Poetry by Rae D. Stabosz

[Senna Jawa]

1990 was the year of poetry of Rae. Her poem "Delayed Gratification", posted on rec.arts.poems, left a strong impression on me immediately. I was not artistically mature enough at the time to comment on it. The poem stayed with me and a year and a half later I've written a poem which was inspired by Rae's poem. And again, I didn't comment, while Rae sent me a private email, saying that my poem reminded her of something written by Marek Lugowski. I wrote back that no, that my poem was related to her own. She checked and, surprised, wrote back that indeed(!), this and even that was in her poem. Let me add that my poem was not nearly as good as her wonderful achievement (it deserves a better title though).

Delayed Gratification

Soft gold
Encircles my finger
And you who pat my ass
On the wallyball court -
See you next lifetime!
​

Rae D. Stabosz,
1990-03-29 (r.a.p.)

 

[Senna Jawa]

two interpretations (p.1)

Rae's poem is very rich and at the same time short. It has 2+6+6+6+5 = 25 syllables. For a comparison, the Japanese tanka consists of 5+7+5+7+7 = 31 syllables. True, an English syllable carries on average more information than a Japanese syllable. Nevertheless, this is rougly a tanka-size text, it's short.

***

Let's look at the described scenery. It has a friendly, relaxed athmosphere of amateur sport. The facility--wallyball court--was most likely provided by a university or an organization like YMCA. The players know each other because they live in the same area, or work together at the same company or school, or most likely because they just have signed for the same sport activity.

The presented scene is light. Each time there is a change of serve, one of the teams has to rotate, each player of that team has to move a couple of steps, and on such occasions a player would prompt the lyrical subject (narrator) to move by a pat on the butt, possibly adding "it's our serve now", or simply "move on".

***

Some variations of what I said above are possible but we may safely agree that my description is pretty objective.

Now let me pass to the first, perhaps more common, and only in this sense main interpretation. The lyrical subject seems to be a married woman. There is a golden ring on her finger--soft gold. The information is given poetically. Description "soft" makes the marital institution vulnerable.

Rings are carried also by people who are only engaged or "go steady". Poetry however is fueled by defaults (unspoken assumptions) and Ockham's razor. Of the spectrum of possibilities from "going steady" to marriage, the latter one is in the given text the strongest, it makes this poem exceptionally emotional and dramatic.

On one hand, there is the marital loyalty, attachment, even love; on the other hand there is a seemingly light but romantic feeling, which has to be postpone till the "next lifetime". There was just a light scene in the poem, but the symbolic ring and the "till death doth us part" promise, generate a tremendous power.

The two strong emotions (of the marital love versus a casual romantic feeling) create a powerful conflict. And still, the poem is written lightly, thus producing an additional tension between the drama of the situation and the easy narration. Only a simple moment on the wallyball cort is described but it touches upon eternity.

Great poem. Such poems are rare.

***

Regards,

Senna Jawa

PS. I'll post the other interpretation, perhaps equally convincing and as dramatic or more, in the next post.

 

[WickedEve]

(it deserves a better title though).

What is your interpretation of the title Delayed Gratification? What alternative title would you suggest?

 

[Senna Jawa]

What is your interpretation of the title Delayed Gratification? What alternative title would you suggest?

I would have no title in this case.

 

[Senna Jawa]

What is your interpretation of the title Delayed Gratification?

I am sure that the title was given because Rae, like many poets, felt obliged to give one. The title (to me) says that the lyrical subject will give in to her temptation, and will get her gratification, in the "next life". When I read this poem, I fortunately just ignore the title, it doesn't exist to me.

I consider title to be an integral, artistic part of the poem. In this case it is not. It drags the poem down, artistically.

What alternative title would you suggest?

As I said earlier, I would have none. If someone can come up with a title which will contribute to the poem artistically--great! But the poem is complete as it is, and I don't miss anything.

What's more, this title goes in the way of the other interpretation, it kills it, which is a great pity. That's another, and important reason, to avoid it.

When you post on r.a.p., then perhaps you feel like you should fill up the "Subject line". I think that that's what has happened.

 

[Senna Jawa]

two interpretations (p.2)

It's time for the second interpretation. The main scene from the wallyball court is the same, thus I will not mention it explicitly again.

* * *
​

Soft gold
Encircles my finger
And you who pat my ass
On the wallyball court -
See you next lifetime!
​

Rae D. Stabosz,
1990-03-29 (r.a.p.)

******************************************

A gay has a moment alone. He or his lover is terminally sick. He imagines pulling out his finger from his lover's rectum and admiring the film left on his finger, the "soft gold". Word "soft" is appropriate, descriptive. The two don't have much time left together, so, in his mind, he tells his lover something like "see you later".

 

[annaswirls]

Senna, from this poem, I got your first interpretation. I will not attempt to re-write it as you hit all of the points I would have made. I do not see your second interpretation, but it was interesting to read where the poem led your mind.

I saw the pat on the ass as unwanted. "Maybe next lifetime" is often thrown as a sarcastic insult, another way of telling the ass patter, forget it jerk, the possibilities of something between us are next to nill. Snowball's chance in hell. When pigs fly.

Maybe I lack imagination, but the poem seemed pretty straightforward to me.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Senna, from this poem, I got your first interpretation. I will not attempt to re-write it as you hit all of the points I would have made. I do not see your second interpretation, but it was interesting to read where the poem led your mind.

I saw the pat on the ass as unwanted. "Maybe next lifetime" is often thrown as a sarcastic insult, another way of telling the ass patter, forget it jerk, the possibilities of something between us are next to nill. Snowball's chance in hell. When pigs fly.

Maybe I lack imagination, but the poem seemed pretty straightforward to me.

Thank you Anna for your response. I forgot about the sarcastic variation of the saying, it didn't occur to me. Possibly because I knew from the beginning the first version of Rae's poem, and recently I have reread it again, they followed each other in a 2-post thread on r.a.p. Here is the first version, it was erotic and not sarcastic:

On The Temptation of Greener Grass

Soft honey gold
Hugs my finger
My better half

You who pat my ass
On the wallyball court
I bet taste just as sweet,
Only just.

Me who catch your eye
With long legs and predatory teeth
I know taste lust as sweet,
Only lust.
​

Rae Stabosz,
1990-03-22 (rap)
​

********************

When it comes to the second interpretation, I am on a shaky ground, since I don't know enough about gays. At the time, in 1990, I thought that Rae was a woman, but sometimes I was not sure, I was confused. Because of this, her catholic-girlish but erotic poems had to me an extra strange, exotic shine.

Regards,

 

[WickedEve]

Which version works best, in your opinion? Do you consider the original version to be well written?

 

[Senna Jawa]

Which version works best, in your opinion? Do you consider the original version to be well written?

I don't like this expression "works best", it's demeaning. (Pseudo-specialists like to use their own, meaningless garbage newspeak language when they talk about poetry. They sound smart and intelligent that way. It's not a nice gimmick).

The first (original) Rae's version was a good poem, possibly very good (it stumbles technically though, but not too bad). Her second (final) version is great poetry (just remove the unfortunate title).

And what do you think, Eve?

 

[Reltne]

Thank you SJ for providing interesting material to consider and ponder upon.

I certainly do not always agree with your pronouncements/interpretations/views, but I always find them interesting and enlightening.

I value your posts and comments above most others. However I have learned (as others should) to discount the 'tone' and concentrate on the meaning of the words.

Thank you again for continuing to post on this website, and drawing the more open minded of us to an advanced critical plane of better poetic construction.

Reltne

 

[Senna Jawa]

Thank you SJ for providing interesting material to consider and ponder upon.

I certainly do not always agree with your pronouncements/interpretations/views, but I always find them interesting and enlightening.

I value your posts and comments above most others.

Thank you, Reltne, for your kind words.

However I have learned (as others should) to discount the 'tone' and concentrate on the meaning of the words.

I really like to be in touch with poetry. I try to ignore the brainfarts. Occasionally, right or wrong, I do address the pitiful statements, and then instead of saying "your opinion is interesting, while..." I say "your brainfart stinks awfully". Yes, I know, I should write nicely: "brainflatulence", it's not nice to say "fart".

Thank you again for continuing to post on this website, and drawing the more open minded of us to an advanced critical plane of better poetic construction.

Reltne

Thank you again. Some regulars here have two standards. One, higher, outside Literotica, and another, very low, for Literotica. Some regulars even stated more or less that a low, filthy, pornography site like this board is not a place for real poetry insights. Some of the regulars post their best poems elsewhere (so that they do not get associated with Literotica?), while they still act here on this forum seemingly friendly and helpful.

It only lowers everybody's here life quality. If you spent long hours here then you should care to open the intellectual window after each brain flatulence, to get some fresh air in. Otherwise horrible pseudo-poems are praised and energy is spent on pseudo-improvements, where the result is equally horrible. The regulars who use the double standard hurt not only the other Literoticians but, artistically, also themselves.

I understand how hopeless is my quest, and I will not bother you guys too much.

 

[Senna Jawa]

I don't like this expression "works best", it's demeaning.

I meant that "works best" should not be applied to whole poems. We may say that a word in a context works well in a poem, or a simile, etc.

 

[WickedEve]

I don't like this expression "works best", it's demeaning. (Pseudo-specialists like to use their own, meaningless garbage newspeak language when they talk about poetry. They sound smart and intelligent that way. It's not a nice gimmick).

The first (original) Rae's version was a good poem, possibly very good (it stumbles technically though, but not too bad). Her second (final) version is great poetry (just remove the unfortunate title).

And what do you think, Eve?

I apologize.