Please help me, I am thinking anout cheating on my wife.

[CalSlate]

Please help me. I need some thoughts from other experienced adults. My story is that I knew my wife for 1 year before we got married. I am 26 and she is 20, we met while both in the military. I, in the past, have been a very "freaky" and "wild" sexual partner. I have done just about everything barring homosexualtity. At first, my wife was very experimental and fun in bed. But in the last year and change (after marrige) I have to literally fight with her to make love in anything but the missionary position. I love my wife and want to make it work if she will let me. But the questions I am asking are; am I justified in wanting something more; should I leave/stray from her if she will not try to attempt to make me happy; Am I just a sick perverted bastard, as she says, for wanting something more than just sex in the missionary position? I am not a twisted individual, I just like variation in my sexlife. Just different positions, maybe some roleplay now and then, talking dirty to each other once and awhile. Those are things we have done before, but now that we are married I feel that I am used as a sorce of comfort and security and not sensual pleasure. Please help me by giving me advice in any fashion. Thank You!

Nate

 

[jocular_guy]

Happily married, happily sexy

I have been happily married for 19 years and have two children. Neither of us have ever had sex with anyone else in our marriage, unless you include erotic cyber exchanges.

You are just starting out being married. My advice is to expect many phases of your sex life, and enjoy each one, whether they are hot and sexy or not. If the sex is not satisfying it can be many factors (children, work, activities, etc.). But for women (and women chime in here) it is often emotional.

Your wife may have been excited about the whole freshness of courtship and marriage, and now she is wondering "what next?"

Make a "what next" for her. Romance her, talk to her, connect with her, but with no sexual advances. If you folks really like each other and the attraction is still there, she will be all over you. I have had many frustrating times with my wife but I was patient and continued to woo her as if we were not married. I have been "raped" by her many times, and I have also "taken" her.

We had several years with no birth control and did not want to get pregnant. We became very creative and had a blast, and that carries over to today.

And in case you are wondering why I am on this site, I read and exchange with others and often bring the ideas into my married sex life. My wife does the same, so we are in a different phase of our sex life as our creative imagination is at work. And the phase right now is that we are like bunnies, but it wasn't always that way.

Only my opinion and experience. I hope this helps.

 

[CalSlate]

Honestly that makes alot of sense. I realize that we are young and still growing both sexually and otherwise. I am just worried that she will not change no matter what I do, because I have tried everything I can imagine in the last year +. It does not help that (please believe that I am not trying to flatter myself) I am good looking and a fun guy. I deny beautiful women and their advances all the time because I love my wife and want only to make it work between us. Yet after trying with her for so long, these other women are starting to sound temptimg and I feel myself, for the first time, being attracted to them. This is what scares me.

 

[peaceharmony57]

Take it a day at a time... Get good couples counseling... Seek a good one out... ask friends you can trust...

Work, kids and health? all play a factor for a woman... Don't know about the men... for I am a woman! and... once you venture out??? No telling what will happen after that. So make sure that is what you have to do, before you do it...
My own experience on that one...

Good luck.. hope it works out for ya...

Peace

 

[Tach]

You know, no one is ever going to counsel you to cheat on your wife...

But it's obvious that your sexual interests are a point of incompatibility between you and your wife. Yeah, you're justified in wanting more. I wouldn't just ignore it, because, heh, these problems can and will fester for years if not handled early on. Sexual incompatibility is a very serious matter which a lot of people laugh off or otherwise ignore at their peril.

The real problem is that if confronted honestly about these issues, your wife may "give in" and allow you to do them with her without complaint. But what you really want is for her to want it that way, to share your passion. Is that going to happen?

I think, maybe the big problem here is that she isn't enjoying the sex like you are, she isn't driven like you are. Maybe she's been faking her orgasms? You're not sick, you're normal if what you want is sexual variety and true passion in your adventures.

Maybe you should see what you can do to get her more 'into' it, find out if she's really enjoying sex as much as she could be, find out if there are any fetishes or true passions that you can indulge to get her wanting to explore again.

But if not, you have to be ready to admit that this whole thing was a mistake, and withdraw with honor and foresight. Like any terrible act, it is best done quickly and efficiently. Give it some time, say a year or so, but be ready to act when it becomes clear that nothing is going to change.

And if you haven't the forthrightness or the strength to do that, then go ahead and cheat on her. It is actually better than suffering. It really is. Just be aware and able to admit that it is your weakness, your failure to end what must be ended, that led to that unpleasant resolution.

But try suffering for 25 years, oh yes, that is surely worse. I've seen it happen, a terrible, terrible thing, much worse than cheating. So there, I've made myself a liar.

 

[capricious_chic]

You need to talk to your wife about these things. Have an open and honest discussion about your sex life - away from the bedroom. Never have the discussion in the heat of the moment.

No one here can validate your feelings. No one here can tell you what you are justified in wanting. Only you know the answers to that.

There is no justification for cheating though. It is dishonorable and dishonest. End your present relationship if it isn't going to work.

 

[fulie57]

Please help me. I need some thoughts from other experienced adults. My story is that I knew my wife for 1 year before we got married. I am 26 and she is 20, we met while both in the military. I, in the past, have been a very "freaky" and "wild" sexual partner. I have done just about everything barring homosexualtity. At first, my wife was very experimental and fun in bed. But in the last year and change (after marrige) I have to literally fight with her to make love in anything but the missionary position. I love my wife and want to make it work if she will let me. But the questions I am asking are; am I justified in wanting something more; should I leave/stray from her if she will not try to attempt to make me happy; Am I just a sick perverted bastard, as she says, for wanting something more than just sex in the missionary position? I am not a twisted individual, I just like variation in my sexlife. Just different positions, maybe some roleplay now and then, talking dirty to each other once and awhile. Those are things we have done before, but now that we are married I feel that I am used as a sorce of comfort and security and not sensual pleasure. Please help me by giving me advice in any fashion. Thank You!

Nate

CalSlate,

Hey, brother, I am in the same boat as you except without the wild sex EVER! I do not have sage words of advice (married, never been with anyone other than my wife) but I will say follow your heart. Only you can satisfy you. If things need to change, do whatever you deem necessary.

If you need someone to talk to in private, feel free to email me.

Be careful, be well.

Fulie

 

[SouthernBelle22]

CalState,
I would suggest a couple's counseling...problems in the bedroom reflect problems elsewhere too. And like chic stated, it would allow you to discuss things not in the heat of the moment and to maybe actually hear each other's side. It is a chance that your wife feels the "pressure to perform" and doesn't like that feeling or it could be that she sees it as a power struggle between the two of you and it is her way of keeping the power. Who knows what her underlying reasons are considering she was experimental in the past. But also, I know for myself, I may be willing to be experimental here and there but not 100% of the time. You need to talk to your wife, not us.

 

[Stiffy Says...]

I knew I liekd Lit for a reason - so many responses here reflect exactly what I would say.

It is ok to want things, but a healthy relationship should be a #1 priority - and cheating NEVER is healthy.

Take it from someone who has been cheated on...you risk losing her, angering her and possibly worse - and for what?

If it is something counseling cannot help - just be a stand-up guy and leave her, explain why without pointing fingers of blame; just state facts.

Sure it hurts, and is hard to do, but in the end, she will be much more likely to move on well and not hold grudges if you are honest. You will not have to look in the mirror and second guess if you did the right thing either.

 

[Cathleen]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=252268&perpage=25&pagenumber=1


You may like to look through this thread - it has been a very interesting discussion about affairs.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by CalSlate
Please help me. I need some thoughts from other experienced adults. My story is that I knew my wife for 1 year before we got married. I am 26 and she is 20, we met while both in the military. I, in the past, have been a very "freaky" and "wild" sexual partner. I have done just about everything barring homosexualtity. At first, my wife was very experimental and fun in bed. But in the last year and change (after marrige) I have to literally fight with her to make love in anything but the missionary position. I love my wife and want to make it work if she will let me. But the questions I am asking are; am I justified in wanting something more; should I leave/stray from her if she will not try to attempt to make me happy; Am I just a sick perverted bastard, as she says, for wanting something more than just sex in the missionary position? I am not a twisted individual, I just like variation in my sexlife. Just different positions, maybe some roleplay now and then, talking dirty to each other once and awhile. Those are things we have done before, but now that we are married I feel that I am used as a sorce of comfort and security and not sensual pleasure. Please help me by giving me advice in any fashion. Thank You!

Nate

This is a woman's point of view. You are young, still new at marriage and you are not sick nor pervertied. You are simply more adventureous when it comes to sex. You need to sit down with her to discuss what's going on with the two of you and be honest (although it may hurt). Find out why she doesn't go along with your sexual prowess and what she would like in the bedroom.

In the beginning the passion is new, a fire is kindling and begins to burn wildly but after time it can die out if it is not tendered to. Perhaps you should do the things you did when you were courtng her, taking her to a special restaurant, movies or whatever it was that ended in a night of blissful sex.; maybeask her what she misses/needs/wants. But you do need to sit down and discuss (not argue) things with her and perhaps suggest going to a marriage counselor.

Cheating to satisfy your carnal needs sounds very tempting but do you want to risk losing your wife? My ex cheated a lot and with each time he apologized and gave no reason except "I don't know why." It really tore me apart despite my effort of talking to him to find out the real reason for his infidelity and suggesting counseling which he refused. But in the end after 17 years of misery I ended the relationship; only after telling him why and allowing him to respond.

I now have someone who is very different but I hate to say this "people will cheat if the opportunity arises and they don't think before they act'. Only time will tell but I do trust him as he does me.

Take a breather and really weigh the good and the bad before making a decision about your marrage. Ask her to do the same. Later sit down and discuss what each of you came up with. You'll be surprised how much you can learn about your relationship and your partner/wife/lover.

I wish you the best and only you know in your heart what is good for you. Happiness begins within yourself then it can be shared with your loved one.
Take care and hope things work out for you.

 

[Grizzman]

All points well made. I feel the same with my wife (our 5th in October). She is just more conservative in bed. I can almost pridict the sequence of events. But I love her dearly and don't want to lose her to a wild romp with danger.

My advice is unless you are ready to leave her, don't do it. Because if you get caught, It's likely you'll no longer have her.

 

[sultryslayer]

I was shocked when I opened this thread.

I don't know what I expected but I thought there would be people on here rationalizing extramarital affairs. Way to go guys for sticking it out when things get tough. I am so used to reading threads here that start out Married but Lonely.

Bravo!

S.S.

 

[looking4fun]

I guess I am going to take a different approach here. You are having sexual problems after 2 years of your relationship.

You are both young & have no kids (??). If so I say have the talk & let her know how you feel. If shes not willing to change then walk away now while you still can. Once kids are brought into the picture it will be tough to do.

Otherwise stay & accept what your wife will give.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by looking4fun
I guess I am going to take a different approach here. You are having sexual problems after 2 years of your relationship.

You are both young & have no kids (??). If so I say have the talk & let her know how you feel. If shes not willing to change then walk away now while you still can. Once kids are brought into the picture it will be tough to do.

Otherwise stay & accept what your wife will give.

Point well said, but is the willingness to accept what is given enough? That's a difficult decision to make and not one to take lightly. Talking (good communication) is the foundation of all (serious) relationships.

 

[Missingmeds]

Re: I was shocked when I opened this thread.

I don't know what I expected but I thought there would be people on here rationalizing extramarital affairs. Way to go guys for sticking it out when things get tough. I am so used to reading threads here that start out Married but Lonely.

Bravo!

S.S.

Actually there are very few people that would do that here. As to the Married but Lonely threads, I generally answer those, mostly with pm's to find out the entire story. Alot of people don't want to splash their private lives all over the boards.

CalSlate, I agree that you need to sit her down, outside the bedroom and find out what is going on with her. Communication is the key to any relationship.

But at the same time, you also need to be able to voice your needs and wants.

Very rarely are two people with very different levels of sex drive able to hold a relationship together without one or both of them being unhappy.

 

[sultryslayer]

Re: Re: I was shocked when I opened this thread.

Actually there are very few people that would do that here. As to the Married but Lonely threads, I generally answer those, mostly with pm's to find out the entire story. Alot of people don't want to splash their private lives all over the boards.


Do you really believe that? I have seen so many threads about men looking for a little something extra on the side. Along w/ tons of private messages filling my box asking if I care if they have a wife.

 

[Missingmeds]

Re: Re: Re: I was shocked when I opened this thread.

Actually there are very few people that would do that here. As to the Married but Lonely threads, I generally answer those, mostly with pm's to find out the entire story. Alot of people don't want to splash their private lives all over the boards.


Do you really believe that? I have seen so many threads about men looking for a little something extra on the side. Along w/ tons of private messages filling my box asking if I care if they have a wife.

I meant the rationalizing about having the affairs. I don't believe that alot of people on here do that.

I know about the pm's, believe me. I get alot of those too.

 

[Manofthehillpeople]

First time poster here....but I read about the guys problem and some of the advice. No one can really know what you're going through but you, not evn your wife. But I also have a strong and varied sex drive and now have a wife (my second) who has a small sex drive. After our first child, her desire for sex went from ok to...hey...what the hell happened (from me) Now to be honest...ive tried talking, romance, being forcefull...everything Ive ever read etc. nadaa,zip, zilch....usually it just makes us feel worse because the focus is now on our LACK of sex. Im the type that has to "releive" himself everyday, or I walk around like a freaking circus tent and it makes it worse to try and have sex...and wind up not having. I honestly think...maybe that if it were'nt for my children...i would no longer be married to her. But whos knows. If you currently are childless wth her, my advice....decide quickly if you two can reconcil the sexual issue...or you two should probally get seperated etc. Going years in agony, then more then likely cheating is bad for you, and not exactly nice to her either. Do tell her how bad it is....even that you think of others. Maybe her job is stressful, or whatever...but anyway you cut it....in the end...only you can look out for the truly most important person in your life....yourself. You have to stay healthy in mind, body and spirit to try and take care and help others. Anyway, goodluck and best wishes.