Daddys_Touch
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 12, 2009
- Posts
- 43
Hi,
I'm a first year university student, I've written the first part of a story that I'll probably do a couple more parts to. The part I have written is about 11,000 words.
It features themes of:
BDSM
D/s
Age play
Humiliation
First time
Violence
Gun play
Breathe play/choking
Rough sex
And, I'd like to think, a little romance.
It's male/female, with a dominant male and submissive female. The male is not old as such, but older than the female who is young but legal.
I'd certainly like someone to proof read it, if possible, and if anything more can be offered, general opinions on language, structure, pace etc, then that'd be great. One things in particular that concerns me is that I think I frequently start sentences with "he," "she," "his," and "her."
I won't post the first couple of hundred words as I don't think they give a very representative view of the story as a whole, but I'll email or PM the whole story to anyone that wants it.
I'm a first year university student, I've written the first part of a story that I'll probably do a couple more parts to. The part I have written is about 11,000 words.
It features themes of:
BDSM
D/s
Age play
Humiliation
First time
Violence
Gun play
Breathe play/choking
Rough sex
And, I'd like to think, a little romance.
It's male/female, with a dominant male and submissive female. The male is not old as such, but older than the female who is young but legal.
I'd certainly like someone to proof read it, if possible, and if anything more can be offered, general opinions on language, structure, pace etc, then that'd be great. One things in particular that concerns me is that I think I frequently start sentences with "he," "she," "his," and "her."
I won't post the first couple of hundred words as I don't think they give a very representative view of the story as a whole, but I'll email or PM the whole story to anyone that wants it.
