Prequel to my current series.

[greygotskills]

"A Tale of Two Couples" a prequel to my "After Dinner Delight" series in now up for perusal here on Lit. I also have reworked versions of my previous stories that will be forthcoming. I have changed some of the names within the story so the edited versions will line up with the prequel tale.

Any and all feedback will be much appreciated: http://www.literotica.com/s/a-tale-of-two-couples-1

 

[robertreams]

Arron's girlfriend Jennifer had spent the night at his place the evening prior. They had a nice quiet dinner (and)watched a movie on TV followed by (in his mind) a mind blowing sex session. Jennifer was still asleep but Arron was by nature an early riser. He was admiring himself in the mirror. He was about 5'10' with Sandy brown hair, he was in nice shape. He worked out about three to four times a week. He flexed his arms (and) admired his six pack abs. He was a bit full of himself (and) he knew it.

"Good morning stud." Arron turned (around) to look at Jennifer(and) smiled.

"Good morning sleepy head. Glad to see that you're finally up." Jen noticed that Arron was sporting a major hard on. He noticed her looking (and) grinned mischievously. He made his way over to the bed (and) lifted the covers up off Jennifer's nude body. Jennifer was a cute (and) petite Latina about 5'4' raven haired, with brown eyes(and) the cutest smile you ever did see. Jennifer's tits were only an A-cup but they were nice (this is pornography are you sure you want to say "nice"?) (and) cute with small brown aereola to boot.

Arron hopped onto the bed (and) immediately placed the tip of his dick at the entrance to her pussy. He was raring to go. Start counting at the beginning of your manuscript. Wen you reach 100, say to yourself well, I guess that's enough "and's. Then find a different way to say what you want to say. In most of these cases, "and" signifies a run-on sentence, one that should be two sentences or divided into clauses. "And" should only be used to join two or more equal things. ""And" should NEVER be used to join two complete thoughts. For example: "Arron (usually spelled Aaron) jumped onto the bed and immediately placed his dick at. . ." His jumping on the bed and placing his dick are obviously not equal ideas. One is much more important than the other, therefore, one should be subordinated to the other. One way to do that would be to use a participal: "Jumping onto the bed, Aaron placed", etc. Using so many "and"s, especially so many run-ons, makes your writing choppy and immature.