Published Again

[R. Richard]

My latest novel, Second Chance: King of Zaya, is now up in Club Lighthouse. Check it out.

 

[neonlyte]

My latest novel, Second Chance: King of Zaya, is now up in Club Lighthouse. Check it out.

I do hope it is better than this extract from one of your featured novels:

"I then ride my bike into the parking lot of 'The Rider.' 'The Rider' is a biker bar in Zikon, a suburb just south of Clenton. As is the custom, the good parking spots are reserved for local club members. I park and lock the Berrelli in a well-lighted spot a way out from the bar. I am not too worried about someone trying to steal my bike. Bikers do not, in general, have a lot of faith in the legal system of our culture. However, many bikers normally go heavily armed. Also, if a guy is caught stealing a bike, it is not regarded as a capital crime. No, a capital crime might get a guy executed after a legal trial and appeals to higher courts. If bikers catch a guy stealing a bike, they do not waste time on a trial and that sort of thing. What they do is form a sort of lynch mob.

I walk over to the front door of 'The Rider' and enter cautiously. Biker bars tend to be a bit disorderly; frequently more than just a bit. 'The Rider' is no exception. There are the usual run of biker bums drinking or playing cards or shooting pool or whatever. There are also riders or riders and girls at tables. There is the usual biker chat going on, which chat continues as they check out the new guy. Bikers always do a wimp check on each new male rider. As usual, I pass the wimp check without the need for physical verification."

Honestly, RR, I really do wonder where you are coming from

PS: Do yourself a favour and stick one of your stories up on SDC, get feedback that will help you improve, as a writer.

 

[R. Richard]

Honestly, RR, I really do wonder where you are coming from

I am truly devastated by your summary rejection of my work. Perhaps you would favor me with analysis of why you don't like my work, instead of just rejection. TIA.

 

[neonlyte]

I am truly devastated by your summary rejection of my work. Perhaps you would favor me with analysis of why you don't like my work, instead of just rejection. TIA.

RR - I read one of your stories when you asked for votes, possibly a couple of years ago. It was in a non-Lit competition.

Seriously, put a story up on Story Discussion Circle and ask for critiques to ensure you are not only receiving my possibly slanted critique. If you have true aspirations to write quality work, you need all the input you can get. You don't need to take any of it on board unless you feel the critique has merit. I've never given unfair critique, but I do feel you are failing to do justice to yourself in the example I quoted.

If I were writing it, I would write it like this:

"I rode my Berrelli to Rider's, a biker bar in Zikon, just outside of Clenton, parking in the well-lit club members slots outside the bar. No one would dare steal a bike outside Riders, but I lock it all the same, it's new, my prized possession, and I was not about to give some local punk the opportunity to make his name. Not that they would have succeeded, bikers enforced their own law, they didn't need the constrictions of a judicial system to obtain justice; we didn't carry hand-guns for nothing.

Rider, like most biker bars , had a tendency for the disorderly. The usual bums were drinking, playing cards, or shooting pool, more than a dozen tables were occupied by heavily set, leathered bikers and their chicks. I imagined a moments silence accompanied my entrance, but that might have just been wishful thinking, but eyes definitely strayed in my direction, sizing me up, measuring the potential... and the threat. I passed the 'wimp test', never imagining for one moment that I might fail."

Ok, to my reading, this restructuring, without changing any of your content, poses more of a threat and gives 'your biker' more options over what comes next. I don't have the advantage of knowing the rest of the story, but from my point of view, your narrative is a sequence of events rather than a device to build an atmosphere for the character.

It is just my opinion, post to SDC and ask for the opinion of others. Good Luck.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

NEOLITE

NO bodys opinion means shit except for the editor who buys your story. This is RULE #1 of writing.

Richard got a check and your opinion means squat.

 

[neonlyte]

NEOLITE

NO bodys opinion means shit except for the editor who buys your story. This is RULE #1 of writing.

Richard got a check and your opinion means squat.

You know, you really are a piece of work, JBJ.

I cannot recall one single piece of constructive commentary from you in the eighteen months you've been posting. I cannot begin to imagine your life, I wish I could, it would make for a dark and deep story of un-fulfilment. Good luck with your future postings, try to get a grip on life... but I'm afraid I don't have the energy, nor the desire, and certainly not the need, to continue to suffer your bigotry.

Club Lighthouse is a 'clearing house' for e-publishing owned by another Lit member offering 35-40% commission for works sold through its website. It offers NO editorial control or service, in other words, even you, JBJ, could post a story to Club Lighthouse in the hope of receiving a royalty payment. Its Author Contracts are at variance with its Author Submission Guidelines and the site has a 'ranking' 5.5million down the list of visited websites, during the last three months, the site managed to attract 0.00001% of web traffic. If the site is to succeed, the quality of its offerings to the public need to be substantially improved.

I'd like to see Club Lighthouse succeed, just as I'd like to see RR succeed in his endevours. My opinion, for what it is worth, is only directed to improve the quality of what I would wish to see offered to the public as a commodity.

As for you, JBJ, you go back on ignore, I'm sorry, but I don't have the time to suffer fools gladly.

 

[R. Richard]

Club Lighthouse is a 'clearing house' for e-publishing owned by another Lit member offering 35-40% commission for works sold through its website. It offers NO editorial control or service, in other words, even you, JBJ, could post a story to Club Lighthouse in the hope of receiving a royalty payment. Its Author Contracts are at variance with its Author Submission Guidelines and the site has a 'ranking' 5.5million down the list of visited websites, during the last three months, the site managed to attract 0.00001% of web traffic. If the site is to succeed, the quality of its offerings to the public need to be substantially improved.

I'd like to see Club Lighthouse succeed, just as I'd like to see RR succeed in his endevours. My opinion, for what it is worth, is only directed to improve the quality of what I would wish to see offered to the public as a commodity.

Club Lighthouse Publications (CLP) is currently pretty much Terrie Balmer. Terrie does, despite your statement, exercise editorial control. Terrie also reviews at least every one of my novels. Not only does Terrie review my novels, at least one other CLP editor has reviewed my novels.

My novels are not only published in CLP, they're also published in Fictionwise. Not too long ago I was the second highest rated recent Fictionwise author [sic transit gloria.]

Your opinion, as expressed to me, is that at least one of my works doesn't meet your standard of quality. You didn't tell me why, just that you didn't approve of what I wrote. If that's supposed to improve the quality of what I write, one of us is insane and I'm not the one.

By the way, what I wrote is copyrighted [ISBN number and all.] There are rules prohibiting the unauthorized use of copyrighted material. You are NOT authorized.

 

[neonlyte]

Club Lighthouse Publications (CLP) is currently pretty much Terrie Balmer. Terrie does, despite your statement, exercise editorial control. Terrie also reviews at least every one of my novels. Not only does Terrie review my novels, at least one other CLP editor has reviewed my novels.

My novels are not only published in CLP, they're also published in Fictionwise. Not too long ago I was the second highest rated recent Fictionwise author [sic transit gloria.]

Your opinion, as expressed to me, is that at least one of my works doesn't meet your standard of quality. You didn't tell me why, just that you didn't approve of what I wrote. If that's supposed to improve the quality of what I write, one of us is insane and I'm not the one.

By the way, what I wrote is copyrighted [ISBN number and all.] There are rules prohibiting the unauthorized use of copyrighted material. You are NOT authorized.

Fuck you, RR. I was trying to help. So sue me. I'll quote it again just so's there's no mistake that I'm breaching your fucking copyright. Garbage In-Garbage Out - I remember you once claiming to be a programmer, or was that JBJ?:

"I then ride my bike into the parking lot of 'The Rider.' 'The Rider' is a biker bar in Zikon, a suburb just south of Clenton. As is the custom, the good parking spots are reserved for local club members. I park and lock the Berrelli in a well-lighted spot a way out from the bar. I am not too worried about someone trying to steal my bike. Bikers do not, in general, have a lot of faith in the legal system of our culture. However, many bikers normally go heavily armed. Also, if a guy is caught stealing a bike, it is not regarded as a capital crime. No, a capital crime might get a guy executed after a legal trial and appeals to higher courts. If bikers catch a guy stealing a bike, they do not waste time on a trial and that sort of thing. What they do is form a sort of lynch mob.

I walk over to the front door of 'The Rider' and enter cautiously. Biker bars tend to be a bit disorderly; frequently more than just a bit. 'The Rider' is no exception. There are the usual run of biker bums drinking or playing cards or shooting pool or whatever. There are also riders or riders and girls at tables. There is the usual biker chat going on, which chat continues as they check out the new guy. Bikers always do a wimp check on each new male rider. As usual, I pass the wimp check without the need for physical verification."

Anyone else want to risk the threat of copyright infringement by commenting on the above passage from the illustrious author R. Richard?

By the way, how much did you pay for your ISBN number? Did they give it for free or did they charge you a fee? Just curious.

 

[R. Richard]

RR - I read one of your stories when you asked for votes, possibly a couple of years ago. It was in a non-Lit competition.

Seriously, put a story up on Story Discussion Circle and ask for critiques to ensure you are not only receiving my possibly slanted critique. If you have true aspirations to write quality work, you need all the input you can get. You don't need to take any of it on board unless you feel the critique has merit. I've never given unfair critique, but I do feel you are failing to do justice to yourself in the example I quoted.

If I were writing it, I would write it like this:

"I rode my Berrelli to Rider's, a biker bar in Zikon, just outside of Clenton, parking in the well-lit club members slots outside the bar. No one would dare steal a bike outside Riders, but I lock it all the same, it's new, my prized possession, and I was not about to give some local punk the opportunity to make his name. Not that they would have succeeded, bikers enforced their own law, they didn't need the constrictions of a judicial system to obtain justice; we didn't carry hand-guns for nothing.

Rider, like most biker bars , had a tendency for the disorderly. The usual bums were drinking, playing cards, or shooting pool, more than a dozen tables were occupied by heavily set, leathered bikers and their chicks. I imagined a moments silence accompanied my entrance, but that might have just been wishful thinking, but eyes definitely strayed in my direction, sizing me up, measuring the potential... and the threat. I passed the 'wimp test', never imagining for one moment that I might fail."

Ok, to my reading, this restructuring, without changing any of your content, poses more of a threat and gives 'your biker' more options over what comes next. I don't have the advantage of knowing the rest of the story, but from my point of view, your narrative is a sequence of events rather than a device to build an atmosphere for the character.

It is just my opinion, post to SDC and ask for the opinion of others. Good Luck.

"I rode my Berrelli to Rider's, a biker bar in Zikon, just outside of Clenton,
The name of the bar was stated as The Rider, not ' Rider's Riders or Rider, all of which you used in the space of two short paragraphs.
parking in the well-lit club members slots outside the bar. No one would dare
Who was 'parking'? My character didn't park in the well-lit club members slots outside the bar, as was stated in my story.
steal a bike outside Riders, but I lock it all the same, it's new, my prized possession, and I was not about to give some local punk the opportunity to
'I lock it' and 'I was not about to' shows an awkward shift of tense.
make his name. Not that they would have succeeded, bikers enforced their
'bikers enforced' but they no longer do?
own law, they didn't need the constrictions of a judicial system to obtain justice; we didn't carry hand-guns for nothing.

Rider, like most biker bars , had a tendency for the disorderly. The usual bums were drinking, playing cards, or shooting pool, more than a dozen tables were occupied by heavily set, leathered bikers and their chicks. I imagined a
'heavily set, leathered' is an unusual construction and not one that I would use, nor one that Terrie would pass.
moments silence accompanied my entrance, but that might have just been wishful thinking, but eyes definitely strayed in my direction, sizing me up, measuring the potential... and the threat. I passed the 'wimp test', never imagining for one moment that I might fail."

You have obviously never been in a biker bar. Don't try.

A 'wimp check' is conducted visually. A 'wimp test' is condicted manually.

 

[neonlyte]

Club Lighthouse Publications (CLP) is currently pretty much Terrie Balmer. Terrie does, despite your statement, exercise editorial control. Terrie also reviews at least every one of my novels. Not only does Terrie review my novels, at least one other CLP editor has reviewed my novels.

We will have to take your word for that, buddy, since CLP is listed through a holding company:

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That is beside the point.

The objectivity of my comments are that your writing sucks:
With that, Wanda tugs at me and then leads me into her bedroom.
We sit on a big bed. Wanda looks at me and asks, “How much do you
know about girls?”
I say, “My parents died when I was 10-years-old. I have lived
with my aunt and uncle since then. My aunt and uncle grudgingly let
me live with them for the Social Security money. I‘ve never had a
spare dime since I was 10-years-old. I’ve never even dated a girl. I
know absolutely nothing.”
Wanda buries her face in her hands. Then she looks up and says,
with a wan smile, “At least you won't have any bad habits to
overcome!”
From "The Secret Life of Wanda"

Sue me again for breaching copyright, RR. I'm waaayy past caring.
We sit on a big bed. Wat da Fuck.

Let's try another one:
This is from R. Richards 'Amateur Stripper'
When we first meet, I see that Phyllis has a pretty face. However, she also has a sort of stick figure girl shape and I’m heavy into tits at that time. Since Phyllis doesn’t have it up front then, I’m not really interested in her as a girl.

What I don’t see, or at least don’t realize at the time, is the Phyllis beyond the pretty but painfully thin girl.

Phyllis and I each come from poor families.

My family is just plain white trash on the way to hell. Not knowing any better, I would have gone happily down the same path except I’m a big sports star and I can use my on field glory to get things off the sports field as well. I begin to get summer jobs with alumni early on. Even though I’m a big high school football star, I still have to actually work for the money I get. I do manage to get a stream of mechanic jobs with alumni owned companies. The jobs develop skills that serve me well later on.

Do you want me to do some more?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

NEOLITE

Dont go away mad...just go away.

FOR THE LURKER

Neolite is one of the clicquesters here who insist that writers have their approval before they publish or breathe or whatever. But he's a hack, and you can ignore his opinions about most things.

 

[neonlyte]

NEOLITE

Dont go away mad...just go away.

Is this the best, the very best you can do JBJ, fuck me with a feather, JBJ lost for words

I'm going to be your worst nightmare, JBJ

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Congratulations, RR, but you know, there's a specific thread for authors to announce publication of their works. It's right here. Its purpose is to avoid turning the AH into a self-promotion board. We've already got our sig lines (vid. infra), and that should be enough.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

NEOLITE

Pennywise the clown said the same in IT, but as she discovered, you cant be anyone's worst nightmare unless they believe in you. Besides, youre not worth more than a feather.