Post a dirty limmerick

[ChinaBandit]

As in:

There once was a man named Dave
He kept a dead whore in a cave
Dave had to admit
That it stunk a bit
But think of the money he did save...

 

[PoppingTom]

There was agirl called Chinabandit
that exaggerate her frustration a bit
she wrote on a site
a big piece of shite
but the time she had was surely splendid

 

[unregistered]

 

[unregistered]

 

[PoppingTom]

There was a man called vetteman
who could shoot as fast as Ol Shatterhan'
too bad, what a drama
one day Barack Obama
decided to take his gun under a ban

 

[KingOrfeo]

This is a short a verse-cycle I call "Comparative Political Ideologies 101":

A Republican man-about-town
Could make a smile vertical frown
For, at finish, the heel
Always made the girl kneel
And let all the wealth trickle down!

A Democrat is well suited to diddle
In the sense that he's . . . straight-up-the-middle
But, 'tween left and right hand
He can ne'er . . . make a stand
At the end, can just sit there and twiddle!

Socialists like to share their virility
But it brings social costs in fertility
For, "To each by her need!"
Is their true solemn creed,
But the sharing wears out the ability!

When an Anarchist's out of her clothes
Make no mention of rules to impose
As to what's hot or not
Or, what tab fits what slot --
She will make it all up as she goes!

The proud stalwarts of the Tea Party
Have lusts that are hearty but naughty
Such as offering their sacks
As mid-morning snacks
To all and to sundry! How haughty!

Although Fascists might seethe, rant, and hate
You can still, if you'll dangle the bait
Have 'em your way, and then some
If but once you convince 'em
It is all for the good of the State!

An Objectivist Atlas will shrug
When the ladies won't go past a hug
Self-reliant as Rand
Is his own nimble hand
On his Fountainhead ready to tug!

A Minuteman was a staunch, fearless warder
'Gainst the Brown Peril south of the border
'Til a boom-chicka chica
From south Costa Rica
Sucked him into a whole New World Order!

The bold ladies who camp with the OWSers
Are no puritanical wowsers
One can't walk up Wall Street
Without hearing them tweet,
"Why, what's that occupying your trousers?!"

A lascivious thing is a Green
Every tree, every shrub, every bean
Every beast classed "Endangered"
And life-forms far stranger
Must endure his attentions obscene!

A Theocon's holy and pious
But it seems that his judgment is biased
By his mind filled with floods
Of the cries of hung studs:
"Come into the closet and try us!"

Libertarians swing and they play
You can use them most any which way
Straight, gay, trans, or bi
Or whatever you'll try
All while shouting, "For freedom! Hooray!"

 

[MarcelineTheVampireQueen]

'Fuck me!' she begged,
He ate her out instead.
She had just taken a piss,
So she tasted like nasty fish,
And 'GET THE HELL OUT MY HOUSE!' he said.

 

[KingOrfeo]

As the editor said to the censor,
"************* amends, sir!
"***********
"Shove********
"*********** and denser!"

 

[PoppingTom]

There was agirl called Marceline
that had an addiction to vaseline
she pressed the whole tube
right into her poob
it felt like the biggest dick she ever seen

 

[Lord Emu]

There was agirl called Marceline
that had an addiction to vaseline
she pressed the whole tube
right into her poob
it felt like the biggest dick she ever seen

Funniest thing I've seen all day.

 

[PoppingTom]

There was a boy called blobfish
who met 3 fairies and had a wish
he watched their light
he couldn't decide
he found out that this dream was just rubbish

 

[Lord Emu]

There was a young man from Nantucket
Took a pig in a thicket to fuck it.
Said the pig, "Oh, I'm queer,
Get away from my rear. . .
Come around to the front and I'll suck it."

 

[PoppingTom]

Funniest thing I've seen all day.

thx

 

[unregistered]

 

[blobfish]

There once a man from the Spree,
whose postings I couldn't see.
Though this message is hidden,
and to respond is forbidden,
he shan't be ignoring me!

 

[unregistered]

 

[MarcelineTheVampireQueen]

There was agirl called Marceline
that had an addiction to vaseline
she pressed the whole tube
right into her poob
it felt like the biggest dick she ever seen

Ew,! ..

 

[blobfish]

There once was a man named Vette,
who had to take what he could get.
So when he couldn't find porn,
he'd buy a cheap can of corn,
and barter with a hungry Viet.

 

[jomar]

There once was a great thread on Lit.
Supposed to be 'bout sex and shit .
The limericks sucked,
so the thread was well fucked,
but the OP can still suck my dick.


No offense intended and all.

 

[KingOrfeo]

Your best chance for your seed to implant is
The hot quent of my aunt from Atlantis!
When she gets in the groove
You can feel the Earth move --
Chanters rant, but we know the risk scant is!

 

[unregistered]

 

[KingOrfeo]

There once was a choirboy of Devon
Who was bugged in a haystack by seven
High Anglican priests,
The lascivious beasts!
For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.