please tell me what you think.

[Family_Cumbunny]

please read the story titled: Shawntel by steamer 3159 in incest/taboo (pg 130) and let me know what you think. he wrote it about me after we chatted for a while and i want some honest feedback.

 

[Penelope Street]

Link:
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=259562

 

[Family_Cumbunny]

thanx

thank you for the link, lol. i didn't think aboout doing that. Did you read it? if so what did you think?

 

[Penelope Street]

I only read the first couple paragraphs before I realized it's not really my kind of story.

 

[slyc_willie]

Even for me, considering some of my work, this is pretty raw. One torrid fuck scene after another. Hot and exciting in a way, but I can't make any connection to the characters. Ultimately, I felt sorry for Shawntel.

Some of the imagery was good, but out of place; the bald eagle, for example. I did like the opening paragraphs comparing Shawntel to a flower. Still, the story seemed to be a direct, 'in your face' type of stroke piece.

A little more feeling, a bit more reasoning, and you -- or he -- might well drawn us in.

 

[tickletickle]

the first 3 paragraphs were good. it seemed like a potential. then the author shot the story down. couldn't bother to read afterward.

sorry but you asked me to tell you what i thought of it.

 

[Penelope Street]

Some of the imagery was good ... I did like the opening paragraphs comparing Shawntel to a flower.

I liked the voice in the opening too. From that alone I believe the author is more than capable of writing a tale that would interest me.

the first 3 paragraphs were good.

I wonder if it's a coincidence that this is about where I gave up too. The moment this story lost me was when I realized they were already lovers. There's a reason so many tales end with and they lived happily ever after- because the real story is almost always what the couple goes through to get to that point and not what happens afterward.


On the other hand, if some readers didn't enjoy reading the happily ever after part, there wouldn't be so many stories like that on this site- so if that's what this writer enjoys creating, no reason to stop.

 

[Family_Cumbunny]

thank you for the candid replies. I too would like a little more build up, but i would have to say the sex was hot lol

 

[uniden]

Not my thing at all.

Very sad reading , totally disfunctional sex and unhealthy.

 

[slyc_willie]

thank you for the candid replies. I too would like a little more build up, but i would have to say the sex was hot lol

Sex alone does not an erotic story make. Take some time to invest in the characters, learn about them and share them with the reader. If all they are is a cock, pussy, ass or mouth, then the story is lacking.

Sure, some of the scenes were hot in a basic way, but I didn't feel like jacking off to them.

 

[Family_Cumbunny]

Sex alone does not an erotic story make. Take some time to invest in the characters, learn about them and share them with the reader. If all they are is a cock, pussy, ass or mouth, then the story is lacking.

Sure, some of the scenes were hot in a basic way, but I didn't feel like jacking off to them.

as i said in the thread intro. i didn't write this, someone else did after we talked and i told him about myself