Problem. Help.

[sherocksout]

Gah!
I don't know what to do. I am 19, and i'm bisexual. I've had plenty of experience with guys, and its great, its fun. but i am so turned on by girls. however i've only ever made out with one.

i live in a big city (toronto), in close approximation to the its gay area, there are lesbian clubs i could go to meet women, but there are a few things holding me back.

one: i've never been, i don't know how to act. as dumb as this sounds, i have a real anxiety about this.

two: i don't have any bi or lesbian friends to go with.

advice please.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Suggestion - if you're a guy looking to make out with a girl perhaps it would be wise to try a regular bar rather than a lesbian one.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Oops, sorry , you are a girl. Take any of your girlfriends. Betcha they'd probably be interested in seeing a different world than they're used to as well.

 

[red_rose]

Try personal ads. Find someone out there to take with you the first time - or maybe even more.

Even if it just winds up as a one time meeting, you'll get your feet in the door of that place and see what it's all about.

 

[Etoile]

Hi, sherocksout, welcome to Lit!

I've actually been doing a bit of research on Toronto's gay community lately. I am getting really frustrated with the Bush administration here in the U.S., and if he gets another four years then moving to Canada is pretty seriously on my radar screen. I'd love to move to Montréal - I speak French and have been there multiple times - but because of my job I would need to move to somewhere outside Québec and Toronto has been looking like a good second choice!

It doesn't sound dumb at all for you to be nervous about going to a lesbian club. Many bisexual men and women have similar fears. The easy answer is "it's just like going to a straight bar," but for many people it's not. There are different dynamics in a space that focuses on one gender. However, there's no specific way you should act in a lesbian club that's different from the way you'd act in a het club. The answer is that you should act like yourself and do what feels right.

As for friends to go with - you could certainly go by yourself! If that's not comfortable for you, though, I think the thing to do is make friends your own age. Placing a personals ad might work, but that's probably going to feel like you're evaluating people to see if they meet your standards. It's easier to make friends by going to community events. Have you considered the Toronto Gay Teens Meetup or the Queerwest program? If you'd like to try attending a community event, OutInToronto.com has an events calendar you could check.

I hope that helps! Again, welcome!

 

[sdedalus]

Hi, sherocksout, welcome to Lit!

I've actually been doing a bit of research on Toronto's gay community lately. I am getting really frustrated with the Bush administration here in the U.S., and if he gets another four years then moving to Canada is pretty seriously on my radar screen. I'd love to move to Montréal - I speak French and have been there multiple times - but because of my job I would need to move to somewhere outside Québec and Toronto has been looking like a good second choice!

It doesn't sound dumb at all for you to be nervous about going to a lesbian club. Many bisexual men and women have similar fears. The easy answer is "it's just like going to a straight bar," but for many people it's not. There are different dynamics in a space that focuses on one gender. However, there's no specific way you should act in a lesbian club that's different from the way you'd act in a het club. The answer is that you should act like yourself and do what feels right.

As for friends to go with - you could certainly go by yourself! If that's not comfortable for you, though, I think the thing to do is make friends your own age. Placing a personals ad might work, but that's probably going to feel like you're evaluating people to see if they meet your standards. It's easier to make friends by going to community events. Have you considered the Toronto Gay Teens Meetup or the Queerwest program? If you'd like to try attending a community event, OutInToronto.com has an events calendar you could check.

I hope that helps! Again, welcome!

ACK!!!!! Etoile! Stop that talk! What do you mean... "if Bush gets another four years". Stop thinking like that... please! Let me have one happy thought in my mind.. that we might just get that loser out of the white house and back into his outhouse...


much love....

SD

 

[Etoile]

ACK!!!!! Etoile! Stop that talk! What do you mean... "if Bush gets another four years". Stop thinking like that... please! Let me have one happy thought in my mind.. that we might just get that loser out of the white house and back into his outhouse...

Heh, yeah... I'd like to be optimistic but at this point I'm just plain SCARED. They are neck-and-neck right now. Fortunately I am going on vacation and will miss the next couple of weeks of politics...I just hope they announce a winner by Nov 3rd instead of waiting until December like last time! (If Kerry wins, we will be happy to stay in the U.S.)

 

[jayded]

toronto

hey there! I know exactly how you feel. Except I'm in a much smaller town. but hey if you are seriously considering going I will tag along... msg me back

also subscribe to all women's weekend mailing list. they set up activities and parties for girls only best thing is you dont have to be interested in girls straight bi lesbian, as long as you're female, you're in!

email them to get added to the mailing list:

add@allwomensweekend.com