Possibly the Stupidest Question Ever…

[unregistered]

 

[Safe_Bet]

I hope I'm not breaking any cross posting rule here; if I am I am truly sorry and I will be forced to plead "stupid newbie" as my defense.

That said, please allow me to apologize up front for what I am about to post; I realize that it is possibly the stupidest question ever asked by an alegedily self aware, enlightened human being. But I ask it from genuine curiosity and the desire to properly and respectfully portray two characters in a story I’m writing for a creative writing course I’m taking.

Without further adieu, the Stupid Question…

For the Lesbians in the Audience; when you meet someone in a sex neutral environment –work for instance- what is it that tips you to the fact that they share your orientation?

Please don’t beat me up on this, I ask from a desire to both be respectful and to correctly portray something I know nothing about in a positive and correct light and fashion.

It's usually when they grab my ass...

No, sorry.

It's the flannel shirt and work boots...

Damn it, sorry, again.

Honestly, it is EXACTLY the same as how you would perceive the sexual orientation of a hetero at work. Ask yourself how YOU know and that is your answer.

(and , no, it's not when they mention that they always dreamed of becoming a female gym teacher either!)

 

[jomar]

It's the flannel shirt and work boots...

It's the trucker's wallet that tips me off.


Welcome to the AH, IB.

 

[Edward Teach]

They always have a small ballantine tattooed behind the left ear. I usually pretend to be admiring their earrings and sneak a peek.

Eddie the Advisor

 

[unregistered]

 

[unregistered]

 

[starrkers]

Thinking about this and Safe_Bet's answer

Honestly, it is EXACTLY the same as how you would perceive the sexual orientation of a hetero at work. Ask yourself how YOU know and that is your answer.

It may be easier to do the reverse, seeing as it's a predominantly hetero world so the automatic assumption for a hetero is the other person is too.

Think about the clues you get when someone isn't sexually interested because you're carrying the wrong parts. A girl in the office who doesn't check out the cute guys, or flirt with any of them, just might be interested in girls.

But for heaven's sake, don't take anything I say as gospel, I'm just another clueless hetero.

 

[unregistered]

 

[unregistered]

 

[3113]

Honestly, it is EXACTLY the same as how you would perceive the sexual orientation of a hetero at work. Ask yourself how YOU know and that is your answer.

Are you...are you saying that...

There's no such thing as Gaydar?

 

[fieryjen]

Are you...are you saying that...

There's no such thing as Gaydar?

If there is, I sure as hell don't have one.

Or maybe I just don't focus on this sort of thing. If I like someone, boy or girl, I don't first and foremost worry about them liking my gender or not. I act like any fool with a crush does and do and say stupid shit around them while blushing a lot, and I wait to see whether any sort of affection might possibly be returned. I just focus on whether they might possibly like me, not my gender. Who cares about the rest of my gender? They don't have to like the entire gender, just me. I'm egoistic that way.

I've never asked anyone out. Love doesn't work that way for me.

 

[Safe_Bet]

If there is, I sure as hell don't have one.

Or maybe I just don't focus on this sort of thing. If I like someone, boy or girl, I don't first and foremost worry about them liking my gender or not. I act like any fool with a crush does and do and say stupid shit around them while blushing a lot, and I wait to see whether any sort of affection might possibly be returned. I just focus on whether they might possibly like me, not my gender. Who cares about the rest of my gender? They don't have to like the entire gender, just me. I'm egoistic that way.

I've never asked anyone out. Love doesn't work that way for me.

so... ummm, whatcha doing later? Want to go for a drink sum place?

 

[fieryjen]

so... ummm, whatcha doing later? Want to go for a drink sum place?

*blushes and fumbles for words*

Um.... well, I mean, is this... are you... we... nevermind.




Yes please.







ETA: I was starting to think you were mad at me. Glad to see you aren't.

 

[Safe_Bet]

It’s been suggested that Lesbians and Gays (hope to God those are the polite and proper terms) recognize the orientation of someone else the same way a hetero person does. I think maybe I should clarify my question.

I’m not talking about what makes you interested in someone else, or even what makes you aware that someone else is interested in you. As dense as I am, I can figure out how one might recognize these cues regardless of orientation.

I’m asking; when you meet someone, how to you determine if it’s a reasonable risk to make an advance? As a hetero male, it’s probably easier than for most; political correctness and sensitivity training aside. I perceive an additional obstacle that may not be present. My assumption is –and this may be where I’m going wrong- that while a hetero male (or progressive female) has to risk rejection if she makes an advance toward someone that isn’t interested, the lesbian (or gay for that matter) faces the additional risk when asking someone out on at date that the advance could be blown up into something unpleasant and widely reported within the social group. Let’s face it, society isn’t all that enlightened.

Thus, I’m curious what makes a woman comfortable taking that risk? How do you know, or on what do you base the guess, that the advance might be well received?

The definitive answer is:










wait for it...











It depends!


Jen's right. Sometimes there are little "tells," but mostly you get to know the person as a friend and get an increased comfort level with that person before you ask them if you can jump their bones. That's most of the time. Some people (AMY!) just come right up out of the blue and land on you like a ton of bricks and the next thing you know it's the next morning and you're laying naked in their bed (damn that was great! - just sorta hypothetically great I mean... )

 

[voluptuary_manque]

so... ummm, whatcha doing later? Want to go for a drink sum place?

Why did I know that you'd have just that line in reserve?

 

[3113]

[lip quivering] There no such thing as Gaydar? http://bestsmileys.com/crying/8.gif

 

[Safe_Bet]

[lip quivering] There no such thing as Gaydar? http://bestsmileys.com/crying/8.gif

Sssssssh! It's Top Secret!

 

[Xina]

There is too gaydar! You can buy one at Spencer's Gifts!


Actually I just wanted to say that the ways you can tell if someone of the same sex is interested is definitely the same as with the opposite sex. But perhaps some examples will help?

I like both but I've only ever been with one woman. Frankly she's a little crazy in the most amazing way. I met her in person for the first time at a music festival with a bunch of my other friends. She walked right up to me and grabbed my tits and asked when she gets to play with them. Later that afternoon she sat in my lap while all our friends giggled. To which I announced for the first time in front of all of them "You know I like chicks, right? This isn't bothering me at all" (because she had been teasing me quite a bit). We spent the rest of the night making out in front of everyone but I digress...

If you aren't lucky enough to find someone so straight forward it's usually the same as the game you play with members of the opposite sex.

If you're just meeting in a bar you get that look... first a quick glance but then they look again and your eyes connect a little longer, a smile, maybe a blush. It all depends on the personalities and the people.

If you're friends or at least been talking a while you'd be more advanced into jokes, flirting, a touch.

It's exactly the same as what you expect. I admit that I'm usually very shy about approaching women where as with men I usually pounce and control the situation the same way my friend mentioned above did with me, but that being said it's really not a fear of whether or not they like my gender, it's just the way I am. If they're interested in you you'll know.

The same way any girl knows when a guy is checking her out, or any guy knows when a girl is sizing him up.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Vermilion]

I'm bi, but my experience with women is limited. I blame the fact that I have ZERO gaydar, whatsoever, also the fact that I don;t seem to be that attractive to women. Men dig me, or at least I find them easy to seduce, women I just get crushes on, which I carefully squash because I don;t want to offend a straight girl, then later find out she's gay. Even my best friend.

I'm just shit at being bi... except for the liking boobs part... If anyone comes u with a definitive answer on this I'm all ears...

x
V

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Honestly, it is EXACTLY the same as how you would perceive the sexual orientation of a hetero at work. Ask yourself how YOU know and that is your answer.

I'm doomed...

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Hmm, I don't really know. I was never very good at guessing what a person's preference was either way. This is probably how I ended up sleeping with a lot of straight women and gay men.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Hmm, I don't really know. I was never very good at guessing what a person's preference was either way. This is probably how I ended up sleeping with a lot of straight women and gay men.

At least you got a lot of rest and your livingroom redecorated!

 

[OhMissScarlett]

At least you got a lot of rest and your livingroom redecorated!

*snort* and I haven't been badly accessorized since the early nineties.

 

[NoJo]

Hmm, I don't really know. I was never very good at guessing what a person's preference was either way. This is probably how I ended up sleeping with a lot of straight women and gay men.

They slept with you because you're sexy enough to break barriers