Poll: Long-Distance or Local

[esclave_PP]

I have a couple of friends in 2 similar situations and thought I'd do a poll and also open this up to discussion and opinion:

1) First situation: Dom and slave have been together a long time and had opportunity to live in same town, but plans changed and now slave is moving cross-country. Slave wanted release but Master didn't want to release her. The Master asked his "brothers" what he should do and the "brothers" said to keep her if He thought she was worth it.

Thoughts? What is right thing to do? Beyond the answer, "Do what is right for them" do you any of you have suggestions?

2) Second situation: This is somewhat similar, a Domme and her slave live miles apart, started out online, have met a few times, should they try to continue this way, or find the slave another Domme, although their relationship is quite special and close.

Is it better to be in the same place for service, or does it not really matter?

So, please vote in the poll and answer most candidly and honestly.

I've missed you all! Finally coming up for air!

Malcah

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Many of you have heard my story, so I won't go into detail about it. I guess my long-distance relationship is good because I have a sense of belonging even though we haven't met yet.

The bad thing about it is thatsometimes I start wondering if we are ever going to get together. Sometimes I panic when I think about the possibility of never meeting in person. I love him, and it would break my heart if we were to part.

 

[Desdemona]

Can you define long distance? Some people say long distance is if you don't live in the same town. Snooze and I live 80 miles apart. It's an easy drive (1.5 hours) and we're together often. Some would call that a LDR, others wouldn't. This is as LDR as I would be willing to go... I'll tell you that. I need regular face to face, skin to skin interactions. I don't do well without that. So, anyway, I can't answer the poll.

From my perspective, it's better to be in the same place for service. I know others disagree.

 

[esclave_PP]

Long Distance as in another state -- more than driving distance. Thanks to you both for your answers so far!

 

[serijules]

My domme lives in another state, and we only see each other 3-4 times a year, but I have to say I'm very happy with the arrangment. Not to deny that it would be wonderful to live closer, but that will never happen as I won't leave my business and family, nor will she, so this works just fine for us. We share the same group of friends that we see a few times a year at parties, and we talk online or on our cell phones text messaging daily. With my business and family life, I feel safe playing this way, and we still have the connection we need to be a valid and strong relationship. I think long distance is just fine and while it is hard at times, I think it is mostly ideal for me bacause with my deafness, online communication is very important to me and I thrive under the conditions that online offers (always being able to understand what is being said and not missing out on anything, unlike in real life). Works for me, but isn't for everyone.

 

[Etoile]

I live with my girlfriend/wife. We've been together more than six years. We live near DC. I'm delighted with my life with her.

My Daddy, on the other hand, lives in NYC. I wish e lived closer, I really do. We have had a lot of misunderstandings that have come from being so far apart. My training could be so much further along if we could be together more often. We see each other on average once or twice a month, but it's not enough.

 

[Prof Bill]

Is it better to be in the same place for service, or does it not really matter?


I've had long-distance and local relationships in my years in the scene. Currently, I have a local submissive and it's the best situation of all of them, although a great deal of that has to do with this exemplary submissive.

Long-distance is almost impossible to maintain. If there's a goal at the end (joining up, marriage, whatever), then I've known of situations where it works--but it's still difficult. The simple fact of the matter is that the submissive needs the Dominant's physical presence more often than not, at least in my experience. And, based on my own experience, I need the submissive's presence (or at least I need the knowledge that I have access to her whenver I want).

There's another factor from the Dom perspective that may only relate to my experience. I tried to make intelligent and difficult assignments so my sub would know I cared for her, that I wanted to teach her and help her grow, and because I wanted her to know that I was with her mentally even if not physically.

Two problems eventually arose. First, I just got tired and bored and exhausted and angry because I had to constantly think of assignments for her. That would not have happened had she been near to hand. Second, the sub becomes tired of doing assignments when there is no immediate reward. (We can talk all about the deep satisfaction achieved when a sub serves her Dom, but eventually the sub finds she needs more than deep satisfaction. Sex is usually what is craved, followed very closely by a lengthy and strenuous session with all the toys you can carry, usually followed by more sex. I certainly didn't object to that, but when you can't deliver the goods frequently and regularly, you're not going to have a happy sub for very long.)

Finally, a thought about "not releasing" a sub. Personally, I think that's a myth of D/s. Quite simply, if my sub does not want to submit to me, she has released herself. If this sub moves across country, wants her release from her current Dom and is not given it, how long do you think it will be before she is hunting for a local Dom? It seems to me that the best thing to do in this situation would be for the Dom to say he will be her Distant Dom (or some such term) until she finds someone she wants as her permanent Dom.

Would this hurt? Probably. Is it better than simply saying "no" and essentially inviting her to dishonor her current Dom? I think so.

Good topic. Thanks.

Professor Bill