Please read my lesbian story

[Lying Eyes]

Due to formating problems I had to pull my story from the site after it was posted on the first day. Now that it back up with the technical problems fixed it is getting very little views since it is no longer considered "new". It distresses me that so few have read my latest story since I put some time and effort into it. So I would apreciate if some readers would give it a chance and take a peak at it. The title is "The Truth Shall Set You Free." A simple discription would be: She reveals her love to her friend. It might be considered a bit "mushy" so those that prefer a raunchy tale with dirty talk may not be intrested in it.

Of course if you wish to give me feedback please do especially any costructive criticism or advice since I am not at the level of some other great writers at literotica.

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=144101

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Well, I'm pretty inexperienced as a writer as well, so all I can say is that I really liked it. I gave you a vote of 5.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

It's a sweet story, love, but you really should concentrate more on telling the story instead of analyzing and explaining every little emotion and gesture, We want to see and hear what's going on, and it gets a little tiresome having everything explained to us so much.

The best writers find ways to have their characters express their moods and feelings by the things they do and they way they do them: looks, gestures, pauses, things like that. The writer's job is to describe these actions in such a way that the reader can figure out for themselves what the characters are feeling. When you do this right, you can stop explaining everything so much and get out of the way of the action.

I know that she's nervous and upset about having Becky in the same room with her, but you could show that with the way she looks, the things she says, and the way she says them. It'll make your story flow a lot more smoothly, and we won't feel so overburdened with your outright descriptions of everything you feel.

---dr.M.

 

[Lying Eyes]

Thank you dr_mabeuse for the advice, sometimes I fear if I'm a bit more subtle the reader won't "get it". I got a little carried away describing her emotions and will try to tone it down next time.