Points to Ponder for 2002

[photographer]

This is a plea for enlightening answers to deep questions.

A list of questions to ponder over as you contemplate your plans for 2002.

I look forward, with great anticipation, to the answers I might receive.

1: If it's the tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

2: Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

3: When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it go?

4: What was the best thing before sliced bread?

5: Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

6: How do you know when to tune bagpipes?

7: If you shoot a mime artist, should you use a silencer?

8: What is the speed of dark?

Have a great New Year!!!

 

[MissTaken]

LOL

Answers! Answers!


We want answers!

 

[alltherage]

This is a plea for enlightening answers to deep questions.

A list of questions to ponder over as you contemplate your plans for 2002.

I look forward, with great anticipation, to the answers I might receive.

1: If it's the tourist season, why can't we shoot them? who says we can't

2: Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? to prevent the spread of stds in the afterlife of course

3: When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it go? white, everyone knows that.

4: What was the best thing before sliced bread? sliced buffalo and jam

5: Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? yes

6: How do you know when to tune bagpipes? when people don't wail and moan when the pipeist is warming up

7: If you shoot a mime artist, should you use a silencer? no. The joy of shooting a mime is their miming of fear and shock as they here the shot

8: What is the speed of dark? now that is just inponderable

Have a great New Year!!!

 

[Rambling Rose]

This is a plea for enlightening answers to deep questions.

8: What is the speed of dark?

Whatever it is, it is directly proportionate to the speed in which you reply to your private messages. I am glad to see you are alive and kicking, photographer. I had feared the elephants had trampled you in the bush!

 

[modest mouse]

1: If it's the tourist season, why can't we shoot them? You can, they do it in the F-state all the time

2: Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? George Carlin answered this better than i can.

3: When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it go? Purple

4: What was the best thing before sliced bread? Plumbing(indoor)

5: Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? No, they just use more garlic

6: How do you know when to tune bagpipes? Drink a fifth of Scotch, if they dont sound perfect after that they need to be tuned

7: If you shoot a mime artist, should you use a silencer? I prefer to beat them, they rarely scream for help. Though some are frauds.

8: What is the speed of dark? Like cold is merely the lack of heat(energy), the same with dark; its the lack of light(energy). Dark moves at the speed of light, as fast as light recedes.

 

[mig]

1-Yes,but you can't eat them
2-To stop them getting pregnant
3-What's a smurf
4-Bread knife
5-yes
6-The Haggis start crying
7-Just mouth "bang"
8-32' per second.

 

[Black_Bird]

1: If it's the tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

It would give the Hawiian's a reason to over throw the U.S. Government.

2: Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Because they aren't dead yet.

3: When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it go?

Purple... then pink.

4: What was the best thing before sliced bread?

According to the Romans, a glass of wine.

5: Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

No. Cannibals don't eat clowns because they are afraid of them. Ever see Killer Klowns from Outer Space?

6: How do you know when to tune bagpipes?

Squeeze a Goat. Tune to *that* note.

7: If you shoot a mime artist, should you use a silencer?

No. Don't even use a gun. Use your fingers - its cheeper and just as effective.

8: What is the speed of dark?

About as fast as I can get her stripped.

 

[Basia]

answers

1: If it's the tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
they are an endangered species

2: Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
So the body dosn't contract infection in death

3: When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it go?
pink

4: What was the best thing before sliced bread? the wheel

5: Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
yep

6: How do you know when to tune bagpipes? when they sound like the mateing call of the water buffalo

7: If you shoot a mime artist, should you use a silencer? yes, that way they can mime the bullet too

8: What is the speed of dark? backwards

 

[photographer]

Answers ......

Hey! Not bad! Thanks for the being the first!!!

Now .... anyone else? Responses will be tabulated, and the most popular replies will be listed, as well as the most original.

Come on everybody!!!!

 

[Tim1]

Damn

Damn good questions.....wish I had started this thread...

 

[Basia]

Here's One

Why did the kamikazi pilots wear helmets?

 

[koalabear]

no comment......


good one!

 

[LukkyKnight]

Re: Here's One

Why did the kamikazi pilots wear helmets?

Because they looked stupid in berets.

 

[Basia]

lol

 

[pabloback]

This is a plea for enlightening answers to deep questions.

A list of questions to ponder over as you contemplate your plans for 2002.

I look forward, with great anticipation, to the answers I might receive.

1: If it's the tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
because everyone that fishes tourists uses live bait , nets are not allowed shooting is illegal ., allpoachers know that

2: Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
incase they are sued for negligence if the prisoner gets septicemia

3: When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it go?
it is illegal to choke smurfs , they should be culled in the same manner as seals , with a club to the head , a choked smurf turns dark blue [allegedly if the smurf wardens are listening]

4: What was the best thing before sliced bread?
unsliced bread with a wheel a fluching lavatory and a bottle of vintage red

5: Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
cannibals tend to prefer plain food although some have been known to experiment with foreign cooking such as clowns

6: How do you know when to tune bagpipes?
when they sound as if they are in tune

7: If you shoot a mime artist, should you use a silencer?
only if there is an r in the month

8: What is the speed of dark?
the top speed of the death star has to my knowledge never been published [partly because the starwars saga is set in the future]
dark travels at an equal speed to light unless you have been left in the dark , in which case there is no accurate way to measure it
Have a great New Year!!!

 

[Basia]

Another one

Why do Hot dogs come in packages of 8 when hot dog buns come in packages of 10?

 

[photographer]

Points To Ponder

Thanks to all who responded so creatively!

I'll keep the thread running for another few days, then announcee the best responses (imo) and announce the prize(s)

Keep the answers coming!!!

 

[photographer]

No more interest?

Maybe you're all too hungover to think straight!

But it doesn't look like there are going to be any more replies ......

Prizes will be announced soon .......