POLL: What does the word "bi" or "bisexual" mean to you?

[BuckyDuckman]

In discussions on a different threads, there's been a call for a new "bisexual" category. I would suggest the word "bi" or "bisexual" without a gender attached to it, infers a man rather than a woman who swings both ways. I believe most accept that women can be bisexual, too. However, I have sneaky suspicious that the words "bi" or "bisexual" are slowly coming to infer a male who goes both ways. So, let's put my theory to the test!

 

[NaokoSmith]

Gosh, I'm really surprised to hear that. I usually define High Femme and will say, yup, bisexual if pushed to do so. I just don't want people to read by that: will do anything you ever imagined possible with everything that moves and some things that don't. It's amazing how excited some men get when I say, "I'm bisexual," and how cross when I say, "and monogamous".

I mean, I will flirt with anything that types , I just think that's slightly different to actually jumping in the sheets with six guys, a couple of other women and a herd of sheep. I may be splitting hairs here. Or strands of wool.

I ought to add, I will flirt with anything that types except those monkeys who are rewriting Hamlet. That's just cuz I disapprove of rewriting Shakespeare, of course. Any other monkeys, bring the flirt on.

 

[XpersiusX]

I'd suck a guys cock. Doesnt make me bisexual. I'm not remotely attracted to any male on the planet sexually. The notion of kissing a man is nothing short of a turn off.

However, I believe, and I think the dictionary does too - that to be bisexual, you need to be physically attracted sexually to both genders. Doing kinky shit doesn't define your sexuality.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I believe most accept that women can be bisexual, too. However, I have sneaky suspicious that the words "bi" or "bisexual" are slowly coming to infer a male who goes both ways. I would suggest when the average person uses the word "bi" or "bisexual" without a gender attached to it, they're referring to a man rather than a woman who swings both ways. So, let's put my theory to the test!

I haven't seen any signs of male-only usage here. Most of the "bi" people I know are women.

 

[D_Lynn]

Is bi-sexuality a term that is specifically related to physical attraction?

Many (okay, maybe it was many, many, many) moons ago I remember referring to a woman who had been with another woman sexually as bi-sexual and being corrected. Just because she had engaged in a sexual encounter with another woman, and might do so again, didn't make her bi-sexual. Their argument was that she would not seek out an emotional relationship with a woman, therefore, she was just a kinky hetero.

Splitting hairs?

Because of that, I hesitate to call someone bi-sexual until I understand more about what motivates the action. Am I reading too much into the term?

 

[NaokoSmith]

LOL, D_Lynn, do you remember the term 'political lesbian'? It meant a woman who was in every other way a lesbian, but unfortunately still sexually attracted just to men.

 

[D_Lynn]

LOL, D_Lynn, do you remember the term 'political lesbian'? It meant a woman who was in every other way a lesbian, but unfortunately still sexually attracted just to men.

I have never heard that term before, Naoko. I'm just learning new things every day on this forum.
LOL

 

[Dyslexicea]

Is bi-sexuality a term that is specifically related to physical attraction?

Many (okay, maybe it was many, many, many) moons ago I remember referring to a woman who had been with another woman sexually as bi-sexual and being corrected. Just because she had engaged in a sexual encounter with another woman, and might do so again, didn't make her bi-sexual. Their argument was that she would not seek out an emotional relationship with a woman, therefore, she was just a kinky hetero.

Splitting hairs?

Because of that, I hesitate to call someone bi-sexual until I understand more about what motivates the action. Am I reading too much into the term?

Yes and No! In the broad sense the word simple means those who are sexually attracted to both women and men, regardless of which gender they happen to be. For someone to say they are hetero but are attracted sexually to someone of their own sex is nonsensical.

The real problem is language, we don't have any words to describe someone who is sexually attracted to both sexes but is only emotionally attracted to their own or the opposite sex, to use the normative term Boyfriend/Girlfriend type relationships. Further complicating the bisexual equation are those who can be attracted both physically and emotionally to either sex.

I may as well complicate this more by saying there are women, I don't know of any men, who have sex with other women but only because it is something their partner desires. These women claim they don't get turned on by sex with the other woman but do get turned on by the effect is has on their partner. <shrugs>

Sexuality is complicated just as gender is complicated. Enough studies have been done to indicate sexual orientation is either genetic or at least established very young in life, by the age of 3. But there has not been much study as to bisexuality being a sexual orientation. It may be an orientation or it may be a learned behavior. Personally I tend to think of bisexual as an orientation.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

...
I may as well complicate this more by saying there are women, I don't know of any men, who have sex with other women but only because it is something their partner desires. These women claim they don't get turned on by sex with the other woman but do get turned on by the effect is has on their partner. <shrugs>

Sexuality is complicated just as gender is complicated. Enough studies have been done to indicate sexual orientation is either genetic or at least established very young in life, by the age of 3. But there has not been much study as to bisexuality being a sexual orientation. It may be an orientation or it may be a learned behavior. Personally I tend to think of bisexual as an orientation.

I know at least one woman like that: a lifestyle friend's wife who will allow women to go down on her and the like for her husband's thrill while she refuses to reciprocate for the woman.

I know lots of guys who express similar thoughts to XpersiusX: willingly perform acts most would consider bisexual behavior, but shunning the label of bisexual. On the opposite end of the denial scale could be the guys who would never allow a woman to finger their butt because it would be too "gay." Go figure. I'm with you in terms of it being an orientation (admitted or otherwise).

 

[DallasDonna]

While my first reaction is "why all the labels", I then fall into the same trap of trying to put a label on it.

I guess when you want to describe yourself (or someone) accurately, you need those labels.

Then the problem is degrees.

What's the 'label' for a person who is occasionally sexually interested in same sex, but never emotionally? Personally, I still call that bisexuality.

 

[D_Lynn]

I know at least one woman like that: a lifestyle friend's wife who will allow women to go down on her and the like for her husband's thrill while she refuses to reciprocate for the woman.

I know lots of guys who express similar thoughts to XpersiusX: willingly perform acts most would consider bisexual behavior, but shunning the label of bisexual. On the opposite end of the denial scale could be the guys who would never allow a woman to finger their butt because it would be too "gay." Go figure. I'm with you in terms of it being an orientation (admitted or otherwise).

The friends I referred to in my post were in the lifestyle, as I was back then. I didn't know a single woman in that group that didn't engage in sex with both men and women. Men varied, but it was not generally assumed that they were bi. This was back in the 90s, so things may have changed considerably.

I haven't spent a lot of time analyzing it. I just didn't want to insult the group of people who proudly claim to be bi-sexuals by assuming that any person who has had sexual contact with both sexes is bisexual.

Does that make sense?

 

[BuckyDuckman]

I haven't spent a lot of time analyzing it. I just didn't want to insult the group of people who proudly claim to be bi-sexuals by assuming that any person who has had sexual contact with both sexes is bisexual.

Does that make sense?

To me, I think it does. There's apparently a vocal social-political group who need to be accurately categorized as a way to recognized and "accepted" by society-at-large (my interpretation, obviously). For myself, while I am not romantically attracted to other men and have personal limits concerning the sexual behaviors I'll enjoy with another man - I'm guilty of once being a bit like XpersiusX. As the politics of gender and sexual orientation have become more prevalent, I rolled over in carefully selected aspects of my life and choose to accept the label of being "bi," since my sexual preferences include both men and women. Since then, I perceive a political difference between someone who is "bi" versus someone like myself who goes both ways in the bedroom based on mood, atmosphere and availability. I don't believe that makes me "less bi" than someone who is genuinely attracted to both genders, however, I also accept that I don't get to make those distinctions.

 

[sr71plt]

I think you're just screwed up in your thinking in setting up your poll, Bucky. "Bi" is a person, male or female, who enjoys going both ways. The discussion you are extrapolating your poll from was slanted toward the male because that's what the context of the thread was about.

 

[sr71plt]

I'd suck a guys cock. Doesnt make me bisexual. I'm not remotely attracted to any male on the planet sexually. The notion of kissing a man is nothing short of a turn off.

Well, I'm happy to be the one to break it to you, XpersiusX, that if you are male and you happily suck guy's cocks and also fuck women, you are bi. You are an example of the Men's Great Self-Delusion. You'll get more enjoyment out of it if you lose the complex about it.

Are you saying you'll suck a guy's cock (and not get hard)? If so, why?

 

[Dyslexicea]

I think you're just screwed up in your thinking in setting up your poll, Bucky. "Bi" is a person, male or female, who enjoys going both ways. The discussion you are extrapolating your poll from was slanted toward the male because that's what the context of the thread was about.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

I think your just screwed up in your thinking in setting up you're poll, Bucky. "Bi" is a person, male or female, who enjoys going both ways. The discussion you are extrapolating your poll from was slanted toward the male because that's what the context of the thread was about.

I agree the discussion you're referencing was slanted towards males because of the context of the thread (http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=864385 for the curious). However, your comment in this thread disallows what I believe is a different thought (loosely related, but independent) that resulted from subsequent discussion. Hence: a poll in a new thread inviting different voices.

Based on the current voting, I'm wrong in my theorem that the term "bi" or "bisexual," independent of a gender assignment suggestions male bisexuality potentially at the expense of including female bisexuality. It's an admittedly unscientific poll being conducted amongst a group of people whom I believe are prone to thinking more carefully about the intent of a word (i.e., it's in the "Author's Hang-out" versus the "Genera Board" or "GLBT Chatter"). Still, I'm finding the preliminary results interesting and, perhaps more importantly, altering to my belief system.

I have the poll slated to allow voting for 10 days and I'm enjoying the discussion as much as I do any other thread.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Nah... sorry, dude. You don't get to (or need to) redefine terms. A bisexual is a person who has the capability of being sexually attracted to either sex. PERIOD.

There is no gender designation as there is for gay or lesbian. That's prolly because there is no gender preference required. (don't know on that one, just a guess).

Also I think you are confusing bi-curious with bisexual. If a chick gets drunk and decides to try kissing/groping another chick to "see what it's like". That doesn't make her bisexual. Her LIKING kissing/groping the chick, while still being attracted to men, is what would make her a bisexual. Other than that it's just either experimentation or hedonism.

The opposite is true of you serial "I like cock, but not men" guys. You ARE gay or bisexual, you just are too disgustingly chickenshit to admit it. I can buy the "I tried it and didn't like it" thing once or even twice, but if you KEEP doing it and then saying that shit, I'm calling you a homo.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Nah... sorry, dude. You don't get to (or need to) redefine terms. A bisexual is a person who has the capability of being sexually attracted to either sex. PERIOD.

There is no gender designation as there is for gay or lesbian. That's prolly because there is no gender preference required. (don't know on that one, just a guess).

Also I think you are confusing bi-curious with bisexual. If a chick gets drunk and decides to try kissing/groping another chick to "see what it's like". That doesn't make her bisexual. Her LIKING kissing/groping the chick, while still being attracted to men, is what would make her a bisexual. Other than that it's just either experimentation or hedonism.

The opposite is true of you serial "I like cock, but not men" guys. You ARE gay or bisexual, you just are too disgustingly chickenshit to admit it. I can buy the "I tried it and didn't like it" thing once or even twice, but if you KEEP doing it and then saying that shit, I'm calling you a homo.

a) I'm not making an effort to redefine shit. I'm trying to verify a suspicion I had and am person enough to admit it appears false so far.
b) I would agree that bisexual should infer a person sexually active with either gender. I'm checking to see if that's changes for people. Again, so far, apparently not.
c) I don't believe I'm confusing bisexual with bi-curious. I do, however, find where and how you choose to draw the lines curious. I think we need to extent the courtesy to people that it's often a self-identifier much in the way we're asked to accept a person who is physically equipped and DNA tagged as a "man" or a "woman" as something different based on their mental or spiritual or whatever-have-you designation. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck but claims its really a horse trapped inside a duck's body, the all enlightened political correct crowd expects society at-large to treat them as a horse. Okay, I guess that's only polite and damn anyone whose behind on the ever changing lingo.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Bisexual refers to any person's orientation. It does not refer to their gender or their body's sex.

What you're getting confused about, is general societal reaction to bisexual men as opposed to bisexual women. Homophobia is much more acute regarding men-- especially among men. Tere is a perception-- especially among men-- that women's bisexuality doesn't matter as much-- to men. And there's a perception that men's bisexuality 1) makes the man less manly, and 2) causes him to rape other men or some fucking bullshit thing like that.

Regarding gender-- DNA has less to do with a person's sex than you'd think. We are neither ducks nor horses, we are humans. We do millions of things we weren't born doing.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Depends on if they look like Karl Rove. Those who do are lesbians. Those who don't are bisexual.

 

[jomar]

I'd suck a guys cock. Doesnt make me bisexual. I'm not remotely attracted to any male on the planet sexually. The notion of kissing a man is nothing short of a turn off.

However, I believe, and I think the dictionary does too - that to be bisexual, you need to be physically attracted sexually to both genders. Doing kinky shit doesn't define your sexuality.

bi·sex·u·al [bahy-sek-shoo-uhl]
adjective
...
2. sexually responsive to both sexes.

You're bi, dude. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

[Novita76]

for years i hated being considered bi sexual. Who i love be it physically or emontionaly is not the same as someone else. i can love either, i have not "dated" a woman yet, because i have not found one that i was that drawn to. I guess now i would call myself me-sexual.

Just because man or woman is willing to push the boundries of being able to touch some one of the same gender does not make them bi-sexual. it just means they are able to be comfortable with something that is considered to not be within the scope of what is "normal".

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I didn't answer the poll because none of the choices make any sense. Amy and Stella have been about as clear as anyone could ask. End of discussion.

 

[Lord_Gro]

I've always assumed that "bisexual" was a gender-neutral term. I'm not bisexual myself, but I got to know enough bisexual men and bisexual women over the years to convince me of that. Seeing the simple word "bisexual" does not aromatically cause me to assume "male."

That having been said, it's horribly imprecise term. I have a self-identified-as-bisexual female friend who admits that 90%-plus of her sexual partners have been men. She's not averse to sex with women; she just meets very few women to whom she is attracted and who feel attraction for her.

I've got a gay male friend who admits in private that he's technically bi, because he will have sex with women once in a while. "I don't enjoy it as much as sex with another man, but it's okay."

I tend to think of sexual orientation not as a set of discrete points, (i.e. "straight," "bisexual," "gay.") but as a continuous spectrum, running from "attracted solely to men" on one end, to "attracted solely to women" on the other end, and with every possible variation between the two lying between the two extremes. And the other important point to this thought-construct is that a given individual's position on the spectrum can change over time. I think, though, based on what some other contributors to this thread have said, that having two axes, one for physical attraction, and one for emotional attraction, might be a more accurate model still.

 

[jomar]

for years i hated being considered bi sexual. Who i love be it physically or emontionaly is not the same as someone else. i can love either, i have not "dated" a woman yet, because i have not found one that i was that drawn to. I guess now i would call myself me-sexual.

Just because man or woman is willing to push the boundries of being able to touch some one of the same gender does not make them bi-sexual. it just means they are able to be comfortable with something that is considered to not be within the scope of what is "normal".

That is a really nice sentiment, but if you enjoy having sex with males and females you are bisexual.