Please tell me what you think about The Love Family.

[hornytoad23]

I just found out about the Story Feedback section. I really would like to improve my writing and would appreciate your comments. I'd also like to hear any suggestions about future adventures for the Love Family.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=95759

I'll do my best to answer all who respond.

 

[gauchecritic]

Although I enjoyed the story for itself. Literature wise I thought it was very simplistic. Move from here to there. Do A do B. finish with a full stop.

There were lots of opportunities for conflict, resolution of same, plot progression, character development and all the other "worthy" things of 'literature' but you seemed to miss out on all of them.

(I've been told exactly the same by the way so don't sweat it.)

What you didn't miss out on were things you may be lambasted for by other writers. Measurements. Physically great bodies. No second thoughts. Sheer willingness for totally novel concepts.

The entire thing seems to me to be a possible lurid episode of "I Love Lucy" or "Roseanne"

You went to rather a lot of trouble explaining how the family got into their financial situation and then 'shazam' all was heaven.

The sex scenes were pretty good (My major criteria for this is the obvious one) and this may be entirely personal but there seemed to be absolutely no real life about it. No seediness. No earthy desire.

I you would like a line by line expose (How do you put those little thingies above the 'e'?) then I will be happy to oblige. The only thing is it may be some while before I have the time.

Gauche

 

[drsalt]

I enjoyed it. Yes, it is contrived, but so what? It is good to strive for more literate erotic writing. Still it's fun to just get down and dirty sometimes.

Just one slight criticism:


"I've cummed many a time while listening to those squeals."

'Cummed' seems awkward to me, but if the present tense is spelled 'cum', I suppose that would be the correct past tense.

I know there's no grammar rule for the tenses of the verb we all use for orgasm. Even the spelling ('cum' vs. 'come') can be contested. But in normal conversation I've most often heard it as, "I came." (he...she...we...they...it (!)...came).

I use the spelling 'come' in writing so that the past tense makes more sense to me.

Keep writing!!

 

[Dady4U]

Re: The Love Family

Hornytoad,
Thanks for the story. I thought it was good. Straight to the point with no bs. I agree with drsalt, "cummed" is not correct. The word cum is one of those weird ones that is plural and singular, I have cum, here comes my cum, That may be a bit formal but I think if your going to write, whatever genre, proper word useage rules should be followed.

Keep at it, can't wait for the continuing saga of "The Love Family"