Priest Humor

[ExLimey]

Feel free to post your own joke:

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.

The man, who was a priest, said "I am a Father." The little boy replied " My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered " I am the Father of many." The boy said "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way. The priest getting impatient said "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly...but on leaving the bus he leaned over and said.... "Well. maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead."

 

[LukkyKnight]

water into wine

A young priest seeking to connect to his new parish sought out a man who worked the water, and asked to accompany him on a fishing trip. The man could not refuse, and so they set off.

After a lackluster day with a disappointing catch to show for their time, the man suggested they head back to shore... as he was reeling in his line the priest felt a sudden tug and nearly lost the line, but battled a large fish along side the boat. "Look at the size of that sonofabitch!" shouted the excited man.

"Please, my son. Such language is not appropriate."

Thinking quickly, he replied to the priest, "I'm sorry father, but that is what local fisherman always call this kind of fish, and I do not know the scientific name. It's the largest Sonofabitch I've ever seen, and I was very excited. I should have realized you'd not know the name."

The priest was appeased, and after reaching shore headed back to the rectory where he told the tale to the Monsiegnor, "...and it's the largest Sonofabitch they've ever seen at the port..."

"Father Kelly," retorted the Monsiegnor, "we cannot expect our sheep to behave better than we do! You must not speak that way!"

So, naturally the priest explained the name, and the Monsiegnor was calmed and suggested that they visit the convent to share the bounty with the parish nuns. Upon knocking, they were greeted by a novitiate who showed them into the Reverend Mother's office.

"Good afternoon, Reverend Mother," said Monsiegnor Tortelli, "Father Kelly has caught a very large Sonofabitch and we were hoping you might share it with us this evening."

"Monsiegnor!" said the startled nun, "I cannot believe you said that!"

"Oh it's not like that, Reverend Mother. The common name of this fish, and it is the largest Sonofabitch the fishermen recall seeing. It is surely a sign, and we wanted to offer to share this bounty. Could you clean and prepare it for us?"

"Ah, well then it is a sign, since the Bishop has called to say I should prepare a feast for the Pope himself, who has elected to visit our humble parish for his Friday evening meal. Quite so, Monsiegnor, leave the Sonofabitch here, and please return at 6."

Excited by the news the two men left, and returned just before 6. The bishop knocked, and sure enough in walked the Pope himself. They shared some wine over dinner, and talked of the various crises facing the faithful, the state of morals in the United States, and as the novitiates began to clear away the dishes the Pope commented on the tasty, sumptuous meal.

The Monsiegnore explained, "Father Kelly here went out just this morning with one of our parishoners and caught the Sonofabitch. It's the largest Sonofabitch anybody remembers seeing in these parts, and so the Reverend mother agreed to clean and cook the Sonofabitch. We were delighted to learn you had chosen today to visit our humble parish, your holiness, and see this Sonofabitch as a sign."

The Bishop sat with his mouth hanging open, utterly confused as to why the Reverend Mother was not reacting in shock, and stunned that Monsiegnor Tortelli would use such language. He had no idea what to do, and there was a long pause in the conversation.

The pope surveyed the group, leaned back in his chair, put his feet up on the table, pulled a cigar from his robes, and turned to the Reverend Mother. "Thank you, for the wonderful meal, Revered Mother." He turned and said, "Bishop, these fuckers are alright!"