Psychological domination

[ReaperW]

For me, the biggest part of D/s is actually the psychological aspect. Things done or said to just keep a sub on their toes and remind them who they belong to. As a Domme I'm usually focused on a more gentle femdom so the psychological side is super important.

What ways have you lovely people asserted your dominance in this way?

One way, for example is to set a sub a tricky target and ask them what they want their reward to be for completing it. And then when they complete it (such a good little pet) I do something completely different to what they asked for. I asked them, but they don't get a real say. They're MINE after all.

 

[Mrmusings45]

Some of my thoughts

Being a driven man with that paradoxical bend toward being a sub for a Lady, I would respond to both the challenge of the tricky target, the hope of the reward I would really like, and also the game of the reward being changed, which drives the point that I am at Her mercy and the rewards really are her choice.

I would certainly respond to that!

 

[UsuallyPresent]

In a deeply aggressive, nigh-psychotic relationship, random punishment & praise will drive anyone bonkers.

For less strenuous pursuits, offering a sub a choice, only to chastise/punish them once they make said choice - "who said you get any say, little one?"

Fair warning, either of these behaviors can lead to an end to the relationship and/or a massive deepening of submission. Don’t play with other people’s minds roughly unless you really know what everyone involved is up for/desiring...

 

[LeinadVirgo]

For me, the biggest part of D/s is actually the psychological aspect. Things done or said to just keep a sub on their toes and remind them who they belong to. As a Domme I'm usually focused on a more gentle femdom so the psychological side is super important.

What ways have you lovely people asserted your dominance in this way?

One way, for example is to set a sub a tricky target and ask them what they want their reward to be for completing it. And then when they complete it (such a good little pet) I do something completely different to what they asked for. I asked them, but they don't get a real say. They're MINE after all.

This is something I like receiving. If I get what I want, it feels more like topping from the bottom. Wanting something and not being given it, but instead teased with something else gets me more submissive than anything.

 

[Master_Doctor]

For me, the biggest part of D/s is actually the psychological aspect. Things done or said to just keep a sub on their toes and remind them who they belong to. As a Domme I'm usually focused on a more gentle femdom so the psychological side is super important.

What ways have you lovely people asserted your dominance in this way?

One way, for example is to set a sub a tricky target and ask them what they want their reward to be for completing it. And then when they complete it (such a good little pet) I do something completely different to what they asked for. I asked them, but they don't get a real say. They're MINE after all.

I concur, in all my years of being a Dominant, I find dominating and teasing... basically mind fucking them to be the most pleasurable for for parties. Times were I get her started and her own naughty imagination gets her into deeper and deeper submission. I admit most of my best play sessions/ scenes came from little whispers in her ear and completely mind fucking her into areas she never thought she would go... and she did it all herself....

For a small for instance (in a different context). When I preform knife play with a mutually well trusted submissive. She is usually blindfolded and bound. She feels the knife across her nakes skin. By the time we are done. After an hour or tw0 or teasing and whispered promises.. . She imagines that there are cuts all over... and she is completely sexually spent. When I take off the blind fold she looks down to see no cuts at all, not a single drop of blood... only little pink lines that disappear in and hour or so.

 

[RaineDrops]

This is all very intriguing, although I have never really experienced it.

 

[ReaperW]

In a deeply aggressive, nigh-psychotic relationship, random punishment & praise will drive anyone bonkers.

For less strenuous pursuits, offering a sub a choice, only to chastise/punish them once they make said choice - "who said you get any say, little one?"

Fair warning, either of these behaviors can lead to an end to the relationship and/or a massive deepening of submission. Don’t play with other people’s minds roughly unless you really know what everyone involved is up for/desiring...

I agree actually. What I'm talking about is not getting what they ask for, not punishing them for it. You completed this task and when I asked you said you'd like to be allowed to cum in my pussy as a reward. But you don't really get to pick. I've decided you can cum on my breasts as a reward instead.

Just enough to remind them they're yours, and keep them on their toes. Not enough to drive them insane.

 

[ReaperW]

I concur, in all my years of being a Dominant, I find dominating and teasing... basically mind fucking them to be the most pleasurable for for parties. Times were I get her started and her own naughty imagination gets her into deeper and deeper submission. I admit most of my best play sessions/ scenes came from little whispers in her ear and completely mind fucking her into areas she never thought she would go... and she did it all herself....

For a small for instance (in a different context). When I preform knife play with a mutually well trusted submissive. She is usually blindfolded and bound. She feels the knife across her nakes skin. By the time we are done. After an hour or tw0 or teasing and whispered promises.. . She imagines that there are cuts all over... and she is completely sexually spent. When I take off the blind fold she looks down to see no cuts at all, not a single drop of blood... only little pink lines that disappear in and hour or so.

That's at a level far beyond what I could hope to achieve. What a lucky little sub! I'm sure you remind her that frequently though.

 

[Master_Doctor]

That's at a level far beyond what I could hope to achieve. What a lucky little sub! I'm sure you remind her that frequently though.

Thank you, In truth, Ive done that particular activity with a few of my past Submissive/slaves. Its one of my more skilled fetishes and a favorite. I dont go into detail because I want to be polite.

However, you are indeed correct I always tend to remind them that they are loved and treasured. I have always been blessed by the women who have chosen to place themselves under my authority.

 

[Eloquent_Hedonist]

A very intriguing concept Reaper!

As a sub, having a dominant get inside my head is such an important part of the experience. Anyone can snap some cuffs on you or sling a few licks of a flogger, but the feeling of someone understanding your sexual self at a level matching or surpassing your own, and exploiting that to remind you of your place (or just for their own pleasure) is on a whole different level.

It would be interesting what kind of psychological phenomena could be exploited for this purpose! For example using pavlovian association techniques to associate neutral stimuli to submissive tendencies or sexual arousal.

EH

 

[Uksubgirl]

Xxxxxx

 

[Uksubgirl]

As I have been asked for a little more though on this....

For me the psychological side is massively important, as the poster above said, anyone can put cuffs on me, I'm not big (5ft4 and slim), so over powering me would be relatively easy from a pure physical aspect. But getting inside my head takes a lot more effort, it takes time, it takes brains, it takes cunning, but the pay off to that is so much more that simply over powering me.

Over power me, have sex with me, thats that, yes you had sex but it isnt going to be anything more than that, and what happens when the next guy over powers me??

Get inside my head, get me to want to please you, then the pay off is sex and so much more, you have captured my mind, you have me wanting to want you, wanting to please you, craving your time your attention.

I once watched a play about a CEO I think it was, the play wasn't great, but one part stuck with me. There was a bit where there was a guy who he rated who was quite timid and unsure of himself, but needed him to do more, rather than shouting and barking orders at the guy, he invited him round to dinner, had his wife cook for him, told the guy how useful he was to the company, how he relied on him etc etc. He then turned to the audience and said, "you might be surprised by how I handled that, but if I had shouted at him, he would have done what I wanted him to do, but only until someone shouted louder at him, this way he thinks hes important and I have him there for life, it's more important knowing how to read someone than anything else"
That sort of sums up what I'm trying to say. Not that a guy telling me how great I am is what I need, more take the time and.effort to find out what buttons.to push will.serve you better in the long run.

Besides this is online so the physicality is so much less important than the physiological

 

[Acktion]

Take it for what you will, but my two cents is this:

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism.

Bondage and Discipline is easy to tell. Is somebody being restrained in some way? Who is the one doing the restaining and who is the one being restrained?

Likewise, Sadism and Masochism is easy to tell. Is there some form of sensory play going on, and in particular is one of the one-hundred and twenty-seven distinct flavors of pain involved? If so, then who is the one causing and who is the one on the receiving end?

Dominance and submission, however, is not so clear cut. It's all in the mindset of the people involved. Sex does not necessarily play a part in it. In it's simplest form, it is about one doing something to please the other. So, where does it cross that threshold into being a form of D/s relationship?

Frankly, when either of the parties involved recognize that what is being done is being done for the pleasure of the Dominant party. And, the Dominant partner taking steps to have the submissive party do what they wish.

Frankly, this may mean doing nothing but sitting there, on a metaphorical throne, and just by their sheer presence instilling a desire in the submissive to please them.

In my checkered past, I did go the college route of studying relationships, psychology, sociology, counseling, and sex. My intent was to go on to get a Master's degree and eventually hang out a shingle as a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Sex Therapy.

However, as a clinically-diagnosed sex addict, I realized that me as an MFT/ST was a whole lot like handing a three-year-old a loaded flare gun. You don't know what will happen, but you do know it will make the papers.

So, I wandered off another direction professionally. Specifically, I went to work in the detention units.

And, at first, sure. There was a certain... something for me in controlling these guys. Several of whom were a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier. I told them when to get up, and when to go to sleep. I told them when they could talk, and when to be quiet. I told them when they could eat, drink, piss, and shit. Every moment of their day was strictly controlled and regimented.

And when they didn't do what they were told, I made them do what they were told. And I'm sure back, in the beginning, it must have held some appeal for me, the making. Otherwise, I wouldn't have stuck with it since my first-night training there was a riot.

However... That sort of thing paled for me. When someone does what you tell them to out of fear of you, they have no reason to continue doing it when you are not right there, in their face.

And a moment of relampego swept through me as I understood that if they were only doing it while I was right in front of them, getting in their face, then I wasn't controlling them. They were controlling me. They were making me get in their face to make them do it.

What I needed to do... what I eventually learned to do... was to get inside their heads. Control the mind to control the man. (Or woman. Although, I preferred as much distance between me and the female inmates as I could get.)

For probably the latter three-quarters of my career in detention, I had absolutely no problems on my shifts. And when I was called in to assist on my days or nights off, all I had to do was walk in the room and a full-blown riot would stop.

Why?

Oh, if the riot had just stopped, then it might have been because of my reputation as a hardass who had taken a pistol away from someone aiming it at my face and pistol-whipping their teeth out.

But, it didn't stop there. They would start cleaning up the mess they had made when I asked. (And note that I didn't order anything. I asked.)

Not because I was doling out any reward. Nor was I doling out any punishment. And only in increasingly rare circumstances the further into my career was I the consequence of their action.

It was because I had learned to get inside their heads and stayed there enough that disappointing me was a self-imposed punishment for them. And a half-absent, "Good job. Thank you" from me was all the reward they needed.

After retiring from detention work, I eventually wound up teaching at a local college. And quickly learned to do a modified version for my students.

Oh, again, I had a learning curve since it wasn't really appropriate (according to the Director) for me to require the students when they were not actively working to sit with their feet flat on the floor, fingers laced on the table in front of them, and their eyes on me wherever I was in the room.

And my restraint training would have been very inappropriate!

But, we worked it out as, once again, I managed to get inside their heads and guide them. Even when I wasn't physically present. Even in other classes. Even after graduation.

Looked at in a certain light, although our relationships were (of course!) platonic, I was, in effect, a Dominant for a couple of thousand (and trained Rigger for several hundred, although I categorically deny being Sadistic in my professional life) and went on, in both careers, to train others.

That was professionally. And if you disagree that I was a defacto Dominant for the inmates, students, and trainees, then that is certainly your right. It isn't my place, nor my desire, to make you think anything specific, so long as you practice it and often. It is your right to be wrong just as much as you wish.

However, in my personal life, I was still very much Dominant.

I understand that there are some, many in fact, who are submissive in their personal life that are anything but elsewhere. And I'm not knocking anyone for anything. I'm just sayin', "that ain't me."

Hell, while I do drink from time to time, I've only been drunk once in my life because I couldn't stand to cede that control and swore: "never again."

Any road, my point is that even in my personal life, I was the Dominant partner in whatever relationship we might be discussing. Whether platonic friendships or anything but platonic playmates. It's just hardwired into me and I can't be anything else. The absolute most I have ever managed was to just... try not to leak. But, typically, relationships... even friendships... with another Dominant personality who actively tries to wrest control from me just aren't going to last. Even fence humpers (switches) are going to be problematic if they try to switch roles with me.

And I took what I learned in my college courses, in my career as a detention officer, and in my career as a professor into the streets... and between the sheets.

B&D, while I have practiced it many times, is not what made/makes me Dominant. That just made me her Rigger or Disciplinarian (should I choose to play that way).

S/m, while I have practiced it, is not what made/makes me a Dominant. That just made me her Sadist (should I choose to play that way).

Taking her roughly, while I have practiced it, is not what made/makes me a Dominant. That just made me her Top (and both of us extremely satisfied when I choose to play that way).

I was/am Dominant because I was/am a reliable guiding star to set her compass by, a sail to give her movement, and an anchor to keep her from flying off into danger.

However...

However, I have been called out for not being a Dominant. Repeatedly, in fact. Which has both exasperated and amused me. Primarily because they decided that I was not a Dominant because I wasn't doing what she wanted.

Drink in the irony for just a moment.

No. If I was swayed by what you wanted, then I would not be a Dominant. I would be a Service Top. While your needs are of paramount importance to me, even above my own if I had acceded to being Your Dominant, your wants are far down the list behind mine.

"Well, you don't give me tasks!"

Um. Yes. I did. I told you twelve times today to drink water. Five times you said you weren't thirsty and the other seven you drank anything but water. Soda. Tea. Alcohol. All of which actually dehydrate you rather than hydrate you. Why should I possibly put myself out to come up with another task when you won't do the one you've been given? I didn't ask if you were thirsty and I specifically said water because I did have plans for tonight that were going to require you to be well hydrated, but since you can't accede simple requests... What you mean is, I didn't give you any fun tasks you actually wanted to do.

***shrug***

A Leader without any followers is just a guy out for a walk.

However, a Dominant is still a Dominant even if a specific submissive doesn't submit to him/her. And a submissive is still a submissive even if s/he doesn't willingly consent to submit to a specific Dominant.


Different strokes for different folks and all that. I just know, for me, she is not my submissive and I am not her Dominant unless I am so deeply nested in her head and heart and soul that even when I am not physically present, still she needs to please me by completing the tasks laid out for her and any other that she sees once she comes to understand my mind, my heart, and my soul as well.

So, nah. For me, I don't think these preceding posts in this thread are off the mark. The psychological aspects are really where Dominance and submission lies. Without that psychological factor, you may be a kinky as fuck duck, but I struggle to see the Dominance or submission in what is happening.

But, again. I have absolutely zero interest in being the bedroom monitor for happy fun times that I wasn't even invited to. So, whatever flips your and your partner(s) switches, whatever you want to call what you are doing, so long as everybody walks away under their own power when done, have fun, kids.

I would say "don't do anything I wouldn't," but you've probably guessed by now that's an incredibly short list. (And one that usually results in some asshole like me telling you what you will do, what you can do, and what you won't like how it turns out if you try for the next twenty years.)

Any row you have to hoe, make yours (and "Yours") a beautiful crop today.

 

[Smoothshavendad]

This is all very intriguing, although I have never really experienced it.

We should discuss it sometime. Feel free to pm me.

 

[Master_Doctor]

As I have been asked for a little more though on this....

For me the psychological side is massively important, as the poster above said, anyone can put cuffs on me, I'm not big (5ft4 and slim), so over powering me would be relatively easy from a pure physical aspect. But getting inside my head takes a lot more effort, it takes time, it takes brains, it takes cunning, but the pay off to that is so much more that simply over powering me.

Over power me, have sex with me, thats that, yes you had sex but it isnt going to be anything more than that, and what happens when the next guy over powers me??

Get inside my head, get me to want to please you, then the pay off is sex and so much more, you have captured my mind, you have me wanting to want you, wanting to please you, craving your time your attention.

I once watched a play about a CEO I think it was, the play wasn't great, but one part stuck with me. There was a bit where there was a guy who he rated who was quite timid and unsure of himself, but needed him to do more, rather than shouting and barking orders at the guy, he invited him round to dinner, had his wife cook for him, told the guy how useful he was to the company, how he relied on him etc etc. He then turned to the audience and said, "you might be surprised by how I handled that, but if I had shouted at him, he would have done what I wanted him to do, but only until someone shouted louder at him, this way he thinks hes important and I have him there for life, it's more important knowing how to read someone than anything else"
That sort of sums up what I'm trying to say. Not that a guy telling me how great I am is what I need, more take the time and.effort to find out what buttons.to push will.serve you better in the long run.

Besides this is online so the physicality is so much less important than the physiological

Very well said. You have also struck on the biggest differences between an Experienced Dominant and an inexperienced one or a wanna be.. The experienced Dom will get to know you tease you a little bit... but not rush to taking you. They know the payoff is infinitely sweeter if they can make those connections in you mind first. For myself, I hate one time play / scenes / one night stands anyway. I want to keep those I posess. There is nothing more valuable in the world than a submissive who wants to serve you with all her heart and soul.

 

[Master_Doctor]

Take it for what you will, but my two cents is this:

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism.

Bondage and Discipline is easy to tell. Is somebody being restrained in some way? Who is the one doing the restaining and who is the one being restrained?

Likewise, Sadism and Masochism is easy to tell. Is there some form of sensory play going on, and in particular is one of the one-hundred and twenty-seven distinct flavors of pain involved? If so, then who is the one causing and who is the one on the receiving end?

Dominance and submission, however, is not so clear cut. It's all in the mindset of the people involved. Sex does not necessarily play a part in it. In it's simplest form, it is about one doing something to please the other. So, where does it cross that threshold into being a form of D/s relationship?

Frankly, when either of the parties involved recognize that what is being done is being done for the pleasure of the Dominant party. And, the Dominant partner taking steps to have the submissive party do what they wish.

Frankly, this may mean doing nothing but sitting there, on a metaphorical throne, and just by their sheer presence instilling a desire in the submissive to please them.

In my checkered past, I did go the college route of studying relationships, psychology, sociology, counseling, and sex. My intent was to go on to get a Master's degree and eventually hang out a shingle as a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in Sex Therapy.

However, as a clinically-diagnosed sex addict, I realized that me as an MFT/ST was a whole lot like handing a three-year-old a loaded flare gun. You don't know what will happen, but you do know it will make the papers.

So, I wandered off another direction professionally. Specifically, I went to work in the detention units.

And, at first, sure. There was a certain... something for me in controlling these guys. Several of whom were a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier. I told them when to get up, and when to go to sleep. I told them when they could talk, and when to be quiet. I told them when they could eat, drink, piss, and shit. Every moment of their day was strictly controlled and regimented.

And when they didn't do what they were told, I made them do what they were told. And I'm sure back, in the beginning, it must have held some appeal for me, the making. Otherwise, I wouldn't have stuck with it since my first-night training there was a riot.

However... That sort of thing paled for me. When someone does what you tell them to out of fear of you, they have no reason to continue doing it when you are not right there, in their face.

And a moment of relampego swept through me as I understood that if they were only doing it while I was right in front of them, getting in their face, then I wasn't controlling them. They were controlling me. They were making me get in their face to make them do it.

What I needed to do... what I eventually learned to do... was to get inside their heads. Control the mind to control the man. (Or woman. Although, I preferred as much distance between me and the female inmates as I could get.)

For probably the latter three-quarters of my career in detention, I had absolutely no problems on my shifts. And when I was called in to assist on my days or nights off, all I had to do was walk in the room and a full-blown riot would stop.

Why?

Oh, if the riot had just stopped, then it might have been because of my reputation as a hardass who had taken a pistol away from someone aiming it at my face and pistol-whipping their teeth out.

But, it didn't stop there. They would start cleaning up the mess they had made when I asked. (And note that I didn't order anything. I asked.)

Not because I was doling out any reward. Nor was I doling out any punishment. And only in increasingly rare circumstances the further into my career was I the consequence of their action.

It was because I had learned to get inside their heads and stayed there enough that disappointing me was a self-imposed punishment for them. And a half-absent, "Good job. Thank you" from me was all the reward they needed.

After retiring from detention work, I eventually wound up teaching at a local college. And quickly learned to do a modified version for my students.

Oh, again, I had a learning curve since it wasn't really appropriate (according to the Director) for me to require the students when they were not actively working to sit with their feet flat on the floor, fingers laced on the table in front of them, and their eyes on me wherever I was in the room.

And my restraint training would have been very inappropriate!

But, we worked it out as, once again, I managed to get inside their heads and guide them. Even when I wasn't physically present. Even in other classes. Even after graduation.

Looked at in a certain light, although our relationships were (of course!) platonic, I was, in effect, a Dominant for a couple of thousand (and trained Rigger for several hundred, although I categorically deny being Sadistic in my professional life) and went on, in both careers, to train others.

That was professionally. And if you disagree that I was a defacto Dominant for the inmates, students, and trainees, then that is certainly your right. It isn't my place, nor my desire, to make you think anything specific, so long as you practice it and often. It is your right to be wrong just as much as you wish.

However, in my personal life, I was still very much Dominant.

I understand that there are some, many in fact, who are submissive in their personal life that are anything but elsewhere. And I'm not knocking anyone for anything. I'm just sayin', "that ain't me."

Hell, while I do drink from time to time, I've only been drunk once in my life because I couldn't stand to cede that control and swore: "never again."

Any road, my point is that even in my personal life, I was the Dominant partner in whatever relationship we might be discussing. Whether platonic friendships or anything but platonic playmates. It's just hardwired into me and I can't be anything else. The absolute most I have ever managed was to just... try not to leak. But, typically, relationships... even friendships... with another Dominant personality who actively tries to wrest control from me just aren't going to last. Even fence humpers (switches) are going to be problematic if they try to switch roles with me.

And I took what I learned in my college courses, in my career as a detention officer, and in my career as a professor into the streets... and between the sheets.

B&D, while I have practiced it many times, is not what made/makes me Dominant. That just made me her Rigger or Disciplinarian (should I choose to play that way).

S/m, while I have practiced it, is not what made/makes me a Dominant. That just made me her Sadist (should I choose to play that way).

Taking her roughly, while I have practiced it, is not what made/makes me a Dominant. That just made me her Top (and both of us extremely satisfied when I choose to play that way).

I was/am Dominant because I was/am a reliable guiding star to set her compass by, a sail to give her movement, and an anchor to keep her from flying off into danger.

However...

However, I have been called out for not being a Dominant. Repeatedly, in fact. Which has both exasperated and amused me. Primarily because they decided that I was not a Dominant because I wasn't doing what she wanted.

Drink in the irony for just a moment.

No. If I was swayed by what you wanted, then I would not be a Dominant. I would be a Service Top. While your needs are of paramount importance to me, even above my own if I had acceded to being Your Dominant, your wants are far down the list behind mine.

"Well, you don't give me tasks!"

Um. Yes. I did. I told you twelve times today to drink water. Five times you said you weren't thirsty and the other seven you drank anything but water. Soda. Tea. Alcohol. All of which actually dehydrate you rather than hydrate you. Why should I possibly put myself out to come up with another task when you won't do the one you've been given? I didn't ask if you were thirsty and I specifically said water because I did have plans for tonight that were going to require you to be well hydrated, but since you can't accede simple requests... What you mean is, I didn't give you any fun tasks you actually wanted to do.

***shrug***

A Leader without any followers is just a guy out for a walk.

However, a Dominant is still a Dominant even if a specific submissive doesn't submit to him/her. And a submissive is still a submissive even if s/he doesn't willingly consent to submit to a specific Dominant.


Different strokes for different folks and all that. I just know, for me, she is not my submissive and I am not her Dominant unless I am so deeply nested in her head and heart and soul that even when I am not physically present, still she needs to please me by completing the tasks laid out for her and any other that she sees once she comes to understand my mind, my heart, and my soul as well.

So, nah. For me, I don't think these preceding posts in this thread are off the mark. The psychological aspects are really where Dominance and submission lies. Without that psychological factor, you may be a kinky as fuck duck, but I struggle to see the Dominance or submission in what is happening.

But, again. I have absolutely zero interest in being the bedroom monitor for happy fun times that I wasn't even invited to. So, whatever flips your and your partner(s) switches, whatever you want to call what you are doing, so long as everybody walks away under their own power when done, have fun, kids.

I would say "don't do anything I wouldn't," but you've probably guessed by now that's an incredibly short list. (And one that usually results in some asshole like me telling you what you will do, what you can do, and what you won't like how it turns out if you try for the next twenty years.)

Any row you have to hoe, make yours (and "Yours") a beautiful crop today.

Im in complete agreement. Ive been everywhere you described (except Ive never had a career in corrections). I had a sub come visit me in person after talking online for many months... actually complain because I was (OMG ) consistent with my online persona. She literally said, "How could you be the same online and in person!" I simply told her that my personal is always consistent. Im always an Alpha and a Dominant no matter where I am or who Im with. School, Work, Church, grocery store. It doesnt mean that Im going to dominate everyone I see... but it does mean that I carry myself the same way at all times. Its not something I can turn off. Im always ready to lead. My last job in Logistics... I started on the bottom and took over the entire department in 30 days... because no one else had any leadership skills or desire. The last time I met a new submissive (who ended up my slave for over 2 years) for the first time at (of course) a Starbucks. Later she admitted, she knew who I was the moment I walked into the place. Before I introduced myself, before I even started walking towards her. She had a vanilla friend there as back up(a very wise plan anytime you are meeting someone new).... somewhere in the crowd. Her friends comment was simply, "That is not a man you want to fuck with" and I had not even said a word to her.... or even knew she was in the room.

All of this and what you have said speaks to the Psychological impact of a natural Dominant. Regardless of the sex or orientation of the Dominant.

 

[ultramarineblue]

A friend recently told me the reason I struggle with training my dog is because I'm so submissive. The psychological aspect of being dominant for my job and training my dog is really hard for me. However, the psychological aspect of a dominant getting on my head is what makes something work or not for me. What I find the most interesting is how while someone may seem right for me, I'm not right for them or the reverse.

 

[Acktion]

I've been thinking about this thread since my last post. And some things I didn't address... I know, I know. "What? The fuckin' kitchen sink?!"

But, I've been thinking about moveable goals. And mutable rewards.

When I was still knee-high to a grasshopper, there were... issues that kept me from exploring the kinesthetic developments my cohort were.

Issues? My issues had issues! Hell, I had volumes! I owned a running subscription!

However, eventually, I grew out of it all, thanks to a couple of inquisition's worth of medical treatments and that best medicine of all: time.

As I was able to get outside more and do the things that everyone else had been able to do almost since they slid feet first into this plane of existence, I was... perhaps a little spoiled as relieved parents (and extended family) gifted me with all sorts of sporting paraphernalia. (As opposed to the books that had been the constant up until that point.)

Amongst that paraphernalia was a basketball goal.

Now, it so happens that I suck at basketball. Oh, at one point I could rip the net at will from the opposite baseline if I chose. Not that I had a chance that often since I also didn't often let an opponent drive that far. Unless I fouled. Which I did. Not a lot. Just five times per game.

Coach probably didn't help much since he pretty much gave up on teaching me any finesse and just said "you have five fouls and they have five starters. Make 'em count."

But, this was about that moveable goal. Or, to be more exact, the expandable goal post.

When they first installed it, they did so at the lowest point. Which was pretty cool. Even my runty little ass could slam dunk just like the guys on TV. And I did, too.

Then, they raised it a notch. Okay. No problem. I could still slam the ball like a touchdown spike.

(Er... wait. Touchdown? There may have been more than one reason I didn't do so hot at basketball...)

Notch after notch, they would raise it. First, until I couldn't reach it just standing on my toes. And then, until I couldn't reach it jumping. Until finally, it was the regulation height and I had to actually work to learn to throw it up there.

"What in the fuck is your long-winded point, you old gasbag?"

Well, up until now, my point has been that having the ability to shift a goal can be a good thing.

So long as the goal is shifted prior to the outset of the game so that everyone can clearly see where it is.

All right, so let me back up and take another swing from the batter's box.

(Batter's box? Yup. Told ya I sucked at basketball.)

Even before I was healthy enough to start running and playing like normal children my age, or even being outside much, my genius mother got me involved with animals, and especially dogs, for reasons that I've gone into ad nauseum elsewhere for those masochistic enough to want to know.

And something I picked up from training my dogs was that if you promise a treat in exchange for a specific trick if they do it you give it. Or else, they will not exhibit the desired behaviors consistently. Why would they? They don't know if they are going to get the treat or not since you always promise it, but don't always give it? They don't even know if they are exhibiting the desired behavior or not if you don't set the goal for the given task!

However, there are some behaviors that you don't want to become dependent on treats but be adopted into their overall behavior without turning them into a little beach ball.

For these, there is a way to gradually remove the treat as the reinforcement for the behavior (although praise should never be removed). And the key to that is the word gradually. The same way my parents raised the pole on that damn basketball goal.

Also, there are tasks that are... too complex to break to a puppy all at once. So, you break it down into smaller, more accomplishable goals. For these, also, there is a way to gradually increase the expectation, the goal, until they are exhibiting the entirety of the desired behavior.

As another example, while I was first transitioning from a scrawny, runty, nerdy little bookworm with health issues to "jock," in the spring (around here back then anyway), if you were in athletics, you ran track. Period. That was the only option for school Athletics. Fall was football, winter was basketball, and spring was track and field. Oh, there were other options available, and even some through the school. But, if you were in the class designated Athletics, those three were what you did.

And Coach, in his infinite wisdom, decided to put the shortest motherfucker on the team (yours truly) to running fucking hurdles!

Dumbass!

Not him. Me for actually putting up with it for almost two years before my other testicle dropped and I told him in no circumstances was I ever running hurdles again. Or high jump either. And if he even looked at me with that stupid pole for pole-vaulting in his hand, I was gonna shove it up his ass. Sideways.

(For the record, I was "punished" by being put on the distance team. And not only loved it, but excelled.)

But, while he was trying to make me run hurdles, he did the same thing as my parents did with that basketball goal. Starting me at their lowest height. Then, gradually, raising them notch by notch until they were regulation height.

I was also growing (although not as much as most), so my gait was changing. "Wait, was that seven steps or si-... fuck!" **crash** So, there too, the goal was shifting as I had to constantly relearn the gait and then the leap. (And, yes, I had to fuckin' leap them. None of that Olympics style gliding over jack shit goin' on here.)

But, my point (as much as I ever have one) wasn't solely about athletic goals, but goals in general.

On the psychological front, when I was.... mmm... high school-aged for certain, although it may have started earlier, "Psych" became a thing.

I don't mean Psychology. That's been around for a long, long time and I'm not quite that old to have changed Jung and Freud's nappies.

Nor do I mean the television show Psych with the hidden pineapple in every episode as a slacker with better than the best attention for details convinces everyone he is psychic.

No, I mean this (in my opinion, idiotic) game where people would try to get people to believe something was true that actually wasn't and then yell, "Psych" and laugh if one was gullible enough to believe it.

I despised that game. And, yeah. Probably partially because at the time I was stunted enough in my interpersonal intelligence that I was usually an easy mark. But, more because it just seemed like a way to make lying socially acceptable to me.

(Come to think of it, that is probably where I learned to associate lying [one of my three hard limits] with disrespecting me and my intelligence...)

One of my best friends absolutely loved that game. And I seemed to be a ready target for him to sling bullshit at and see how much I would swallow.

Until I stopped listening to him altogether.

One day, when he asked me about it, what had happened that we didn't hang out anymore, I told him point-blank "it was because I couldn't believe anything that came out of your mouth. So, what was the point in listening to you at all when I had better things to do with my time?"

Getting back to sports for just a moment, Lucy kept moving the damn football after conning me into trying to kick it.

In college, during those counseling classes that I mentioned in my earlier post, we discussed a lot about interpersonal authenticity and trust. However, we were also in training to be counselors. And as such, there were, of necessity, boundaries in place about how much we would reveal of ourselves to our ephemeral future clients.

In a nutshell, we had to learn to reveal very little about ourselves, while making certain that everything we did choose to reveal about ourselves was one hundred percent verifiably accurate. Or, more accurately, could not be verifiably disproven. We had to be trustworthy.

We also learned rather a lot about lying. We learned that our ephemeral future clients would lie to us. Sometimes because they were embarrassed about the truth. Sometimes because they were telling only part of the truth and omitting salient details that would have changed the narrative. Sometimes because even they had no idea they were lying as they presented what they thought was the whole truth, from their perception.

In effect, I learned to beat that stupid "Psych!" game.

Rather, I started learning there, in those college courses. But, once I left my original intent to be an MFT/ST and swung off into the detention units, I necessarily honed that skill to an edge sharper than Occam.

What? You don't think inmates lie? Perhaps especially to the people holding the keys and trying to keep them from acting out in their behaviors learned up to that point and frowned on by larger society?

Puh-leeeze. The overwhelming majority of them would have lied to me about the weather if they thought they could get something out of it.

Here's the thing. When someone lies all the time, and everyone around them lies all the time, their perception is going to be that everyone lies and therefore you must be a liar too.

So, the first step in what I mentioned in my earlier post when I began to get into their heads, was that I had to present myself one-hundred percent factually and honestly, with absolutely nothing presented that they could then disprove. Because they would try. They would look for the place where I lied, even a "small, little white lie." Their ego needed to find it. Because if I didn't lie, then not everyone lied, and therefore their own lies were a choice that they made whether through lack of courage or an attempt at manipulation.

Does this mean that I told them everything about me? Fuck, no! Get real!

I had my life threatened on an almost daily basis. Which I didn't really sweat too much. Hell, I habitually gave an address and a weekly time frame when I would be there, waiting for them. The ones that showed up found me there, right during the time frame that I had said I would be... making a little extra cash demonstrating just how much I was holding back at work during (strictly speaking "illegal"... don't look at me like that) back-alley...ah... ***cough*** sporting events. Something akin to modern MMA. Distantly kin.

However, I had also had my family threatened as a matter of course, periodically. And that, I did sweat. Very much.

Everyone knew I was married. And happily so. But, no one, not even co-workers, knew so much as her name or what she looked like (no pictures, even in my wallet) or what kind of work she did, much less where she worked or where we lived.

(As it happened, she worked in banking. And one night when I was followed from work... or attempted... by what turned out to be local Treasury as just a matter of course fact-finding... Gosh, were all of our faces red.)

If it didn't pertain directly to the job at hand and my relationship to them, then they not only didn't need to know it, but they weren't allowed to know it.

And, yet... everything they were allowed to know was factual and thus undisprovable.

More than that, when I said I would do something if certain conditions were met, I did that thing when those conditions were met. Without fail.

Or, in the rare events where I did fail, early on, I learned to watch what I said I would do, and make certain I could do the thing I wanted to say I would if the conditions I set were met. If I wasn't sure I could, then I didn't say I would.

Likewise, when I segued from detention work to teaching, I kept to the drill. My students didn't need to know the overwhelming majority of things about me and my life outside of the classroom (no matter how bad they wanted to know). But, what they were allowed to know had to be one hundred percent verifiable if they went to check.

In my personal life, and particularly the facets where the D/s spectrum of BDSM came into play...

I wasn't always completely open, depending on the relationship I had with my submissive. I didn't bother her with every little niggling detail that I would pay attention to for her fun and enjoyment, for example, if she didn't need to know it and the knowledge would have spoiled her enjoyment.

But, everything she was allowed to know, everything I revealed to her... about me, about us, about what I was doing to her, with her, and for her...had to be completely verifiable.

(Notwithstanding purposeful illusions such as blade play where I spun the illusion that might be the edge of the blade she couldn't see but felt against her vulnerable skin rather than the blunt spine or back.)

Moveable goals have been optimal. Giving me the opportunity to set the bar just a very little higher to stimulate the growth of the submissive having given herself into my care and tutelage at the time. Setting the bar at its maximum height from the get-go can be discouraging for certain personalities and be perceived as setting them up for failure.

Instead, I like to begin with easily achievable goals, then gradually transition through goals they have to stretch themselves to obtain until we reach the maximum capacity. I think by doing this, it stimulates growth.

Absent growth, we tend to stagnate and then decay. (Whichever side of the slash we are on, and even "fence humpers" or those for which there is no slash.)

Mutable rewards have also been optimal. Giving me the opportunity to keep things fresh and interesting.

However, it's been my experiences that within the D/s framework, those moveable goals and mutable rewards should be clarified to the mutual understanding of all parties before the task begins, else the perception can be that a lie was told and trust can be damaged.

If I don't tell her what the specific reward will be before she begins other than one of my choosing, then it's one thing and within the parameters of trust-building for me to determine a reward that I believe suits the accomplishment.

If she requests a specific reward, without me telling her she is allowed to, then it is with the parameters of further establishing the mental Dominance and submission for me to point out that is not her choice, and that I will reward her performance as I accord it worthy.

However, if I told her the reward would be something specific... even that she got to choose her reward... then failing to follow through on the expectation that I purposefully set once the task is accomplished... I don't know. That just feels too much like that abhorred "Psych" game.

Similarly, if I tell her what the goal is... even pushing her to set the goal herself... then I should stick to that set condition (and make her) for that iteration of the task. Whereas if I purposefully leave the end goal open (i.e., "until I decide enough") then I get to choose a little more just when we will stop (in lieu of her safeword, obviously).

I think to do anything else puts both sides in a position where the psychological underpinnings of a successful, trusting D/s relationship can be too easily damaged.

I don't know.

I readily admit that I'm probably overly simplistic about some things. (A great many, I'm sure.)

But, I think that there is a way to engage in mind-fuckery where trust isn't damaged, to press the boundaries of our psychological Dominance and submission in order to strengthen it and deepen it.

And a way that will snap back like an overstretched rubber band.

At least in my studies and experiences.

And the foundation lies, I think, in finding ways to shore up the cornerstone of trust that the mindfuckery doesn't incorporate lies and misdirection.

But, hey. At the end of the day, I have no say if I wasn't invited to play.

And if it works for you and yours (or Yours), then more power to ya.

So as long as everybody involved gives informed consent and is able to walk off the field under their own power when the game is done, play on, you kinky as fuck ducks. This world needs a lot more fuckin' and a lot less fuckin' over.

Any road, may the sun be out of your eyes and the wind at your back for a brighter tomorrow than yesterday.

 

[Acktion]

Im in complete agreement. Ive been everywhere you described (except Ive never had a career in corrections). I had a sub come visit me in person after talking online for many months... actually complain because I was (OMG ) consistent with my online persona. She literally said, "How could you be the same online and in person!" I simply told her that my personal is always consistent. Im always an Alpha and a Dominant no matter where I am or who Im with. School, Work, Church, grocery store. It doesnt mean that Im going to dominate everyone I see... but it does mean that I carry myself the same way at all times. Its not something I can turn off. Im always ready to lead. My last job in Logistics... I started on the bottom and took over the entire department in 30 days... because no one else had any leadership skills or desire. The last time I met a new submissive (who ended up my slave for over 2 years) for the first time at (of course) a Starbucks. Later she admitted, she knew who I was the moment I walked into the place. Before I introduced myself, before I even started walking towards her. She had a vanilla friend there as back up(a very wise plan anytime you are meeting someone new).... somewhere in the crowd. Her friends comment was simply, "That is not a man you want to fuck with" and I had not even said a word to her.... or even knew she was in the room.

All of this and what you have said speaks to the Psychological impact of a natural Dominant. Regardless of the sex or orientation of the Dominant.

Thank you for reading all of that and taking the time to comment. I don't often happen back by after I've had my say, generally distracted by what else is happening elsewhere, and typically miss follow-up commentary. But, I appreciate your taking the time to read and give your thoughts on it.

 

[Lady2020]

The issue with psychological domination I have is not letting the other person know. For the new or inexperienced, it can be a dangerous mindfuck. Even if it's OL RP.

 

[cocktaildress21]

Seems quite a few of you quite simply don't understand the reward/punishment axis - what it's there for, what to do with it. Being dominant doesn't mean you have no obligation, and it gives you zero privilege to lie. If I make an effort to please you, for a promised reward ... and you fail to deliver? Then next time, I'm not wasting the effort on you.

No, if you want to be dom - what you want to do is overdeliver.

 

[ultramarineblue]

(Snip)
And something I picked up from training my dogs was that if you promise a treat in exchange for a specific trick if they do it you give it. Or else, they will not exhibit the desired behaviors consistently. Why would they? They don't know if they are going to get the treat or not since you always promise it, but don't always give it? They don't even know if they are exhibiting the desired behavior or not if you don't set the goal for the given task!

However, there are some behaviors that you don't want to become dependent on treats but be adopted into their overall behavior without turning them into a little beach ball.

For these, there is a way to gradually remove the treat as the reinforcement for the behavior (although praise should never be removed). And the key to that is the word gradually. The same way my parents raised the pole on that damn basketball goal.

Also, there are tasks that are... too complex to break to a puppy all at once. So, you break it down into smaller, more accomplishable goals. For these, also, there is a way to gradually increase the expectation, the goal, until they are exhibiting the entirety of the desired behavior.

As another example, while I was first transitioning from a scrawny, runty, nerdy little bookworm with health issues to "jock," in the spring (around here back then anyway), if you were in athletics, you ran track. Period. That was the only option for school Athletics. Fall was football, winter was basketball, and spring was track and field. Oh, there were other options available, and even some through the school. But, if you were in the class designated Athletics, those three were what you did.

And Coach, in his infinite wisdom, decided to put the shortest motherfucker on the team (yours truly) to running fucking hurdles!

Dumbass!

Not him. Me for actually putting up with it for almost two years before my other testicle dropped and I told him in no circumstances was I ever running hurdles again. Or high jump either. And if he even looked at me with that stupid pole for pole-vaulting in his hand, I was gonna shove it up his ass. Sideways.

(For the record, I was "punished" by being put on the distance team. And not only loved it, but excelled.)

But, while he was trying to make me run hurdles, he did the same thing as my parents did with that basketball goal. Starting me at their lowest height. Then, gradually, raising them notch by notch until they were regulation height.

I was also growing (although not as much as most), so my gait was changing. "Wait, was that seven steps or si-... fuck!" **crash** So, there too, the goal was shifting as I had to constantly relearn the gait and then the leap. (And, yes, I had to fuckin' leap them. None of that Olympics style gliding over jack shit goin' on here.)

But, my point (as much as I ever have one) wasn't solely about athletic goals, but goals in general.

On the psychological front, when I was.... mmm... high school-aged for certain, although it may have started earlier, "Psych" became a thing.

I don't mean Psychology. That's been around for a long, long time and I'm not quite that old to have changed Jung and Freud's nappies.

Nor do I mean the television show Psych with the hidden pineapple in every episode as a slacker with better than the best attention for details convinces everyone he is psychic.

No, I mean this (in my opinion, idiotic) game where people would try to get people to believe something was true that actually wasn't and then yell, "Psych" and laugh if one was gullible enough to believe it.

I despised that game. And, yeah. Probably partially because at the time I was stunted enough in my interpersonal intelligence that I was usually an easy mark. But, more because it just seemed like a way to make lying socially acceptable to me.

(Come to think of it, that is probably where I learned to associate lying [one of my three hard limits] with disrespecting me and my intelligence...)

One of my best friends absolutely loved that game. And I seemed to be a ready target for him to sling bullshit at and see how much I would swallow.

Until I stopped listening to him altogether.

One day, when he asked me about it, what had happened that we didn't hang out anymore, I told him point-blank "it was because I couldn't believe anything that came out of your mouth. So, what was the point in listening to you at all when I had better things to do with my time?"

Getting back to sports for just a moment, Lucy kept moving the damn football after conning me into trying to kick it.

In college, during those counseling classes that I mentioned in my earlier post, we discussed a lot about interpersonal authenticity and trust. However, we were also in training to be counselors. And as such, there were, of necessity, boundaries in place about how much we would reveal of ourselves to our ephemeral future clients.

In a nutshell, we had to learn to reveal very little about ourselves, while making certain that everything we did choose to reveal about ourselves was one hundred percent verifiably accurate. Or, more accurately, could not be verifiably disproven. We had to be trustworthy.

We also learned rather a lot about lying. We learned that our ephemeral future clients would lie to us. Sometimes because they were embarrassed about the truth. Sometimes because they were telling only part of the truth and omitting salient details that would have changed the narrative. Sometimes because even they had no idea they were lying as they presented what they thought was the whole truth, from their perception.

In effect, I learned to beat that stupid "Psych!" game.

Rather, I started learning there, in those college courses. But, once I left my original intent to be an MFT/ST and swung off into the detention units, I necessarily honed that skill to an edge sharper than Occam.

What? You don't think inmates lie? Perhaps especially to the people holding the keys and trying to keep them from acting out in their behaviors learned up to that point and frowned on by larger society?

Puh-leeeze. The overwhelming majority of them would have lied to me about the weather if they thought they could get something out of it.

Here's the thing. When someone lies all the time, and everyone around them lies all the time, their perception is going to be that everyone lies and therefore you must be a liar too.

So, the first step in what I mentioned in my earlier post when I began to get into their heads, was that I had to present myself one-hundred percent factually and honestly, with absolutely nothing presented that they could then disprove. Because they would try. They would look for the place where I lied, even a "small, little white lie." Their ego needed to find it. Because if I didn't lie, then not everyone lied, and therefore their own lies were a choice that they made whether through lack of courage or an attempt at manipulation.

Does this mean that I told them everything about me? Fuck, no! Get real!

I had my life threatened on an almost daily basis. Which I didn't really sweat too much. Hell, I habitually gave an address and a weekly time frame when I would be there, waiting for them. The ones that showed up found me there, right during the time frame that I had said I would be... making a little extra cash demonstrating just how much I was holding back at work during (strictly speaking "illegal"... don't look at me like that) back-alley...ah... ***cough*** sporting events. Something akin to modern MMA. Distantly kin.

However, I had also had my family threatened as a matter of course, periodically. And that, I did sweat. Very much.

Everyone knew I was married. And happily so. But, no one, not even co-workers, knew so much as her name or what she looked like (no pictures, even in my wallet) or what kind of work she did, much less where she worked or where we lived.

(As it happened, she worked in banking. And one night when I was followed from work... or attempted... by what turned out to be local Treasury as just a matter of course fact-finding... Gosh, were all of our faces red.)

If it didn't pertain directly to the job at hand and my relationship to them, then they not only didn't need to know it, but they weren't allowed to know it.

And, yet... everything they were allowed to know was factual and thus undisprovable.

More than that, when I said I would do something if certain conditions were met, I did that thing when those conditions were met. Without fail.

Or, in the rare events where I did fail, early on, I learned to watch what I said I would do, and make certain I could do the thing I wanted to say I would if the conditions I set were met. If I wasn't sure I could, then I didn't say I would.

Likewise, when I segued from detention work to teaching, I kept to the drill. My students didn't need to know the overwhelming majority of things about me and my life outside of the classroom (no matter how bad they wanted to know). But, what they were allowed to know had to be one hundred percent verifiable if they went to check.

In my personal life, and particularly the facets where the D/s spectrum of BDSM came into play...

I wasn't always completely open, depending on the relationship I had with my submissive. I didn't bother her with every little niggling detail that I would pay attention to for her fun and enjoyment, for example, if she didn't need to know it and the knowledge would have spoiled her enjoyment.

But, everything she was allowed to know, everything I revealed to her... about me, about us, about what I was doing to her, with her, and for her...had to be completely verifiable.

(Notwithstanding purposeful illusions such as blade play where I spun the illusion that might be the edge of the blade she couldn't see but felt against her vulnerable skin rather than the blunt spine or back.)

Moveable goals have been optimal. Giving me the opportunity to set the bar just a very little higher to stimulate the growth of the submissive having given herself into my care and tutelage at the time. Setting the bar at its maximum height from the get-go can be discouraging for certain personalities and be perceived as setting them up for failure.

Instead, I like to begin with easily achievable goals, then gradually transition through goals they have to stretch themselves to obtain until we reach the maximum capacity. I think by doing this, it stimulates growth.

Absent growth, we tend to stagnate and then decay. (Whichever side of the slash we are on, and even "fence humpers" or those for which there is no slash.)

Mutable rewards have also been optimal. Giving me the opportunity to keep things fresh and interesting.

However, it's been my experiences that within the D/s framework, those moveable goals and mutable rewards should be clarified to the mutual understanding of all parties before the task begins, else the perception can be that a lie was told and trust can be damaged.

If I don't tell her what the specific reward will be before she begins other than one of my choosing, then it's one thing and within the parameters of trust-building for me to determine a reward that I believe suits the accomplishment.

If she requests a specific reward, without me telling her she is allowed to, then it is with the parameters of further establishing the mental Dominance and submission for me to point out that is not her choice, and that I will reward her performance as I accord it worthy.

However, if I told her the reward would be something specific... even that she got to choose her reward... then failing to follow through on the expectation that I purposefully set once the task is accomplished... I don't know. That just feels too much like that abhorred "Psych" game.

Similarly, if I tell her what the goal is... even pushing her to set the goal herself... then I should stick to that set condition (and make her) for that iteration of the task. Whereas if I purposefully leave the end goal open (i.e., "until I decide enough") then I get to choose a little more just when we will stop (in lieu of her safeword, obviously).

I think to do anything else puts both sides in a position where the psychological underpinnings of a successful, trusting D/s relationship can be too easily damaged.

I don't know.

I readily admit that I'm probably overly simplistic about some things. (A great many, I'm sure.)

But, I think that there is a way to engage in mind-fuckery where trust isn't damaged, to press the boundaries of our psychological Dominance and submission in order to strengthen it and deepen it.

And a way that will snap back like an overstretched rubber band.

At least in my studies and experiences.

And the foundation lies, I think, in finding ways to shore up the cornerstone of trust that the mindfuckery doesn't incorporate lies and misdirection.

But, hey. At the end of the day, I have no say if I wasn't invited to play.

And if it works for you and yours (or Yours), then more power to ya.

So as long as everybody involved gives informed consent and is able to walk off the field under their own power when the game is done, play on, you kinky as fuck ducks. This world needs a lot more fuckin' and a lot less fuckin' over.

Any road, may the sun be out of your eyes and the wind at your back for a brighter tomorrow than yesterday.

I really agree with a lot of this. One of the things I struggle with in my regular life is getting people to consistently learn and produce work as well as just act like decent people. It's hard for me because I don't understand why people resist doing what they're supposed to so much. I mean there are tons of things I don't want to do but I have to do them. I think one aspect that causes me trouble is how I do try to find the good even in something that isn't necessarily good. I think sometimes people may think I'm not serious or that I'm lying about the good thing I found. At the same time, I don't want to overwhelm them with every single thing that needs correcting. Anyway, thank you for sharing these thoughts.

 

[rider81]

Seems quite a few of you quite simply don't understand the reward/punishment axis - what it's there for, what to do with it. Being dominant doesn't mean you have no obligation, and it gives you zero privilege to lie. If I make an effort to please you, for a promised reward ... and you fail to deliver? Then next time, I'm not wasting the effort on you.

No, if you want to be dom - what you want to do is overdeliver.

Perfectly said.

 

[Young19sub]

This is what I crave

I dont know why but I do really crave psychological domination. The more messed up the better. I've always wanted to find someone who can fuck me up on a deep level.

 

[Master_Doctor]

Seems quite a few of you quite simply don't understand the reward/punishment axis - what it's there for, what to do with it. Being dominant doesn't mean you have no obligation, and it gives you zero privilege to lie. If I make an effort to please you, for a promised reward ... and you fail to deliver? Then next time, I'm not wasting the effort on you.

No, if you want to be dom - what you want to do is overdeliver.

With respects, I understand full well the reward/punishment axis. With my education and psych background coupled with more then two decades of experience dominating willing women as a Dominant and Master. While I do agree with some of your points. I agree completely about lying and not producing what you promised. No Question at all.

I dont actually agree completely with over delivering. I do think that when I do my job well and give my submissive what she needs... the feeling it gives her... is simply indescribable. I love that feeling. That I am responsible for giving her that experience. But what I think aside from this, what makes me a great Dominant is that I always keep making them want MORE. Keeping a submissive on edge and wanting and needing more... is what makes a good Dominant.

This is aside from the fact (that ive mentioned many times) that I think the best Dominants are classy, respectful, and polite. I never lie to a prospective submissive. I am the one privileged to have a submissives who choose to live under my authority. I remind them often that they ARE my treasure. I try to make each feel special and uniquely beautiful.... and that I am grateful that they are a part of my life.