... Promote Reciprocation

[AGivingTree]

My girlfriend really doesn't like to reciprocate.
For example, last night I went a lil wild with the cunnilingus , and she was, hemm, a lil sore, and didn't feel like intercourse.
OK, I can empathize.
But, I got nothin.
Not a blowjob. Not a handjob. Not a rub for good luck.

I mean, I'm not a selfish guy sexually, and I feel like an ass just posting this, but I mean...
She gets satisfied, and rolls over to go to sleep...
And I go off to the bathroom to ease the discomfort of the poor neglected boys...
... And I was hoping for a long night of marathon sex.

It seems like I'm often getting "the short end of the stick" in sex, as it were, and she's not terribly approachable about sex in conversation, either; she really doesn't like to talk about it....
Any tips on how to bring up my needs to her?
Thanks in advance
-Tree
and feeling neglected

 

[peachykeen]

Write her a letter.

 

[Vixandra]

I like Peachy's idea.
Write her a letter stating in a non-attack format what you're feeling. That you're getting the short end of the stick and it isn't very fair.
Though if you're leaving her sore as you say I don't really blame her. But them I'm the kind of girl that doesn't get off on that alone, need penetration to do it.
Perhaps you could try 69 as an altertnative? That way you get what you want and she gets what she wants?
Most people won't blow up at you for asking for your "fair" share in the bedroom, unless you've stated in a "you're a bitch who's not pleasing me and I demand better!" type way. If she blows up at a sane proprosale for a fairer bedroom life then you might consider finding someone who matches your sexual goals and needs a bit better.

 

[freddyandeddy]

Letter? That's a bit feminine, don't you think?

Establish the guidelines going in, like, "I just can't wait to eat your pussy for hours and get that killer blowjob afterward." Then, ask for your killer blowjob when you're finished.

She was too sore after cunnilingus? My wife is begging for it afterward. You sure you don't need a few pointers in that department? Check with her.

 

[AGivingTree]

She mentioned how she was still sore today...
I may have gotten a little carried away.
Pretty sure I'm doing just fine in that department.
She certainly seemed to enjoy it at the time
...
Still, there's a definite lack of communication going on. I've repeatedly mentioned how she should tell me what she likes and does not, but for the most part, i end up working on her body's non-verbal cues.
*sigh*
Makes things more difficult than they need to be.

 

[NaiveOne]

Maybe she wants you to ask her, tell her what you want?

Personally, when my former guy would ask or tell me what he wanted me to do, it turned me on even more.




This is a weird situation....

I mean, she has to know you're ready for some action. Why wouldn't she want to finish things up?

Does she use the tired and sore excuse often?

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

I would tell her straight up

 

[Mistress K]

I agree with the idea of writing her a letter and I don't think that it's feminine at all.

You don't even have to give her the letter, you could simply write down how you feel and what you would like, and then read it to her. I did this once for a partner and it worked out great

But the main point is - you need to tell her. Great communication is the key to any good relationship.

 

[AGivingTree]

NaiveOne, no, she's never said she was tired/sore before. You may have a point about me asking her, though, as she is rather sexually passive.
Well, I think if things aren't better next time, I'll tell her what's on my mind. Kinda hard for me, cause I'm a very laid-back, subdued guy, but... no help for it, I guess.
And if things don't improve from there, there are always other fish in the sea.
Thanks for all the advice, everybody.

 

[peachykeen]

How on earth is writing a letter "feminine"? I suppose maybe you suppose he should 'be a man about it' and just grunt and point at his crotch? Welcome to the new century, caveman.

Tree, the reason I suggested a letter is threefold. First of all, as you write down what you are feeling, you are clarifying those feelings not just for her but for yourself. You might think "no I already know what I'm feeling and what's bothering me" and that may be so, or, you may also find some other things emerging as you write. Either way, it's a valuable tool in knowing yourself.

Secondly, when you write, you are more likely to be mindful of what you say and how you say it. There is much less chance of an outburst in which you will "say" something that you regret later because it maybe didn't come out the way you meant it, know what I mean? You can write something down, then read it over and decide "oh no, that's not really what I meant to say at all", erase it and start over.

Finally, as you say she is not very open right now to talking about these things, so having it in a letter allows her to take these things in at her own pace, without having to raise up a defensive wall.



edited to add, I wrote this before reading the above comment about there being "plenty of other fish in the sea". My mistake, I had the impression that this girl was emotionally important to you but I guess not. If you're prepared to jsut 'toss her back', why are you bothering to invest the energy at all?

 

[English Lady]

I think written comments can be misconstrued like can be seen in several posts here.

I would write it al down on paper...all your feelings....what you want what you feel you're ont getting and how it makes up feel THEN refine it into either a non acusative letter or into a conversation where you keep in mind your partners feelings and you don't go stomping on anyone's feelings accidently or purposefully.


Oh and if you really can contemplate being with someone else that glibly Agivingtree then maybe this isn't a relationship you should be in anyway.

 

[asenath]

Smack her on the ass and tell her, "Suck my cock!"

She'll either slap you or dig it.

 

[NaiveOne]

edited to add, I wrote this before reading the above comment about there being "plenty of other fish in the sea". My mistake, I had the impression that this girl was emotionally important to you but I guess not. If you're prepared to jsut 'toss her back', why are you bothering to invest the energy at all?

Oh and if you really can contemplate being with someone else that glibly Agivingtree then maybe this isn't a relationship you should be in anyway.

Ya know, why doesn't someone ask him why he said that, instead of first accusing him of being shallow and uncaring.

People say things glibly when they are upset.

 

[AGivingTree]

I don't think it's fair to say that I shouldn't be in this relationship because I can imagine it ending eventually. Maybe I didn't phrase it as well as I could have
Anyway, I'm a young guy in my prime, and haven't dated around too much, so I think it's perfectly reasonable for me to say that I can find someone else if this relationship ends up not working out. That isn't to say that I'm not trying to fix matters.
Besides, this is a relatively casual relationship, neither I nor she is in this relationship looking for "true love" (we discussed this before we even started dating).

 

[English Lady]

Well I was giving my advice as I saw it at the time..i am glad you've come back and clarified what you meant AGivingTree...I think this added info possibly gives a whole spin to your post.

If this is a casual relationship..it's not leading to a true love romance type thing well then maybe she literally is just using you to get her off. Maybe she sees it as just a means to an end and once she has had hers she isn't interested any more. I don't know the lady in question but from this extra info this is what jumps to mind.


AGivingTree I think you know what you want to do. I think that you're probably just looking for someone to say to you what you want to do anyway. End this relationship...to be perfectly honest it doesn't sound like either of you are really getting anything much out of it....well except her maybe...at least she's getting off.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh....and if i've got the wrong end of the stick i apologise...I am just giving the advice I think fits the bill here

 

[dollface007]

As far as getting her to open up about her desires verbally, why not try teasing her...after she's healed up, that is. Get her good and worked up (try this part with clothes on) and then tell her that you can't go any further until she tells you exactly what she wants. Then you can tell her exactly what you want.
It may not be that she doesn't want to reciprocate...she may just be insecure about her own sexuality and might be worried of what you'll think of her if she asks for certain things or just starts sucking you off on her own volition.
if this doesn't work, maybe you should have an outside-the-bedroom conversation about it....or move on.

 

[turtle34]

Next time, lead up to it better. Simply hoping for a marathon night of sex after earth shattering cunnilingus isn't enough. Prepare some foreplay (I'm sure you did, but elaborate), and after you perform it on her, snuggle up close, and ask her to reciprocate. Also make sure, while performing it, ask her if it feels good, or if she would like you to do something. Those little things work wonders

 

[jasmine8316]

1) This guy isn't married. Why put up with someone who doesn't please him in bed if she isn't willing to learn.

2) Why is she sore after oral? Do you have facial hair that is rubbing? Don't take for granted that she is not faking it. Brush up on a reading lesson on oral just in case. She may be rolling over in frustration.

3) I have no advice on how to try and get her to give back. While making out direct her hand to your cock. Maybe she is shy.