My husband and I have been trying to get me pregnant for about 6 months now. Our big road block is lack of sex. My husband is only interested maybe 3 times a month. It isn't a new thing he has been like that for the last 5 years or so. When we do have sex, I takes a lot of coaxing before he is able to have a hard on. He is only 26, and he got a clean bill of health on his physical a few months ago. However, he didn't talk to his Dr. about this in particular. I know he is embarrased by this and doesn't want to talk about it. But I don't know how to help him. I could really use some sugestions.
Problem with Mr. Happy :(
- Thread starter Valcorie
- Start date
Hisbabydoll26
Just..tired
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2005
- Posts
- 1,621
Wow...not sure how to help but it seems as though that is a low sex drive for a man so young. Does he work alot? Lots of stress..no sleep etc?? What about you asking the same question only to a doctor...his doctor perhaps? Do you have the same doctor? Is he on any drugs....prescription I mean.....does he drink a lot? I would think all of these would be factors and would help anyone to at least give you better advice. Good luck....
Also I think that 6 months and longer is about average...so wouldn't be too worried yet.
Also I think that 6 months and longer is about average...so wouldn't be too worried yet.
Norajane
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2006
- Posts
- 898
Unless those three times a month he wants to have sex happen to all be when you're ovulating, it's going to take a lot longer than 6 months to get pregnant.
Geez, why won't he talk to his doctor about it?! He's too young to have erection problems. Mr. Happy should be a lot happier, a lot more often, that he is now.
Does he masturbate? If he can have erections without a problem when he's fantasizing or looking at porn, it's not likely he has a physical problem.
Geez, why won't he talk to his doctor about it?! He's too young to have erection problems. Mr. Happy should be a lot happier, a lot more often, that he is now.
Does he masturbate? If he can have erections without a problem when he's fantasizing or looking at porn, it's not likely he has a physical problem.
lizaveta
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2005
- Posts
- 4,986
Hi Valcorie! My husband and I are also trying to have a baby - good luck!
A few things:
1. If you think his problem may be physical, embarassed or not he needs to seek help. A hormonal imbalance now may cause greater problems down the road if he doesn't get it addressed.
2. Stress may certainly be a culprit, but don't count out the specific stress that comes with trying to conceive (TTC). Are you sure he's ready to be a father? If not and he's panicking about it, that may be the real reason behind his lack of sex drive.
3. If it isn't hormonal and it isn't stress, are you charting your cycles so you know when you're ovulating? If not, start now; that way he only really needs to "perform" once or twice a cycle, as long as it happens at the RIGHT time. Otherwise it's a game of Russian Roulette and the odds are not in your favor. Which brings me to...
4. Sometimes when you're TTC, and I am loathe to say this lest I get flamed by the "relax and it will just happen" crowd, it isn't about his interest in having sex. Many times over the last year and a half (interrupted, long story) one or both of us hasn't been "in the mood", but the timing was right so we did what we needed to do. Don't get me wrong; once things get rolling we always have a good time and we're always glad we MADE the time. But as the months drag on sometimes it does become a deed we just have to drag ourselves upstairs to do.
I'd like to say that everyone has a baby just by wishing for one, but it isn't true for everyone. Six months isn't a long time to try, but it feels like forever, especially when one partner doesn't seem to be all the way in the game. Maybe what's needed is a calm discussion about your goals and how to achieve them? The last thing he needs is pressure from you, but if it's just "interest" that's getting in his way he's simply going to have to get with the program.
Just remind him that there's time enough for "headaches" once the baby has you up all night.
Good luck to you both.
A few things:
1. If you think his problem may be physical, embarassed or not he needs to seek help. A hormonal imbalance now may cause greater problems down the road if he doesn't get it addressed.
2. Stress may certainly be a culprit, but don't count out the specific stress that comes with trying to conceive (TTC). Are you sure he's ready to be a father? If not and he's panicking about it, that may be the real reason behind his lack of sex drive.
3. If it isn't hormonal and it isn't stress, are you charting your cycles so you know when you're ovulating? If not, start now; that way he only really needs to "perform" once or twice a cycle, as long as it happens at the RIGHT time. Otherwise it's a game of Russian Roulette and the odds are not in your favor. Which brings me to...
4. Sometimes when you're TTC, and I am loathe to say this lest I get flamed by the "relax and it will just happen" crowd, it isn't about his interest in having sex. Many times over the last year and a half (interrupted, long story) one or both of us hasn't been "in the mood", but the timing was right so we did what we needed to do. Don't get me wrong; once things get rolling we always have a good time and we're always glad we MADE the time. But as the months drag on sometimes it does become a deed we just have to drag ourselves upstairs to do.
I'd like to say that everyone has a baby just by wishing for one, but it isn't true for everyone. Six months isn't a long time to try, but it feels like forever, especially when one partner doesn't seem to be all the way in the game. Maybe what's needed is a calm discussion about your goals and how to achieve them? The last thing he needs is pressure from you, but if it's just "interest" that's getting in his way he's simply going to have to get with the program.
Just remind him that there's time enough for "headaches" once the baby has you up all night.
Good luck to you both.
more info
My hubby works a ton, and is usualy pretty tired, but he recently took 4 weeks off and we had sex once in the 4 week period. He isn't getting a lot of pressure to have sex because of the preg. The problem has been like this for 5-6 years. That is how long we have been together.
He does masterbate, and doesn't seem to have a problem with that. He looks at a lot of porn when he does. He has mentioned several times that he ejaculated but it isn't like he has an orgasim. I don't know if that is seperate for guys or not. He makes it sound like when he cums it is kind of blah and alright but not that great???
Thanks for the help and imput I really appreciate it.
Especialy if any one has some ideas to help him talk about it, or even talk to a doctor about it. Pregnancy aside it would just be great to improve our sex life.
My hubby works a ton, and is usualy pretty tired, but he recently took 4 weeks off and we had sex once in the 4 week period. He isn't getting a lot of pressure to have sex because of the preg. The problem has been like this for 5-6 years. That is how long we have been together.
He does masterbate, and doesn't seem to have a problem with that. He looks at a lot of porn when he does. He has mentioned several times that he ejaculated but it isn't like he has an orgasim. I don't know if that is seperate for guys or not. He makes it sound like when he cums it is kind of blah and alright but not that great???
Thanks for the help and imput I really appreciate it.
Especialy if any one has some ideas to help him talk about it, or even talk to a doctor about it. Pregnancy aside it would just be great to improve our sex life.
lizaveta
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2005
- Posts
- 4,986
Then I think just a frank conversation may be your best bet.
His body is like a car: systems break down, and we call mechanics to fix them. We don't feel shame when a belt breaks; we just call the guy who replaces belts and that's the end of that. Except that unlike a car we keep our bodies for our entire lives, so it's much more important that we address broken parts, and sooner rather than later.
The body's hormonal system is a fragile and complicated thing. I don't know nearly as much about men's health as I do women's, but from my research about my own issues I know that it takes very little to send my system out of whack. Fortunately, it can also take little to get it back in balance.
He's only 26. Since we don't know what's wrong, we can't say what else may break down if the current issue is left to its own devices over time. Why spend a lifetime with a broken belt, when there's a mechanic only a phone call away?
His body is like a car: systems break down, and we call mechanics to fix them. We don't feel shame when a belt breaks; we just call the guy who replaces belts and that's the end of that. Except that unlike a car we keep our bodies for our entire lives, so it's much more important that we address broken parts, and sooner rather than later.
The body's hormonal system is a fragile and complicated thing. I don't know nearly as much about men's health as I do women's, but from my research about my own issues I know that it takes very little to send my system out of whack. Fortunately, it can also take little to get it back in balance.
He's only 26. Since we don't know what's wrong, we can't say what else may break down if the current issue is left to its own devices over time. Why spend a lifetime with a broken belt, when there's a mechanic only a phone call away?
Norajane
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2006
- Posts
- 898
Valcorie said:My hubby works a ton, and is usualy pretty tired, but he recently took 4 weeks off and we had sex once in the 4 week period. He isn't getting a lot of pressure to have sex because of the preg. The problem has been like this for 5-6 years. That is how long we have been together.
He does masterbate, and doesn't seem to have a problem with that. He looks at a lot of porn when he does. He has mentioned several times that he ejaculated but it isn't like he has an orgasim. I don't know if that is seperate for guys or not. He makes it sound like when he cums it is kind of blah and alright but not that great???
Thanks for the help and imput I really appreciate it.
Especialy if any one has some ideas to help him talk about it, or even talk to a doctor about it. Pregnancy aside it would just be great to improve our sex life.
So, he'd rather give up on his sex life (and doom you to that as well) rather than be a little embarrassed talking to a doctor? Even his desire to be a father isn't enough to get him past his embarrassment? I don't know what could be more compelling than the prospect of blah sex for the rest of your life, a sexually unfulfilled wife, and the desire to have a child.
Is he afraid of what the doctors might say? Or of the possible treatment?
Maybe he could do some research online and see if learning about his particular issues makes him feel less nervous about talking to a urologist. Maybe it's not as scary as he thinks. If he doesn't want to do it, maybe you could look up a few articles and print them out for him.
Treat this gently with him, though. He's probably developed a host of insecurities and self-esteem issues. Penis problems are tough on a man's ego.
Last edited:
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
Norajane and lizaveta have made some excellent points here. Erectile dysfunciton is quite well understood these days (hence the availability of such temporary cures as Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis). The thing is, Valcorie, at 26 your husband is not within the usual population for this condition. This, by itself, should be a matter of concern and it's good that you're starting to do something about it for him (by leaning on your Lit friends for some advice).
I see three possible situations in this case and none of them are very rosy. First, the source could be a physical problem within his urinary/reproductive systems. Most are repairable but they won't go away on their own. Second, the source could be a severe blockage in blood circulation such as arteriosclerosis. This would mean that your huysband is a prime candidate for a heart attack some twenty years ahead of the curve. Finally, if the problem stems from stress and/or another psychological issue then it is only going to get worse. We all deal with such things in our own ways and these ways become habits.
One thing bothers me here that goes beyond the current concern is that you said he has shown relatively little interest in sex for nearly 5 years. This takes him back to age 21. If he has had the hard-to-get-hard problem for all this time then it's probably not due to any current stressors such as work or the effort to get you pregnant. You also mentioned that his orgasms don't seem to be very powerful or pleasurable. The more I think about this, the more it seems that he should have talked with a urologist four or five years ago.
As Norajane put it, if he'd rather give up a decent sex life with his wife as well as the possibility of becoming a father than to see a doctor about what could be a serious medical condition, then he is taking a foolish and selfish stand. You might just want to point out to him that this behavior makes you wonder if he is really interested in building a good marriage - or if he is worth the effort on your part.
Such selfishness does not bode well for the continued health of a long-term relationship.
Until your husband addresses the underlying source of Mr. Happy's reluctance, nothing will change.
I see three possible situations in this case and none of them are very rosy. First, the source could be a physical problem within his urinary/reproductive systems. Most are repairable but they won't go away on their own. Second, the source could be a severe blockage in blood circulation such as arteriosclerosis. This would mean that your huysband is a prime candidate for a heart attack some twenty years ahead of the curve. Finally, if the problem stems from stress and/or another psychological issue then it is only going to get worse. We all deal with such things in our own ways and these ways become habits.
One thing bothers me here that goes beyond the current concern is that you said he has shown relatively little interest in sex for nearly 5 years. This takes him back to age 21. If he has had the hard-to-get-hard problem for all this time then it's probably not due to any current stressors such as work or the effort to get you pregnant. You also mentioned that his orgasms don't seem to be very powerful or pleasurable. The more I think about this, the more it seems that he should have talked with a urologist four or five years ago.
As Norajane put it, if he'd rather give up a decent sex life with his wife as well as the possibility of becoming a father than to see a doctor about what could be a serious medical condition, then he is taking a foolish and selfish stand. You might just want to point out to him that this behavior makes you wonder if he is really interested in building a good marriage - or if he is worth the effort on your part.
Such selfishness does not bode well for the continued health of a long-term relationship.
Until your husband addresses the underlying source of Mr. Happy's reluctance, nothing will change.
Straight-8
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2005
- Posts
- 397
Valcorie said:
Doctor Joe
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2002
- Posts
- 6,883
Valcorie, I sympathize with you and you have received a lot of good replies here in this thread. Sounds to me like it might be low testoterone levels coupled with his mental embarrassment of not getting aroused and erect as he wants to be.
If you help him work through this, you both may end up with a happy ending, but his doctor should know of the problem and provide some advice.
If you help him work through this, you both may end up with a happy ending, but his doctor should know of the problem and provide some advice.
Similar threads
