Poem: Here we go again.

[Halx]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=32918

Here is a link to my first submission to this great community. It is non-erotic, but it deals with lack of love and how pain brings my creativity. Any feedback would be appreciated, and rest assured that there is more to come.

 

[LadyGaladriel]

That was a beautiful poem. I really liked the end bit.
I can't wait to read more of your stuff.

 

[Halx]

Thank you very much Galadriel. I have been toying with the idea of writing my first erotic poem, and playing with it's execution in my head. I will be quick to post about it here if it ever developes.

 

[daughter]

hackneyed

Halx--

Welcome. Hope you'll participate here as well as share your work on the site.

Sorry, but this poem like one of the lines says, is cliche and flat. Saying so in the poem doesn't make this fresh nor clever.
Poetry like all creative writing, is more than saying what we think but how you say it.

It's hard to say the same old thing in a new way. We do have tools though. Give some thought to employing poetry devices. Develop some interesting metaphor, pay closer attention to sound and rhythm. Consider your imagery.

I'm no authority, just your peer. I hope I have said something you find useful. Toss or use.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Cyberguy]

Word is on here that if you want feedback, you've got to give feedback, so here's from one newbie to another.

I see some deep and powerful feelings in your work, an expression of your angst and your pain. I particularly like the first and last stanzas.

In between them though, you seem to struggle a bit as if trying to fill the space between these gems. The rhyming gets a little sing-song and the rhythm and words struggle to align themselves into poetic expression.

Bottomline though, I like it. I think it says something you felt the need to express, and that is what it is all about, isn't it.

I just posted my first couple of poems myself. Threads for them are on this board so I won't hijack your thread with links to mine, but they are out there if you want to read and comment.