Poems Wrote For Her

[ExistentialLuv]

Here are some of the poems I have wrote for Pollyjean. I realize she is probably the only one that can see the symbolism in them but hope the rest of you can relate in one way or another. Some have titles others do not. I find I can write a lot easier and faster if I title afterwars.

I would love any and all comments on them. I am always seeking ways to improve my writing. Hope you all enjoy and have a dictionary handy.

The first one I wrote her



Deep in the dark reaches of my mind
Gears and mechanics slowly grind
Electric pulses feed the emotions that are running through me
Emotions that are flooding and threaten to break the dam I have built inside
They slowly spill over the top
Oh, please make it stop
I spin down the river of feelings trying to grab hold
Afraid that I will be lost for ever and in the cold
Then I see a light ahead, I am soaking wet
It pulls me nearer and nearer
Calming me, insuring me, letting me know
Everything is going to be alright
It shows me a new and exciting life
I jump into the light
There you are on the other side

 

[ExistentialLuv]

EROTIC GAME

Passion flows
Coursing through my veins
Replacing the ice cold blood that once flowed there
Our bodies entwined
Dancing and twisting in the night
Our hands searching and seeking the others heat
Lips and tongues igniting a fire inside
Biting and teasing teeth create pleasurable delight
Such a deep desire for you burns in my soul
That I want you to know
It makes me delirious
Drives me to the brink of insanity
What an erotic game we play
Hopefully next time
I can make you scream my name

 

[ExistentialLuv]

One more for the day. Will post some more later. Thank you for reading and please comment. Not seeking praise, more like constructive critcism.



I was a lonely and bitter Moongodess
With only the furry critters of the woods as my friends
Casting my fading light down on the lesbian lovers of the night
Protecting the mistreated and abused to the cruel end
Providing bountiful harvest to my faithful followers and women kin
Having my Amazon Warriors hunt down and kill the useless and betraying men
Not worrying or caring if I ever loved another again
Then one day Cupid and Aphrodite knocked on my door
When I opened it
I was shot in my cold black hole with his arrow and bow
Sending me spiraling and crashing to the floor
When I came to an Angel of Mercy was floating over me
I thought I was in a dream
Or the Fates were playing a cruel joke on me
When I came to my senses I realized
It was you by my side
The glaciers of ice around my heart
Began to break apart
Feelings and emotions washing over me
Slipping their warm hands over my body and spirit
You pick me up and stand me on my feet
Staring into my soul with your electrifying kaleidoscope eyes
Suddenly all the mistrust, hate, pain, and loneliness cast aside
Have the Gods given me my mate for life
All I can think of is you by me for an eternity
Now I shine bright on Mother Earth below
Thanking the stars and heavens for you
YOUR PURE GOLD!

 

[WickedEve]

I played with your moongoddess poem

I was a bitter Moon,
a faded goddess,
paling feminine liaisons
beneath glow of absent love.

Then I was struck,
a crescent upon the earth,
driving his arrow deeper.

Below the winged one and bow
you touched me,
placed me back in the heavens
to illuminate your nights.

 

[ExistentialLuv]

Re: I played with your moongoddess poem

I was a bitter Moon,
a faded goddess,
paling feminine liaisons
beneath glow of absent love.

Then I was struck,
a crescent upon the earth,
driving his arrow deeper.

Below the winged one and bow
you touched me,
placed me back in the heavens
to illuminate your nights.

Cool, I like it.

 

[Nick Urfe]

Liking Erotic Game

Essential Luv,
I'm no expert, but I really think you are onto something special with Erotic Game.
It inspired me to change a bit. I read on another post that you were from Montana, so my mind was kinda wandering around a sorceress stone somewhere in the forested rockies when I wrote this:

The Spell

No cold can stand
the boiling blood,
it vents hot steam,
quivering lips.

My wicked words,
Necromancer incantations,
Alchemist tongue--

Whispering fire into your flesh.

And you,
are silent?
Though I shake,
shudder,
burn coals to embers inside?

You steady your lips in effortless defense.

Failed mage. I sigh.
How I wish to hear you scream my name.

 

[ExistentialLuv]

Re: Liking Erotic Game

Essential Luv,
I'm no expert, but I really think you are onto something special with Erotic Game.
It inspired me to change a bit. I read on another post that you were from Montana, so my mind was kinda wandering around a sorceress stone somewhere in the forested rockies when I wrote this:

The Spell

No cold can stand
the boiling blood,
it vents hot steam,
quivering lips.

My wicked words,
Necromancer incantations,
Alchemist tongue--

Whispering fire into your flesh.

And you,
are silent?
Though I shake,
shudder,
burn coals to embers inside?

You steady your lips in effortless defense.

Failed mage. I sigh.
How I wish to hear you scream my name.

Very cool. Thanx for sharing that. I like it, touchs on what I feel for PJ, but she is the one weaving a spell over me, and oh yes we are screaming eachothers names

Yes I am from the great Rockies of Montana, Butte (The other less known Mile High City). Nice to meet you and thanx for the comment.

 

[Linbido]

Reply to a post in SnP's thread. It belonged better here.

Linbido

Thanx for the feedback on my poems. Glade you like Circle

What was it you found dull about the other's? Just the subject in general?

Once again thanx

Not dull, dear. That was not what I meant.
Quite the opposite really, and that was the problem. They can be a bit...shall we say...flowery and extravagant here and there. Not all the way, but now and then, when I read things like "Such a deep desire for you burns in my soul", I kind of think to myself "Ok, take it easy, we've got that point already".

-Lin

 

[ExistentialLuv]

"Your love of rocks just rocks my entire world." ~Quoted by PJ

"Your fiery Carnelia explosion of love
Melts my heart and soul into hot molten magma
Only to be cooled by the Aquamarine Wintery Oregon rain
Misting our exhausted peach moonstone skin
Transforming our souls into glass black obsideon
Reflecting one anothers amber hearts
Through eachother's Emerald eyes
Turning my tears to Citrine crystals
As you kiss away the diamond pain" ~My reply

 

[Rybka]

"Your love of rocks just rocks my entire world." ~Quoted by PJ

"Your fiery explosion of love
Melts my heart and soul into hot molten magma
Only to be cooled by the Wintery Oregon rain
That mist our exhausted peach moonstone skin
Into glass black stone obsideon
Reflecting one anothers amber souls to eachother
Turning my tears to Citrine crystals
As you kiss away the pain" ~My reply

I am assuming you want comments on this:

line 2.) Can you melt a soul? Have you ever heard of "cold" molten magma?

line 4.) "mist" should be "mists". "Pearly" or "opalescent" might be better than "peach".

line 5.) "obsideon" is spelled obsidian. - Is it ever any color but black? (Yes, but seldom. "Obsidian" is a synonym for "black".) It is really a form of solidified lava glass, so "stone" is either redundant or misleading, depending on what you consider lava to be.

line 6.) "anothers" should be possessive. Amber is petrified pine pitch, not stone. "eachother" should be "each other".

Making some corrections, you might have something like:

"Your fiery explosion of love
melts my heart into molten magma
Only to be cooled by the Wintery Oregon rain
that mists our exhausted pearly moonstone skin
into hardened obsidian
Reflecting one another's jaded souls unto each other
Turning my tears to Citrine crystals
as you kiss away the pain"


Regards, Rybka