Poetry or not?

[henry0reilly]

I in no way claim that the events or emotions that inspired the following to be unique or even rare. I was knocked off my feet and this is what I wrote.

Internet Whirlwind

I posted
She emailed
I called
We chatted
We ate Mexican
I ate her
We both got lucky on the first date.


Is it poetry or not?

Should I send it to the woman that inspired it?

 

[champagne1982]

I in no way claim that the events or emotions that inspired the following to be unique or even rare. I was knocked off my feet and this is what I wrote.

Internet Whirlwind

I posted
She emailed
I called
We chatted
We ate Mexican
I ate her
We both got lucky on the first date.


Is it poetry or not?

Should I send it to the woman that inspired it?

Only if your Mexican dish was a taco

edited to add: Welcome to the forum. I actually think this vignette perfectly captures a playful compliment. She would, in all probability, be happy to recieve it from you.

 

[henry0reilly]

thanks

Welcome to the forum.

Thanks, but I already posted some so-so poetry when I first came to Literotica.

 

[PatCarrington]

Thanks, but I already posted some so-so poetry when I first came to Literotica.

so post some more, and if you don't think highly of your poetry, figure out how to make it better.

welcome.

 

[wildsweetone]

Hi henryOreilly, welcome I'd just like to let you know that if you're going to work some more on your poetry, you may well find it a wonderful experience. It's worth the effort in my opinion.

You have my full permission to skip the rest... I have clicked into waffle mode today it seems. lol

As for your question 'Is it poetry or not?'

What do you, yourself think? Were the events poetic? Or are the words you've written, poetry? If the events were poetic in feeling, how do you convey those things in writing?

For me, this piece of writing seems more on the short, short story side rather than a poem. I think it's because it has an almost 'list' feel. That's just me though. I prefer details; I like anticipation and unanswered questions.

There also seems something not quite in balance... because I can see 'I' and 'She' and 'We', I ended up going back and counting who did what and found her falling behind. Now the events may have been that way, and the poem may be that way, but what happens if you balance them out? Does the writing change? Does the feel of the poem alter?

I have probably put my foot in my mouth by thinking out loud like this. I mean no harm, I am enjoying learning and have learnt something from you today. Thank you for sharing and I hope you share more.

 

[henry0reilly]

What do you, yourself think? Were the events poetic? Or are the words you've written, poetry? If the events were poetic in feeling, how do you convey those things in writing?

I write "poetry" in to express and examine my feelings. In that sense, this is definitely poetry. I had a new and unsettling experience.

This is only the second time I've dated someone I met on the internet. Here is the poem I wrote about my first such experience four years ago (her screen name was "Pebbles")

Audition

Bam!
Bam!
Bambam!
I know the script by heart,
but do I really want the part?
Will it run as long as CATS?
Judging by the rehearsals
It would be a fabulous show
But I just don't know

 

[bogusbrig]

I write "poetry" in to express and examine my feelings. In that sense, this is definitely poetry. I had a new and unsettling experience.

This is only the second time I've dated someone I met on the internet. Here is the poem I wrote about my first such experience four years ago (her screen name was "Pebbles")

Audition

Bam!
Bam!
Bambam!
I know the script by heart,
but do I really want the part?
Will it run as long as CATS?
Judging by the rehearsals
It would be a fabulous show
But I just don't know

There is a difference between expressing your feelings and communicating your feelings through poetry to someone else in such a way they will be interested.

One can go along with the idea all words have some poetry. I guess it is what you want to do with the words.

Remember you have to seduce the reader into caring about what you write if you want them to be interested in what you say.

Good luck with your poetry.

 

[Jennifer C]

I in no way claim that the events or emotions that inspired the following to be unique or even rare. I was knocked off my feet and this is what I wrote.

Internet Whirlwind

I posted
She emailed
I called
We chatted
We ate Mexican
I ate her
We both got lucky on the first date.


Is it poetry or not?

Should I send it to the woman that inspired it?

Hi Henry and welcome

Yes I think it's poetry, impulsive, simple and quite sexy in a way...lol

Oh and please send it to the women who inspired it and let me know what she said....

 

[henry0reilly]

Thanks

Thanks for the welcome. I did send her the poem as c/p into a chat window. She said it was good.

I added the "We ate Mexican, I ate her" lines to the original. Perhaps it would be more poetic without those lines:

Internet Whirlwind

I posted
She emailed
I called
We chatted
We both got lucky on the first date.

 

[Jennifer C]

Thanks for the welcome. I did send her the poem as c/p into a chat window. She said it was good.

I added the "We ate Mexican, I ate her" lines to the original. Perhaps it would be more poetic without those lines:

Internet Whirlwind

I posted
She emailed
I called
We chatted
We both got lucky on the first date.

"We ate Mexican, I ate her"

I Love those lines!

 

[Tzara]

I added the "We ate Mexican, I ate her" lines to the original. Perhaps it would be more poetic without those lines

I think those lines are what make it interesting and funny.

As to whether it is poetry or not, I would call it an example of light verse (which my Handbook to Literature defines as "humorous, comic, witty poems").

 

[impressive]

Is it poetry or not?

Of course it's poetry. Life is poetry.

The question then becomes, "Is it GOOD poetry?" The answer will vary from person to person -- and will depend on widely varying definitions of success.

Whom did you seek to please/touch with your poetry? Did you achieve that objective? If so, then it's "good" (to/for you). IOW, your objectives will define your measure of success. The broader the audience you seek to please/touch, the more challenging your task.

Keep writing. Keep smiling. Keep growing.

 

[LeBroz]

Of course it's poetry. Life is poetry.

The question then becomes, "Is it GOOD poetry?" The answer will vary from person to person -- and will depend on widely varying definitions of success.

Whom did you seek to please/touch with your poetry? Did you achieve that objective? If so, then it's "good" (to/for you). IOW, your objectives will define your measure of success. The broader the audience you seek to please/touch, the more challenging your task.

Keep writing. Keep smiling. Keep growing.

Imp, you have said so succinctly and so well what others take pages upon which to expound; and what an AV........

Henry, take imp's advice and grow with it. Consider poetry to be painting with words. And we've all seen the wide variety existing in that realm, as well as the many differing reactions; including the ever somber pontificating "expert" who's just been made a fool after praising as great art the sloppy fun stuff of a five year old's fingerpainting.

All that remains is for you to decide what you want your words to say; to be humorous, silly, or lightly playful; deeply passionate or in deep anguish; so perfectly structured that all feeling has been wrung out, or the slight "bump" in your words that defy conventional wisdom.

Your challenge is to pull the words together that say what you want to say in the way you want to say it; once you've done that, you can ignore those that don't share your vision. If your target audience doesn't respond as expected, then you'll know you need to work even harder at improving on your craft.

And so, good writing.....

 

[impressive]

... including the ever somber pontificating "expert" ...

Ah, but don't discount the expert's advice. There is MUCH to be learned -- no matter how much you already know (or think you know). Willingness to listen to and objectively analyze constructive criticism (from any quarter) is an indicator of maturity.

On a similar note, willingness to have one's criticism objectively analyzed (and potentially disregarded) is also a sign of maturity in the critic.

Live. Love. Laugh. Learn. (then write about it)

 

[LeBroz]

Ah, but don't discount the expert's advice. There is MUCH to be learned -- no matter how much you already know (or think you know). Willingness to listen to and objectively analyze constructive criticism (from any quarter) is an indicator of maturity.

On a similar note, willingness to have one's criticism objectively analyzed (and potentially disregarded) is also a sign of maturity in the critic.

Live. Love. Laugh. Learn. (then write about it)

Absolutely - learning, as is life, is a process that ends without either one. I only had the worst caricatured expert in mind; I'd still hear what they said and would weigh it objectively in my mind. Those other experts that offer positive support will be embraced - it becomes a life-enhancing positive feedback process for both.