Pleasing the Cretins

[dr_mabeuse]

You want to know who you're writing your stories for? You want to know who you're revising and rewriting and proofreading for? You want to know what kind of people are rating your stories?

DurtGurl recently posted a story to the humor section called, "Mom's Submarine Anal Surprise". An excerpt from the story appears below, so you can see what it's like.

She shared some feedback she received on the story with me, and out of six responses, two people apparently took the story seriously.

Here's the excerpt:
------------------------------------
My mom never needed to wear a bra or heavily elasticized foundation garments and that was because she looked like a movie star, only better. It was around Christmas, and everyone was thinking about Santa Claus. Everyone in the neighborhood knew that and that's why they all enjoyed to look at her when she was naked and the light was out when we lived in that submarine.

And so did I. It was my final year of high school and I was about 6'2", 180 lbs with black hair and piercing blue eye. I was in great shape and didn't have an ounce of fat on me because I worked at the gym twice, maybe three times a day.

Now, maybe I should explain to you that I have a 10 and 1/2cock. It's in great shape too because it works out at the gym twice, maybe three times a day, lifting these little penis weights, and doesn't have an ounce of fat on it. But despite my best efforts I had still yet to know the thrill of romance by plugging my youthful yet manly scumbone into some girl's dripping slopslit until I spewed sperms. Which meant that I was still a

version. So I was unhappy. My balls were large and attractive though, without an ounce of fat on them.

This was just before my birthday and my Mom told me she was going to give me a "special surprise" on my birthday so I couldn't wait to find out just what that surprise she had mentioned just might ever turn out to be in terms of surprises. I was secretly hoping she was going to let me fuck her. She looks just like a movie star only better so naturally, I was looking forward, to getting to fuck, my own mother, for my birthday surprise, because I was of the opinion, that that would be swell.

[&c. &c.]
-------------------------------------------
Here's the link, for those of you who want to know how it ends:
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=91404

Now: There's no way to tell how good a sample of Lit's readership these 6 people were. But doesn't it boither you just a little that 33% of this sample couldn't tell that the excerpt above was supposed to be bad? Supposed to be a sample of the most execrable kind of junk that gets posted here?

These are the people whose votes we agonize over, for whom we polish our prose, critique stories, spend hours proofing and analyzing?

It does me.

---dr.M.

 

[MathGirl]

[BIt does me.---dr.M. [/B]

Dear Dr M,
I don't know what it does you, but the readers don't understand much of anything. Your story was execrable in a slightly sophisticated way, so maybe that threw them off. It said right at the top "A Parody" but I don't think they knew what that meant.

It's running at about 2.25 right now. Half the readers get it and vote 4 or 5. Half don't get it and vote 1.

DurtGurls storys are so obviously a parody, that most people seem to get them. The misspellings, ballistic punctuation, wandering apostrophes, awful grammar, etc. sort of hit the reader over the head.

"Submarine" was like hitting the reader with a compact car. To really get their attention, they need to be smashed into pizza shape by an M-1 A-1 Abrams main battle tank.

Your co-commisseratter,
MG

 

[openthighs_sarah]

dr. M,

Actually it was worth it just to read that excerpt...

Should we all go on strike? Since we don't get paid for this stuff it wouldn't be too financially disastrous for most of us. (Warming to the idea...) And then -- many months from now, when the world is dark and the entire literary pornography empire has crumbled, its erotic foundations stripped away, its grotesque, pathetic slime merchants reduced to puddles of misspelled semen -- we could step out of the silent darkness and deliver blistering one-handed soliloquys, and then laugh in furious whimsy at the blindingly stupid capriciousness of it all. (Would it solve anything, though? I don't know.)

Besides, some of my best friends are cretins.

 

[Guest]

*Sob*

I personally LOVED that story!!

I sent copious amounts of gushing feedback - it was so incredible, I'm still trembling!


(Actually, I kept reading bits aloud to my hubby, mispronouncing the misspelled words and giggling throughout. It's a great read! If you can, um, get through it!)

 

[Guest]

dr. M,

Actually it was worth it just to read that excerpt...

Should we all go on strike? Since we don't get paid for this stuff it wouldn't be too financially disastrous for most of us. (Warming to the idea...) And then -- many months from now, when the world is dark and the entire literary pornography empire has crumbled, its erotic foundations stripped away, its grotesque, pathetic slime merchants reduced to puddles of misspelled semen -- we could step out of the silent darkness and deliver blistering one-handed soliloquys, and then laugh in furious whimsy at the blindingly stupid capriciousness of it all. (Would it solve anything, though? I don't know.)

Besides, some of my best friends are cretins.

_____

You're in a pissy mood.




(Or were you just holding it, waiting to gush later?)

 

[Guest]

. . . Besides, some of my best friends are cretins.

Some of mine are, too!


(or deviant perverts!)

 

[openthighs_sarah]

You're in a pissy mood.

For your information, I was being a cheerleader for the impending walkout.

And stop with the fem-squirting talk. This is a serious thread, sir.

Please note the "sir", sir.

 

[openthighs_sarah]

Some of mine are, too!


(or deviant perverts!)

We should get our friends together... start a deviant revolution or something...

 

[Guest]

For your information, I was being a cheerleader for the impending walkout.

And stop with the fem-squirting talk. This is a serious thread, sir.

Please note the "sir", sir.

_____

Noted.

You may now evacuate.

 

[Guest]

This is a serious thread, sir. Please note the "sir", sir.

Oooh, Manxie.

Shall I call you sir, too?

 

[hiddenself]

Pearls Before Swine

These are the people whose votes we agonize over, for whom we polish our prose, critique stories, spend hours proofing and analyzing?

It does me.

---dr.M.

Well, who cares as long as they keep voting those 5s? What, you want knowledgeable readers? Oh, the horror. How many writers would then remain here, you think?


PS Besides, those people can be trusted to vote in real elections and sit on life-or-death juries -- you think they can't be depended upon to give some good feedback to some amateur writers? I'm appalled dr.M.

 

[Whispersecret]

It IS sad, but...

are the stories in the humor section?

 

[wildsweetone]

just my opinion, but

if you submit crap then why should you expect anything apart from crap back, or are you assuming the 'serious' feedback emails actually were seriously honest?


if it 'bothers' you so much, quit encouraging, writing and submitting rubbish.

no offense meant.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Wildsweetone,

You know me I think, and I have always gotten along with you. You can call me anything you like; you can say whatever you like about me. I have many faiults and many flaws. But I have never NEVER posted or encouraged the posting or writing of crap or rubbish to this site.

If anything, I have taken a good deal of crap from others about coming down too hard and being too mean to people whose writing is subliterate or below a certain minimal standard of proficiecy.

And whatever gave you the idea that I would be the least bit offended by your accusation that I "encourage, write, and submit rubbish"?

Go piss up a rope.

---dr.M.

 

[openthighs_sarah]

Just one small comment... I believe her comment assumed, first, that you submitted the DurtGirl parody; beyond that, it just seemed to me that she was saying it's a case of garbage in, garbage out. A parody of poor and cliched writing is bound to miss its mark on a few people, after all. She wasn't implying that you write rubbish, only that if you (or anyone) intentionally submits what appears (intentionally) to be rubbish, don't be too surprised to get at least a little rubbish back.

Go piss up a rope.
---dr.M.

I never did understand that expression. Perhaps it's a gender-based thing.

 

[wildsweetone]

like i said, i meant no offense. i apologise, i should also have not written the specific 'you', rather i should have typed the more non-specific 'one'.

i.e.:

if one submits crap then why should one expect anything apart from crap back...?

and i apologise a second time for assuming that the aforementioned story of DurtGurl had anything to do with you. i believe i mixed up threads in my mind... i think it was the Batchelor's Hand i may have become mixed up with.

i'm sorry

 

[Whispersecret]

Okay, duh. I can see that he clearly said it was in the humor section.

I need to get some sleep.

 

[DVS]

She shared some feedback she received on the story with me, and out of six responses, two people apparently took the story seriously.

Humor is in the senses of the reader. Even the most creative humorist can bomb. It happens all the time.

You can put the word HUMOR in big red letters, have it blinking and even have arrows pointing to it with a siren blowing loudly to get the reader's attention that the word is HUMOR.

You can say it's a parody, it's fake, it's not real, you're just making fun, you are only foolin', it's KA KA, it's shit or anything else you can think of to get people to understand.

But, you know? When all is said and done, and it's out there for people to make up their own minds, you are gonna have a certain percentage of readers who will think you were serious.

I've been there. Sadly, my dry sense of humor is often mistaken, even when I explain before hand. That ain't funny, it's strange and scary. These people also vote, sit on jurys and operate motor vehicles WITH a valid driver's license.

 

[snooper]

She shared some feedback she received on the story with me, and out of six responses, two people apparently took the story seriously

I looked for an old thread, but can't find it, but I'm sure somebody complained that a male writer was asked if a female protagonist story set in the Wild West with scalp taking Red Indians was autobiographical!

Originally posted by hiddenself
those people can be trusted to vote in real elections

Anybody know who said, "No politician ever lost votes by underestimating the intelligence of the voters!"?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Re: Re: Pleasing the Cretins

Anybody know who said, "No politician ever lost votes by underestimating the intelligence of the voters!"?

It's a paraphrase of H.L. Mencken's quote: "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."

It's a sentment I've had cause to think a lot about lately.


---dr.M.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Apology

WildSweerOne,

I apologize to you as well for failure to understand what you were saying. My temper was runing a bit high, and I am sorry.

As far as the story and what happened: yes, I did write the piece, then let DurtGurl submit it. (It's part of my lucrative contract with the DurtGurl Group International, Inc.)

We did receive a couple of feedbacks that were written in the same spirit as the story, but I assure you that two out of the six responses were serious.

Whether readers found the piece funny or not isn't the point. That anyone would consider the story anything other than parody is, I think, incredible, and if nothing else, speaks volumes about the level of discernment and discrimination about some readers on this site.

Given the number of us who really work at our craft and who then agonize over our ratings, I just found this totally discouraging.

And yet the pernicious effects of the rating system are such that, having just had a story posted after I started this thread, I'm still wondering why it's not rated higher than it is.


---dr.M.

 

[Guest]

diversity...

 

[MathGirl]

The DG Group

Dear Dr M,
Don't forget that you are contracturally obligated to the DurtGurl Group, International. We are still eagerly anticipating your contribution to the next excretion, "The Batchelor's Hand Revisited."

One enlightened contributor has seen fit to spew forth the following verse:

I don't think of beatin' my meat as self abuse,
'Spite of frequent warnin's from DrMabeuse,
Once I jerked myself off, never missing a stroke,
While eatin' a Big Mac, fries and a Coke.

As you can see, the poem now being prepared far exceeds the previous effort in delicacy, good taste, and, above all, literary merit.

MG, Secretary

 

[wildsweetone]

Re: Apology

WildSweerOne,

I apologize to you as well for failure to understand what you were saying. My temper was runing a bit high, and I am sorry.

As far as the story and what happened: yes, I did write the piece, then let DurtGurl submit it. (It's part of my lucrative contract with the DurtGurl Group International, Inc.)

We did receive a couple of feedbacks that were written in the same spirit as the story, but I assure you that two out of the six responses were serious.

Whether readers found the piece funny or not isn't the point. That anyone would consider the story anything other than parody is, I think, incredible, and if nothing else, speaks volumes about the level of discernment and discrimination about some readers on this site.

Given the number of us who really work at our craft and who then agonize over our ratings, I just found this totally discouraging.

And yet the pernicious effects of the rating system are such that, having just had a story posted after I started this thread, I'm still wondering why it's not rated higher than it is.


---dr.M.

apology accepted, thank you.


did i understand right, you wrote it, and then gave it to DG/MG to submit?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

WSO,

I'll tell you what happened. Perhaps others can bebefit from my experience so that the horrible fate which has become my lot does not befall them.

I received an innocent PM from DurtGurl inviting me to play grabass with her inder the guise of helping her with a "story". Well, I could hardly turn down an offer like that (she really does have 34 DD's by the way), so I agreed. I should have known better.

Her invitation to play grabass was no more than an excuse to get me to write for her! She had no interest in my ass whatsoever, whether to grabm pinch, slap, or even twist! Soon her lawyers were swarming all over me like flies on cowflop and I found myself slaving away in her "porn mines" where we dig the stuff out by the truckload and ship it to the refinery where it is deoderized with cheap, pungent chemicals before being packaged and sold as "high-classed pud-pulling material".

But it doesn't stop with me. The DurtGurl Group International has designs on the whole of Lit! One story at a time, writer by writer. Soon it will all be "Arrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!!" and "Oh my Godddddddddddd!!!!!!"

Save yourselves!

---dr.M.