Punctuation Question

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

I have a tricky bit of punctuation I'm wrestling with. It occurs within a character's dialogue, so I want the words to flow conversationally and naturally. The character (not the narrator) is recounting a story and is uncertain about exactly when something occurred, so she's trying to state a range between and hour and an hour-and-a-half.

Here's the quote...

"...the plane takes off, and we're like an hour/hour-and-a-half into the flight..."​

The slash is the best punctuation I've come up with, but I still don't like it.

I believe the proper punctuation would be an en-dash, which is used to show a range. But I think "an hour–hour-and-a-half" looks like a typo with all of the hyphens.

An em-dash is too much "an hour—hour-and-a-half" and I tend to overuse those anyway.

I could add words "an hour to an hour-an-a-half" but I feel like that's too formal and I'm losing the informal, gossipy tone of the conversation.

Does anybody have any better ideas?

 

[KeithD]

. . . like an hour or an hour-and-a half . . .

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

I could add words "an hour to an hour-an-a-half" but I feel like that's too formal and I'm losing the informal, gossipy tone of the conversation.

I actually really like this one best from the options you've given so far. If you don't want to use it because of tone, maybe just a simple comma could work?
"...the plane takes off, and we're like an hour, (an) hour-and-a-half into the flight..."

Not sure if I like that one though. Another option is just to rephrase it, for example:
"...the plane takes off, and we're a bit more than an hour into the flight..."

 

[Voboy]

I’d use a comma in place of the slash.

 

[SimonDoom]

I think your analysis is right. Adding the dash would be correct but would look funny with all the hyphens.

My suggest: Insert "or" or "to" instead.

Re whether it's too formal, I don't think so. I think writers in general worry too much about wanting to mimic the casualness of speech in dialogue, and sometimes it's better just to "formal it up" a bit. Readers won't care and they won't stall or stumble over the odd punctuation in the alternatives.

 

[KeithD]

"...the plane takes off, and we're like an hour, (an) hour-and-a-half into the flight..."

I'm not sure why the "an" is in parentheses. It shouldn't be. But, if you go with this version, there would need to be a comma after "hour-and-a-half" too.

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

I'm not sure why the "an" is in parentheses. It shouldn't be. But, if you go with this version, there would need to be a comma after "hour-and-a-half" too.

It was to show it was optional, although looking at it again I'm pretty sure it's required in this construction. And agreed, there would need to be an additional comma as well.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

"...we're maybe 60 to 90 minutes into the flight..." ?

Just strikes me as simpler.

 

[JPGmvny]

I’d use a comma in place of the slash.

This. It's a verbal pause. How people speak. I use en-dashes a lot, but would not for this.

My Stories

 

[KeithD]

"...we're maybe 60 to 90 minutes into the flight..." ?

Just strikes me as simpler.

Numbers of this nature (the rules are a bit complex on this) should be written out in prose. Simpler, but incorrect.

 

[jsmiam]

This. It's a verbal pause. How people speak. I use en-dashes a lot, but would not for this.

My Stories

For a casual conversational tone, I like the comma best too.

 

[KeithD]

This. It's a verbal pause. How people speak. I use en-dashes a lot, but would not for this.

My Stories

Technically, though, it doesn't mean something between an hour and an hour-and-a-half. It means one of the two, either an hour or an hour-and-a-half, nothing in between. So, depending on what the author means . . .

 

[WoolyWorm]

I think commas are most appropriate here rather than an en dash or slash, because your speaker is listing two possible alternatives for the amount of time that has elapsed rather than stating a range.

In other words, your character is saying:

"...an hour, (maybe) an hour-and-a-half, into the flight..."

not:

"...an hour to an hour-and-a-half into the flight..."

However, if your character were saying it the second way (as a range of time), then you could use an en dash in place of "to an." It might look awkward, but it would be correct, whereas a slash would definitely not be correct.

 

[KeithD]

I think commas are most appropriate here rather than an en dash or slash, because your speaker is listing two possible alternatives for the amount of time that has elapsed rather than stating a range.

In other words, your character is saying:

"...an hour, (maybe) an hour-and-a-half, into the flight..."

not:

"...an hour to an hour-and-a-half into the flight..."

However, if your character were saying it the second way (as a range of time), then you could use an en dash in place of "to an." It might look awkward, but it would be correct, whereas a slash would definitely not be correct.

Right on cue. Technically, the reader is being told one or the other by this construction, not the range between them, and that's how the quoted post has taken it. Is that really what the OP means? If not, there's the problem with that construction, shown by the interpretation of an actual reader.

 

[jaF0]

"...an hour, maybe an hour-and-a-half, into the flight..."

That would be mine.

As to construction or rules, this is a fiction story site, not a Doctoral Thesis for an English major.

 

[ThisNameIsntTakenYet]

As to construction or rules, this is a fiction story site, not a Doctoral Thesis for an English major.

True, but that's no excuse not to use proper punctuation and grammar. Of course grammar rules would come up if you ask a question about punctuation.

 

[KeithD]

As to construction or rules, this is a fiction story site, not a Doctoral Thesis for an English major.

With what is important being that the reader understand what the author meant, and the finger has, in the variation you say you prefer, been put squarely on that question--does the OP mean a range or two distinct points? It's not a rules issue except where the choice made matters in the interpretation the author meant, which is why "rules" exist.

 

[jaF0]

-does the OP mean a range or two distinct points? It's not a rules issue except where the choice made matters in the interpretation the author meant, which is why "rules" exist.

The story teller is using a non-specfiic time reference to illustrate a general passage of time.

 

[KeithD]

The story teller is using a non-specfiic time reference to illustrate a general passage of time.

You don't know that. Only the author knows what was intended. We'll see what the OP says on what the intent was.

 

[yukonnights]

Here's the quote...

"...the plane takes off, and we're like an hour/hour-and-a-half into the flight..."

I could see verbalizing this as above, but I would write this as;

"... the plane takes off, and we're like maybe an hour or hour and a half into the flight..."

 

[SimonDoom]

The consensus seems to be to ditch the slash. Nobody seems to like the use of a dash, either.

I vote for:

KeithD: "hour or an hour and a half"

WoolyWorm: "an hour, maybe an hour and a half"


I don't like "an hour, an hour and a half." While I can imagine someone saying it this way, it looks odd and it might read confusingly, because it's not quite a grammatically suitable way to use a comma. One of the above two options says about the same thing, in about the same casual way, without any visual or grammatical weirdness.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I'm on Team Comma.

 

[jaF0]

' ... an hour or a little more ...'

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

Thank you all SO much for all of the great advice and suggestions. It feels wierd that this tiny bit of the story is getting so much attention and consideration from so many people.

The sentence really has very little to do with the story, but it opens an anecdote that plants a seed in the narrator's mind that bears fruit later. The construction feels like a tripping point to me - like some place a reader might think "oops, typo" or "wait, how long?" I really want the anecdote to flow without distraction.

I'm probably overthinking it.

But you all have given me great ideas that hadn't even occured to me. I'm going to roll each of them around and play with them for a bit, and see what works best. I know the slash is history. I'm embarrassed it's what I landed on.

If there are any other ideas, please, keep them coming.

And thank you all again.

 

[Hypoxia]

I'm probably overthinking it.

It's a big part of the learning process. Learn when to stop thinking and just GO! But listen to the demon and angel whispering on each shoulder.