Possible new neighbors

[SeaCat]

Well yesterday I met those who may turn out to be my neighbors.

I think when I first posted about moving into our place that the next unit over had been siezed by the park as being abandoned and put up for sale.

I think I may have even mentioned meeting or seeing some of the potential buyrs last week as I was washing the windows on our place.

Well it seems that they must have put down a deposite on the place as well as put in their application. How do I know? Easy, I met them yesterday.

The first I knew of them was when I heard a behicle behind our place along with muffled cursing. Having no idea what was going on I looked out the kitchen window and saw a Sherriffs Dept. Pickup. Not knowing what was going on I turned away and went back to what I was doing, namely getting things ready for dinner.

A couple of minutes later as I was working in the kitchen there was a knock on the door. Answering it I was greeted by the sight of a rather large heavieset man, wet to the hide, wanting to know if I had the emergency contact number for the park. I quickly dug it out, copied it and handed it over.

A short time later I was out on our Patio having a smoke and pre-warming the grill when the same guy came around the corner and asked if I happened to know where the Irrigation Shut Off Valves were located. (I certainly did.) I pointed them out to him and watched as he crawled into a rather nasty bush to get to them. Curious now I wandered around back to see what was going on, only to be greeted by the sight of him moving his truck and exposing the water Spigot he had somehow managed to run over. (How he ran it over I may never know. "It" was a two foot tall piece of three inch diameter white PVC Pipe with a large T-Junction on top of it. It also had in front of it one of the large bright orange Highway Traffic Cones that had somehow shown up on our property one evening. It looked like a geyser. ) I was also greeted by the sight and sound of what turned out to be his ex-wife and daughter berating him. Shaking my head I wandered back to my Patio to start making dinner.

Dinner was almost ready when I saw him once again. (I had seen his daughter numerouse times as she moved between her and her mothers car and the trailer behind ours, usually with one hand clutching something to eat.) This time he had the two females with him.

Coming up and into our patio he introduced himself as well as the other two. He explained that they, his ex-wife and him, had just put money down on the trailer and were fixing it up for their 21 year old daughter. For some reason though he semd upset by the fact that the park managers were unhappy with him starting to work on the trailer even though his daughter hadn't been approved to move in yet. Somehow he couldn't understand why she wouldn't be accepted seeing as he was a deputy Sherriff. (If I ever have to run from a deputy I want it to be this one. He stood maybe six feet tall and couldn't have weighed less than three hundred pounds. He was puffing and panting just from walking from the other trailer to ours.)

As he was telling my wife and myself this his daughter, the one whom they were buying the trailer for, decided to do some investigating on her own. Without asking a question she opened my grill and seeing our dinner decided she just had to help herself. She grabbed the nearest skewer and promptly set it back down with some highly colorful wordage. (Steel Skewers+hot grill=scorched fingers.) She then demanded I give her one of the Pinchos while informing me that her mother, (all of 5'0" and 5' wide) was a cop in Belle Glade. (Yeah and I'm supposed to be impressed? Belle Glade Police Dept. is no more. They were shut down and their duties taken over by the County Sherriffs Dept. last week at the request of the Town Council because of corruption in the Dept.) I calmly reached over and closed the grill, without feeding her growing hunger pangs while ignoring her feeble attempt to impress and intimidate me. (She was not happy.)

She then turned her attention to my wife and in a strident and cutting voice, (It reminds me of a Bandsaw hitting a piece of metal.) informed her that she didn't approve of how she was dressed. (My wife was wearing Cut Off Jeans and a loose Tank Top made from cutting the sleeves off one of my Dive Shirts.) Hearing this I had to restrain myself from laughing in her face and commenting that she should be punished with at least ten lashes for a lack of fashion sense. (I'm sorry, and this may sound mean but the Clinicaly Obese should not wear Spandex Bike Shorts and skin tight Rebel Flag T-Shirts even when they are only 21 years old.)

Okay, before I get jumped here for being insensitive I am not. There is a difference between a person being heavy and a person being clinicaly obese. And while this young woman can claim that some of this is genetic it is not all genetic. In the half hour she was on our patio I watched as she finished off a Big Buford, (a rather large, tasty and quite messy burger from a regional fast food chain.) She then dug out of her bag and consumed a bag of Pork Rinds, two large Snickers Bars and had started in on a bag of Sun Chips. (Yes her bag was large, I have seen smaller A.W.O.L. Bags.) As she stuffed her face she continued commenting on how her parents were cops even as she dropped her trash on the floor.

Today I didn't see or hear them as I was in work. However I did hear about them from the lady across the road from us. Carmen asked me if I knew them and then proceeded to tell me how they, the mother and daughter, had come over to visit and ask her husband for the use of some tools. She also told me how the daughter had yelled at her grandson to be quiet, and to change the TV Channel he was watching to one she wanted to watch.

Somehow I do not think these people or their daughter will be approved for the place. If, by some chance she is approved it should make life quite amusing around here as she learns that not everyone is as impressed with her or her parents occupations as she is.

Just as amusing will be the results of their repairs to the trailer. This is a trailer where they have to replace most of the wood in the floors, and to do that they brought in several loads of 1/4 inch Plywood.

Cat

 

[Stella_Omega]

Cat, light that place with a match- quick!
Are these the same people you told us about previously? Does this place have a zombie-magnet attatched to it?

 

[Guest]

......

 

[Stella_Omega]

Shoot them.

All of them.

Justifiable homicide.

Stupid people shouldn't breed.

And get the hell out of there. Your prospects for neighbors are not getting better. They're getting worse.

What Jalapenò-Breath said. You listen to the dragon, dammit!

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Hmmm - I'm getting an idea for a series of books. One would be Sheherezade's student reports - "A Devil's Report Card." Another would be Zeb's neighbor profiles: "A Devil's Neighborhood."

 

[SeaCat]

Cat, light that place with a match- quick!
Are these the same people you told us about previously? Does this place have a zombie-magnet attatched to it?

Yep the same ones, although the youngest wasn't there.

I don't think I'll have to torch the place. Pappa Bear was talking about how he was going to set the place up for Propane, both stove and Hot Water Heater. If he does his plumbing the way he drives then I won't have a thing to worry about. (Except maybe having to replace a window or two when the place blows up, but I'm betting he just burns it down.)

Cat

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[SeaCat]

Shoot them.

All of them.

Justifiable homicide.

Stupid people shouldn't breed.

And get the hell out of there. Your prospects for neighbors are not getting better. They're getting worse.

Nah, big slow moving targets like them are no challenge.

I'm thinking of making a platter of Pinchos to welcome them to the neighborhood. Of course the meat in the Pinchos will be well marinated in my own special Hot Sauce. (Although it is a shame to waste good food, it would be well worth it to hear them.)

They may just cure the problem for me themselves though. As I mentioned to Stella Pappa Bear wants to do some plumbing. Not to mention they seem to be planning on repairing the floors using 1/4 inch plywood. (I wouldn't use that thin of wood for my wife and myself, and I weigh in at 150. None of these weigh less that 200.)

Cat

 

[FallingToFly]

^.^ Oh. Dear.

Set up a videocamera for the fireworks, eh? I could use a laugh.

 

[SeaCat]

Just hope they're all inside when it goes BOOM!

You're nicer than I am. I want them outside and blown on their butts when it goes boom. Then they have to watch it go up in smoke, then answer for it. (Although I wouldn't mind it terribly if a length of the Aluminum Siding got wrapped around the daughters head and blocked her mouth. That voice is irritating as hell.)

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

Hmmm - I'm getting an idea for a series of books. One would be Sheherezade's student reports - "A Devil's Report Card." Another would be Zeb's neighbor profiles: "A Devil's Neighborhood."

I'm thinking of something akin to a Blog or Journal titled Neighbor Bitch from Hell.

It could be funny.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

^.^ Oh. Dear.

Set up a videocamera for the fireworks, eh? I could use a laugh.

Nope, no video cameras. I'm afraid of what it might record. (If she walks around in public and her parents dessed the way she was yesterday I don't want to see her when she thinks she's alone. *SHUDDER* It might put even me off my feed.)

Cat

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Shooting seems excessive but this does suggest we may want to revisit the issue of forced sterilization.

The problem is, in the old days, hungry dinosaurs kept the gene pool up to snuff, snapping up not just the slow humans but the stupid ones. Once civilization was invented and we hunted down the last T-Rex, we've had to do our own housekeeping, so to speak, and this thread demonstrates that we've fallen down on the job.

 

[Guest]

 

[SeaCat]

Shooting seems excessive but this does suggest we may want to revisit the issue of forced sterilization.

The problem is, in the old days, hungry dinosaurs kept the gene pool up to snuff, snapping up not just the slow humans but the stupid ones. Once civilization was invented and we hunted down the last T-Rex, we've had to do our own housekeeping, so to speak, and this thread demonstrates that we've fallen down on the job.

No doubt. People like these give Red Necks like me a bad name. (Always have)

The Gene Pool needs a bit more Chlorine.

You know, I keep checking but I just can't find a sign on our place that says Welcome Dimwits. (I know it has to be there somewhere though. This kind of thing just keeps happening to me. When I lived in Germany I had a neighbor named Christine. She was about three times my size but seemed enamoured of me. It didn't matter to her that I was not in the least interested in her, she kept after me. Hell she even started running in an effort to get to see me more. {At that time I ran 5 miles cross country a day.} Even though she couldn't move her body more than 500 yards without wheezing and needing to stop she kept at it. She didn't know what I did for a living and didn't care. All she saw was an American and a ticket to "Amerika". Finally this stopped, mainly because her and her family were coming home from church one morning as I was heading out in a rush to respond to an incident. You chould have seen their faces as I came barreling out of my place and towards my car wearing my full uniform, including armor and helmet, with my arms wrapped around one hell of a shotgun. For some reason they avoided me after that. )

Now I have to find some legal way to make this one decide to vanish. Maybe I can interest her in going Gator Trolling with my wife and myself?

Cat

 

[Huckleman2000]

Cat, I sympathize with you, even though I enjoy immensely the stories that come out of your misfortune!

Quarter-ply isn't going to cut it, especially with 300lbs.+ on it day after day.
Two ideas spring to mind:
1.) It sounds like a great submission to Blue Collar Comedy's thing where they ask viewers to send in photos for the Redneck Yard of the Week.
2.) There's a screenplay or something in there somewhere... Hell, I could picture Larry the Cable Guy just reading your stories and getting huge laughs.

Actually, let the quarter-ply thing play out... That's just comedy gold waiting to happen!

 

[SeaCat]

Cat, 'scuse the threadjack, but does the reference to a Big Buford mean that ya'll have Rally's down there?

Nope, no Rally's. We have Checkers. They actually are pretty good and their fries are great. (I wish though that we had White Castle.)

No problem with the Threadjack. (I've been known to Threadjack my own threads.)

Cat

 

[Guest]

 

[Friedrich N]

Look on the bright side. You don't have to worry about the property values going up and raising your rent.

 

[SeaCat]

Cat, I sympathize with you, even though I enjoy immensely the stories that come out of your misfortune!

Quarter-ply isn't going to cut it, especially with 300lbs.+ on it day after day.
Two ideas spring to mind:
1.) It sounds like a great submission to Blue Collar Comedy's thing where they ask viewers to send in photos for the Redneck Yard of the Week.
2.) There's a screenplay or something in there somewhere... Hell, I could picture Larry the Cable Guy just reading your stories and getting huge laughs.

Actually, let the quarter-ply thing play out... That's just comedy gold waiting to happen!

You my friend are on the same wavelength I am on. I can see all four of them doing skits about this family.

I think this board will be getting more than a few chuckles, as will I, out of these people if they do get accepted to the park.

If she likes to raid grills I can't wait to see her face when she actually tries some of my foods. (I'll of course have the hose handy when I cook things like Gator Teriyaki or Pan Fried Rattler. Maybe I'll have to get some tails from the exterminator and hang them on the patio then explain to her that the Pincho's she's scarfing down are made from Rat. )

As I mentioned I would point the Camcorder at the place, but I'm afraid of what I'll see. I somehow, as perverted and as enamoured with the femals body as I am, do not in any way shape or form want to see this young woman naked. I have the feeling that it would make me go off my feed for at least a couple of days.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

Rallys/Checkers--same thing. I swear they put crack in the french fries.

Back on topic: I'll cross my fingers that Daughter Dearest isn't approved for the trailer. You could write up everything that has happened and submit it to whomever does the reviewing...

Hey, now don't be running down Checkers Fries. They are actually seasoned fries and have some flavor. (They make a Pepper Jack Bacon Burger that is incredible.)

I'll let these people burn their own bridges, and keep my friends laughing at their exploits. Hey even I, who can find the humor in damned near everything need some comedy relief from time to time. These people promise to provide at least that much.

Cat

 

[FallingToFly]

Nope, no Rally's. We have Checkers. They actually are pretty good and their fries are great. (I wish though that we had White Castle.)

No problem with the Threadjack. (I've been known to Threadjack my own threads.)

Cat

Oh dammit.. now I'm dying for either Rally's or Checkers... and I am NOT driving over fifty miles one way for a burger.

I'm going to bed. *blows raspberries at them all, and goes pouting off to bed*

 

[FallingToFly]

Hey, now don't be running down Checkers Fries. They are actually seasoned fries and have some flavor. (They make a Pepper Jack Bacon Burger that is incredible.)

I'll let these people burn their own bridges, and keep my friends laughing at their exploits. Hey even I, who can find the humor in damned near everything need some comedy relief from time to time. These people promise to provide at least that much.

Cat

Btw, Cat... look up Montrealgirl from the GB- she has a thread titled Chronicles of Kelly the Crackwhore- her neighbor from hell experiences, and updates and archives it regularly. It's a great read.

 

[Guest]

 

[Stella_Omega]

Cat, how about mounting a BIG old camcorder doesn't even have to work- you can probably get one from Salvation Army for ten bucks on the side facing that trailor? Add a blinking red light to it, make it very conspicuous. And a sign "WE SUPPORT OUR LOCAL POLICE" right under it.

Can you file a complaint with your Park office about these people? Would your other neighbors back you up?

Could they be evicted opnce they'd moved in?
Really, it's Mrs Cat that I am concerned for. I think she deserves some serenity in her home, after all you guys have been through!