please read and comment

[SoundsErotica]

"Let Me Bathe In Chocolate"

new style for me - just wondering if it has any merit -please be kind - but honest- thx

Let Me Bathe In Warm Chocolate

Let me take a bath
in warm chocolate,
rich, thick and creamy,

squished between my
fingers and toes,
greasing the crack of my ass,

ladled over my luscious lips,
no not those lips—
down here;

Umm, deliciously, silky, slide-y clit.
You could lick it some,
covering your face and tongue.

Now let me tongue your face,
make a chocolaty smear
from your mouth to your ear;

a long torridly squiggly
slurping taste of chocolate
tongue swabbing your ear.

I’m smiling because
you are so hard—
I mean way hard;

like lock my lips
around your chocolate
coated fuck throb hard.

I should lick
your chocolate balls right
up to your chocolate ass;

slither the chocolaty tip
of my tongue right up
your chocolaty crack,

squeeze your chocolate
dip stick prick with my
chocolate drip slick hands—

squish
lick
squish
lick
squish
lick
lick
squish
squish
lick
lick
lick

 

[Tathagata]

Re: "Let Me Bathe In Chocolate"

new style for me - just wondering if it has any merit -please be kind - but honest- thx

Let Me Bathe In Warm Chocolate

Let me take a bath
in warm chocolate,
rich, thick and creamy,

squished between my
fingers and toes,
greasing the crack of my ass,

ladled over my luscious lips,
no not those lips—
down here;

Umm, deliciously, silky, slide-y clit.
You could lick it some,
covering your face and tongue.

Now let me tongue your face,
make a chocolaty smear
from your mouth to your ear;

a long torridly squiggly
slurping taste of chocolate
tongue swabbing your ear.

I’m smiling because
you are so hard—
I mean way hard;

like lock my lips
around your chocolate
coated fuck throb hard.

I should lick
your chocolate balls right
up to your chocolate ass;

slither the chocolaty tip
of my tongue right up
your chocolaty crack,

squeeze your chocolate
dip stick prick with my
chocolate drip slick hands—

squish
lick
squish
lick
squish
lick
lick
squish
squish
lick
lick
lick

You could write porn dialogue.......

 

[WickedEve]

"I’m smiling because
you are so hard—
I mean way hard;

like lock my lips
around your chocolate
coated fuck throb hard."

Well, that's hard. Very descriptive. Do you really feel that all those licks and squishes at the end are necessary? It may have more impact to limit it to one lick and squish at the end. Though, I could be wrong. What do I know about lick and squish?

Anyway, welcome to the board!!!

 

[WickedEve]

I forgot to ask

You say this is a new style for you. What's your usual poetry style?

 

[bearlee]

"I’m smiling because
you are so hard—
I mean way hard;

like lock my lips
around your chocolate
coated fuck throb hard."

Well, that's hard. Very descriptive. Do you really feel that all those licks and squishes at the end are necessary? It may have more impact to limit it to one lick and squish at the end. Though, I could be wrong. What do I know about lick and squish?

Anyway, welcome to the board!!!

What she said

 

[Liar]

You made me add cocoa to the grocery list. That's got to account for something.

#L

For more of SoundsErotica's usual style (I guess it is), check out the 'New Poems' thread's Friday reviews. Just posted it.

 

[Tathagata]

And may I just say...I was being a smart ass.


I liked your " Oh Eroticus" Very much.........








Nice hat Eve

 

[SoundsErotica]

I'm not sure how to answer

Believe it or not - I've never been on a discussion board and I don't really know how to reply to what has been said -- I hope this is how you do it (gawd i hate being so dumb---) I really appreciate everyone responding though it is a real encouragement- I have just posted six poems that were approved today -- they are all very new style of writing- I decided that since no one is ever going to publish anything I ever write --- I might as well write something that I enjoy -- I'm such a sicko !!! lol Thx everybody!!! (I hope you see this) I might change my name to clueless

 

[Tathagata]

Re: I'm not sure how to answer

Believe it or not - I've never been on a discussion board and I don't really know how to reply to what has been said -- I hope this is how you do it (gawd i hate being so dumb---) I really appreciate everyone responding though it is a real encouragement- I have just posted six poems that were approved today -- they are all very new style of writing- I decided that since no one is ever going to publish anything I ever write --- I might as well write something that I enjoy -- I'm such a sicko !!! lol Thx everybody!!! (I hope you see this) I might change my name to clueless

always write what is gnawing at your heart or soul
don't worry who will like it
or understand it
just write it
as true as you can
and it will find it's audience over the ages

 

[Ninja Nookie]

Re: "Let Me Bathe In Chocolate"

I liked your poem

new style for me - just wondering if it has any merit -please be kind - but honest- thx

Let Me Bathe In Warm Chocolate

Let me take a bath
in warm chocolate,
rich, thick and creamy,

squished between my
fingers and toes,
greasing the crack of my ass,

ladled over my luscious lips,
no not those lips—
down here;

Umm, deliciously, silky, slide-y clit.
You could lick it some,
covering your face and tongue.

Now let me tongue your face,
make a chocolaty smear
from your mouth to your ear;

a long torridly squiggly
slurping taste of chocolate
tongue swabbing your ear.

I’m smiling because
you are so hard—
I mean way hard;

like lock my lips
around your chocolate
coated fuck throb hard.

I should lick
your chocolate balls right
up to your chocolate ass;

slither the chocolaty tip
of my tongue right up
your chocolaty crack,

squeeze your chocolate
dip stick prick with my
chocolate drip slick hands—

squish
lick
squish
lick
squish
lick
lick
squish
squish
lick
lick
lick

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: I'm not sure how to answer

always write what is gnawing at your heart or soul
don't worry who will like it
or understand it
just write it
as true as you can
and it will find it's audience over the ages

SoundsErotic, start out the way Tathagata suggests. But also try to learn more about poetry. Read poetry, keep writing poetry, and keep developing your skills and growing.

 

[Tathagata]

Re: Re: Re: I'm not sure how to answer

SoundsErotic, start out the way Tathagata suggests. But also try to learn more about poetry. Read poetry, keep writing poetry, and keep developing your skills and growing.

Well........... yeah
I meant that Too ya know

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I'm not sure how to answer

Well........... yeah
I meant that Too ya know

sure you did.

 

[Tathagata]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I'm not sure how to answer

sure you did.

your fingernails look like cantalope
or they look like they are holding a cantalope
i cant decide which
in either case it's very nice

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I'm not sure how to answer

your fingernails look like cantalope
or they look like they are holding a cantalope
i cant decide which
in either case it's very nice

are you calling my breast fruit?
it's not like I'd refer to your male parts as meat... wait, I would.

 

[Tathagata]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: I'm not sure how to answer

are you calling my breast fruit?
it's not like I'd refer to your male parts as meat... wait, I would.

Yes you would
and you should really do it more often.

 

[My Erotic Tail]

Re: Re: I'm not sure how to answer

always write what is gnawing at your heart or soul
don't worry who will like it
or understand it
just write it
as true as you can
and it will find it's audience over the ages

wow this is the most profound words Ive seen
all day....thanks Tath..
excellent way to put it...


and Soundserotica~

great poem by the way...made me hungry...
for something sweet...hehehe

Hey Nikki~
glad you joined the site...
knew you'd like it....

 

[Ninja Nookie]

Yes it is most enjoyable

now behave or I kick you ass
smile at you

Ni