Please Tell Me...

[cookiejar]

What am I doing wrong? I have no problem writing the background of a story, it's the sex scenes that elude me. I have tried everything. I mean there are only so many ways to describe a blow job or maybe I have just run my course with writing. I just wrote the beginning of a new story and I realized how far I had come since my first attempt, lots of dialogue and description. Now I'm at the erotic part and I'm blocked.

I tried dialogue, it sounded so contrived. I have read stories on Lit with dialogue and poured over dialogue in books. I know this is rambling and probably dumb but I am feeling so helpless right now. Any suggestions?

 

[Guest]

Hey, Cookie, cheer up (please?)

I suggest going to the Lit. story index, pick a category then just go in and out of the stories only reading the sex bits. If anything in particular strikes you w/re. to how it was written or how it 'grabbed' your attention, then re-read it and think about it. Try finding a few 'styles' or scenes you liked as writing, then maybe simply copy them at first, then try your own way.

best, Perdita

 

[Quasimodem]

Another Thought!

Have you had a look at Literotica’s Writer's Resources?

http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/writ_stor.shtml

Several writers have given helpful advice about particular problems. Perhaps yours is covered there.

 

[cookiejar]

Hey, Cookie, cheer up (please?)

I suggest going to the Lit. story index, pick a category then just go in and out of the stories only reading the sex bits. If anything in particular strikes you w/re. to how it was written or how it 'grabbed' your attention, then re-read it and think about it. Try finding a few 'styles' or scenes you liked as writing, then maybe simply copy them at first, then try your own way.

best, Perdita

Thank you Perdita, it is just frustrating. I will take your advice and read more. You are a gem...

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Another Thought!

Have you had a look at Literotica’s Writer's Resources?

http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/writ_stor.shtml

Several writers have given helpful advice about particular problems. Perhaps yours is covered there.

Thank you Quasi. You know before I wrote my first story I made sure I read everything there. It looks like a trip back may be in order.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

What am I doing wrong? I have no problem writing the background of a story, it's the sex scenes that elude me. Cookiejar

I've often wished there was a forum devoted solely to sex/love scenes. Maybe a thread in the SDC limited to 1000 word submissions. One of the main reasons I started to hang out here was to improve how I wrote those passages (how I perform in similar moments has long been beyond hope).

That said, despite your plea, the sex scenes you write aren't that bad. Let's face it, you've earned an "E" and about half your stories have gotten an "H" (and that's w/o any incest stories), so you must be doing something right.

After a very brief look at three of your stories, I've got a hunch that if there's anything wrong with your sex scenes, it might be a tendency to fall into a "He said - she said" rhythm, only in this case it'd be "She did and then he did".

A lot of the sentence, probably over half, begin with pronouns. Instead of giving readers the feel of that moment, you seem to be describing what the couple is doing. For some readers, that can put a distance between them and the action which can begin to feel almost mechanical, even asexual, like a police report.

I'm probably at least 100% wrong on all this. But you might try to concentrate on showing readers how the people in the sex scene feel, not just what they're doing.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[cookiejar]

I've often wished there was a forum devoted solely to sex/love scenes. Maybe a thread in the SDC limited to 1000 word submissions. One of the main reasons I started to hang out here was to improve how I wrote those passages (how I perform in similar moments has long been beyond hope).

That said, you're sex scenes aren't that bad. Let's face it, you've earned an "E" and about half your stories have gotten an "H" (and that's w/o any incest stories), so you must be doing something right.

After a very brief look at three of your stories, I decided that if there's anything wrong with your sex scenes, it might be a tendency to fall into a "He said - she said" rhythm, only in this case it'd be "She did and then he did".

A lot of the sentence, probably over half, begin with pronouns. Instead of giving readers the feel of that moment, you seem to be describing what they couple is doing. For some readers, that can put a distance between them and the action which can begin to feel almost mechanical, even asexual, like police report.

I'm probably at least 100% wrong on all this. But you might concentrate on showing the reader's how the people in the sex scene feel, not just what they're doing.

Rumple Foreskin

No RF you are exactly right. That is why I'm in a block, I guess this is part of learning to write well. I'm not giving up, I will do it.

Thank you for the compliments, I have seen improvements in my writing and I will soldier on.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Cookiejar,

Sometimes, our best writing seems to occur when we quickly "knock off" something. Meanwhile, the stuff we sweat and agonize over ends up feeling stiff and, at best, ordinary. The problem is how to let go and just write.

There's a lady named Natalie Goldberg, a Jewish, Zen Buddhist (go figure) who makes a living giving seminars and writing books on how, she says, this can de done. Her big book is "Writing Down the Bones." You might want to give it a look.

This may sound like totally off-the-wall advice, especially since it comes from an old age, non touchy-feely guy, who's not a disciple. To be honest, whenever I start reading or listening to her stuff, my eyes glaze over. Still, what sinks my boat may be just what's needed to float your canoe and apparently she's helped many folks to, in her words, "crack open the writing craft."

Just a thought, weird though it may be.

RF

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

Now I'm at the erotic part and I'm blocked.

why the urge to write erotica anyway?

Questions to consider (and not necessarily answer here):

Are you writing for a challenge (personal, Lit-inspired or professional?)

Are you restricting yourself to erotica for an important reason

Do you only enjoy writing when you intend to post to Lit?

If the answer to any of the above is No (particularly the last one) then maybe take a break from erotica. You have a whole load of stories posted since October last year, nobody's going to worry it you don't post any more for a bit. Write a kids story. Write an adventure. Choose something and write it. Write something you know you can finish (and you'll enjoy writing) and just do it. It doesn't matter if it never gets read. You never know - you may just like it, and after throwing your body, mind and soul at these erotica your having so much trouble with, it could be such a walk in the park you'll knock out three or four good non-erotic stories that you can really be proud of. I don't know if you've ever written non-erotica, but if not, it might help to give it a try.

I started Rhiana about this time last year, and I can say my sexual tastes have changed since then. As human beings we're constantly changing, developing ourselves, learning new thing and moving on to them - so as your mind grows so does your writing. Don't restrict it - let it grow.

Of course, this may all be a complete load of bullshit. Ask me again in the morning.

ax - your alco-fuelled SlaveMaster.

 

[cookiejar]

Cookiejar,

Sometimes, our best writing seems to occur when we quickly "knock off" something. Meanwhile, the stuff we sweat and agonize over ends up feeling stiff and, at best, ordinary. The problem is how to let go and just write.

There's a lady named Natalie Goldberg, a Jewish, Zen Buddhist (go figure) who makes a living giving seminars and writing books on how, she says, this can de done. Her big book is "Writing Down the Bones." You might want to give it a look.

This may sound like totally off-the-wall advice, especially since it comes from an old age, non touchy-feely guy, who's not a disciple. To be honest, whenever I start reading or listening to her stuff, my eyes glaze over. Still, what sinks my boat may be just what's needed to float your canoe and apparently she's helped many folks to, in her words, "crack open the writing craft."

Just a thought, weird though it may be.

RF

Thanks RF...I will get her book. Who knows? It can't hurt, and I appreciate you taking the time to help me.

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Re: Please Tell Me...

why the urge to write erotica anyway?

Questions to consider (and not necessarily answer here):

Are you writing for a challenge (personal, Lit-inspired or professional?)

Are you restricting yourself to erotica for an important reason

Do you only enjoy writing when you intend to post to Lit?

If the answer to any of the above is No (particularly the last one) then maybe take a break from erotica. You have a whole load of stories posted since October last year, nobody's going to worry it you don't post any more for a bit. Write a kids story. Write an adventure. Choose something and write it. Write something you know you can finish (and you'll enjoy writing) and just do it. It doesn't matter if it never gets read. You never know - you may just like it, and after throwing your body, mind and soul at these erotica your having so much trouble with, it could be such a walk in the park you'll knock out three or four good non-erotic stories that you can really be proud of. I don't know if you've ever written non-erotica, but if not, it might help to give it a try.

I started Rhiana about this time last year, and I can say my sexual tastes have changed since then. As human beings we're constantly changing, developing ourselves, learning new thing and moving on to them - so as your mind grows so does your writing. Don't restrict it - let it grow.

Of course, this may all be a complete load of bullshit. Ask me again in the morning.

ax - your alco-fuelled SlaveMaster.

This is the way I am leaning as of now, trying something non-erotic. I think my main problem is no confidence in myself, I'm stepping back and assessing my writing. Thank you for your time and your ear. I feel much better than when I posted this thread.

 

[MathGirl]

Diagnosis, please

This thread has made me wonder about my own situation. I never wrote any fiction or erotica until about a year ago, when I found this place.

I wrote a lot of stuff in the space of a few months, and Lit is quite infested with it. I suddenly lost the urge to write anything a few months ago, and I just stopped. I still don't feel like it.

I'd hate to think that an article on the bowel movement of a hippopotamus is the finale of my ore... ouvu.... ovary.
MG

 

[pop_54]

Hi

Hi cookie I know the feeling well, how to make it sound real and sensual, as well as injecting a hint of lewdness to give the reader a boner or damp patch, no point in an erotic tale that doesn't arouse or stimulate.

As said above, too many 'he did's', 'she did's', 'they said's' makes for a contrived lifeless effect to the humping scene.

I've often fallen foul of trying to make a story too bloody high-brow and polite in the general text dropping some lewdness, only to find the sex scene too clinical in effect.

I mean all through the build up we have, breasts, vagina's, penis, and the like, then all of a sudden he's got to jack it up her, so:

'Mandy moaned quietly as Mylon teased her left breast with a finger just below her erect nipple, she stiffened and then quivered as she felt his erect penis begin to slowly enter her vagina. Her buttock muscles tensed and her anus tightened as the invading sex organ slid so slowly into her sweet opening and they began to engage in sexual intercourse'

All too bloody clean and sweet to arouse a 10 yr old let alone an adult, so in comes the lewdness again, and a few , 'fucks, and arse', along with 'tits and cunt' get chucked about the page, then of course comes the problem of using these obnoxious words in a sensual as well as a sexual manner.

It's a bloody minefield aint it, and a headache at times putting it all into words.

Just write it as you feel comfortable is all I can suggest, trying to alter your style or copy others will just make it all contrived again and may give a cold feeling to the scenes.

pops angle on it for what it's worth.

PS: Rumple I never write when quickly 'knocking off' something, it makes my other hand shake too much, and makes the keyboard sticky at the end.

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Diagnosis, please

This thread has made me wonder about my own situation. I never wrote any fiction or erotica until about a year ago, when I found this place.

I wrote a lot of stuff in the space of a few months, and Lit is quite infested with it. I suddenly lost the urge to write anything a few months ago, and I just stopped. I still don't feel like it.

I'd hate to think that an article on the bowel movement of a hippopotamus is the finale of my ore... ouvu.... ovary.
MG

I feel like writing I just felt like it was so repititious. The same thing over and over.

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Hi

Hi cookie I know the feeling well, how to make it sound real and sensual, as well as injecting a hint of lewdness to give the reader a boner or damp patch, no point in an erotic tale that doesn't arouse or stimulate.

As said above, too many 'he did's', 'she did's', 'they said's' makes for a contrived lifeless effect to the humping scene.

I've often fallen foul of trying to make a story too bloody high-brow and polite in the general text dropping some lewdness, only to find the sex scene too clinical in effect.

I mean all through the build up we have, breasts, vagina's, penis, and the like, then all of a sudden he's got to jack it up her, so:

'Mandy moaned quietly as Mylon teased her left breast with a finger just below her erect nipple, she stiffened and then quivered as she felt his erect penis begin to slowly enter her vagina. Her buttock muscles tensed and her anus tightened as the invading sex organ slid so slowly into her sweet opening and they began to engage in sexual intercourse'

All too bloody clean and sweet to arouse a 10 yr old let alone an adult, so in comes the lewdness again, and a few , 'fucks, and arse', along with 'tits and cunt' get chucked about the page, then of course comes the problem of using these obnoxious words in a sensual as well as a sexual manner.

It's a bloody minefield aint it, and a headache at times putting it all into words.

Just write it as you feel comfortable is all I can suggest, trying to alter your style or copy others will just make it all contrived again and may give a cold feeling to the scenes.

pops angle on it for what it's worth.

PS: Rumple I never write when quickly 'knocking off' something, it makes my other hand shake too much, and makes the keyboard sticky at the end.

Hi pop...

My writing tends to be romantic and my dilemma is how to keep that feeling without being too lewd. I don't want to go the other way and be too flowery (manhood, member, etc.) Yes it is a headache, you described it perfectly.

 

[Guest]

Re: Hi

... so in comes the lewdness again, and a few 'fucks, and arse', along with 'tits and cunt' get chucked about the page...

Pops, lover, your posts alone do it for me. Love the chucking about the page bit. Come chuck me soon.

Perdita

p.s. please excuse us, Cookie, we have no will power.

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Re: Hi

Pops, lover, your posts alone do it for me. Love the chucking about the page bit. Come chuck me soon.

Perdita

p.s. please excuse us, Cookie, we have no will power.

No problem...I will tiptoe out of this thread...

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

PS: Rumple I never write when quickly 'knocking off' something, it makes my other hand shake too much, and makes the keyboard sticky at the end. Pop

Practice my good man, practice. RF

 

[Guest]

Five Senses

Cookie-

I am not a great writer. I do know that sometimes to get "unstuck" when writing, I focus on the imagery and the senses. RF's "show not tell". Embedding the action into the showing makes it more interesting to write and read.. at least to me.

Using the description to reveal more about the character is another "unsticking" that I do. What really mattered to each character? The visually oriented person focusing on watching his cock slide in and out. The tactile person tracing the edges of her swollen labia with his finger tips.

There really isn't anything new under the sun, what is new is how each person experiences it.

b

 

[Quint]

Re: Hi

<snip>'Mandy moaned quietly as Mylon teased her left breast with a finger just below her erect nipple, she stiffened and then quivered as she felt his erect penis begin to slowly enter her vagina. Her buttock muscles tensed and her anus tightened as the invading sex organ slid so slowly into her sweet opening and they began to engage in sexual intercourse'

All too bloody clean and sweet to arouse a 10 yr old let alone an adult...</snip>

Plus the guy's name was Mylon. If I were a card-carrying Member member, I'd have shriveled.

Bridget, fantastic advice.

 

[oggbashan]

Re: Diagnosis, please

This thread has made me wonder about my own situation. I never wrote any fiction or erotica until about a year ago, when I found this place.

I wrote a lot of stuff in the space of a few months, and Lit is quite infested with it. I suddenly lost the urge to write anything a few months ago, and I just stopped. I still don't feel like it.

I'd hate to think that an article on the bowel movement of a hippopotamus is the finale of my ore... ouvu.... ovary.
MG

MG,

You haven't tried to use your special experiences particularly flying. I don't mean The Mile High Club.

How about sex with a P51? Makes a change from a sheep.

Flying to sex; flying from sex; verbal sex in flight and anticipation of sex while flying are all possible subjects.

You have a great skill of description. You could put the reader in the pilot or co-pilot's seat and show how flying a small powerful plane is a sexual thrill.

Why not start just with a description of what a flight means to you? Even if there is no sex I am sure you could make it erotic by implication.

Go for it.

Og

 

[Weird Harold]

Earth, Air, Fire and Water

What am I doing wrong? I have no problem writing the background of a story, it's the sex scenes that elude me. I have tried everything. I mean there are only so many ways to describe a blow job or maybe I have just run my course with writing. I just wrote the beginning of a new story and I realized how far I had come since my first attempt, lots of dialogue and description. Now I'm at the erotic part and I'm blocked.

A suggestion that has helped others with the same problem is to select one of the four classical elements and use that as a base for the metaphors and similes you use to describe the "nasty bits."

Use Fire for hot and passionate sex -- searing kisses, burning touches, erupting semen, and explosive orgasms, etc.

Use Water for turbulent emotions or soft and tranquil loving.

Use Earth for stolid, everyday sex or very deep emotions that shake the world.

Use Air for soft dreamy sex or stormy relationships.

Concentrating on describing sex with a consciously limited set of metaphors and similes makes you think about more than the mechanics of the act and puts you in a frame of mind to describe the emotions and sensations instead of the boring physcal aspects.

You can also use other themes -- planes, trains, and automobiles, for example.

 

[Guest]

Maths, I think Ogg's suggestions are very good. Why not a "How to" on flying, only make it for an audience who know nothing about it, i.e., in thorough laywoman's terms and in your 'natural' style (witty, acerbic, sarcastic, erm, you know).

Perdita

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Five Senses

Cookie-

I am not a great writer. I do know that sometimes to get "unstuck" when writing, I focus on the imagery and the senses. RF's "show not tell". Embedding the action into the showing makes it more interesting to write and read.. at least to me.

Using the description to reveal more about the character is another "unsticking" that I do. What really mattered to each character? The visually oriented person focusing on watching his cock slide in and out. The tactile person tracing the edges of her swollen labia with his finger tips.

There really isn't anything new under the sun, what is new is how each person experiences it.

b

Thank you Bridget, I have found everyone's suggestions to be helpful. I guess when you are like this you feel alone. It's nice to know that other people are agonizing over the page like me.

 

[cookiejar]

Re: Earth, Air, Fire and Water

A suggestion that has helped others with the same problem is to select one of the four classical elements and use that as a base for the metaphors and similes you use to describe the "nasty bits."

Use Fire for hot and passionate sex -- searing kisses, burning touches, erupting semen, and explosive orgasms, etc.

Use Water for turbulent emotions or soft and tranquil loving.

Use Earth for stolid, everyday sex or very deep emotions that shake the world.

Use Air for soft dreamy sex or stormy relationships.

Concentrating on describing sex with a consciously limited set of metaphors and similes makes you think about more than the mechanics of the act and puts you in a frame of mind to describe the emotions and sensations instead of the boring physcal aspects.

You can also use other themes -- planes, trains, and automobiles, for example.

What a great suggestion Harold! I would never call you weird I'm too well mannered. lol

You have just opened me up to a whole new world. Thank you...you are truly a prince.

planes, trains, and automobiles...funny movie too