Please help a newbie author!

[Imus]

My first story was published this week ("Flight of Fancy").

I am not certain about the protocol, but would really appreciate some feedback as to what I did right, and what I could improve for the next one (and there will be a next one, I am now hooked on this writing-thing!).

Thanks!

Imus from Oz

 

[nitengale]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=14117
"Flight of Fancy"

Always post the link with your request...

 

[Sonia_de_Beaumanoir]

good story that needs editing

Like most first-time submissions, this one could have used some editing and a few re-reads to clear up typos.

The imagery and vocabulary are very good, and I think the next submission should be excellent.

You should read Whispersecret's how-to articles, and stop using ellipses (...) to indicate pauses.

As many people have said, stories in second-person are less dramatic than most others as the "you" partner is deprived of any dialog or character development. There is also a confusing mixture of past and present tense, which editing should have sorted out.

 

[nitengale]

Imus

You have email!

 

[nitengale]

Imus...

Scratch that...YOU need an email address to get feedback!

 

[Imus]

I did say I was a newbie!

I think I fixed the profile to show my email address.

Thanks in advance!

Imus of Oz