Pretty new! can I get some feedback please

[beck1306]

Hi,

I am very new to all of this and have just had my second story approved. I would really appriciate some feedback on it from you guys as I have very little confidence in its quality!!

the storys called - More Exhibition Fun - and can be found in the new or the transexual/cross dressing section.

Many thanks in advance

Beck x

 

[SweetErika]

I'd suggest posting a link to the story if you want feedback here. You know, make it as easy as possible for people.

 

[beck1306]

Sorry your right, here is the link.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=273815

Thanks
Beck

Better?

 

[Carnevil9]

Another suggestion is to proof-read your posts. A seven-word post with a glaring grammatical error does NOT inspire me to read your story. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I'm just being honest (and an asshole, I admit)......Carney

 

[janiexx]

I had a quick look this afternoon but the first two paragraphs made me stop reading immediately.

We have had a pretty easy day on the exhibition stand today which is good especially considering our night of filthy sex the night before.

The highlight of the day so far thought is that you have managed to hit it off will a 'girl' from one of the other stands.

I'm not sure what the word "thought" is doing in the second paragraph and is "will" supposed to be "with"?

Also you use the word "night" twice in the first paragraph which is clumsy.

I know I'm probably obsessive about grammar and spelling but I can't help it. At the end of the day, I write to please the reader and make it easier for them to enjoy my stories. I work very hard to ensure that my stories are as grammatically correct as possible and I cringe if I see I have made a mistake after it's been submitted.

It might be a good idea for someone else to read your stories after you've written them. Others can spot mistakes that you've missed.

janiexx