Please read.

[curiositykitten]

Emerald,
Sharing your pain is the first step to healing. I'm so proud of you and praying for you!
It's OK to ramble... it's OK to vent... to be angry... sad... depressed... just feel it all!
And know there are lots of people out here who understand, who have been in similar places,
And we are all pulling for YOU!

Love & Hugs!

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Thanks everyone.
Sorry I didn't get back sooner... just haven't really been in the mood I suppose.

I've gathered up all thoughts, prayers, well wishes, etc and I'm taking them with me today.

The viewings are from 2-4 and 6-8.

No one else has seen him.... I went Saturday and did his hair.
My mom went with me- and I guess it's more accurate to say she did it. I couldn't do it.

Make sure you have a doctor that can sign your death certificate. Same goes for all your loved ones. You do not want to end up being a Coroner's case.
Why you might ask.
Well, first of all- when you die, whatever you have in you- IV's, catheter, breathing tubes, oxygen, etc. all have to stay put. So you die, that shit stays in you, then once the coroner gets you, they take it out when it's your turn to be played with.
Second of all, they don't really take the same care that a funeral home does. That being said, the funeral home props you up so the blood drains down, and doesnt pool anywhere thats visable.

So let's see. My dad died Monday night. They were invasive in their efforts to save his life. He laid at the hospital until late Tuesday morning.
He had oxygen on, and a breathing tube down his throat.
They did not position him in any way.

Therefore....

He's got marks on his cheeks from the tubes.
His mouth is drawn down on the one side from the breathing tube. They tried to fix it, but there's only so much moving that can be done when you're dead.
The right side of his face- the side that shows- his cheek, ear, jaw and chin look funny. They're a sickly purple-ish gray. Since he was not positioned, the blood pooled to his face.

Of course, he had no make up on, and we were under harsh white lights. So hopefully he looks better once he's made up. It was traumitizing.

For my second issue... you do not want an autopsy. And for the love of god, ask them to cut the back of your loved one's head.
My dad was cut from ear to ear, across the top of his head.
If his hair would have been any shorter, we would have had to have a closed casket.
His hair also looked a funny color in spots.. I figured he'd tried to color it and it went horribly wrong, lol.
I noticed on his left side, that there were some blood stains in his hair- but you can't see that side anyway.
Sunday, it dawned on me that the back of his hair- the spots I thought looked funny- that wasnt hair color. It was blood stained. So when they washed his hair they must not have used soap.

I feel the need to write a strongly worded letter. I think my dad's remains have been violated. That might be slightly dramatic, but I can't think of a better word.

I feel like my dad's body has been let lie- like he's not an important part of this world and I'm just a little bit pissed off about it.

He'd gotten bigger since the last time I'd seen him. I'd say he was back up around 300lbs. He's 6'3 anyway, but he was huuuge. I made the joking comment that they'd probably have to jump up and down on the casket to get it shut.
The director said they wouldnt have to do that, but it was going to be a tight fit.
Wait, excuse me?
Apparently, the director we talked to the other day when we made the arrangments thought that casket might be a tight fit, but didn't say anything to us.. he just let us pick it out.
So I called my aunt and told her all about my experience, and said that my dad needed a fat boy casket.
She went the other day and they picked out an oversized one.

All in all, I've not been pleased with this whole ordeal.

Oh, and Saturday, I got lip from the funeral director about when I wanted to come do my dad's hair. Umm, I'm pretty sure he works for me, not the other way around. I don't know if he just thought I was some hairdresser the family had hired or what, but he was shitty.
My mom called and made sure he realized I was the daughter.
I hung up with him and promptly started crying. Needless to say, that afternoon when we got there, I was less than friendly to him. He was pretty good at ass kissing though.. but he's in the wrong business.

So anyhow, I'm rambling.. since Saturday I haven't felt like doing much.. that's why I haven't been back here to update.
So now I need to start getting ready. I really don't want to. It just takes me closer to this afternoon.

Thank you all again, so so much, for everything.

 

[Remec]

I'm so sorry not to have seen this and lent you some additional support until now, Emmie. *HUG*

Hopefully, there won't be any more unfortunate suprises to deal with. I think that funeral director's lucky he had you to deal with. There's a number of people around here (myself included) who would've made a scene over how they acted.

Anyways, my thoughts and prayers are with you, hon. Take care.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Thanks Rem..

I had called Friday, but he was out, so they took my number and said he'd call me back.
He never did.
So Saturday morning, I called again, and they connected me to him.
He said he had tried to call (um no, I missed no calls) and he'd gotten 'what I can only describe as a rap song' (um no. I do have ringback tones, but it's 'Like Red On A Rose' by Alan Jackson.. no way that could be 'described as' a rap song.)
I was immediately pissed, and I asked if it went to voicemail.. he stuttered and stammered and finally said, "I don't believe so, no." (Um, no. My phone goes to voicemail.)
I'm still aggravated. And I said, "I need to set up a time to do my dad's hair."
He asked if I could come in at 12:30, and I said no, that I didn't get off until 2.
He was huffy and asked what time I was thinking. I said 3.
His reply? "Can you do it tomorrow?"
I didn't say anything.
He finally said, "Three o'clock is fine." He was so huffy and pissy.
I hung up and I cried.
That's why my mom called back, lol.
I told my aunt and half-aunt, and neither one of them really acted like it was a big deal.
I'll be saying something to the main director, because I completely didn't appreciate that.

Okay, I'm now running late..

I'll probably stop in tonight when I get home.

Have a nice day.

 

[rgraham666]

*HUGS* Kitten.

Stay strong.