private investigator?

[CherryBomb24]

Ok how do i go about even finding research on this?
I did a few searches and all i found was a long list of bullshit that really didnt help me in the least bit.
Ok here is a little as to why i want an investigator.

My son is 4, his pathetic excuse of a sperm donar hasnt seen him since shortly before my kids first birthday.
He hasnt paid child support, he hasnt made contact he hasnt done anything- and honestly i'd rather keep it that way.
That is why i'm lookin to hire one.
We had a hearing the other day, because he was held in contempt of court yet again. And told them he was still living at mommy and daddies house. But according to his myspace and a few others sites i've found, he's living about 2 hours from where his mommies house is. He denies it and claims to not know anyone there, but yet his current girlfriend and her entire family lives there.
Now i know this guy, he pulled the same shit with creditors and all that stuff when we were living together. We lived 2+ hours from his moms house, and he used her address for everything, even had her name on his car so he could use her address and insurence benefits.
Now - legally he cannot do that because its technically fraud isnt it?
How can the state just sit there knowing this stuff and not do anything. They just take his word for it and blow me off. I want to prove to the world that this bastard is a liar and for the sake of my child not let him get near him.

Who do i talk to in the court system to either get them to look into it, or get an investigator to look into it. private or state funded investigator.
I dont want to wait till he's done something to my kid or worse, got some kind of visitation that allowed him to leave my property with him and me never see him again. I've seen it happen and i sure as hell am not about to sit here and let it happen to me and my son.
All i want is for him to just leave us alone. I'm tired of always being afraid of him just coming over and taking him, i'm just plain tired of all this bullshit and the court system yanking my chain saying they are doing their best when they aint doing a damn thing. I just want someone to listen to me before its too late and he does something stupid, again.

 

[Noor]

Ok how do i go about even finding research on this?
I did a few searches and all i found was a long list of bullshit that really didnt help me in the least bit.
Ok here is a little as to why i want an investigator.

My son is 4, his pathetic excuse of a sperm donar hasnt seen him since shortly before my kids first birthday.
He hasnt paid child support, he hasnt made contact he hasnt done anything- and honestly i'd rather keep it that way.
That is why i'm lookin to hire one.
We had a hearing the other day, because he was held in contempt of court yet again. And told them he was still living at mommy and daddies house. But according to his myspace and a few others sites i've found, he's living about 2 hours from where his mommies house is. He denies it and claims to not know anyone there, but yet his current girlfriend and her entire family lives there.
Now i know this guy, he pulled the same shit with creditors and all that stuff when we were living together. We lived 2+ hours from his moms house, and he used her address for everything, even had her name on his car so he could use her address and insurence benefits.
Now - legally he cannot do that because its technically fraud isnt it?
How can the state just sit there knowing this stuff and not do anything. They just take his word for it and blow me off. I want to prove to the world that this bastard is a liar and for the sake of my child not let him get near him.

Who do i talk to in the court system to either get them to look into it, or get an investigator to look into it. private or state funded investigator.
I dont want to wait till he's done something to my kid or worse, got some kind of visitation that allowed him to leave my property with him and me never see him again. I've seen it happen and i sure as hell am not about to sit here and let it happen to me and my son.
All i want is for him to just leave us alone. I'm tired of always being afraid of him just coming over and taking him, i'm just plain tired of all this bullshit and the court system yanking my chain saying they are doing their best when they aint doing a damn thing. I just want someone to listen to me before its too late and he does something stupid, again.

It depends what state you are in.

If you don't want anything from him, why were you having a hearing?

You could try severing his parental rights and then get a restraining order.
If it were me I would try disappearing myself, or at least going far enough away that it would be very inconvenient for this guy to show up.

You could also send his creditors his direction

 

[CherryBomb24]

i'm not the one that called forth the hearing.
the state is going after him because me and my kid are both on medical assistance.
If you're recieving any kind of state aid- the state automatically goes for child support.
i've tried forcing him to sign off his parental rights but i have to be married and whomever i marry has to adopt him.
and disapearing, impossible because i dont have the financial means.
I had a restraining order but it expired, tried getting another for both of us, but the state pretty much said "Fuck you you'e on your own" because he hadnt done anything harmful to us.
He wasnt allowed within 100 yards on the original order, but yet he would stalk me and stay outside the 100 yards for about 6 months after the order was put in place. And since he was in "ordinance" or whatever they wouldnt do jack.

 

[Jagged]

Talk to your lawyer about this issue. They tend to know good investigator, but don't expect the state to pickup the tab. They barely do what the courts tell them to do. I work with a man now retired from the field who when he left the military was a P.I. and for his education and talent he didn't come cheap. Your child is important and I don't need to tell you how frustrating things are, but proceed with caution.

 

[mark_j]

Ok how do i go about even finding research on this?
I did a few searches and all i found was a long list of bullshit that really didnt help me in the least bit.
Ok here is a little as to why i want an investigator.

My son is 4, his pathetic excuse of a sperm donar hasnt seen him since shortly before my kids first birthday.

Obviously he doesn't care..

He hasnt paid child support,

Sic support enforcement on him let them be the bad guy in this case. They have way more resources than you do although you do have to put up with the pace of bureaucracy, frustrating as that is.

he hasnt made contact he hasnt done anything- and honestly i'd rather keep it that way.
That is why i'm lookin to hire one.

If you know where he is then file a no contact order and have him served unless your parenting plan prevents this or you can not show just cause to do so. Bad as it sounds he does have parental rights even if he chooses not to exercise them.

Aside from being a schmuck and not paying his court ordered child support what has he done?

Has he threatened you or the child?

If he has the burden off proof is on you unfortunately.

Not paying child support is enough to get him in some fairly decent hot water with the law, but again you have to go at the pace of the state in their enforcement of this.

Lastly, being a schmuck isn't illegal unless he is a dangerous (to you or the child) schmuck. And like I said above the burden of proof is on you.

As far as the fraud claim, be very careful with this. Since you two were co-habitating at the time they might assume (the insurance and creditors) that you had full knowledge of what he was doing. They may assume you to be complicit by association. The best bet here is to let him hang himself and keep your name out of this one.

Good Luck

 

[CherryBomb24]

he is a schmuck i will give ya that one.
I had a 4 year battery/domestic abuse restraining order on him.
and a 2 year child abuse restraining order.
both of which he admitted.
and both of which have expired.
When my kid was 6 months old, he tried killing him <which was why i was able to get the child abuse order so easily.
but since he hasnt done anything since, they are giving him the benefit of the doubt, which is the wrong thing to do. they should never give a felon the benefit. As i said - they wont let me renew or get new restraining orders because he hasnt done anything to us since the first order.

i'm trying to find a private investigator to find where he is, cuz i have no clue. Everything goes to his parents house. He doesnt live there. I spoke with a gentlemen last night, who obviously has resources who enlightened me on a few locations i might find him living, but i am not about to persue it alone. i want some legality on my side and just driving around searching sounds stalkerish to me.

 

[infinity706]

he is a schmuck i will give ya that one.
I had a 4 year battery/domestic abuse restraining order on him.
and a 2 year child abuse restraining order.
both of which he admitted.
and both of which have expired.
When my kid was 6 months old, he tried killing him <which was why i was able to get the child abuse order so easily.
but since he hasnt done anything since, they are giving him the benefit of the doubt, which is the wrong thing to do. they should never give a felon the benefit. As i said - they wont let me renew or get new restraining orders because he hasnt done anything to us since the first order.

i'm trying to find a private investigator to find where he is, cuz i have no clue. Everything goes to his parents house. He doesnt live there. I spoke with a gentlemen last night, who obviously has resources who enlightened me on a few locations i might find him living, but i am not about to persue it alone. i want some legality on my side and just driving around searching sounds stalkerish to me.

Well, if he tried to kill the child, I'm seriously surprised he isn't in prison for attempted murder, making this whole thing a non issue.

 

[SweetErika]

My son is 4, his pathetic excuse of a sperm donar hasnt seen him since shortly before my kids first birthday.
He hasnt paid child support, he hasnt made contact he hasnt done anything- and honestly i'd rather keep it that way.
<snip>
I dont want to wait till he's done something to my kid or worse, got some kind of visitation that allowed him to leave my property with him and me never see him again. I've seen it happen and i sure as hell am not about to sit here and let it happen to me and my son.

If he hasn't shown any interest in your son for all these years, why do you feel like he'll harm or kidnap your son?

As the uncontested father, I think he has a legal right to visitation. You can't do anything about that unless you can prove he's an unfit parent, danger to your son, and/or petition the court for the type of visitation you believe is best for your son (e.g. supervised visits in a neutral location).

All i want is for him to just leave us alone.

That's unlikely to happen unless he's not interested in seeing your son.

I'm tired of always being afraid of him just coming over and taking him,

Has he actually come to your home unannounced/without invitation? Has he ever taken your son without permission/court order?

Or are these just fears of yours?

I'd suggest looking at the facts from a more neutral viewpoint and basing your future actions on them, rather than your fears and the 'what ifs?' If this guy's behavior hasn't been threatening and/or he hasn't made any attempt to see your son, there's probably not much to worry about. There's always a certain amount of risk in everything, but what's the real likelihood that your fears will come true when this guy hasn't had any contact with your son in several years?

If you bring up fears that aren't based on any kind of evidence in court, the court will probably be less likely to take all of your concerns seriously. So, really look at what you have actual evidence for prior to bringing things up in court (or to other officials).

If you don't have evidence now, but suspect this guy would be a real danger to you or your son, you'll need to document encounters, actions and then make moves based on that evidence. For instance, if this guy calls and drops by uninvited, keep a detailed log of each call/visit, your phone records, and tell someone trustworthy about it. If it rises to the level of harassment or stalking, you can try to get a restraining order against him based on the evidence.

i'm just plain tired of all this bullshit and the court system yanking my chain saying they are doing their best when they aint doing a damn thing. I just want someone to listen to me before its too late and he does something stupid, again.

You know, they probably are doing the very best they can given the limited resources they have to work with and the information they have to go on. If you expect them to act on your fears or the possibilities, rather than the evidence and likely outcomes, think again. The system isn't there for your personal comfort, peace of mind or vendetta; it's there to try to make things right, or at least a little better, for victims and society.

Perhaps you just haven't portrayed the facts very well (like I'm still confused as to how this guy's actions have made you fear for your son's safety), but based on what you have said, you're coming across as whiny and unrealistic. I hate to say that, but I'd imagine your attitude isn't helping the court take you seriously, and if your son's wellbeing is at stake, the way you portray yourself and the facts is critical.

But back to your original question, I agree that you should let the court and the child support enforcement folks sort this out since the state has the greatest interest in getting child support. Don't do anything royally stupid, like disappearing with your son or refusing to abide by court orders. Document everything that has a bearing on the case, and make sure you present it in a clear way that's based on reality and evidence, rather than your fears or other feelings.

 

[CherryBomb24]

Well, if he tried to kill the child, I'm seriously surprised he isn't in prison for attempted murder, making this whole thing a non issue.

he tried but i didnt report it right away because i was to scared to. as stupid as that sounds now.
It was one of the reasons i was able to get the child abuse restraining order because he admitted it in the hearing for the order. i dont know why they didnt do anything when he admitted it but they didnt.

 

[CherryBomb24]

' If this guy's behavior hasn't been threatening and/or he hasn't made any attempt to see your son, there's probably not much to worry about.

If you don't have evidence now, but suspect this guy would be a real danger to you or your son, you'll need to document encounters, actions and then make moves based on that evidence.

Perhaps you just haven't portrayed the facts very well (like I'm still confused as to how this guy's actions have made you fear for your son's safety), but based on what you have said, you're coming across as whiny and unrealistic. I hate to say that, but I'd imagine your attitude isn't helping the court take you seriously, and if your son's wellbeing is at stake, the way you portray yourself and the facts is critical.

hasnt been threatening? for 3 years i wasnt allowed to do jack, could only go to work and go see my parents about once a month, besides that i was stuck in the house. I got my ass kicked damn near every other day. it was when he went after my kid that i finally worked up the courage to get the hell out. I was scared because i left, but even more scared to report any of it.
I got a restraining order a few months later because he kept coming to my house, "oh i love you i'll never do it again" <like i hadnt heard it before but i finally had the courage with my parents knowing and backing me up.. He called child services on me saying i was an unfit mother, they came to my door and there i was feeding the lil guy and stayed for about an hour or so, went through the house and found absolutally nothing to consider me an unfit mother. Shortly after that i got the restraining order to stop all the harrassment. He was seen outside my house quite a few times after the order was put in place and even seen at my dads work place but was outside the 100 yard limit so they didnt do anything.

And now that i'm continueing to try to protect my son, i'm being whiny and unrealistic? yeah you may consider them just fears, but its all very real to me. I know this guy, he's doing exactly what he told me years ago that he would do and i'm doing what i can to prevent it.

 

[bailadora]

hasnt been threatening? for 3 years i wasnt allowed to do jack, could only go to work and go see my parents about once a month, besides that i was stuck in the house. I got my ass kicked damn near every other day. it was when he went after my kid that i finally worked up the courage to get the hell out. I was scared because i left, but even more scared to report any of it.
I got a restraining order a few months later because he kept coming to my house, "oh i love you i'll never do it again" <like i hadnt heard it before but i finally had the courage with my parents knowing and backing me up.. He called child services on me saying i was an unfit mother, they came to my door and there i was feeding the lil guy and stayed for about an hour or so, went through the house and found absolutally nothing to consider me an unfit mother. Shortly after that i got the restraining order to stop all the harrassment. He was seen outside my house quite a few times after the order was put in place and even seen at my dads work place but was outside the 100 yard limit so they didnt do anything.

None of this information was included in your OP. I'm not trying to bash you or anything, but when asking for advice or opinions it is usually best to include as much information as possible so that others can get a better sense for where your are coming from. Erika was not the only one wondering why you seemed so frightened of your ex given that you cited none of your reasons for concern.

 

[CherryBomb24]

your right and i appologize for sounding snappy, i honestly didnt think i had to go into depth if i got my point across by saying what i was trying to do, but now that i go over and read it, your 100% right. sorry erika and bail.
i guess i'm a little more on edge and snappy with being so worried about this all the time.

 

[SweetErika]

Has he actually said he wants visitation, custody, or petitioned the court for such?

If he admitted to trying to kill your son, it should be pretty easy to get the court transcripts from that hearing and ask for supervised visitation based on his history of violence toward the child and you, if it comes to that.

Have you printed off his myspace page and such that shows his location in the other city?

Do you know anyone in that area who might be willing to take some pictures of his car at his gf's house and/or job on a daily basis for a period of time?

 

[CherryBomb24]

Has he actually said he wants visitation, custody, or petitioned the court for such?

If he admitted to trying to kill your son, it should be pretty easy to get the court transcripts from that hearing and ask for supervised visitation based on his history of violence toward the child and you, if it comes to that.

Have you printed off his myspace page and such that shows his location in the other city?

Do you know anyone in that area who might be willing to take some pictures of his car at his gf's house and/or job on a daily basis for a period of time?

he hasnt, the state has. they are forcing him to pay child support, and if he pays child support, he automatically gets visitation <at least thats my understanding.

I never thought of getting the court transcripts, i always assumed they would have them.

he changed his myspace now so it says he's moving to another country because i pointed it out in the hearing the other day.

i dont know anyone in that area, which is why i am searching for a private investigator.

 

[SweetErika]

he hasnt, the state has. they are forcing him to pay child support, and if he pays child support, he automatically gets visitation <at least thats my understanding.

He'll likely get visitation, but that doesn't mean he'll get partial custody, or even that he'll want to take the state up on their visitation offer. Just because the court allows it doesn't mean he'll actually do it, you know?

I never thought of getting the court transcripts, i always assumed they would have them.

Maybe, maybe not. I'd think they're something you should have and be prepared to produce when the visitation issue comes up. If nothing else, they should back up your case for at least starting with supervised visitation.

he changed his myspace now so it says he's moving to another country because i pointed it out in the hearing the other day.

Did he deny he was residing in that county when you brought it up in court, or did he say, "Oh, that's a mistake. I'm actually in the process of moving," (or similar)?

If there's an inconsistency between what he said in court and the current page (like he said he lived with his mom in X county, but now the page says he's moving to X county), you might be able to show the court he perjured himself. Also, what county does he work in? Is it possible some of his coworkers, friends or family members could testify he's living in the gf's county, rather than the one he claimed he was living in?

There's no law against you doing the investigation work yourself (like parking across the street on public property and taking pictures of his car in the driveway) as far as I know, but if he lives 2 hours away, it may not be worth your time and gas to do so on a daily basis for weeks.

Also think about how showing he lives in the other county will support your case. What will it do? Just prove he was lying about that issue? Or is it likely to get you more child support? Is this info really so relevant to your interests (not the state's) that it'd be worth paying a PI for, or spending like 5 hours away from your son daily?

 

[CherryBomb24]

he denied completely that he's lived in these other locations and saying that he lives with his parents.
the reason i'm doing a search is because it will help me prove that he's not afraid of eluding.
i dont want more child support, i just want him outta our lives. and the only way i know that i can do it, is to prove he's inconsistant with the truth and not afraid of hiding from the law.
according to the state, he doesnt work - which is why he's so far in dept with the child support. but he owns a motorcycle and goes through cars like water, wheres he gettin the money for all this and yet be so far in dept with child support?

he lives about 3 hours from here according to the state, but according to what i have been told by a kind gentlemen police officer, he lives no where near there, more so about 3 1/2 hours south from there.

All of this is why i'm looking to hire a private investigator. If it helps me in anyway, i'm willing to pay. I'm not lookin for the money, i'm looking to get him out of mine and my sons lifes.

 

[SweetErika]

he denied completely that he's lived in these other locations and saying that he lives with his parents.
the reason i'm doing a search is because it will help me prove that he's not afraid of eluding.

i dont want more child support, i just want him outta our lives. and the only way i know that i can do it, is to prove he's inconsistant with the truth and not afraid of hiding from the law.
according to the state, he doesnt work - which is why he's so far in dept with the child support. but he owns a motorcycle and goes through cars like water, wheres he gettin the money for all this and yet be so far in dept with child support?

he lives about 3 hours from here according to the state, but according to what i have been told by a kind gentlemen police officer, he lives no where near there, more so about 3 1/2 hours south from there.

All of this is why i'm looking to hire a private investigator. If it helps me in anyway, i'm willing to pay. I'm not lookin for the money, i'm looking to get him out of mine and my sons lifes.

I'm thinking your time and money would be better spent on advice from a good attorney if you haven't gotten it on this issue already.

What if his lies about where he lives are very unlikely to change the outcome, or there's almost no way the court would keep him from your son's life?

Has an attorney already told you that hiring a PI and proving he's lying about where he's been living will keep the court from granting visitation or joint custody, or are you just assuming that's the case?

 

[emap]

Talk to an attorney, they are always the best at finding a private investigator because they always know at least one. You can also try one of the battered wives groups, they usually can find any help you will need/want along with giving you a handy shoulder to cry on.

 

[redred001]

I pmed contact email to you Cherry.let me know.

 

[Plainly_Jane]

I'm late to see this thread and maybe you've found the answers you were looking for, but here's my thoughts.

I'm in California, and laws vary from state to state. However, child support and custody/visitation are not necessarily linked. In other words, you file different paperwork for the different issues. So just because the court is ordering your ex to pay child support (because you and your son have received or are receiving some financial assistance through the state), it does not also mean that they are ordering visitation. In fact, they are only concerned with shifting some of the financial burden onto the father, and not at all concerned with how often he sees his own child.

So -- go to the courthouse, and request to look through the court file. If the state filed the action, it would likely be State of ____ v. _____ (your ex's name). If you have any of the paperwork, look for a case number. It should be a public record. You should also be able to request and obtain copies of documents in the file -- but you will need to pay the per page copying fee or whatever your county charges. What you are looking for is if there are any orders re visitation. If the file says nothing about visitation -- then don't worry about it.

As to tracking your ex down - yes, a private investigator would be helpful. If you have your ex's Social Security number, full name, date of birth, driver's license number (the more info you have, the easier to track down), you could have a competent investigator do a search and see what comes up. However, since your ex sounds squirrely and uses his mom's address for his mail, more footwork might be needed, such as telling the investigator the city you think he's living in, the name of any people he might be living with, their addresses, etc.

I think that would be an expense that might not pay off well for you. Even if you track him down to his current address, he sounds like the kind of guy that moves around a lot. If he's found, he'll just move on somewhere else and then the search begins again.

From what you've said, you just want him out of your life. So don't worry about the child support order - let the State worry about that. If he pays or not, let that be between him and the State. If there is no visitation order in the file, then he doesn't get visitation. Period. If he comes around and wants to take your child for a visit, tell him no. Paying child support does not automatically equal rights of visitation, especially when you once tried to kill said child.

I'd also urge you to look around on-line for support groups for single parents. They are out there, and some are quite good. There used to be a great forum called singlemoms.com, but I think it's defunct now. Still, try to hook up online with other single moms -- they have been in your shoes and know a lot. Especially any from your own state, who might be more familiar with the laws affecting child support and visitation.