Priapus

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In Greece he was known as Hermes (confused with Pan).
In Rome he was called Mercury (confused with Janus).

He's a multicultural god, who has even crossed over into Japan (fertility god who looks like giant penis and testis, pat or rub his head for luck)!
Presumably the Japanese version (minion of the devil) was taken from the depiction of El Diablo (horned creature on anvil with giant fallice that has 2 circles underneath).

Disclaimer: References to children in sexual themes deemed inappropriate to modern American standards, will be labeled as age 18.
The words child and infant will be replaced by the words teen or "young man".

As a young man, Priapus had many lovers, one of which was Aphrodite.
As a punishment for bedding his sister (possibly daughter), Zeus cursed the teen with a penis that would grow 8 inches each year (at the time of this myth, women were attracted to a small penis which ensured the best fertility).
He had to go out in public with his pants tucked under his scrotum to reveal a very large penis, and could never get any female companionship because of it.
Priapus often held his genital and was tempted to rub it, even if the gods forbade him to do so.
He would seek the companionship of teens and MILFs and trick them into doing it for him, saying each rub of his penis by the entire family would ensure a good harvest, and good luck will come to all teens who do this on a regular basis.

Zeus found out about this trickery, and made the overgrown penis stiff as a board.
This stuck out way over his head, and Priapus was doomed to never be wed.

The Romans had a different ending.
A titan or someone cursed him into multiple lifetimes, always displaying a stiff penis (sometimes depicted as a goat man with a rather large fallice between his legs, or a small penis with little legs (no scrotum or testis).

Idea: Put Priapus in the 20th Century (late 70s to mid 80s) during the M/M/M bathhouse/AIDS years.
 
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Waitasec.

Where are you getting a connection between Priapus and Hermes/Mercury? Priapus was a minor fertility god, Hermes/Mercury was a major trickster god (I know Hermes and Mercury were not the same, but I'm not qualified to understand the differences) There's Herms (or whatever the proper plural is), sure, but that wasn't a fertility thing, it's a luck thing.

EDIT: It's true that Priapus is sometimes said to be Hermes' kid, but he's also said to be Zeus' kid, or Dionysus(sp?).
 
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Waitasec.

Where are you getting a connection between Priapus and Hermes/Mercury? Priapus was a minor fertility god, Hermes/Mercury was a major trickster god (I know Hermes and Mercury were not the same, but I'm not qualified to understand the differences) There's Herms (or whatever the proper plural is), sure, but that wasn't a fertility thing, it's a luck thing.

EDIT: It's true that Priapus is sometimes said to be Hermes' kid, but he's also said to be Zeus' kid, or Dionysus(sp?).

Mythological accuracy has never been FO's strong suit.
 
Waitasec.

Where are you getting a connection between Priapus and Hermes/Mercury? Priapus was a minor fertility god, Hermes/Mercury was a major trickster god (I know Hermes and Mercury were not the same, but I'm not qualified to understand the differences) There's Herms (or whatever the proper plural is), sure, but that wasn't a fertility thing, it's a luck thing.

EDIT: It's true that Priapus is sometimes said to be Hermes' kid, but he's also said to be Zeus' kid, or Dionysus(sp?).
As the god of travel and mathematics, Athenians had signposts on alley walls and bridges of their representation of Priapus (looks like stick figure with large triangle near the center, triangle evolved into teeter toter-like half moon).
They also had a statue of him on every street corner (with his penis pointing the way).
It was to ensure a good harvest to rub his penis whenever you see his statue.
In later years, the families of sailors would often do this before the man of the house was shipped to sea to ensure a good voyage, in hopes that King Neptune (or Poseidon) wouldn't be angry on that day and sink the boats.
This is where the good luck tradition comes from.

Greeks followed their lead with a more realistic stone or marble statue (penis is severed from scrotum following progression of myth).
Because he was the god of here and there he was depicted with 2 faces.
A male face on the front, and a female in back.
This was followed by statues depicting the full torso (flat breasts and penis in front and plump breasts and vagina in back).
This Greek statue was called Hermes and followed the Greek myth (note the word hermaphrodite).
This was also confused with a lesser known myth about their child who was forbidden to see his lover, so his lover made a wish that the two would never be apart, and they turned into a unisex giant sea slug (or giant jellyfish depending who you listen to).

I did you guys proud by looking at both Wikipedia and more reliable sources.

PS: Next time you see a barber pole, make sure to give it a good rub for luck.
Mythological accuracy has never been FO's strong suit.
I admit I got the last one semi-wrong, but this is 100 percent correct after doing extensive research on the subject inspired by a thread posted here (Four hour erection, noting direction on Viagra and similar products).
 
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Greeks followed their lead with a more realistic stone or marble statue (penis is severed from scrotum following progression of myth).
If anyone cares and is searching the Web to prove me wrong, I'd like to explain this point.
There are two versions of this myth, the updated version is the godly equivalent of impotence and a suggested remedy.

The more magical version is when Aphrodite was with child, she had to tell her husband Aries that she wasn't sure, but their unborn son Eros could possibly be Hermes' son.
Aries was enraged, but couldn't think of a fitting punishment.
That evening he remembered a conversation with his brother Zeus about the deeds of their father Cronus (can be spelled with "u" as well as "o").
One of these stories was when Cronus was tricked into chopping off the genital of Uranus.
He thought that would be a fitting punishment for planting his seed.

Late at night, Hermes flew in Aphrodite's bedroom window again, but Aries was ready for him.
When Aphrodite left the room, Aries grabbed her sleeping potion and force fed it to Hermes who fell fast asleep.
Aries got an axe and chopped off Hermes' genital.

I'll spare you the details of the rest of the story, so I'll just give you a summary.

Hermes awoke to find a hole in his crotch (reference to blood omitted to make him less human).
Aphrodite mixed a love potion with Apollo's golden tipped arrow (the one that pierced Achilles in the heel).
The mixture created the illusion of a penis along with an enhanced sex drive.

When Hermes was asleep, Aphrodite broke off a tree limb, and put it in the hole where Hermes' genital was.
With the illusions the poison gave (arrow tip coated with water from the river Styx), he would never know the difference.
When Hermes awoke, he was surprised to find his genital was still erect (where we get "morning wood"), and it would forever be this way till the end of time (which is kinda redundent).
 
Ah, Wikipedia. Bad scholarship makes for great stories.

FO, I recommend the myth of Attis and Cybele.
 
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