Post scene communication

[MissTaken]

I have been asked to write a "scene report" in order to share perceptions and thoughts.

I find this a wonderful way for me to communicate openly concerning the events and feelings of what has happened.

What sorts of things do you do to enhance communication after the fact?

 

[WillowPuss]

I do the feedback thing in three ways.

During the nightly cuddling to sleep - we often chat a little (if I have any breath, that is).

Writing in my journal. I write an entry every evening unless I am unwell. In it I give my view of the night before and jot down anything that happened during the day.

This forum - some of my posts also give Robuck an insight on how I felt about something.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Our post scene communication is usually during the aftercare part. While we are snuggled up, holding each other. Master will ask me if I am alright with what we did, and I will give him feedback. Most usually everything was good, but there have been times that I have told him something wasn't the greatest feeling. He listens and adapts his style accordingly. He wants me to feel comfortable with what we do, and I do.

I also ask him how he felt about our playtime too. Just to know if what I'm doing is pleasing to him. I need that reassurance from time to time that I have pleased him.


dixi

 

[WillowPuss]

I also ask him how he felt about our playtime too. Just to know if what I'm doing is pleasing to him. I need that reassurance from time to time that I have pleased him.


dixi

Ohhhh amen to that!

 

[cellis]

Well because Himself and I don't live together and a lot of playing is during the day... we tend to talk about the scene just after it happens while he is driving and I am getting ready to go back to work.

He says that it helps him know what I like or need and what he needs to do in the future or how much to push me. I just talk about those things to him. It helps me to put things in perspective.

 

[Goddess Helena]

Thank you all for sharing. I can see how helpful this will be for my boy and I. I think he will be preparing a 'report' for me after the next time we have played together.


Helena

 

[Quint]

I was very used to the "afterglow" period with Hunny, where we would cuddle and discuss at length the things we'd especially liked in the previous scene. T was a little less-accustomed to it, I think, because although the cuddling was instinctive, the talking didn't happen quite as much. It was kind of a "I liked this part a lot" "Well, of course you did!" type-thing. Huh. Didn't really think about that til now. I think it was because we were in person and so the physical connection was great enough that we didn't need to talk about it. Talk is something we can always do. Touch is rather exclusive. Still, I'll see how it goes next time, when we (hopefully) get into things that really require feedback.

Of course this forum is a terrific place to post some things, but recently he hasn't been around to read them so I can't use this as an indirect mode of communication. However, we talk often enough that whatever feedback we didn't give in person can be easily shared--and since that's the best connection we can get right now, he's more than willing to dwell on the subject.

 

[lilfrk]

This is going to sound bad but here it is anyway.

A lot of our after scene talking takes place in e-mail. Most of the time we play after I've worked all night long. By the end of it I'm wasted and I just want to be held and loved until I fall asleep.
When I wake up he has already gone to work and when he comes home from work I'm on my way back to work. So a lot of our talking takes place in e-mail. Which is kind of good for me because I get to take my time and think about what I want to and need to say to him.

 

[MissTaken]

Actually, lilfrk, that sounds rather nice.

Then, the "afterglow" falls into the next day.

 

[CarolineOh]

I attended a discussion meeting recently at which several Doms expressed the opinion that aftercare was "counterproductive" as it, in their opinion, lessened the impact of their dominance, and that they believed that most subs did not really want aftercare, and thought being left where they are, emotionally, at the end of the scene heightens their feelings of submission.
I wonder if anyone could comment on this view of the issue.

 

[cellis]

I attended a discussion meeting recently at which several Doms expressed the opinion that aftercare was "counterproductive" as it, in their opinion, lessened the impact of their dominance, and that they believed that most subs did not really want aftercare, and thought being left where they are, emotionally, at the end of the scene heightens their feelings of submission.
I wonder if anyone could comment on this view of the issue.

Hmmmm

Definitely not my kind of Dom!

 

[Quint]

I attended a discussion meeting recently at which several Doms expressed the opinion that aftercare was "counterproductive" as it, in their opinion, lessened the impact of their dominance, and that they believed that most subs did not really want aftercare, and thought being left where they are, emotionally, at the end of the scene heightens their feelings of submission.
I wonder if anyone could comment on this view of the issue.

I can certainly understand why they'd say that and think that, but I'd probably disagree in my personal relationship, because it IS a relationship. I like chatting and reestablishing our connection as T and me, however that manifests itself. Plus I have insatiable curiosity as well as a deep and abiding need for ego petting. Feedback necessary! (And really, it's not hard for me to slip back into sub mode [for want of a better term], so taking a break for info relaying really doesn't damage anything.)

 

[Red Menace]

I don't think I could give my submission to someone who didn't want to engage in a little aftercare cuddling and tenderness. It would erode the trust necessary to be able to give my submission to them.

 

[Michael42]

I don't think I could give my submission to someone who didn't want to engage in a little aftercare cuddling and tenderness. It would erode the trust necessary to be able to give my s
ubmission to them.

absolutely Red Menace.Coldness and disaffection belong to the world of repression not the liberating eroticism we desire

 

[Ebonyfire]

I attended a discussion meeting recently at which several Doms expressed the opinion that aftercare was "counterproductive" as it, in their opinion, lessened the impact of their dominance, and that they believed that most subs did not really want aftercare, and thought being left where they are, emotionally, at the end of the scene heightens their feelings of submission.
I wonder if anyone could comment on this view of the issue.

Did someone ask them how many submissives they have?

Can't be many too many lining up for that treatment.

Ebony

 

[Desdemona]

I attended a discussion meeting recently at which several Doms expressed the opinion that aftercare was "counterproductive" as it, in their opinion, lessened the impact of their dominance, and that they believed that most subs did not really want aftercare, and thought being left where they are, emotionally, at the end of the scene heightens their feelings of submission.
I wonder if anyone could comment on this view of the issue.

I was with a Dom who treated me that way once. It made me feel like an object rather than a person. I didn't go back for a second experience with him. Additionally, I told him exactly what my concerns were. He said he just didn't have time for that sort of thing.

The funny thing is, in the interim, he decided he is a switch. He apparently spent some time with a very experienced Domme who taught him a few valuable lessons. He contacted me recently to apologise for the way he treated me and to renew our acquaintance.

I admit, curiosity overcame my better judgement a week or so ago. It was like being with a completely different Dom afterwards.

 

[MzChrista]

absolutely Red Menace.Coldness and disaffection belong to the world of repression not the liberating eroticism we desire

Now hold you phone peeps. If someone is big into a humiliation deal, they might want to be treated that way. It makes you ask when does the scene end? The walk away bit may not look like its still part of the scene to you or me, but it might feel that way to the ones involved.

 

[P. B. Walker]

Good point MsChrista... I would also add (someone mentioned feeling like an object after being treated this way) that some subs may want to feel like an object. They may want to keep that distance between them and the Dom. If they cuddle and stuff afterward, it makes it too personal for them.

Of course, I can't see how this would happen in a really close relationship. Maybe in a "hook-up" or "one night stand". Do people do that in BDSM? (I'm kidding.. I assume they do).

Anyhoo....

PBW

 

[MzChrista]

Good point MsChrista... I would also add (someone mentioned feeling like an object after being treated this way) that some subs may want to feel like an object. They may want to keep that distance between them and the Dom. If they cuddle and stuff afterward, it makes it too personal for them.

Of course, I can't see how this would happen in a really close relationship. Maybe in a "hook-up" or "one night stand". Do people do that in BDSM? (I'm kidding.. I assume they do).

Anyhoo....

PBW

You exactly right PBW. It aint my bag, but I dont judge.
Of course people do one night stands. Or they belong to clubs where they know different people they might play with now and then.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Now hold you phone peeps. If someone is big into a humiliation deal, they might want to be treated that way. It makes you ask when does the scene end? The walk away bit may not look like its still part of the scene to you or me, but it might feel that way to the ones involved.

I admit I have heard that before. I personally have never met any.

Eb

 

[Desdemona]

Good point MsChrista... I would also add (someone mentioned feeling like an object after being treated this way) that some subs may want to feel like an object. They may want to keep that distance between them and the Dom. If they cuddle and stuff afterward, it makes it too personal for them.

Of course, I can't see how this would happen in a really close relationship. Maybe in a "hook-up" or "one night stand". Do people do that in BDSM? (I'm kidding.. I assume they do).

Anyhoo....

PBW

I'm the one that mentioned feeling objectified. Sure, some people probably do want to feel that way, but it needs to be consensual. We all have different needs. That was not the case for me and I was very clear about my needs from the beginning. He knew that I didn't want to feel that way and promised me appropriate aftercare. He didn't deliver. That is why I was upset.

BTW, yes, people do have BDSM "one night stands". I've had a couple that could fall into that category. IMO, they are far less than satisfactory.

 

[MzChrista]

I'm the one that mentioned feeling objectified. Sure, some people probably do want to feel that way, but it needs to be consensual. We all have different needs. That was not the case for me and I was very clear about my needs from the beginning. He knew that I didn't want to feel that way and promised me appropriate aftercare. He didn't deliver. That is why I was upset.

BTW, yes, people do have BDSM "one night stands". I've had a couple that could fall into that category. IMO, they are far less than satisfactory.

You was right to be upset. I hope you didnt take me wrong

 

[Desdemona]

You was right to be upset. I hope you didnt take me wrong

Nope, I sure didn't. In fact, I agreed with your point. I was just clarifying why it bothered me.

 

[P. B. Walker]

I'm the one that mentioned feeling objectified. Sure, some people probably do want to feel that way, but it needs to be consensual. We all have different needs. That was not the case for me and I was very clear about my needs from the beginning. He knew that I didn't want to feel that way and promised me appropriate aftercare. He didn't deliver. That is why I was upset.

BTW, yes, people do have BDSM "one night stands". I've had a couple that could fall into that category. IMO, they are far less than satisfactory.

Des, in your situation, you are right... you were done wrong. I think there is only one reason to treat someone like that... and that is if they ask for it.

PBW

 

[Desdemona]

PB, I love it when people tell me I'm right.