Plz Read: Intruder Within

[D Ray]

I have re-written a couple of my stories. The advice from this forum has been wonderful and helpful. Without losing my style of writing, I believe that I have been able to improve my stories. The first of my re-writes is 'Intruder Within'. Eventually, all of my stories will be re-written.

Thanks so much for your comments. Keep them coming!

 

[D Ray]

OOOPPPS Location of Story...

"Intruder Within" is in the Non-Consent/Reluctance section. ...sorry forgot to mention in above thread.

 

[wishfulthinking]

Here is the link to your story:

Intruder Within

You can also cut and paste the following into your signature on your control panel, by quoting what I have written to see how it is linked:

My stories

Keep writing, and I hope I get a chance to read them soon. Cheers WT

 

[dr_mabeuse]

It's very nicely done but I don't think you'll fool anyone who's been around Lit for any length of time. It seems like at least half of all the first person "non-consent" stories use this plot device.

I always thought it would be more interesting if the woman told us from the start that she knew who it was. Then we'd at least get to see how she thinks she should act to make it work.

Like I say though, it was nicely written. I especially appreciate your setting the mood with the thunderstorm. Makes it that much steamier.

---dr.M.

BTW: the problem with this plot is how do you keep her from knowing who it is. In real life she'd know in an instant. You could have kept her in the dark by writing it in third-person.