Protocols of the Eeyore Army

[badbabysitter]

So, I was out late and decided to hit Denny's on my way home, and there was table of old miserable guys getting the early bird special sitting across from me

And wouldn't you believe it, they were discussing the upcoming revolt with their great leader Eeyore.. and some of the rules they would have put in place to ensure their glorious future

being a woman, they didn't acknowledge my existence and I could listen in

here's some of the things I learned

their motto ... " For Grace"

there would be no chain of command, as taking orders flies in the face of individual liberty

their would be no uniforms, for the aforementioned reason

medical texts that discuss the female reproductive system must be burned before Science or Rational Thought began to seep into their ranks

if caught breaking laws/rules in enemy territory, play the victim to such an outrageous degree that the enemy will never take you seriously

make Jesus Christ your personal lord and saviour, quote the Bible.. but always deny being a Christian.. because Christianity is apparently some super duper secret society

your enemies are statist collectivist playgrounder wannabee gnostic lemmings

they themselves seemed unclear what that meant

and the biggest one was

there would be no penalty for desertion, as whenever a soldier would claim to leave forever.. they would probably be back in less then a month

 

[Emerson40]

I am having a great deal of difficulty believing this.

Are you sure there was more than one old, miserable guy sitting at that table?

Cause everything else fits, and could easily be believed. All of it, except that bit about there being more than two at the table.

 

[RobDownSouth]

their motto ... " For Grace"

there would be no chain of command, as taking orders flies in the face of individual liberty

This actually works to the benefit of teh Eeyore Army, since General Officers are not recognized unless they have four stars.

 

[Pookie]

...

their motto ... " For Grace"

....

The whole thing is funny as fuck, but I literally LOLed at the above.

 

[Christobal]

Liar. The eeyore army never meets. It's only one guy. One sad and lonely guy. But hey, there is an upside. Sometimes his mom comes down into the basement to bring him a sammich and pick up his dirty underwear.

 

[badbabysitter]

Well, I was still pretty drunk.. he could have been talking to his eggs and bacon

 

[Emerson40]

Well, I was still pretty drunk.. he could have been talking to his eggs and bacon

This. This I can believe.

He usually orders the 'Two Innocent Murdered Chicks, over-easy, with some Progressive, Wannabe Son of Noah'.