Protocol question

[chy_girl]

Out of curiosity, when a pyl is uncollared, does the PYL typically give the day collar to the pyl as a "memento" with the instruction that it may still be worn but as a necklace - because it is no longer a collar?

And I'm not talking about a necklace that was bought from a store, but a hand made necklace that was created with the express purpose of being a collar that wouldn't draw questions in the vanilla world.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sweetie, you should know by now-- there is no "typical."

 

[chy_girl]

Sweetie, you should know by now-- there is no "typical."

Ok. So what option happens more times than the other option?

 

[girlowned]

Well think about it this way.. What would happen to the wedding ring if you got divorced?

It was a gift given out of love/respect/desire, whatever word you want to use for it...but it was still a gift. Having said that, it is a gift with a specific purpose that both parties agree to when it is given.

So in my opinion....
If the pyl left, then it should go back to the PYL if they want it. Due to the fact that the pyl broke the spirit of the gift.

If the PYL left, then it should stay with the pyl if they want it. Due to the fact that the PYL broke the spirit of the gift.

(Always remember, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. )

 

[midwestyankee]

Ok. So what option happens more times than the other option?

I don't know your whole story but my feeling is this: if you've been released then what you do with your possessions is entirely up to you. If you want to wear a garden hose around your neck because it reminds you of a wonderful hose-beating you sustained once at a lover's hand, then by all means go about town looking like a hose reel.

Seriously, do what you want and let the rest of the world take care of itself. Please yourself.

 

[the captians wench]

I'm with MWY on this one.

I've only been given a collar, specifically for the use as a collar durring the day time when I work, once. It was something he made out of bicycle spokes, an activity he cares deeply about.

We had an issue in the triad. The Mrs needed some time to think about things and adjust, but she kept bouncing back and forth. She wanted to be okay with things, but really she wasn't, and the indesition was just hurting all of us. I was the one to break first, and I said we would have to change our dynamic and I just couldn't be his pet anymore. It hurt too much.

I couldn't bear to wear the collar, that hurt too. I couldn't even bear to look at it. So I put it in an envelope, along with all of the locks we had bought for it, and set it on the bar where it wouldn't get looked at too often. I told him what I did with it, and offered to give it back. He told me that he gave it to me as a gift, and it was mine as long as I want it, even if I don't wear it, but if I didn't want it then he would take it.

It's still in the same spot I left it 2 years ago, unopened.

Our dynamic will never be the same as it was when he gave that to me, but it's still pressious to me and I can't see myself parting with it, even if I can't wear it. I'd like to wear it, it's really cool looking, but I just can't do it, there was too much meaning behind it for it to ever be just a neckless to me.

I hope this helps you chy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't know. I have one collar which I only put on really special partners-- they don't get to keep it.

I make toys and equipment for play partners, and if I feel they worked for the stuff-- and my bar is NOT that high-- then I give it to them. I find that the kind of people who can't make that bar also don't see why they shouldn't keep the toys.

As for your situation though-- yeah, I might give the day collar to the sub, but if I am not their top any longer, I don't give them instructions on how to wear the damn thing. I tend to expect it to stay in their jewelry box, really... (ETA) for the reasons that wench just made. But that isn't a matter of protocol, just of human nature and sensitivity.

 

[the captians wench]

I'm kinda of the same mind Stella.

I kind of feel like if I'm not owned, why do I need to keep your collar? But then, if it's something hand made, I apreciate those things so much, that it's hard for me to part with them, but like in the case I discribed, I would offer. Offering to return it was almost as hard as taking it off. It takes time, and thought to make something, and spending that kind of effort on me, well it just always keeps a special place.

It's really hard being in that possition. I'm one of those who will read something like that and go "well why would you want it?" until it happened to me, then I understood.

I don't know how I would feel about a recycled collar tho.

 

[chy_girl]

Thank you for the replies and the perspectives. It's something that I cherished more than any other possession I have. It's hard to look at it now. And there are times when my emotions run high enough that I can feel the damned thing from the opposite end of the house.

Perhaps the smartest thing would be to simply... put certain belongings away for awhile. At least until the tides recede.

 

[ownedsubgal]

this is just my two cents, but a collar is very significant, powerful symbol imo. it signifies ownership, possession. if i were released, i would not consider the collar mine any longer, as i would no longer be his possession. He would remove the collar from my neck and more than likely i would never see it again.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you for the replies and the perspectives. It's something that I cherished more than any other possession I have. It's hard to look at it now. And there are times when my emotions run high enough that I can feel the damned thing from the opposite end of the house.

Perhaps the smartest thing would be to simply... put certain belongings away for awhile. At least until the tides recede.

Yes, sweets. Find a pretty box to keep it in, place it in, let one perfect crystal tear fall alongside it, and close the lid.

Hmm! "perfect crystal tears" for memento keepsake companions. I'm going to look into that...

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Yes, sweets. Find a pretty box to keep it in, place it in, let one perfect crystal tear fall alongside it, and close the lid.

I think this is just right.

You probably feel like it's the tell-tale heart right now, chy, but you'll want it one day.

Maybe sooner than you think.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think this is just right.

You probably feel like it's the tell-tale heart right now, chy, but you'll want it one day.

Maybe sooner than you think.

Or maybe not. But this way you look at the box not the collar.

 

[chy_girl]

Yes, sweets. Find a pretty box to keep it in, place it in, let one perfect crystal tear fall alongside it, and close the lid.

Hmm! "perfect crystal tears" for memento keepsake companions. I'm going to look into that...

Tears I have in bulk, at the moment. Bastard emotions, anyways.

There's actually a box she gave me that I put it in earlier. That shall get boxed up too with other things that I need to not look at. Funny how it's easier to not feel them if you don't see them quite so often.

I think this is just right.

You probably feel like it's the tell-tale heart right now, chy, but you'll want it one day.

Maybe sooner than you think.

LOL - A bit, yes. Talk about being an over achiever in the "make life complected" department, though. Jesus - I finally have my first actual relationship and I pick this. Yeah... I wouldn't change it for the world though, you know?

 

[the captians wench]

Tears I have in bulk, at the moment. Bastard emotions, anyways.

There's actually a box she gave me that I put it in earlier. That shall get boxed up too with other things that I need to not look at. Funny how it's easier to not feel them if you don't see them quite so often.


LOL - A bit, yes. Talk about being an over achiever in the "make life complected" department, though. Jesus - I finally have my first actual relationship and I pick this. Yeah... I wouldn't change it for the world though, you know?

You're not alone chy.

My first relationship after marrying my high school sweetheart was(is) with a man half way cross the world. Then I got involved with a couple after that.

Don't know if I'd know how to handle a relationship that wasn't complicated.

 

[chy_girl]

You're not alone chy.

My first relationship after marrying my high school sweetheart was(is) with a man half way cross the world. Then I got involved with a couple after that.

Don't know if I'd know how to handle a relationship that wasn't complicated.

*tired half-smile*
Why have anything simple and easy when it can be complex and wonderful, right?

 

[Primalex]

Out of curiosity, when a pyl is uncollared, does the PYL typically give the day collar to the pyl as a "memento" with the instruction that it may still be worn but as a necklace - because it is no longer a collar?

And I'm not talking about a necklace that was bought from a store, but a hand made necklace that was created with the express purpose of being a collar that wouldn't draw questions in the vanilla world.

Well, if there is some kind of protocol, then it must be Gorean, only they fancy protocols.

From a Gorean perspective, your Master would have to exchange your collar with a simple one without owner tag (otherwise you would be returned to him, if you still wear his). You wouldn't be uncollared, because your position in the world is still the one of a slave^1. This is why a Gorean will put on a second collar before removing the first one.

(And of course, because uncollaring doesn't make sense in the Gorean world. It's like throwing away something you could sell.)

HTH