him was being slapped for being a smartass. (That happens pretty often, LOL.)

 

[FurryFury]

Why not?


My own perspective, it is a deterrent to future behavior and it causes me to feel better about whatever injustice was done.

My punishments are also unique in that they are instructional. I was so proud of a punishment I came up with recently. My precious insinuated that she did not want me to accompany her on an expedition because I expressed boredom at the idea.

"If you're not going to be interested then you shouldn't come at all."

I agreed and she saw the error of her ways when she realized that I was merely expressing an honest opinion and she really would not have preferred my absence.

I explained that by saying things like that, she tells me that she does not want me there and I do not go where I am not valued. She pleaded for forgiveness, and though I am clement, she had to be taught.

So I told her that her comment made me feel unwanted so she would have to prove she wanted me. She had to go to the destination alone, and if upon arriving there she decided that she preferred me there she would come back, beg me to go with her and then we would go together.

She complained that it would mean a waste of time and gas and I explained no, it would show how much she wanted it.

By doing this she would miss a good portion of the show but she had a choice to make. Accept this punishment, or see the show alone and with my displeasure.



I thought the punishment was fitting.

Taking into account your example above, here are my thoughts on similar situations in MY life.

I absolutely hate it when my husband says he is doing something "just for me or the kids." I have much the same attitude as your sub. Then for God's sake don't do it. We can manage just fine by ourselves. I hate having resentful people around me. The only thing that saves him in these cases is that when he goes he tends to have more fun than any of us. Still dealing with curmudgeon ways just sucks.

My ex always had to be dragged out and then mostly didn't enjoy or participate so this is a HUGE red button for me.

OTOH, I do recognize that I personally do much for my husband and kids that I don't particularly want to do. For the most part I do it with a good frame of mind because I love them. Since that is true of me, it should be easy for me to deal with it being true of him, yet it is not.

We are not the same person at all. I've been shown this again and again. If something is true for me, that does NOT make it true for him. Moreover, I never want him to feel he "has" to do anything for me that he truly doesn't want to. I hate, hate, hate, dragging people places they do not want to go. I despise hurting people at all.

I think feeling as though the other person probably shouldn't if they say something like "I'm only doing this for you," is pretty human for most well brought up females of a certain generation. In other words, it's to be expected. I would therefore not punish it but that is just me.

Now, on to punishment. I hate punishment. I don't like to receive it or to dish it out. This is mostly because in my mind punishment is about being punitive. I prefer consequences (mostly natural ones), the withdrawal of certain privileges (whatever will motivate and make the person truly think), space (to cool down but NOT abandonment) and yes, education.

If we are talking about punishment as in "play punishment" then I don't much care. I don't play that game but whatever.

If we are talking about treating someone like a child or lesser being then that's not cool in my book.

When we talk about learning though that can be very good and therefore is not perceived by me as a punishment at all.

Throughout my life punishments have pissed me off, made me be much more sneaky and made me rebellious. Of course most of those punishments were done by people to whom I had NOT agreed to give up my power. Because of this I find punishing to be virtually useless.

If you want to hit someone and they are into it, fine. Hitting for punishment doesn't work for me.

If you want some space to reign in your anger or to let the other person do the same for their own before you try to communicate that is smart but abandonment is not okay, ever for me.

Lessons are almost always a wonderful experience for me as long as they are not punitive.

Communication first and then if it makes sense, consequences that teach a lesson work best for me and mine.

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the subject. Others may find they enjoy dealing out punishment or getting it. Others may find they have different definitions.

Fury

 

[the captians wench]

I enjoy pain.

I hate punishment.

I'm not really punished too often. maybe 4 times in the 17 months we've been together. But punishments usually include being beaten to tears. Now I love being tortured to tears, I find it very cleansing, but I don't enjoy it when i'm being punished. It takes on a whole different tone.

On occation I'll ask to be brought to tears. This happens more so when i'm very stressed at work. It's always a lot of fun, and some what light hearted.

Now when i'm punished things are very strict. The way I talk, the way i move, the way I act, all of these things are kept with in what he expects, no slacking allowd.

For me there is deffinitly a distinction between "we're having fun" spanking and "you fucked up slut" spanking.

There's also a difference in how he reacts to me. I know he enjoys watching me in pain. When it's play, he'll tell me often how much he's enjoying it, and how well I'm doing and such. If it's punishment he won't say much of anything other than commands and directions until the end, then he will say something to make me feel as if things are done, and he'll then admit he enjoyed watching me suffer.

 

[FurryFury]

CW,

I think I know what you mean.

Just knowing that someone is mad or hurt by a mistake I made is punishment in itself. It depresses the hell out of me to let someone down in any way.

Fury