public play question

[fiery_n_sensual]

Aside from the sexual aspect, how would you like to see a sub behave in public to demonstrate her being a submissive/slave? Something that would help her to think of herself as a submissive/slave? This can be serious as well as fun..

And if this is addressed here elsewhere; my apologies; I didn't see anything along those lines! Thank you in advance for your comments!

 

[myinnerslut]

Aside from the sexual aspect, how would you like to see a sub behave in public to demonstrate her being a submissive/slave? Something that would help her to think of herself as a submissive/slave? This can be serious as well as fun..

And if this is addressed here elsewhere; my apologies; I didn't see anything along those lines! Thank you in advance for your comments!

first of all general respect. im not going to be disprespectful in public, and im certain if i was i wouldnt like the consequences.

situation permitting i usually ask to be excused to go to the bathroom. if he knows ahead of time what i want to order he will sometimes order for me when we go out to eat. as long as i wont be overheard i still call him Master. if i cant do that i substitute "babe" to get his attention. i dont like reffering to him directly by name, as i associate disrespect (dont ask me why, its ingrained for whatever reason) and have yet to do so.

i also wear one of my collars always. i wouldnt be wearing my real collar (leather one with a buckle) in public unless we were going out to a goth club or play party or such. i will probably be wearing my day collar, woven hemp and silver beads that he made me, or my active collar, braided hemp with a few choice beads that is much sturdier and can be worn in the water. in addition i wear a slave id anklet always. in public its wieght (becuase of the shape and materals it doesnt just fade into the back of my mind and get forgotten) reminds me of who i am.

of course, going out in public with ropes under my clothes, ie corset, breast harness, crotchrope, etc, is a powerful reminder for me that i love.

 

[fiery_n_sensual]

first of all general respect. im not going to be disprespectful in public, and im certain if i was i wouldnt like the consequences.

situation permitting i usually ask to be excused to go to the bathroom. if he knows ahead of time what i want to order he will sometimes order for me when we go out to eat. as long as i wont be overheard i still call him Master. if i cant do that i substitute "babe" to get his attention. i dont like reffering to him directly by name, as i associate disrespect (dont ask me why, its ingrained for whatever reason) and have yet to do so.

i also wear one of my collars always. i wouldnt be wearing my real collar (leather one with a buckle) in public unless we were going out to a goth club or play party or such. i will probably be wearing my day collar, woven hemp and silver beads that he made me, or my active collar, braided hemp with a few choice beads that is much sturdier and can be worn in the water. in addition i wear a slave id anklet always. in public its wieght (becuase of the shape and materals it doesnt just fade into the back of my mind and get forgotten) reminds me of who i am.

of course, going out in public with ropes under my clothes, ie corset, breast harness, crotchrope, etc, is a powerful reminder for me that i love.

Great suggestions; he has several collars so I'm sure one would be appropriate... the anklet is also a great physical reminder..

I hadn't thought of the undergarments either and what could be employed there.. I really need to open my mind more.. thanks for the great ideas!

 

[intothewoods]

Aside from the sexual aspect, how would you like to see a sub behave in public to demonstrate her being a submissive/slave? Something that would help her to think of herself as a submissive/slave? This can be serious as well as fun..

And if this is addressed here elsewhere; my apologies; I didn't see anything along those lines! Thank you in advance for your comments!

How would I like to see a sub behave? Like anyone else. I'm not a big fan of putting your dynamic on display. I've had people make a big show of their relationship around me, and it makes me feel kind of weird. But there are lots of people who dig the display, dig the watching, dig the whole thing. I know not everyone feels like I do, so it's not something I spend time stressing about.

I ID as a sub, so in public he's my boyfriend. At scene events he's my boyfriend too, even if he's not there. I now wear his collar to events. Other than that, I can't say it's all that different from any other boyfriend I've had. But you know, whatever floats your boat.

 

[caela]

I think it depends on what you mean by "public play". Do you mean out somewhere around the general public ( ie. a restaurant, mall, movie theatre etc.) or do you mean at an actual scene event surrounded by other kinksters?

I'd have very different expectations for the two personally. Among the general public I'd expect to see fairly normal behaviour though perhaps a bit high on the respect side. Nothing overt however since I don't think it's right to foist my relationship particulars off on other people and certainly nothing overt where children could see and end up asking their parents hard and embarrassing questions...they'll find enough of those on their own without my adding to it!

On the other hand I don't mind more overt displays of relational status at scene events where I'm surrounded by other adults who've also chosen BDSM as a part of their life. I may not always appreciate those displays (we all have different kinks) but I wouldn't have an aversion to them being acted out either.

 

[BiBunny]

How would I like to see a sub behave? Like anyone else. I'm not a big fan of putting your dynamic on display. I've had people make a big show of their relationship around me, and it makes me feel kind of weird. But there are lots of people who dig the display, dig the watching, dig the whole thing. I know not everyone feels like I do, so it's not something I spend time stressing about.

I ID as a sub, so in public he's my boyfriend. At scene events he's my boyfriend too, even if he's not there. I now wear his collar to events. Other than that, I can't say it's all that different from any other boyfriend I've had. But you know, whatever floats your boat.

Thank you.

Kitty and I were talking about this today. If you didn't already know that I'm a perv, you'd never have any idea if you saw me in public, even in my interactions with the people I play with. Just like I don't want to see teenagers making out and groping one another in front of me, I don't want to see some middle-aged woman fawning all over "Daddy" and trying to outsub everybody in the room, either.

Even at a play party, it's not necessary, in my opinion, to go through these elaborate displays. Everybody knows who you are and what you're there for. *Shrug* If some guy I was playing with did that overly deferential shit to me in public, I'd kick him in the nuts and probably never speak to him again. I guess I still have this idea ingrained in me about how you're supposed to act in company, kinky or otherwise, and if someone I'm with deviates much from that, there will be problems.

 

[fiery_n_sensual]

Thank you ladies!

I am with you in regards to public attentions.. I should have made myself more clear.. I also think there is a time and a place for everything and in public; prefer to be the lady I was raised to be. In private; I am the whore my D encourages and I embrace as well.

His direction to me was to think of ways I could feel more like a slave/sub in public. I like the ideas of the collar (a discrete one), and possibly items worn under the clothes. He is really just trying to open my mind further to ways I can feel more submissive; not trying to show me off or be a showman. He is actually quite reserved in public and understands and appreciates my feelings about that.

Sorry I wasn't more clear. But very reassuring to know I am not alone in public displays. I truly wouldn't want a D that was into that; to me thats an ego thing for him; and his ego is not what I want to be stroking! (well.. sometimes)

 

[desertslave]

There are bunches of "little things" we do in public, that are pretty much between us, though a really attentive person might clue in. Instead of holding hands while walking, he will often clasp me around the wrist instead. If I'm directed, I will walk a step behind him, and always to his right. He also orders for me at restaurants. Most of it is just plain old-fashioned gentlemanliness, but in this day and age is kind of rare.

 

[fiery_n_sensual]

There are bunches of "little things" we do in public, that are pretty much between us, though a really attentive person might clue in. Instead of holding hands while walking, he will often clasp me around the wrist instead. If I'm directed, I will walk a step behind him, and always to his right. He also orders for me at restaurants. Most of it is just plain old-fashioned gentlemanliness, but in this day and age is kind of rare.

Actually; gentlemanliness is something I expect; I was raised a certain way and am raising my son the same... men open doors for ladies; are courteous and respectful. (his future wife will thank me! *smile*). But I won't accept anything less. A wonderful Southern boss I had once told me a woman should be a lady everywhere but a whore in the bedroom. I know it sounds archaic in some circles and not very PC, but that is exactly how I prefer to be treated.

Sorry; went way off course there! lol!

Thank you ds for your offerings.. I think they are very sweet and symbolic and appreciate you sharing them!

 

[Bandit58]

Sir prefers me to walk on His right side, and we hold hands. I wear a collar all the time except when showering or washing/colouring my hair - it's a sterling silver snake chain.

I don't call Him Sir in public, most often it's something like darling or sweetheart or other endearment. We don't go to munches or parties, we prefer to keep our D/s between ourselves. I also agree with what others have said regarding public displays - it's not necessary. Our private life is just that - private

 

[YourCaptor]

I have been debating on what the human equivalent of a dogs leash would be, since walking a human on a leash makes it almost useless.

The most effective thing I can think of is a hand around the waist. Its simple, you can lead them that way, keep them close, and give them a little finger jab in the side if they need to refocus.

As for proper etiquette in public, for me, same as in private. Just being respectful, kind, obedient, helpful, etc.

 

[ladycrow]

I think there's a lot of things that can be subtle to those who don't know any better but good indicators to those who do or those who suspect.. that there is a power exchange going on in this relationship.

I think restaurants/eateries are a great setting for subtle submission. things like letting your Dom/me order and eat first, asking permission before speaking (perhaps with eye contact), testing their food/drink to make sure it is perfect, opening doors and pulling out chairs can all be signs of a power exchange but will only appear as courteous to many.

 

[catalina_francisco]

His direction to me was to think of ways I could feel more like a slave/sub in public.

I think in part this can be something which comes with time and depth, perhaps familiarity. I have worn a leather collar at all times except when sleeping or showering since we first got together 6 years ago. That being said, I have come to realise it wasn't anything tangible which made me feel I was his slave, it was more about internalising the fact to a point where it isn't even something I think about on a conscious level, but is there regardless and shapes my world and me. I haven't been wearing a collar for a couple of months due to more allergy problems and yet I do not feel any less a slave, nor do I find it has changed my behaviour or impacted our relationship.

I also think part of this has come about by my following F's lead in that it doesn't matter what anyone else knows or feels about our dynamic, all that matters is what exists between us and what we acknowledge as the dynamics of our relationship. We are who we are whether we are in public or private...the behaviour may at times be restricted a little more in public (as rare as it is we are in public), though we also have to live that at home at times due to consideration for my son, but the dynamic exists in our hearts and minds regardless and though tangible reminders may be nice to look at, they do not change how we feel in terms of M/s and our individual place/role.

Catalina

 

[fiery_n_sensual]

thank you again

You have all given me food for thought and I am really impressed with the depth of your answers. Thank you for taking the time to reply and offering your unique insight. You have given me alot to think about.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

janey would call me Sir in public, but this is the Southeast US... sir is a common form of polite address. But I could always hear the capital "S" in it. She would call me Sir in front of her family. But I never asked it of her or required it. It was her way of showing respect.

You'll find your ways as well.

 

[Homburg]

I think there's a lot of things that can be subtle to those who don't know any better but good indicators to those who do or those who suspect.. that there is a power exchange going on in this relationship.

I think restaurants/eateries are a great setting for subtle submission. things like letting your Dom/me order and eat first, asking permission before speaking (perhaps with eye contact), testing their food/drink to make sure it is perfect, opening doors and pulling out chairs can all be signs of a power exchange but will only appear as courteous to many.

Eh, I will pull out a chair for a lady when circumstances permit (and I think about it ), and I open doors. It has nothing to do with dominance and everything to do with good manners. The rest I can see, but I don't see D/s in things as typical male-female etiquette. Well, typical for my life at leas, and probably more typical in the South, as Geoff said.

It is interesting to note that my somewhat polite, somewhat old-style southern manners are seen as charming, endearing, and attractive when I visit New York. I get a lot of smiles from the ladies up there. It is fun to overhear "He's from the South" or "He has those good Southern manners" as a whispered explanation. You northern guys need to catch on to the whole manners thing. Trust me on this - It ain't that hard to smile, open a door, and say "After you, darlin" warmly. Well, as a northerners you might not be able to get away with the "darlin" part. You can substitute "ma'am" or something similar. Darlin, honey, and sugar work better though.

 

[EmpressFi]

In public, he's my lover, my boyfriend. I dont call him Master or Sir, I call him Baby or Love or by his first name. I wear a necklace that serves as my collar. I .. mostly.. treat him with respect. Ok.. always with respect but we're very playful... like I said, we're a couple. I dont open his door or test his drink and god help him if he ordered for me... I'm too picky of an eater and can barely decide WHERE to eat let alone WHAT to eat. But he doesnt open my car door either..however he does open the building doors and he does allow me to order first because he sees that as polite.


When we're at a play scene, it's just a matter of keeping focused and being respectful as my behavior is a reflection on him.

Well, as a northerners you might not be able to get away with the "darlin" part. You can substitute "ma'am" or something similar. Darlin, honey, and sugar work better though.

This gets me into more problems as many people Darlin, honey and baby for me, or hon and sweetie. But it's true.. there's something about a southern drawl sayin, "Darlin".. that makes me weak in the knees

 

[VelvetDarkness]

There are lots of little things you can do. Master likes to write on me in marker pen sometimes. He'll write 'slave' or 'slut' across my ass, mons or breasts. Even though I can't see it under my clothes, I know it's there and it makes me feel wanton all day. He has also told me to say (either aloud or silently, as circumstances permit) 'I am Master's cockcraving painwhore' whenever I catch sight of my own reflection.

 

[Fauna]

In a vanilla setting, I've asked my sub to show me what I call "good old-fashioned manners." Opening doors, pulling my chair out, opening doors, basic respect.

When we are in a BDSM club, I like him naked and by my side, kneeling at my feet if the location is clean enough to permit.

Regardless of when or where, he is most comfortable calling me Ma'am. It sounds so sweet coming from his lips.

 

[cujo13]

New here, but have been a sub to my wife for many years. I'm in my 50's Ocassionally she takes me clothes shopping with her. I wear collar inside my shirt and sit patiently and watch, help, assist in whatever she requests. Sometimes embarassing, yet pleasing.

 

[Gun_Shy]

How it works with us

If I'm in public with my boyfriend/Master, it's not apparent to anyone else. We have an understanding that he is in charge and I am not but he doesn't make a public display of my submission because most people don't understand the lifestyle. I don't get to be disrespectful (unless I'm willing to endure punishment when we get home). In public, it's a mindfuck, which I LOVE. I love it when he whispers dirty things in my ear as we walk; although I know he's not into public humiliation I love the thrill of hearing that he'd like to push me over on a bench and finger me.

Mental/Emotional domination can be just as fun as physical ^^

 

[subbie_333]

Aside from the sexual aspect, how would you like to see a sub behave in public to demonstrate her being a submissive/slave? Something that would help her to think of herself as a submissive/slave? This can be serious as well as fun..

And if this is addressed here elsewhere; my apologies; I didn't see anything along those lines! Thank you in advance for your comments!

Ever see a movie or something where somebody is walking along, and, totally oblivious to all the disasters happening around them (trees falling right behind them, cars crashing right behind them as they step onto the curb, etc.)? They are totally unaffected and think everything is wonderful.

Well, i remember one of the first times out in public with a particular Domme when we went grocery shopping. My eyes got large as i saw Her ample hips about to bump into a display, and, i gently nudged Her in the opposite direction. It seemed to be one thing after another - buggies, people, displays, stepping over/around stuff - this went on the entire time, and, She was oblivious. She didn't say anything, but, i guess She just thought i was trying to get a bit frisky with all the little bumps

 

[dakotagirl]

I *think* it is probably easier for public play in a F/m setting as it just looks to outsiders as him being a gentlemen. His behavior out in public is pretty much the same as in private. He addresses me as Love, hold doors open for me, we hold hands, ect.

 

[Netzach]

I have to say that my dynamic blends pretty well. People just think he's being a mensch. And that's pretty much all I expect. I don't get argued with or shot down meanly in public as much as my vanilla friends do by their husbands and BF's. I can't imagine why anyone puts up with that. If he wants to be rude, at least he makes that mistake at home. M calls me by name or, believe it or not, "cutie" or "sweetie." Which is fine.

Him opening doors and pulling my chair, believe me, is not "just politeness."

 

[fiery_n_sensual]

lots of great suggestions

Obviously there are a lot of subtle ways you can show respect/submission in public; you have all given some great ideas. Thank you very much and if you think of anything else; would love to hear it!