EmeraldKitten
Sweet & Twisted
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2004
- Posts
- 4,844
I've spent the past 6 years of my life dealing with the fact my father was a Heroin addict.
He's spent most of his life dealing with the fact he was addicted to anything he'd ever gotten his hands on.
The view from both sides of the fence sucks. It's not been an easy road for anyone.
I have unresolved anger and every other emotion you can think of towards my dad.
I've got several letters I've written him that I gave him.
I have three times as many that I haven't.
I could never say the things to him to his face that I wanted to.
I guess now, in hindsight, I should have.
He irritated me, and pissed me off and hurt my feelings- and I expressed that to him.
I suppose I should have also expressed that I loved him a little more often than I did.
I've been pretty wrapped up in my own bad feelings towards him.
I probably should have taken the time to also say that I loved him and I appreciated the measures he was taking to correct his situation, even if it only lasted for a minute.
You see, Monday night I got a phone call from my (ex)stepmom.
They'd found my dad slumped over in his truck on the side of the road.
So we were headed to the hospital, assuming he was about to overdose.
I left this house with anger in my heart, and fear in my soul. I didn't know what I'd see, but I was ready. I knew that I could use it against him in the future. One more thing for him to feel bad about one day when he realized the years he's missed.
But, on the way, my phone rang again. My boyfriend tricked me into stopping in a parking lot, saying we were meeting my stepmom. It wasn't true. It was far from true.
My dad didn't make it.
He passed away sometime between 8 and 8:30.
He died alone, along the side of the road, because he was an addict out to score and he'd alienated his family.
I have so many feelings jumbled together I don't know where to start sorting them out.
This might sound detached, and it might sound dramatic, but I honestly don't know what to do.
Meanwhile, my grandpa, (his dad) is in the hospital.. he had a biopsy done on Friday, got an infection, contracted E. coli, and was having trouble breathing.
They put a ventilator in, and he fought it, so they sedated him.
It didnt really help. He about knocked an orderly across the room.
His kidney's have stopped working properly.
At this point, they've basically paralyzed him, and they started dyalisis today.
He doesn't even know my dad died.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know... so if I'm not around much if at all, that's what's going on.
I hope everyone else is having a better day than I am.
Talk to ya later.
He's spent most of his life dealing with the fact he was addicted to anything he'd ever gotten his hands on.
The view from both sides of the fence sucks. It's not been an easy road for anyone.
I have unresolved anger and every other emotion you can think of towards my dad.
I've got several letters I've written him that I gave him.
I have three times as many that I haven't.
I could never say the things to him to his face that I wanted to.
I guess now, in hindsight, I should have.
He irritated me, and pissed me off and hurt my feelings- and I expressed that to him.
I suppose I should have also expressed that I loved him a little more often than I did.
I've been pretty wrapped up in my own bad feelings towards him.
I probably should have taken the time to also say that I loved him and I appreciated the measures he was taking to correct his situation, even if it only lasted for a minute.
You see, Monday night I got a phone call from my (ex)stepmom.
They'd found my dad slumped over in his truck on the side of the road.
So we were headed to the hospital, assuming he was about to overdose.
I left this house with anger in my heart, and fear in my soul. I didn't know what I'd see, but I was ready. I knew that I could use it against him in the future. One more thing for him to feel bad about one day when he realized the years he's missed.
But, on the way, my phone rang again. My boyfriend tricked me into stopping in a parking lot, saying we were meeting my stepmom. It wasn't true. It was far from true.
My dad didn't make it.
He passed away sometime between 8 and 8:30.
He died alone, along the side of the road, because he was an addict out to score and he'd alienated his family.
I have so many feelings jumbled together I don't know where to start sorting them out.
This might sound detached, and it might sound dramatic, but I honestly don't know what to do.
Meanwhile, my grandpa, (his dad) is in the hospital.. he had a biopsy done on Friday, got an infection, contracted E. coli, and was having trouble breathing.
They put a ventilator in, and he fought it, so they sedated him.
It didnt really help. He about knocked an orderly across the room.
His kidney's have stopped working properly.
At this point, they've basically paralyzed him, and they started dyalisis today.
He doesn't even know my dad died.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know... so if I'm not around much if at all, that's what's going on.
I hope everyone else is having a better day than I am.
Talk to ya later.
Em.
