Preserving tightness

[amy711]

Hi,

I am still a virgin, but I have used a vibrator with my boyfriend before. My question is how much will this effect how tight I am when I do first have sex. Obviously I would like to preserve that sensation (mostly for him). Should I stop inserting the vibrator (its quite small), or does it not have much of an effect?

 

[d5b1fl]

tight

Amy, you have nothing to worry about. Think about it...women give vaginal birth every day. Get a mirror and check out your hoo-ha. Unless your boyfriend is built like a two liter bottle, it's pretty much going to stay the same for a while. The muscles in the vagina are very resilient and the more you use them the stronger they get and the more control you have. Your bf will probably appreciate your talented vagina just as much as he will appreciate the first time penetration feeling. Regardless of his size, be sure to go slow and relax so you don't tear and you'll have better chances of enjoying it.

 

[fenghuang]

The first time is grossly over rated IMHO.
It's not significantly tighter.
And if he's a considerate lover, he'll be far too focused on you (esp not causing you any pain) to think about getting off on the fact that he's having sex with a virgin.
Make it about being together, not about your virginity.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

It won't have any effect on the sensation you and your bf experience when you have sex. If you're planning sex in the near future, you need to talk to your GP about oral contraception or something similar and use condoms to begin with. If he has had sexual partners before you may want him to get checked for STDs and a considerate guy will be willing to do this.

I hope you enjoy your first time.

 

[infinity706]

Hi,

I am still a virgin, but I have used a vibrator with my boyfriend before. My question is how much will this effect how tight I am when I do first have sex. Obviously I would like to preserve that sensation (mostly for him). Should I stop inserting the vibrator (its quite small), or does it not have much of an effect?

I'd say the tightness thing won't be too much of an issue since fucking a true virgin is likely very highly overrated. Just think, wouldn't a guy rather fuck a chick that knows how to use her cunt? Practicing with something in your pussy would be a great way to develop your skills. You also might want to start doing handjobs for practice. Afterall, when the time comes, you can get on top of him and mimic whatever you know he likes with your cunt. You can go fast/slow, vary the pressure by squeezing your cunt muscles, thrust yourself at different paces, etc. just like you can with your hand. Of course, that would mean him practicing finger fucking you, too, to work on his technique for what your pussy likes, so he can get on top of you and pound your pussy just right. You might even get him to use 2 or 3 fingers, which ever is closer to his cock size. Afterall, it sounds like it's going in you, so you want to be used to how it's going to feel. Now, that's how you make your first fuck a good one. Seriously, if a guy wanted an awesome fuck, would it be better with a virgin or that experienced whore that's made her business on getting off hundreds or even thousands of guys?

It won't have any effect on the sensation you and your bf experience when you have sex. If you're planning sex in the near future, you need to talk to your GP about oral contraception or something similar and use condoms to begin with. If he has had sexual partners before you may want him to get checked for STDs and a considerate guy will be willing to do this.

I hope you enjoy your first time.

QFT (quoted for truth)

 

[SusyQ]

What everyone else said.

However, looking toward the future (which will involve getting older and, possibly, having babies), it's never too early to start doing Kegel exercises. Not only will they stave off stuff like incontinence in later life, but they'll help you enjoy sex more.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/kegel-exercises/WO00119

As for your first time, I'd suggest you not get your hopes up too much. It's likely to be awkward and perhaps a bit painful. The longer the foreplay, the less pain you'll have, but in any event, it will be a different sensation. I haven't heard of many women having mind blowing sex the first time, but it does get much, much better.

 

[SweetErika]

The vagina is very elastic. You'd have to put something HUGE in there with a lot of force to cause prolonged looseness (from muscles/tissue tearing). It'll snap right back within hours if you put fingers, toys or a cock in there.

What usually causes tightness in virgins is simple nervousness. You're nervous (and perhaps anticipating pain), so you tense up those muscles and it's going to feel tighter. Plus, it's going to hurt like a son of a gun, so you really do want to be as relaxed and aroused as possible before attempting sex. Having at least one orgasm first is a good idea.

If the hymen is obstructing the entrance, that can also cause a sensation of tightness or even make penetration impossible. You do NOT want to preserve your hymen (if you still have one) for losing your virginity because it'll tear, and again, hurt like hell. This is another reason why masturbation w/ penetration and doing some stretching now is a really good idea.

If your bf is worth having sex with, he won't want you to be so tight or tense that sex will hurt you. He'll also probably be so excited by the prospect of sex that it'll feel great to him regardless. Apart from the mental difference, there's really no sensation difference between a virgin and experienced person, apart from the experienced person likely being better in bed.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I'd say the tightness thing won't be too much of an issue since fucking a true virgin is likely very highly overrated. Just think, wouldn't a guy rather fuck a chick that knows how to use her cunt? Practicing with something in your pussy would be a great way to develop your skills. You also might want to start doing handjobs for practice. Afterall, when the time comes, you can get on top of him and mimic whatever you know he likes with your cunt. You can go fast/slow, vary the pressure by squeezing your cunt muscles, thrust yourself at different paces, etc. just like you can with your hand. Of course, that would mean him practicing finger fucking you, too, to work on his technique for what your pussy likes, so he can get on top of you and pound your pussy just right. You might even get him to use 2 or 3 fingers, which ever is closer to his cock size. Afterall, it sounds like it's going in you, so you want to be used to how it's going to feel. Now, that's how you make your first fuck a good one. Seriously, if a guy wanted an awesome fuck, would it be better with a virgin or that experienced whore that's made her business on getting off hundreds or even thousands of guys?

Great, so now you shocked the virgin and made her blush. Happy now?

£10 says that you've still got your cherry too. An opinion born of too much porn if ever I heard one.

 

[Noira]

The vagina is very elastic. You'd have to put something HUGE in there with a lot of force to cause prolonged looseness (from muscles/tissue tearing). It'll snap right back within hours if you put fingers, toys or a cock in there.

What usually causes tightness in virgins is simple nervousness. You're nervous (and perhaps anticipating pain), so you tense up those muscles and it's going to feel tighter. Plus, it's going to hurt like a son of a gun, so you really do want to be as relaxed and aroused as possible before attempting sex. Having at least one orgasm first is a good idea.

If the hymen is obstructing the entrance, that can also cause a sensation of tightness or even make penetration impossible. You do NOT want to preserve your hymen (if you still have one) for losing your virginity because it'll tear, and again, hurt like hell. This is another reason why masturbation w/ penetration and doing some stretching now is a really good idea.

If your bf is worth having sex with, he won't want you to be so tight or tense that sex will hurt you. He'll also probably be so excited by the prospect of sex that it'll feel great to him regardless. Apart from the mental difference, there's really no sensation difference between a virgin and experienced person, apart from the experienced person likely being better in bed.

I'm prettttty dang sure I don't have a hymen by now. I've inserted a few things, but the first time I used a tampon it hurt like hell and it never did hurt to put anything in after that... fingers, more tampons, several fingers... whatever... I'm pretty sure I lost my "virginity" to a tampon.

Myep.

But when it comes down to it, virginity is whether or not you've slept with anyone.

And what she said. Practise a bit. Your skin is elastic. So is your vagina. It goes back to normal after you have a BABY, for crying out loud... otherwise anyone who had a kid would have a vagina large enough to put a two liter pop bottle into. So... ah... yeah. Don't worry about it.

 

[infinity706]

Great, so now you shocked the virgin and made her blush. Happy now?

£10 says that you've still got your cherry too. An opinion born of too much porn if ever I heard one.

Well, I did think about whether it might shock and embarass her, but I thought it would still be useful to know anyway once she really thought about it.

I like that porn comment, though. I just don't understand what it has to do with porn. Afterall, the idea there is to take the "virgin" porn starlet, get her to suck your cock, and pound her as hard as you can. I don't really see the connection. I doubt there's ever been a porno that went anywhere near the direction I did.

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

In all honesty your first time wont be that great. Hell i was so bored with it after ten minutes i told the guy to get off me. *shrug*
And i can tell you, if you dont have sex for awhile, because heaven forbid you and your boyfriend dont work out, you'll be tight again ;P
Its like that whole "hot dog down a hallway" comment is only meant for those with two liter bottles in there O.O
Dont worry hun, as long as you trust him, because thats a big factor in how scared and nervous you'll be, you should be fine. I wont say it doesnt hurt, it does, but it gets better as it goes along

 

[SweetErika]

I'm prettttty dang sure I don't have a hymen by now. I've inserted a few things, but the first time I used a tampon it hurt like hell and it never did hurt to put anything in after that... fingers, more tampons, several fingers... whatever... I'm pretty sure I lost my "virginity" to a tampon.

LOL

Most of us lose our hymens to tampons or masturbation or athletic activities.

I couldn't be happier about having lost my hymen somewhere along the line, well before I had sex. My first time was great. The little bit of pain I felt dissolved away once I relaxed into it. We stayed up well into the next morning having sex. Of course it helped to have an experienced lover.

 

[amy711]

Thank you for the feedback so far. As far as I know my hymen was broken while we were playing around a little. Actually, previously I thought it was broken because I felt a little pain and was bleeding but I guess it wasn't totally. I think now it is.

On a related question, what position do you think would be best. I had always thought missionary would be best but my boyfriend says he thinks I would be more comfortable with me on top. Any thoughts?

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

You on top will give you total control over depth of penetration, speed and angle. Remind him to stay perfectly still until you say otherwise... I've had more then one thrust when I wasn't ready and it wasn't fun. Me on top and in total control (as it should be.. hehehe) is a guaranteed *hands free* orgasm for me.

Everyone's first is different. I don't really remember mine, but I don't remember any excrutiating pain. I certainly don't remember any pain later on or the next day either. I've had more pain from micro tears then from giving my virginity away.

Take your time, lots of foreplay, make sure you are nice and relaxed, really lubed up, for goddess' sake wear a condom, and don't make it this incredibly serious moment in your life. HAVE FUN and ENJOY it!!!

 

[infinity706]

LOL

Most of us lose our hymens to tampons or masturbation or athletic activities.

I couldn't be happier about having lost my hymen somewhere along the line, well before I had sex. My first time was great. The little bit of pain I felt dissolved away once I relaxed into it. We stayed up well into the next morning having sex. Of course it helped to have an experienced lover.

Well, technically, some women never had a hymen to begin with and some have one so flexible that it's still around even if they fuck a ton of times. Afterall, everyone is built differently

Thank you for the feedback so far. As far as I know my hymen was broken while we were playing around a little. Actually, previously I thought it was broken because I felt a little pain and was bleeding but I guess it wasn't totally. I think now it is.

On a related question, what position do you think would be best. I had always thought missionary would be best but my boyfriend says he thinks I would be more comfortable with me on top. Any thoughts?

The best position is whatever one you like best. Go on and try them all if you want. It shouldn't be hard to find a list of positions on the internet. It is probably best for you to start out on top, though, so you can learn exactly how your body is going to work and go at your own pace. After that, it's just whatever you and your partner want.

 

[Etaski]

I can't say missionary is actually all that *easy* for a first time, especially if both partners are virgins.

My first time (missionary) included some fumbling around, pain, and blood on his sheets. The tearing of my hymen *definitely* hurt (I shrieked and he covered my mouth because we were in a dorm with neighbors); I would have thought my using tampons and the occasional candle for masturbation for 4 years prior to first-time sex would have taken care of it, but it didn't. Certainly didn't effect the tightness.

He had all the control for speed, depth, force, angle...but the problem was he had even less an idea what to do about getting into my body than I did (I ultimately had to pretend his dick was a tampon so that we could figure out the right angle). And as soon as he had the right angle (thanks to me), WHAM! ARRGH! Fucking shit, it hurt. (And he told me he thought I was screaming in ecstacy. ) Not as easy as it seemed in all those books I read....

You on top might make a better experience. Just go slow, be patient, and he better frickin' stay still!!

 

[amy711]

Well, he has had some experience and is not a virgin, so I thought he might know what to do better than I would being on top.

 

[Etaski]

Well sure, if he's had sex before, he'll know what to do being on top. If you want to go that way, it will probably be better than mine.

I actually think it's rather nice of him to offer you the choice to be on top; you made it sound like he's thinking of your comfort. Maybe at least consider his offer?

 

[amy711]

I don't know what to do now actually. He is very kind and gentle, which is why I trusted him to be on top. I had figured I don't even like to rip bandaids off, so me in charge of doing something that might hurt would probably be the better option. I also thought I might be more relaxed, but if you think otherwise I might consider differently. We'll see. We are not even in the same country at the moment so I have time to decide...

I don't want to deromantify it by overanalzing, but I don't want to hate the first time either and not want to do it more. Know what I mean?

 

[castlewolf]

I'd say go whichever way it happens at the time. You don't need to plan how it's going to happen; it's how you get there is the best part.

Tightnes don't become a problem until you start having babies.

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

Amy, with you being on top, as I said.. you have control. If you only get a small portion of the head in, then stop there and enjoy the new sensation. Having a cock inside you is VERY different from a toy or other insertibles. It's a living, breathing, warm piece of flesh. He can play with your nipples or rub your clit as you perch on top of him. If you have orgasmed before, why not position him at your opening, squirm against him as you get closer and closer, and then once you do orgasm, one quick swift thrust (either him up into you, or you down onto him) should take care of the rest. Just remember to remain still for a min after that point.

 

[SweetErika]

Well, technically, some women never had a hymen to begin with and some have one so flexible that it's still around even if they fuck a ton of times. Afterall, everyone is built differently

No, technically, some women are born with so little hymenal tissue that they appear to have no hymen. They have one, it's just very, very small and can be indistinguishable from the surrounding tissue.

Most females clearly have a hymen, but it often disappears through normal activities like playing, sports, masturbation, tampon use and fooling around with partners.

Etaski, I love that bit about how he thought you were shrieking in pleasure! I know it was awful for you, but the concept (rather than your specific experience) strikes me as funny, probably because I've edited so many First Time stories that portray his beliefs: 'she screamed and orgasmed as soon as she felt his huge cock thrust into her tight, wet pussy.' They also have a habit of conveying the mistaken notion that the hymen is several inches INSIDE the vagina. I'm guessing they're confusing it with the cervix, but who knows...

 

[Etaski]

Etaski, I love that bit about how he thought you were shrieking in pleasure! I know it was awful for you, but the concept (rather than your specific experience) strikes me as funny, probably because I've edited so many First Time stories that portray his beliefs: 'she screamed and orgasmed as soon as she felt his huge cock thrust into her tight, wet pussy.' They also have a habit of conveying the mistaken notion that the hymen is several inches INSIDE the vagina. I'm guessing they're confusing it with the cervix, but who knows...

*chuckle* Yeah, I find the concept funny as well. Especially since most of the "bodice-ripper" romance novels I read as a teen (you know, with the beautiful, spirited, virginal heroine in the arms of her tall, dark, experienced lover; all written by women) described various levels of pain, and all those fictional men would stop what they were doing and ask, "Are you alright? Have I hurt you?"

Reality proved somewhat different.

In fact, back to you, amy711:

I don't want to deromantify it by overanalzing, but I don't want to hate the first time either and not want to do it more. Know what I mean?

Definitely know what you mean; you can decide once he's in your bed (or you, his). It may or may not be "fireworks" the first time, but it really does get better with imagination and practice! Any number of women can vouch for that!

 

[infinity706]

Etaski, I love that bit about how he thought you were shrieking in pleasure! I know it was awful for you, but the concept (rather than your specific experience) strikes me as funny, probably because I've edited so many First Time stories that portray his beliefs: 'she screamed and orgasmed as soon as she felt his huge cock thrust into her tight, wet pussy.' They also have a habit of conveying the mistaken notion that the hymen is several inches INSIDE the vagina. I'm guessing they're confusing it with the cervix, but who knows...

Yeah, but it's good for guys' egoes to think they can make a woman cum just by putting their cock in her. Of course, it would lead to some disappointed women...

Oh, and by their definition, the hymen would be quite a bit inside the vagina. Afterall, a lot of people count everything between a woman's legs as the vagina.

 

[EurasianRhapsody]

my 2 cents: being on top is a good position for a first timer because you're in control of how deep, how fast etc.