shereads
Sloganless
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2003
- Posts
- 19,242
As 2003 ended, I predicted that Victoria's Secret would never use Bob Dylan's music in their advertising.
Predicting the future is hard!
Nevertheless, it's a good substitute for New Year's Resolutions and the failure rate is no worse. So here goes:
> Celebrity who will definitely be alive at the end of 2005:
Michael Jackson
> Celebrity who will not be indicted during 2005:
Oprah Winfrey
> Members of British royalty who will not be caught up in a bizarre sex scandal:
The corgis.
> Crime that will not be solved in 2005:
I predict a tie: the outing of CIA agent Plame and the anthrax letters
> Number of Enron executives who will not receive longer sentences than Martha Stewart:
All of them.
> Worthless item that won't be auctioned on e-bay for thousands of dollars:
Any religious apparition involving the Virgin Mary and cheese. That trend has run its course. (This doesn't necessarily rule out processed cheese substitutes, like Velveeta®. I'm also open to another grilled cheese sandwich, but with a different image, like the Ten Commandments.)
> Number of new Red Cross reports of prisoner abuse that will not result in decisive action by the U.S. Defense Department:
Three.
> Number of democratically elected governments in the Middle East that will not be either (a) supported by the continuing presence of U.S. troops or (b) toppled by violence, leading to civil war:
Zero.
> Erotic story topics that will not earn an "H":
Shoulder-pad fetish with implied non-consent
Col. Klink from "Hogan's Heroes"
> Music that will definitely not be used in a Victoria's Secret commercial:
Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like a Lady"
Predicting the future is hard!
Nevertheless, it's a good substitute for New Year's Resolutions and the failure rate is no worse. So here goes:
> Celebrity who will definitely be alive at the end of 2005:
Michael Jackson
> Celebrity who will not be indicted during 2005:
Oprah Winfrey
> Members of British royalty who will not be caught up in a bizarre sex scandal:
The corgis.
> Crime that will not be solved in 2005:
I predict a tie: the outing of CIA agent Plame and the anthrax letters
> Number of Enron executives who will not receive longer sentences than Martha Stewart:
All of them.
> Worthless item that won't be auctioned on e-bay for thousands of dollars:
Any religious apparition involving the Virgin Mary and cheese. That trend has run its course. (This doesn't necessarily rule out processed cheese substitutes, like Velveeta®. I'm also open to another grilled cheese sandwich, but with a different image, like the Ten Commandments.)
> Number of new Red Cross reports of prisoner abuse that will not result in decisive action by the U.S. Defense Department:
Three.
> Number of democratically elected governments in the Middle East that will not be either (a) supported by the continuing presence of U.S. troops or (b) toppled by violence, leading to civil war:
Zero.
> Erotic story topics that will not earn an "H":
Shoulder-pad fetish with implied non-consent
Col. Klink from "Hogan's Heroes"
> Music that will definitely not be used in a Victoria's Secret commercial:
Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like a Lady"
Last edited:
