Please help!

[veryblueeyes]

Please help!! I am so new at this. Many thanks, in advance.

To those that wander through this life
Thinking only of their plight
I wish the healing of the soul
To make you, for once, feel whole

My travels have led me down many paths
From some, I received the relentless wrath
Of ones that felt the compelling need
To make and see others bleed

To feel their pain and feel their spite
Who is to say what is right?
Not I, nor he nor she can see
But we can be only who we can be

Swallow thy pride and rise upon
As is said, there may be another dawn

 

[teacherman570]

Please help!! I am so new at this. Many thanks, in advance.

To those that wander through this life
Thinking only of their plight
I wish the healing of the soul
To make you, for once, feel whole

My travels have led me down many paths
From some, I received the relentless wrath
Of ones that felt the compelling need
To make and see others bleed

To feel their pain and feel their spite
Who is to say what is right?
Not I, nor he nor she can see
But we can be only who we can be

Swallow thy pride and rise upon
As is said, there may be another dawn

I like the tone and rhythm of this poem. As for the first two stanzas, you try strife in stead of plight, although it changes the meaning slightly, the rhyme is better. You could also say "many a path" to match better with wrath.
Also in the first stanza, in the fourth line "you" seems out of place, since you never refer to the audience directly in any other part of the poem.
This is a nice first submission. Keep them coming!

 

[Rybka]

Please help!! I am so new at this. Many thanks, in advance.

To those that wander through this life
Thinking only of their plight
I wish the healing of the soul
To make you, for once, feel whole

My travels have led me down many paths
From some, I received the relentless wrath
Of ones that felt the compelling need
To make and see others bleed

To feel their pain and feel their spite
Who is to say what is right?
Not I, nor he nor she can see
But we can be only who we can be

Swallow thy pride and rise upon
As is said, there may be another dawn

At least as important as your rhymes is your rhythm or metre. It is not just the number of syllables in a line, but that is an easy place to start. Usually poems like yours have lines with identical syllable count (Say 8 for example, like your first line.), but it is
possible to have a repeating pattern of different line length (Say 8 - 7 as your first two lines.). The poem just reads a bit differently.
After you have the lines the length you want, then read them aloud and see where the emphasis falls. This 'beat' should be the same for all lines of the same syllable count.

It is, of course, possible to write poetry that rhymes but has no fixed metre. You can also write poems with a beat, but no rhyme. Or write poetry with neither rhyme nor rhythm. But usually when you choose the sonnet form both rhyme and metre are used.

Hope this helps.

 

[bogusbrig]

I would think about being more specific with your subject matter. It's rather vague and rambling, it doesn't really tell the reader anything or give your own unique view of something.

A reader would be far more interested if you made a unique observation about something as common as a sauce bottle than this Hallmark on coke sort of poetry.

You are unique and you see things in a unique way. Somehow you have to find the tools to communicate that uniqueness to the reader.

You might see this as being unkind but it's not meant to be. It's something I've wanted to say to a lot of people who have posted poetry on the threads and thought better of it. Tonight, I just couldn't resist.

But I am serious about you being unique and seeing the world in a unique way.

 

[My Erotic Tale]

Please help!! I am so new at this. Many thanks, in advance.

To those that wander through this life
Thinking only of their plight
I wish the healing of the soul
To make you, for once, feel whole

My travels have led me down many paths
From some, I received the relentless wrath
Of ones that felt the compelling need
To make and see others bleed

To feel their pain and feel their spite
Who is to say what is right?
Not I, nor he nor she can see
But we can be only who we can be

Swallow thy pride and rise upon
As is said, there may be another dawn

I find every one reads differently
say in a class room and give the same poem to each class member and see how each as difficulty in various areas with a poem that is SCHOOL QUALIFIED <grin> and near perfect <point>

I would only change one line...where others see this differently <grin>

My travels have led me down many paths
From some, I received the relentless wrath
Of ones that felt the compelling need
To make and see others bleed <<<<<

perhaps>>> to break and make others bleed <smile>

so sorry (~_~) I enjoyed your write
this is my opinion and I have no credentials <smile>

 

[WickedEve]

I would think about being more specific with your subject matter. It's rather vague and rambling, it doesn't really tell the reader anything or give your own unique view of something.

A reader would be far more interested if you made a unique observation about something as common as a sauce bottle than this Hallmark on coke sort of poetry.

You are unique and you see things in a unique way. Somehow you have to find the tools to communicate that uniqueness to the reader.

You might see this as being unkind but it's not meant to be. It's something I've wanted to say to a lot of people who have posted poetry on the threads and thought better of it. Tonight, I just couldn't resist.

But I am serious about you being unique and seeing the world in a unique way.

I think what you had to say is perfect.
veryblueeyes, I know you're new and you have to start somewhere. Your poem is kind of like jumping in and getting your feet wet. Start with something basic. Maybe not a sauce bottle, but look around your environment and start describing an object, event, person, etc. Don't worry about rhyme. Work on making the description interesting. Try writing several descriptions of the same thing, and see if you can make each one significantly different from the others. It's a good exercise.