Please Read! On Line Predators

[MissTaken]

The following is a copied post by WriterDom on the BDSM forum. It is full of good information for all, regardless of your sexual preferences. In light of AA's recent post as well as other distrubing posts, I felt this was a good time to bring it back up!

Please, read, discuss, bump ....do whatever.

Above all! BE CAREFUL!

As posted by WD:

The Online Predator
Author Unknown


The following is a composite profile of an Online Predator. This profile was compiled by a number of submissive women for the use of submissive women. It is written from the perspective of a submissive female whose nature requires her to respond to a dominant male.

The Online Predator


1) Definition:

The Online Predator is one who uses the mechanisms of cyber space to hunt human beings with the intent to exploit, rob, plunder and pillage their body,mind, heart and soul.

2) Characteristics of a Predator:

1. Liar: ( Self explanatory )
2. Deceiver: His self situation is presented as other than what it is.
3. Betrayer: He is likely to break trust.
4. Insecure: He is worried that others will be faithless.
5. Inconsistent: He will say one thing while doing another.
6. Lacking Honor: Usually while protesting that he has honor.
7. Lack of Respect: He will tend to denigrate others.
8. Transient: He is unlikely to have many long term friends.
9. Manipulator: He calculates and contrives for his own benefit to the detriment of his partner.
10. Secretive: He will tend to cloak himself and his activities.
11. Charming: If he could not steal your breath away, he would not be a successful hunter.
12. Selective: He will pick victims carefully, looking for weaknesses and filling those voids completely.
13. Chameleon: He will appear to fit any need perfectly and adapt to fill any desire.
14. Lacking in Self Control: Although at times, he may have extraordinary self control and discipline.

A predator probably exhibits these characteristics in all aspects of his life. It may be that the only place the predator seems to have honor and value Truth is in the Relationship he is developing with his victim. When developing a new relationship, a submissive should make a conscious effort to observe her partnerâs interaction with others, not just how he interacts with her. The predator may well reveal his true self through his interactions.
But, the submissive may only see this revelation if she is committed to taking every precaution for her own safety.

3) Predator Warning Signals:

While any of these phrases or actions may be acceptable in a given context, pay close attention when seeing or hearing them. Phrases:
1. Do not tell .
2. ( ) is crazy ! ( or psycho, sick, a liar, or out to get me )
3. It would be best if you no longer spoke to .
4. I do not need to defend myself against lies.
5. They are just jealous ( of me, of us, of what we have, that you have me ).

Actions:

1. May seldom be in the D/s chat rooms. Operates from other areas or private rooms.
2. Has personal information which is incomplete or not verifiable.
3. Becomes defensive or angry when questioned.
4. Questions the sincerity of the submissive when questioned.
5. He will usually discourage or forbid the practice of reference checks.
6. He will usually discourage or forbid the use of Safe Calls.

4) The Submissives Personal Warning Signals:

These are items that a submissive should pay attention to if she is saying them to herself or hearing them from others.
1. I feel he is just too good to be true.
2. You are hearing consistent warnings from more that one person.
3. Your instincts are whispering something is not right about this person.

5) Summary:

The final best defense any submissive has against an Online Predator is her own common sense and judgment. The submissive should always remember that desires, needs, and the heat of the moment can combine to drown that judgment. Always take a moment to step back, take a deep breath and look at a
potential partner with common sense and not with passion


What is a "Red Flag"?

 

[david1]

predator

dear misstaken....after reading your post i felt oblidged to respond.although i am not into the bdsm thing,i can accept the fact that others are.and by the very definition of this form of erotica,there must be a sub and dom .if for no other reason than to stand up for my male counterparts,i would strongly advise any females interested in this form of sexual arousal ,to be very cautious in choosing a partner,and,if after that,one finds the offending party to be a cad,expose him,or her,here.please , lets not have this vague generalization bantered about,casting a shadow on those males who are here to enjoy themselves.the list of do's and dont's that you post is so slanted against the male gender,i'm surprised that all females reading it dont instantly become lesbian.next you'll be telling us not to accept candy from strangers.

 

[sortacurious]

Re: predator

dear misstaken....after reading your post i felt oblidged to respond.although i am not into the bdsm thing,i can accept the fact that others are.and by the very definition of this form of erotica,there must be a sub and dom .if for no other reason than to stand up for my male counterparts,i would strongly advise any females interested in this form of sexual arousal ,to be very cautious in choosing a partner,and,if after that,one finds the offending party to be a cad,expose him,or her,here.please , lets not have this vague generalization bantered about,casting a shadow on those males who are here to enjoy themselves.the list of do's and dont's that you post is so slanted against the male gender,i'm surprised that all females reading it dont instantly become lesbian.next you'll be telling us not to accept candy from strangers.

David,

While not addressed to me, I thought I'd respond.

First, as far as I know the original poster of this is male and Dom. So, I don't believe it was biased when written. I believe it was with very good intentions. I also think it can easily be interpretted to fit any sexual lifestyle.

This particular post is one that I read when I first came to Lit. I had never been involved with an online community. I can honestly say that what I learned from it has prevented me from falling prey to many attempts. I, for one, was very grateful to learn from it.

It certainly did not keep me from having fun, or turn me off from men. (OK, so I just can't imagine ever being turned off of men )
If you re-read it with a little bit more openness for interpretation maybe you can see that the gender of a predator is not where the signifigance of the post rests. The fact that a predatory can be either male or female seems to be an obvious one to me.

While I respect your feelings posted, I just gotta disagree with you. Sorry. Just a little food for thought.

***************************************************
MissTaken,

Thanks for re-posting this. I hope it helps others as much as it helped me.

 

[MissTaken]

Well, points well made.

Please, note, this article was not written by WD or myself. We read it as though it were geared toward anyone hoping to make a real life connection on line.

As I said in my post, the information is good regardless of sexual preferences.

Again, no gender bias was intended.

And frankly, common sense and caution are all that I am advocating. Both of which may get lost in a seemingly kindly community such as lit.

For the most part, we are open and kind, but it only takes one malevolent person to cause harm to someone we care about.

 

[CallaLily]

MissTaken,

Thank you for taking the time to repost that. You're absolutely right, this does fit any sexual lifestyle. It is so easy to see the predator how you want to see him/her, instead of how he/she really is. I learned that the hard way. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for posting something so informative and worthwhile for everyone on these boards. It's really easy to get in over your head quickly.

 

[mbb308]

A tip or two on meeting people

Should you get to the point of meeting someone you only know online, or from any other personals service system, there are a couple of common-sense things one should do - male or female:

1. Always meet in a public place. It is best to meet, not only in public, but in a well-lit area, with fairly high pedestrian traffic. A crowded restaurant isn't bad, as opposed to a more secluded park or museum. A mall might not be bad, either. Be somewhere that other people are, so that if anything goes wrong. potential help is close at hand.

2. Let someone know you are going. It is most likely best to have a time limit - say 2 hours - when you would leave and when you should be expected back. That way, if something goes wrong, you will be missed sooner rather than later, or too late.

3. It might not be a bad idea to take along a third party. Yes, this might seem to be the kiss of death to a potential romantic meeting, but, once again, it is always better safe than sorry.

I have always sought the comfort of the person I was meeting - wherever they wanted to meet - sensibly - was okay with me, and it has always been public. I have never met a soul in RL whom I have talked to online, but I have met a few from other personal advertising. We always met in restaurants and, even if the meetings weren't successful, everyone was completely safe and returned home soundly. I find it hard to believe that someone would not follow these kinds of guidelines, but I suppose it happens. And fakes are a whole lot more readily apparent in person than on screen.

If we all use good sense, we should all be able to have a good time and be safe. I hope this tidbit may be of service.

 

[Ukin]

Whew...I am so glad that the posting doesn't apply to me

 

[david1]

In response......

If you are going to meet someone....use common sense.Meeting in a mall or public area is a must.Taking a third person however ,defeats the object...wouldnt you agree?

Further, wouldnt the risk factor be part of the turn on to someone who is sub.....since I dont know too much about that particular form of erotica,perhaps you could educate me.

Lastly,I dont think it is easy to'get in over your head'.If this is the case for some people,I would suggest that they lead too shallow of a life,and would urge them to get involved in their community more,or some other activity that they can become passionate about.Being here,or chatting live or even meeting someone from here,adds to the spice of life,and is a delicious diversion from our every day lives.If it ever becomes more than that,take a step back and re evaluate......be good,and if you cant be good,be careful! Dave.

 

[MissTaken]

Hi David,

Great post! Especially with regard to getting in over your head. The internet should be educational and entertaining. However, there are some who do get more involved on a more intense level than that. Yes, those would be the people who could be at risk. Perspective, people!


On to sub issues:

A few fluffy thoughts,
1) meeting a Dom is equally as exciting as meeting a friend or someone you are interested in as a non BDSM partner.

2) The danger isn't the draw. The trust involved is paramount in a D.s relationship. Subs don't necessarily enjoy dangerous behavior, nor are they self destructive. They do enjoy heightened sensation which can be brought on by different physical activities (this is where the pain/pleasure thing comes into play) or by mental games.

3) It is no more or less important for a sub to be cautious than it is for someone who is meeting an age old on line friend for coffee.

4) Reflecting back to another post.... "Safe Calls" are great tools anytime you go on a blind date. Having made prior arrangements to talk with someone on the phone and having a cue word that says, "Hey! Get me out of here." is cool. I generally have someone I call and if things aren't going well, will feign an emergency and leave. I have yet to feel at risk , though.

Anyway...having a fairly crappy day here, so my thoughts are scattered.

Hope this helps clarify

 

[david1]

Dear MissTaken:

Thanks for the brief insight into the dom/sub thing.Are you a dom or sub?

Also,I do hope your day gets better soon........its very rewarding to me ,that you would take the time to reply, when things are not just peachy for you....thank you.Be good...or should I say bad!!... : )

 

[mbb308]

Third parties at a meeting

If, for instance, I am meeting someone, and I sit at a table, and the party who's "got my back" is at the bar within eyesight, but not in normal conversational earshot, what's the problem? Best of both worlds - privacy and covered all at once.

MissTaken has a great point about the phone call, too. I had thought cell phone (don't use one - hate them), but a payphone would work just fine, as well.

The important thing is to be aware, not oblivious!!!

 

[david1]

so mbb,let me get this straight.....you arrange to meet a female for the first time for,lets say a cup of coffee, in a mall or bar.do you feel more comfortable bringing a friend along to' watch your back'just in case she lunges at you?

 

[mbb308]

Maybe a little advice for the ladies...

might be the tone of the theme. I fear nothing bipedal, but I can be like that.

 

[Wiggles]

Hmmm... *Bump*